Status: Finished

Finding Freedom

Concert

I wake up, groggy and confused, at 3 in the afternoon. The sun streams through the narrow window next to my body, reflecting onto my face and in my eyes. I blink for a few seconds, wondering why I’m warm and comfortable when Mom has me sleep on the couch with just a sheet, no matter how cold it gets.

Then it all comes rushing back to me: Mom leaving me with my father, moving in here, meeting Synyster Gates. I roll to my side, covering my face with my hands, taking deep breaths. First things first, I need to find some kind of different clothing. And a toothbrush. After that, I can focus on other things.

“Dad?” I call out, squinting around the RV.

There’s a yelp and a clatter from the front, then my dad peeks his head around to look at me, grinning. “Lee! Good afternoon! I forgot you were here,” he admits, stepping into view. He’s holding a huge meatloaf sandwich; on cue, my stomach rumbles.

He comes closer and hands it to me without speaking, watching in silence as I devour the thing in a few bites. Last time I ate was lunch at school, hours and hours ago. I lick my fingers clean of sauce and look at him, still feeling like the rug’s been swept out from under me. “I need clothes,” I tell him, feeling ashamed. “All mine are at home, and I can’t…I can’t go back. I’ll work til I earn the money to repay you!” I promise.
His mouth twists into a frown as he says, “Lee, you’re my daughter. I willingly paid child support all those years, and I tried to regain custody three times. I’ll get you clothes, and you don’t owe me anything.” This is news to me; Mom never told me he tried to get custody.

“I…Okay.” I smile tentatively, and he steps back, allowing me to jump down from my bed.

“Let’s go right now. I don’t have anything to do until the concert at seven. There’s a mall nearby that we can go to.” I nod and follow him out the trailer.
++
Two hours later and we’re back in the trailer, both of our arms full of bags. Dad admits that he has a lot of money saved up, considering he doesn’t have to pay rent or anything and he never buys new clothes. And now, he won’t have to pay child support, either.

I have bags and bags full of leggings and warm sweaters, a pair of sneakers, two pairs of boots, jeans, lots and lots of shirts, underwear, socks, a heavy winter coat and gloves, even makeup, and more. I’m smiling, finally dressed properly in thick cuffed jeans, a cropped, long sleeved white shirt, a faux fur vest, and black sneakers.
I keep thanking him, overwhelmed by how grateful I am. I’ve never had anyone take care of me, or ask my opinion when it came to anything. Not like this. And at the mall, Dad had me show some of the stuff I tried on, laughing when I pretended to be a model, frowning protectively at anything that was too short, and we got pretzels after, sitting across from each other in the small café at the food court and trying to catch up on each other’s lives. I barely know how to handle it, how to handle this small hope growing inside my chest.

“So, Julliard,” Dad says as we pack my stuff under the seat, next to his. We’ll keep them in bins, do laundry in the nearby towns.

“Yeah?” I say, shoving until the lid finally fits on the bin, my clothes nearly bursting out. I’ve never had too much of anything before.

“Well, I don’t know of a lot of kids who get a full ride anywhere, much less a school like that.” He smiles at me from over his shoulder where he’s putting groceries in the mini-fridge, something proud in his face. “You must be pretty special.”

I feel a blush crawling up my face, turning my head so he can’t see it. “I guess. I get fairly good grades, and my music teacher recommended I apply there.”
Correction: I get straight A’s every year, and my music teacher submitted an application with a video of me singing without telling me. Julliard accepted me immediately. When they realized there was no way I could afford going there, they threw in the scholarship. I went from a girl who figured she’d never even set foot on a college campus to someone who’s going to a prestigious university.

“Well, I’m really proud of you,” he tells me, smiling. I can only nod.
++
By the time it’s dark, the parking lot has filled with cars, sending dust flying everywhere, turning my father’s trailer a muddy cream. He says we’ll wash it off with hoses later, before we move on to the next venue.

I watch as people begin flowing into the stadium, all of them standing, jostling each other. I can’t believe they’re willing to do an outside concert in October, but we’re lucky; it’s a warm night, the breeze gentle. I remember Syn’s words from the night before and make my way through the throng, elbowing people aside if I have to until I reach the front, pressed right against the barricades. The rail digs into my chest a little, but I don’t mind, watching as the stage lights up and the band steps into view.

I got here just in time, procrastinated a little so I wouldn’t have to wait. It’s worth it; Syn looks amazing, his hair slicked back, tattoos in full view. I beam at him, even though he probably can’t see me through the lights. “We are…Avenged Sevenfold!” the lead singer yells, holding the mike high. The crowd goes wild, screaming his name: M. Shadows.

I chant along, raising my fist, getting lost in their excitement. I’ve never been to a concert before, at least not one that wasn’t school-sponsored. As the music begins to play, I close my eyes.
SYNYSTER GATES
Soon as I step onstage, I’m looking through the crowd for Lee, not that I’ll be able to see her. It’s just a hopeful thought, one that kind of embarrasses me. Usually, I’m not like this over people I’ve just met, even pretty girls with big green eyes and crooked smiles.

Matt looks back at me, grinning, so I grin back as we start the show. Maybe I show off a little more than I usually do, hoping for Lee’s admiration. Judging by the cheers we get, the crowd doesn’t seem to mind. We end the set sweating and exhausted, but happy. It’s been a while since we had a crowd that responsive, that willing to sing along to our songs and howl compliments. Somehow, I feel like it’s Lee’s effect, like she brings luck to the band.
I’m hoping I’ll get to see her after the show, even if it’s just a glimpse. I want to talk about music some more with her.
LEE
By the time the concert is over, a new Avenged Sevenfold fan has been created. I never considered myself a fan of metal, but there’s something about their songs that draws me in, makes me want to listen to more. I’m humming one of their songs as I watch the crowd filter out, chattering happily to each other, leaving heaps of trash behind. It kind of annoys me that people like my dad will have to clean it up, but I figure it at least keeps him in a job.

I hang around the concert area even when it’s totally empty, the cars of the concertgoers just specks of blurry headlights in the distance. I kick at the ground, sending up a puff of dirt, and immediately feel bad about dirtying my new shoes.
I’ve never had anything new before, living mostly off stuff my Mom grabs from tag sales and throws my way. Even my shoes were an old pair that she wore out. I smile down at my feet, happy, again, with my new situation. And I loved the concert, loved dancing til my legs ached and jumping around.
My hair is stuck to my head with sweat, my makeup hours old. I’m sure I can’t look very good, so of course that’s when someone grabs my arm, right over the bruises where Mom held me last night. I yelp and tug away, turning to face my attacker, who quickly removes his hand. “I’m sorry, Lee! I didn’t mean to scare you.”

It’s just Syn, in different clothes than he was wearing earlier, his hair dangling loose around his ears. I like this look, a little softer than the slicked back, spiky hair. He smiles down at me, exhaustion clear around his eyes. Concerts must take a lot out of a person, especially one carrying a heavy guitar.

“It’s alright,” I tell him, tucking a curl of hair behind my ear and smiling. I’m very aware that both times he’s seen me, I’ve been exhausted and disheveled, not even nearly my best. “I loved the concert.”

He looks very pleased to hear that, leaning back against the railings of the barrier, his long legs crossed at the ankle. “Yeah? Thanks. I was, uh, hoping you would.” I can’t understand why a guy this famous is talking to me; I saw how many people were at the concert today, I understand now that he’s a big deal. I’m just Lee, just myself. I don’t expect attention from rockstars.

“I’ve never listened to music like that before. It was…” I try to think of the words to explain it, the throbbing, primal feeling in my chest that made me have to move, the lyrics that twined themselves around my ears. “It was interesting.”

The smile I get in return is roguish, setting an unexpected heat in my stomach, a feeling like my tongue is too thick in my mouth. “Only interesting? Faint praise.”

I roll my eyes, chuckling in spite of myself. “Fine. Amazing.”

Syn pushes himself off the railing, walking a step in front of me and gesturing for me to follow. “Me and the guys are having something to eat. We’re all starving, after that workout. You want to come?”
I check the watch Dad got me; it’s not yet the time he told me I had to come home, or, in his words, “I’ll have a nervous freakout.” It’s weird to have someone concerned about me, but weird in a nice way.

“Yeah. I can come along.” I follow him along and behind the concert stage, a little nervous but mostly excited. I hope the guys in his band like me; they must be important to him. I can see them all sitting around in front of an RV that’s bigger than any of the others, more of a truck than anything.
There are six boxes of pizza piled next to them, and beer bottles on the table. I turn eighteen in a week, and can’t wait til 21 after that. I know that turning 18 means I won’t have to worry about still being under Mom’s custody, legally. I’ll never have to go back to her again. Thinking this, there’s a bit more of a skip in my step, and I head eagerly over to the band.
+
Ten minutes later, I’ve got a slice of pizza in each hand and I’m cracking up over something Matt’s said, Syn sitting close enough to me that I can feel his warmth. It’s making me feel lightheaded, a little silly. I usually never feel like this, too serious and focused on grades or my mom to relax. But these guys are nice, welcoming, putting me at ease.

I go on at length about how much I loved the concert, bringing pleased grins from each of them, then watch as they rib each other gently about girls or mistakes made during the concert. I can tell they love each other like brothers, and I’m almost jealous.

“So, Lee, what are you doing here?” Zacky asks eventually, curious. His eyeliner is smeared around his eyes, giving him a look that’s kind of dark, but in a good way.

I hesitate, not wanting to explain about my mom, choosing instead to give a whitewashed version of the story. “Well, my mom wanted me to stay with my dad for a little bit before I go to college. So now I’m here.”

“Where are you going to college?” Matt asks, and I wonder if any of them ever went, if they had time before they joined the band.

“Julliard.”

They all whistle, impressed, and I blush a little bit. Syn seems especially impressed, bumping shoulders with me. “That’s amazing, Lee. What for?”

“Singing. I’ve been doing it since I was a little kid.” Locked away in my room, with nothing else to do and Mom mad at me, I’d sing to myself, til my voice was so strong it could crack a glass. Mostly I sing opera, although I can do anything else. It takes me out of my head and into somewhere beautiful.
They’re polite enough not to force me to sing, thank God. I don’t know how to handle professional musicians judging me, no matter how friendly they are. Instead, they move onto other topics, the conversation flowing on around me.