Innocence

I crawled up the side of her house to her balcony. Before I leapt over the railing I took a few seconds to think about what I was doing. Candace was scared. No, more like terrified of me and what I was. That was obvious. But her heartbeat, her breathing, her stance as she waited on the balcony all seemed to be calm. She was definitely alert, but no longer frightened. What had changed? Why was now so different than just this afternoon?

“Aiden?” she called again looking at my house. She didn’t know I was so close.

I climbed over the railing and tried to make some noise to alert her of my presence. Frightening her now was not a good idea. Her head snapped to attention when I straightened up. I waited for her to say something, to do something, but we both just stood in silence.

I focused in on the book at her feet. She had left it there when it had dropped earlier. I was the one who had alerted her to this book. I was the one that made it possible for Candace to figure everything out. And how had she gotten it? That book was supposed to be lost. Burned. Buried somewhere deep down where no one could find it. Or was it a copy?

If the book was a copy then she wouldn’t be in any danger. But even if it wasn’t a copy no one knew the book still existed. Everyone thought it was destroyed. That is why they had stopped looking. They stopped hunting, but now that it was out in the open, would they sense it? Would they come for it? And take Candace with them?

My body trembled at the thought. But they couldn’t. They wouldn’t do anything to her. I wouldn’t let them.

“I want to talk to you.” Candace seemed to have some confidence back. I could see it waver in her eyes, like she wanted to run from me, yet wanted to run to me as well. If only I could change this situation. I had been through so much in my life but Candace, the simple human standing in front of me, seemed to wipe it away. It was as if I had a clean slate to work with. I had never been given that opportunity. Yes, when we moved to a new city we had to start our lives over again as high school students, but in some ways the old lives were always there haunting me. I felt as if the weight of all the people I had known, and all the people I have come in contact with were keeping me from moving on.

I was trapped in the past and I wasn’t sure if I could ever get out. But now, even though Candace was scared and was on guard, I could tell this was going to be a start of something new.

“Aiden?” Candace whispered into the night air. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Her smell was maddening. I wanted to get closer to it, to cover all my senses in it. And her heart was starting to hammer faster in her chest as she lost her confidence.

“Candace.” I whispered back, taking another long breath in. “Say whatever is on your mind. Please.”

Her brow furrowed as if she was confused at my statement. “I—I don’t know what’s on my mind Aiden. I’m so confused.”

I glanced down at the book by her feet. Candace’s gaze followed mine. She grabbed it from the concrete floor. Her fingers trailed the letters on the front cover, her mouth forming the word vampire.

I knew she hadn’t meant it as a question, but I answered anyway. “Yes, that is one way of describing me.”

“How?”

“That is a rather complicated answer.” I don’t think I would ever be able to make her relax in this situation, but I tried anyway. I leaned up against the railing, my hands in the pockets of my jeans. After a few seconds Candace followed my lead and leaned against the railing. Her posture was stiff and angular. Like her pained her to move. Or to breath.

“It seems as though you have all the time in the world to explain it to me.”

A small smile grew on my face. She was joking with me. “This is true.” Her face softened as if welcoming me to humor her. “But you don’t.”

Her eyes met mine, searching for something I did not know. Candace took a step closer to me only to lean back on the railing. “Then you might want to start explaining now before I run out of time.”

Death. The most definite things in a humans life. It was inevitable that it would come, but the unknown was how or when. I had known hundreds of people that have died in the past years, but no matter how close I got to them, they always got to the point where they would move on from here and I would stay stuck. Candace would move on. She would grow old, grow more beautiful, grow with wisdom and self assurance, and then she would be gone.

A pain in my gut began to swell, as if pressure was building inside my stomach. I had never felt so connected to a human before. I couldn’t grasp the concept of Candace dying. I don’t think I could stand it if she left this earth without me.

“I am not sure where to start,” I began. There were so many things to explain. SO many smaller stories and other people involved that bringing Candace into my world just might be the death of her.

“When did you…” Candace trailed off, uncertain how to ask me the most basic questions of my life style.

“1817” I didn’t want to scare her off, but it seemed as though Candace was looking for truth. She was looking for facts, something certain that she could stand on instead of myths or legends she had read in her various books.

“Who? Or what?”

I swallowed, looking down at my feet. I didn’t want to reveal any of my secrets. They were so painful to talk about, yet this was Candace. She was different. I could feel it in my gut. “My father.”

“Your father?” Candace stepped closer again, hearing the anguish in my voice.

“Yes, he didn’t mean to. I know he didn’t.” I seemed to be pleading with her. I didn’t want her to hate my father. I didn’t. I knew he hadn’t meant to hurt any of us, it was all just an accident. “He came back from hunting, and he was ill. Very ill.”

My fingers found themselves in my hair involuntarily. I pulled on a few strands, letting the tingling sensation of pain ripple through me. I needed to think clearly.

“He had been bite. A woman was going around Europe trying make a coven. Her own slaves to her bidding. And she got to my father.” Was Candace going to believe this story? It was hard for me to even comprehend even though I lived through it. “It was Trevor and my mom and me. We tried to help him, but he got to strong.”

My voice cracked and I let my hands dropped to my sides. “I was washing him down with some water from the creak a mile from our house. And he just—woke up. He was mad, I mean, not angry, but delusional. He was telling me how amazing I smelt. That he could hear my blood, that he could see it through my skin, that he needed to have it.”

“I tried to get away—“ I stopped abruptly. The words had just flown from my mouth like liquid, finally being able to be spoken. I had never talked about this time with anyone. Not even my own family, and now, it just seemed right to let the world understand that I had never wanted this. I had never wanted to hurt anyone.

Candace reached out toward my face and ran her finger up my cheek. She seemed serene, and at peace with my story, as if she had expected it. ”You weren’t fast enough” Candace declared in a clear voice.

Her body heat radiated off of her skin and attached to mine like spider webs. She was so close I could see the different shades of grey in her eyes.

“I passed out a few seconds after he started to…and my mom walked in on us. I am not sure how she wasn’t hurt, but Trevor and Amy now had two ill people to take care of. I don’t remember much. All I know is what Trevor remembers. He said my father got away shortly after I was turned. And when I escaped my mother and brother went looking for me. When they found me, I was hunting some people close to the city.”

“But Amy and Trevor, I mean they are just like you.”

I flashed my teeth in a sad show of my weapons. “It wasn’t my finest moment Candace. I regret ever being a part of this whole thing.” I was not going to admit all that I remembered. How good human blood tasted, how it felt to feel their life being absorbed into your body, or how much I longed to do it again. Those thoughts were not my own. They were part of my other half, they part of me I wish I could get rid of.

Candace turned her body away to look up and the moon above our heads. “So you lived in Europe? With your parents and Trevor?”

“Yes.”

“Then where did Clark and Ryan come from?” Her voice was always a whisper, like we were sharing secrets that were dangerous to be spoken any louder in the night air.

The pain in my chest and stomach shrunk with the subject being diverted to other people in my family. “Amy and I found them wandering throughout Europe. My mother has a soft spot for loners. She thinks she can change them.”

“Then they aren’t your real brothers?”

I shook my head. “Not by blood anyway. But there are stronger things that link two people together.”

Candace met my gaze then, her steady focus on my made me weak at the knees. I had never felt this way around anyone before. I had loved before, many times actually in my past, but it always ended the way every human life does. With someone being left behind. This here, with Candace, was different. I could feel it. Was it love? Or was it need? I felt like I needed to be here with her. Like I needed to be a part of her life. Whether it was an active part, or a behind the scenes part I didn’t care. This was right.

“I suppose you are right.” Candace seemed to understand my true meaning by the statement. “Can I ask you something else then?”

I waited for her to ask, knowing her well enough that even if I said no she would ask anyway. I couldn’t stop the smile from creeping on my face. The thought of telling Candace no was humorous to me. I wouldn’t ever have the strength to tell Candace no.

“Why me?” I almost didn’t comprehend what she meant by the question, but then I understood.

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. I went to Candace slowly, reaching for her hand. She let me take it and place it on my rib cage. “Its something here,” I tried to explain. “Something that only I can feel. I can sense if what I am doing is right or wrong. Or I guess you could say that I can tell if I am taking the right path or not. When I am with you, I know that it is right. I can tell what I am doing will be a good thing in the end.”

Candace’s fingers flexed over the fabric of my shirt. My senses came to life even more than they had been moments before. “So you have a sixth sense? Like, you can tell the future?”

I chuckled despite myself. “Not quite. It is hard to explain. They are really just feelings I have from time to time.”

Candace was fixated on her fingers that were still grazing my ribs over my shirt. “And what do you feel now?”

I didn’t answer right away. There were too many emotions for any language to cover. I couldn’t even explain it to myself. I decided to go with one word. And it was the best fitting word I could come up with. “Scared.”

“What are you scared of?”

“You.” I whispered. My breath moved her hair around her face.

“You are scared of me?” Candace pulled her hand away and took a few steps back. “Why?”

I realized we had gotten to into a very serious conversation that I probably wasn’t ready for. “I don’t know.”

“For being so old you sure don’t know a lot of things.”

I wanted to laugh, I wanted to take her comments with ease and grace, but I had suddenly grown solemn. “I am way too old. Too old to be here with you. So why aren’t you running away from me? Why are you running towards me?”

My comment must have hurt Candace because her face twisted with anguish. I wanted to immediately take away what I had just said. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I didn’t want her to throw away her human instincts just because I wished she would.

“Maybe I have a sixth sense too.” She began. She held up the book she was still clutching in her left hand. “Maybe I was meant to get this. Maybe I was meant to find you. I don’t know how this world works and I don’t know how fate works either, but I think this is the right path.”

“I am dangerous.” I warned. “I wish I wasn’t, but I could hurt you in less than a second.

“Do you want to hurt me?”

“Want and will are two separate things.”

Candace’s lips twitched at my statement. “Touché Aiden.

The silence stretched as far as I could hear. It was as if the whole world was listening in to our conversation waiting to see what would come of it.

Aiden you need to stop this before it gets any worse. Trevor’s voice infiltrated my thoughts and snapped my attention away from the stunning woman in front of me. She knows too much. You are going to get her locked up in a loony bin. Or maybe even dead.

No matter what kind of warnings I was given about Candace, none of them topped the feeling I got when I was near her. I had to be here for her. She needed me. I just wasn’t so sure as to why she needed me.

“It is getting late Candace, you should get some sleep.”

“I am not tired,” she protested. “And besides, I don’t think I could sleep even if I was.”

I took a step closer to the edge of the balcony. I knew I should leave, but something was holding me here.

It is in your head. Trevor accused.

“Will you—stay with me?” Candace asked. She looked at her feet as she asked. She was blushing scarlet under the dim light of the night sky, her eyes afire with emotions I couldn’t read. “Until I fall asleep?”

I looked to my house and spotted Trevor on the rough. His stance was offensive, as if he was getting ready to come and retrieve me himself.

I looked back to Candace who was waiting patiently for my answer. I nodded, letting Candace lead us both into her bedroom. I shut the doors behind us, wishing they would block everything bad about my past, my life, and who I was outside.