A Little Bit Older

I had gotten back to California and spent most of the next week catching up with work. When I had first landed, I’d had a strong conviction that I was going to get in touch with Matt and we were going to work it out. I had taken my mom’s words to heart – I need to fight for what I wanted. I couldn’t content myself to never having a family because it hadn’t worked out the first time I tried. As much as I hated to admit it, she was right. I was still getting over the damage of losing my fiancé and baby; even if it didn’t emotionally hurt me anymore, I was still holding myself back and avoiding things which could potentially hurt me again.

When I first got back to work, I’d talked to a two of my friends from lab about general drama associated with my love life and they both agreed that I need to just get away from it all which is how I ended up agreeing to go out with them. My two friends – Tara and Julie – weren’t exactly friends but we all shared a lab space so we’d gotten closer of the past few months of my working there.

Tara was a bit more spacey but surprisingly efficient with her work whereas Julie worked meticulously and slow. They were both fun to talk to but since I’d been so wrapped up with everything happening with Matt I’d never gotten a chance to hang out with them outside of lab. I knew I wanted to get to know them better so I agreed even though I had my hesitations – the largest being that I wasn’t a huge fan of clubbing in general.

Which is how I found myself here: sitting in the backseat of Julie’s Mini Cooper wearing a loose silky silver dress. I was probably too dressed up but I didn’t get a change to go out often and Tara had encouraged me to let loose. Her philosophy was that sometimes you need to just live on the edge to reel life back in to a reasonable level. Both girls figured if I went a little bit wild tonight it would help remind me of my end goal: an actual serious relationship.

“Ready for a fun night?” Julie asked as she pulled into a parking spot. I was secretly grateful she’d agreed to be the designated driver for the night because I wasn’t sure if I could actually trust Tara with that role.

“As ready as I’m going to be.” I laughed and Tara rolled her eyes dramatically at me as she got out of the car and moved her seat forward so I could get out.

“You’re beyond ready.” She started offering me a hand to help me step out, “You were born ready. Look at you, you’re sexy as hell.”

Tara was tall – like naturally very tall at 5’9” but also was in heeled booties that added at least an extra 3”. Pair that height with her svelte build, long black hair, and flawless skin and it was hard to imagine how she’d found herself in a science laboratory. Julie on the other hand was petite, curvy, and had frizzy brown hair that went everywhere around her head. This was the first time I’d ever seen her hair down because she always wore it in a tight bun whenever she was at work. I felt in the middle of them both with my average height and average build which made me feel… well, average.

“If you say so. It’ll be interesting.” I smiled and Julie tossed an arm around my waist and pulled me against her.

“You’re going to have fun. Ignore Tara. Just do what feels natural and whenever you’re ready to go just tell me and we’ll drag her sorry ass home.”

“So if natural feels like sitting in a corner and sipping a mixed drink all night?”

“Then you do you, hon.” Julie responded with a large smile.

After we made it through the waiting line and ID check, Tara dragged me out to the dance floor. Julie waved and hollered that she would grab us drinks.

“Alright, so tell me again about mystery man?” Tara started as she twirled me around. For all her beauty, she was not a graceful dancer and I was slightly afraid she was going to hit me with one of her elbows or step on my feet.

“There’s nothing else to tell. He’s my sister’s husband’s friend. You’ve heard the whole story.” I explained shouting over the music.

“But like what’s wrong with him? Why won’t he date you?”

“If I knew that, would I be single?” I asked with a cocked eyebrow and she smiled and nodded in agreement.

“I say you just need to find someone new. I met my husband here – you can too!” She exclaimed and

I laughed while shaking my head. Tara’s husband was a former bartender here who had been working on the side to supplement his graphic design business. From my understanding, the two could go weeks or months apart – because he’d moved to LA for work and they no longer lived together – and then randomly meet back up and it would be completely fine. They basically both lived the single life while still having someone at the end of the day.

“I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of commitment.” I explained knowing that Tara and her husband had only known each other for about a year before they finally dove off the deep end and eloped. Nothing about their relationship was conventional and, as much as I hated to admit it, I had a thing for conventional.

After a few more minutes of Tara enlightening me about how great her husband was, Julie came over and handed both of us a drink.

“How much do you want to meet someone tonight, Ruby?” She asked when she handed me my drink.

“I don’t know, why?” I asked suspiciously and she spun me around and wrapped an arm around me once again.

“Over there by the bar. That guy looks just your type.” She said moving me slightly so that I was facing the man she was talking about.

The man she was talking about turned out to be done other than Matt. My jaw dropped slightly and she took this as a good sign to encourage me more.

“No, no, no. Julie, that is my guy!” I exclaimed spinning out her grip quickly and turning my back to him.

“Wait, that’s mystery man?” Tara asked loudly placing her free hand on my face as she stopped dancing altogether.

“Yes!” I said before biting my lips together. What was he doing here? I thought, and then remembered when I had stupidly remarked that I would be a wing woman for him. How did I ever expect to do that when just seeing him here had my stomach twisting?

“I thought you said he was older than you?” Tara questioned and I shrugged before affirming that he was older.

“You should go talk to him! It’d be totally coincidental and a great way to open conversation again!” Julie said trying to be the voice of both reason and encouragement while Tara slowly started dancing us towards him.

“Go, go, go.” Tara loudly whispered to me so that I could hear her over the music.

“Okay, fine!” I said with a weak smile trying to remember my mom’s words. I needed to fight for myself and step one of fighting for myself was making what I wanted known.

I weaved through the crowd and made my way to the bar where Matt had been sitting. The surges of people around me though made it so that by the time I got there he wasn’t to be seen again more. I turned around in confused and searched for the girls. When I found them, I shrugged and they looked at me with easily dumbfounded expressions.

I made my way back to them and explained what had happened and we all agreed to go find a table to sit at briefly to try and figure out what our game plan was going to be now that we knew Matt was here.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Tara said grabbing my arm and pulling me backwards when we finally made it to the edge of the dancing crowd. “Is that him?” She asked pointing discretely towards the doorway where Matt was leaving with his arm around the waist of a blonde woman.

“I think it is…” Julie answered and I nodded slowly. It was him and I didn’t recognize the woman he was with.

“Oh, no! Ruby, I’m so sorry!” Tara cried wrapping her arms around my shoulders and pulling me to her chest.

“It’s not your fault,” I assured her. “It’s just fate, I think.”

The three of us then moved back to the dancefloor and continued to spend the night dancing. I tried to forget what had happened but it was hard. This was the universe telling me that I needed to move on and I was sure of it. If it had been meant to be, I would’ve found him and he wouldn’t have gone home with some random girl. Hell, who was to even say she was a random girl?

Sometimes it’s necessary to fight for what you deserve and want from life. Other times, it’s important to know when to quit while you’re ahead. I may not have been ahead anymore, but I knew that it was time to call it quits.