Status: Complete.

Letters of the Loneliest


When Lily wakes, the sky is still dark. It takes a second to regain her bearings and chase the fog from her mind. She shifts, patting the bed in search of the sheet. It's then that she feels the leg wrapped around hers, and an arm snakes around her waist. Her movements must have disturbed him.

She smiles when she looks down at their tangled bodies. Their skin contrasts, a beautiful mixture of night and day. His arm is warm and secure, anchoring her to him.

She would've called someone crazy, had they told her she would he sleeping with the detective only a day after meeting him. They had clicked though, bodies melting into one. It had been a wondeful night of pure bliss.

Dark thoughts try to enter her mind, nagging her that it meant nothing. That he would be gone once the morning light hit. She pushes them aside, wanting to savor these moments, whether this is all she gets or there are more to come.

The urge to pee has her slipping carefully from beneath his arm and untangling her leg. There's a new glow about her when she looks at herself in the mirror. Her cheeks are flushed a rosy color, eyes twinkling. A dark trail on her shoulder has her flicking her hair back and twisting to inspect it further. There's a series of bite marks that promise to hang around a few more days. She giggles, giddy with this new sensation.

Movement in the other room has her swiping a quick hand through her hair. She snatches her toothbrush and rushes to clean her teeth, not wanting him to experience her rancid morning breath. After one last inspection, she exits the bathroom.

Her shoulders drop when she sees that he's only shifted in bed. The sheet is now a rumpled mess in the floor. She takes a minute to admire him in all of his splendid glory. He's a beautiful man.

A contented sigh and she's off to the kitchen, wanting to have coffee waiting for when he gets up. She's an occasional coffee drinker, using it more for when work has her pulling late nights. Only recently has she started buying it, realizing it's ridiculous how much she spends at s coffee shop. This morning, she's thankful for her frugal ways.

There's a chill to the apartment. She spies his discarded button up, and slips into it, taking a moment to sniff the collar. His cologne fills her nose, making her want to go jump him right then. She resists.

Instead, she continues on her mission for coffee. She's surprised when the clock reads later than she had originally thought. She starts the pot, then meanders to the window, pulling the curtain aside. Dark clouds cover the sky, and fat drops begin pelting the window. For once, she's not bothered by the rain.

"Is that coffee I smell?" She spins at the sound of his voice. The deep tone has chills dancing down her spine.

"Yes, it should be ready in a few minutes."

"Damn, that's so not fair."

She wrinkles her forehead. "What?"

"How much better you look in that shirt."

She laughs, brushing off the comment, but secretly glows on the inside. The statement is completely false. He looked incredibly sexy in the shirt, but she much preferred him in his underwear.

"I'm going to run outside real quick," he says before pecking her lips. "I'll be right back."

Before she can argue, he's out the door in only his boxer briefs and dress shoes. She hurries to the window to watch, amazed by how comfortable he is in his skin. It's incredibly sexy. Lily would be mortified if anyone caught her in her undergarments. Even last night had been nerve wracking.

He rushes back up, the length of his legs allowing him to take the steps three at a time. Water drips down his body as he shivers inside the entry way.

"It's raining," he says, pointing over his shoulder.

"It is," she replies, amused.

"I'm going to jump in the shower, if that's alright."

She takes in the gym bag thrown over his shoulder. She cocks a brow.

He seems to catch the question. "Oh, no." He gestures to the bag. "It's not like that. I didn't expect this. I work out and sometimes pull all nighters, so I keep extra clothes in my car."

It's endearing the way he rambles on with his explanation. He's so smooth with his words and actions, but he doesn't scream player or cocky. There's a sincerity about him that you can't find around the city.

She moves closer to wrap her arms around his waist. "Of course you can shower. You look like your freezing."

"You could join me. That'd warm be up quicker."

She grins, resting her chin on his chest to look up at him. She hesitates, but forces herself to ask. "So you're staying then?"

"Yea," he answers slowly. "Is that okay?"

"Of course!" She inwardly cringes at how eager she sounds.

He seems to search her face, then frowns. "You thought- I'm not a player. I don't do games."

"I didn't know," she admits, never breaking eye contact.

"I don't do this and I know that sounds like a line, but it's the truth. When you came into the station-" he stops, seemingly searching for the right words. "I felt like I knew you. Like you were meant to be there, you know?"

"I don't believe in fate."

"Maybe you should start."

Lily smiles and he returns it. His eyes flicker to her mouth before leaning down to cover it with his own.

They have one more romp on the couch before Barry gets into the shower. As much as Lily would've liked to have joined him, she knew it would lead to more sex and her tiny bath couldn't handle that.

She opts to wait and plants herself at the kitchen table with a cup of steaming coffee and the notebook. Only one more entry to go.

April 17, 2015

I finally asked her name today. It's beautiful, almost as beautiful as she is. I've been seeing her for months now, every day trying to work up the nerve to talk to her. I always chicken out at the last minute.

She doesn't even know I exist, but she's the only thing on my mind. I watch her constantly, heart both swelling and breaking at the intensity of my emotions. How can you be in love with someone that you don't even know their name?

My friends laugh at me, making me the butt of majority of their jokes. I don't care. It'll be worth it in the end. I'll work up the nerve to ask her out one of these days. Right after I ask her her name.

Her hair is the color of a raven's feathers. I hate saying that. I hate birds in general. They're nasty creatures, and ravens are just so dark. But that's the closest I've come to describing it.

Her lips are a tiny light pink rosebud that blossoms into this heart stopping smile. Seriously, it takes my breath every single time I see it. I don't think I'll ever get used to it.

When she laughs, man, when she laughs. It's not this dainty lilt. No, it's this loud, soulful burst of joy. It bubbles up from way down inside her and you can't keep a straight face when it explodes out.

Her body is made like a willow tree. Wispy and long limbs. It's lovely and feminine, but there's an overlooked strength to it. She has the body of a dancer, and she moves like it, too. Her feet never linger in one place for long. She floats, always appearing to be light as a feather.

Her name is Lily, and she's going to be my wife someday.

Lily slams the book closed, feeling both hot and cold at the same time. Bile rises in her throat. She has to cover her mouth to physically keep it inside.

She launches the book as hard as possible. It spirals across the apartment, almost catching Barry in the head as he exits the bedroom. She hardly notices, bending double. Her whole body shakes while her mind moves at a super sonic speed, struggling to catch up. She can't make sense of what she's read.

"Lily?" She can hear her name, but it sounds like it's at the end of a tunnel. "Lily!"

Her head snaps up, meeting Barry's concerned eyes. She sees his lips moving, but can't make out the words. His large hands clasp her shoulders. A sharp shake has her snapping back to him.

"Are you okay?"

"No!" she cries. Hot tears spill down her cheeks. "That- That book! It says- I'm in-"

"I need you to calm down. Take a deep breath, okay? You're going to hyperventilate if you don't."

She follows his directions, regaining control of herself.

"I'm in the notebook! Someone wrote about me! It says all this stuff, about me, about my hair and- and my laugh. They're in love with me."

Barry stays quiet, letting her get it all out. It's not until she winds down that she realizes he hasn't tried to say a word. He's looking everywhere at her, and an alarm sounds in her head.

"Why aren't you freaking out?! I just told you someone is stalking me and you're standing there! You don't even look surprised!" Lily's voice is loud, borderline hysterical.

He opens his mouth a couple times before pressing it firmly back together. She can tell by the muscles rippling beneath his jawline that he's clenching his teeth. His nose flares, and he turns away.

After several agonizing minutes, he turns back. His eyes have grown wetter. Her stomach drops, knowing something major is coming.

"Lily," he whispers, smiling sadly. He brushes a finger across her cheek. "Lily-Belle."

She frowns and tilts her head at the nickname. It should sound awkward and forward, but somehow it manages to roll off his tongue just right. It's almost like he's said it a thousand times before.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to see that. I was hoping to rip it out and toss it before you could read it."

"W-what? I don't understand." She stands, backing away from him. "What are you talking about? You knew?! And you didn't tell me?!"

"It's not that simple."

"Yes, it is! It really is!"

"It's not!" he screams, immediately quieting her. She sniffles, the sound amplified in the silence. "I wanted to. I really did, but-"

"But what?"

Tears are now falling from his eyes. "I couldn't," he whispers.

She opens her mouth, ready to either argue further or tell him to get the hell out. The doorbell stops her. Her gaze darts between it and Barry.

He creeps closer, holding both arms out in a calming gesture. "Lily, listen to me, okay? Don't answer that."

The hair on the back of her neck stands up. It's him! He's the one that wrote it! The fear chokes her. He's growing closer, and she knows he has no intention of leaving anytime soon. She's trapped here with a stalker, possible rapist or killer.

Things slowly begin piecing together. He's the murderer! No wonder he's never been caught and he seems so adamant to dismiss everything she's said. And she fell right into his trap!

He's almost within arm's reach to her. If he gets a hold of her, she knows it's over.

Taking her only chance, she darts towards the table, flinging the chair at him. It catches him in the knee and he crashes down. She rounds the table and uses it as a base to vault herself over the second chair. She thanks her dancing for giving her the advantage.

Barry is still on the ground when she reaches the door. He stops his attempts to untangle himself, eyes wide. He shakes his head violently. "No, Lily! Please, don't!"

Lily unlocks the door, jerking it open. She stumbles back a step, in disbelief at who waits on the other side.

"Hello, Lilac."