Prescription for Miss Walker

Ash and I decided to keep it between us. I didn't want any of my family asking me questions, especially if they tried to prompt me on who the father had been. Of course, asking him to do the same wasn't hard, as he obviously did not want to suddenly confess all his sins to his precious wife.

So, he let me walk out of the hospital after being handed over the second drug.

He stayed the night again. We didn't do much, I wasn't in the mood to do anything and he was content with that. For the most part, we cuddled.

Which was different... in a nice way. Sure, things could be awkward between us for a while, but for the most part, I didn't care. I just wanted him to lie beside me and snuggle until either one of us, or both, fell asleep.

Because, I really just did not want to leave that apartment.

In our spooning position, his breath made hairs at the back of my neck rise. Hot, even, and so close to me, it meant he was watching me. Contently, like he didn't ever want to stop, as if I was all he needed to see.

His hand brushed over my flat stomach -- the belly of the beast.

I think we fell asleep like that, because the next time I opened my eyes it was dawn. We hadn't put any lights on when we'd came in, as it had been early into the day. The sweet burn of pink and yellow cascaded down upon all of everything. It meant we'd slept for about twenty hours or so.

I think the last time I'd done that was the morning after Ben and I had broke up. I guess it hadn't hit me full force until that moment.

Is this what that was too? Was everything seeping into me at once?

Blocking it out, I noticed Ash's arm was still wound around me, tight. Perhaps even his subconsciousness didn't feel like letting go.

I wanted to smile at his display of affection, but found I couldn't. It was too much.

Instead I peeled it off of me carefully and approached my coat rack. The hoodie I'd worn yesterday was there, underneath his heavy wool jacket.

It smelled like lemons. Exactly as he did.

I searched through the pockets of my hoodie, a strange sensation rippling through me when I finally grasped onto the foil casing.

I didn't try to pinpoint it. I didn't want to.

Taking a quick peek back at Ash's sleeping figure, I closed the bathroom door behind me and locked it.

I came to the sink, poured myself half a glass of water and popped the pill out from its containment.

I eyed it closely.

Upon first glance, I wouldn't have guessed it was any more than an Anvil. It was small and circular, with little codes on the surface to prove it was legit.

So why was I so adamant on hoping it wasn't?

Because then, if anyone ever found out, I wouldn't be branded a baby-killer? Then people could never find out I was the mistress of a very successful doctor?

As if on instinct, I snaked a hand across my stomach.

It had already been done, there was no going back now. I'd aborted my only chance at ever giving life. After knowing that I wanted children, I'd been handed a death sentence... But how could I ever bring a child into a world where it would never know its own mother?

Mine had fled the state, she was far from being a perfect parent, but I wanted to be different. I wasn't going to be like her...

But now.

I'll never know.

What was I supposed to do? Pretend that I could have the baby before my death and everything was going to be alright?

No. Even if I did, the lungs would be underdeveloped, severely, and there would be a very low survival rate anyhow.

And if it did happen to survive... Who would look after it?

Certainly not Ash. What could be do? Go home to his wife and say "hey look honey, it's my dying love-child. We should raise it together"... I didn't think so.

Thinking about this was agony, so I popped the pill into my mouth and downed it with a large gulp of water.

Telling myself to breathe even, I was only just able to lift my head to see myself in the mirror.

I knew I wouldn't be a lovely sight, I was no longer beautiful, but the person staring back at me didn't look like the skeletal, sad excuse for a human I'd come to recognise lately.

Instead of the world around her being dark and devoid of meaning, that's what I was shaping myself into. The swirls of an evil illness didn't flow around me like it had contaminated my aura, no.
They'd moved. The shadows no longer hissed around my frame, no longer squeezed the life out of me.

They'd traveled inside of my body, enveloping around my lungs, my heart and all organs. When I breathed, it dared to escape, but crawled it's way back in, cackling at me.

Turning away and walking out of the bathroom, I looked to fall back into bed and into sleep. God knows it's what I wanted.

I watched the steady rise and fall of Ash's bare shoulders, as the pink haze of dawn descended upon them. It made him look so amazing.

Sighing, I closed my eyes as I sneakily crawled back into bed with him. Next to him so he couldn't hold me in his embrace.

So he wouldn't have to know there was a monster lying in his lover's bed.