The One You Feed

I was five years old when my grandfather sat me under the large oak tree where my grandmother was buried. The tree was changing colors from vibrant green to mixtures of warm yellows and oranges. It was a rather warm fall day, I remember. It was right after my father’s viewing. He took me away from my grieving mother and two younger sisters that were too young and innocent to even know what was going on. I remember we sat in silence for awhile before he spoke;

“Cole there is a battle inside us; you, me and everyone in the world,” he started to tell me, “the battle is between two wolves; a good wolf and a bad one. The good wolf represents joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.” I remember him looking at me with such a serious look in his eyes, “ the bad wolf is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. These wolves battle each other day in and day out.”

“Which wolf wins Granddad?” I remember asking him in such a small voice.

“The one you feed, Cole.” He replied to me. “You father never learned that lesson, no matter how much your grandmother and I told him this story. I don’t want you to follow in his footsteps, Cole. I want you to be different than your father and uncles; I don’t want you to let the bad wolf win.”

Looking back now, I didn’t know how much that talked affected me. That talk always remained in the back of my mind as I made my decisions. But I didn’t know of that dual meaning behind those words. I didn’t know the literal meaning behind it. Growing up, I knew my family was different. My mother practiced magic and my grandfather was always taking precautions during full and new moons. I never thought anything about; until she woke up on my front porch naked and covered in blood.