Prescription for Miss Walker

Ben left after his announcement. He went in for a kiss at the door, but I slammed it on him before he got too close. I wasn't ready for him to try anything.

I'd fallen asleep on the couch and when I looked at my phone it was after one in the morning. It's almost like there was no reason for me to wake up. Full of energy, what could I possibly do at this time?

So, I stuck on a tracksuit and decided to go for a run. Ever since my trek in the park with August, I'd got back into doing runs. Well, once or twice a week anyway. It was better than nothing.

Grabbing my phone and locking up, I did a few basic stretches and crunches. The lights in the complex were bright, beginning a full headache already.

Closing the grounds door behind me, I did a small scroll through my music before I found the perfect soundtrack. No matter what I listened to, I just had to make sure it cleared my mind of a certain ex.

I'd perhaps made it to the bottom of the steps when I noticed a familiar black car across the street. No inside light on, no headlights. Clearly someone was trying to lose themselves in the darkness.

Okay, be calm and don't be a total bitch, I told myself.

Making my way over, I squinted when I saw Ash's head rolled almost all the way back on his seat, mouth slightly parted.

Was he asleep?

Sighing, I tapped on the glass. With the second hit, my nail fell off.

He jerked up, eyes frantic as they scoured all around him, until he finally turned to his window. I gave him a small smile, of which he sort of returned, as he opened the door and stepped out.

"I didn't know you found cars so comfortable." He lifted a hand to rub his neck. "Or not. Why are you here? It's late."

"I couldn't sleep, so I decided to go for a drive." The way he said it, avoidance of eye contact, it was no wonder I didn't believe him.

I crossed my arms.

"Well, looks like you finally got to. Why don't you run home and collapse on your big fluffy bed?" I didn't know if it was grand or not, the only places in his house I'd seen were the entryway and dining room. Yet, they were so lavish I didn't doubt his bedroom looked like it belonged to royalty.

Ash sidestepped, as we picked up on the noises around us. Alley cats hissing and crying, as horns blared in the distance.

As far as people go, we were the only ones in sight.

My outfit suddenly caught his attention. He swallowed lightly, probably remembering the last time he'd caught me out on a jog.

"Exercising at this time? Are you planning on getting killed?"

"No. Mugged at the least."

His stony expression let me know my sarcasm was not appreciated. I rolled my eyes in reply.

"Why were you sleeping in your car... outside my apartment?" I added, since the last time I asked he'd lied to me.

He went to open his mouth, then closed it again. I'd never seen Ash at such a loss for words, it was a different take from usual. Even if we were fighting, he normally said something so cold or mean-spirited. That's just who he was.

Tonight, however, something drastic must have happened to numb his tongue.

Inwardly cursing at myself if this turned out wrong, I invited him inside. Going by the look that flashed briefly across his face, it was not expected.

I had no responsibility to the guy, he broke up with me, but I couldn't have him sleep outside either. I wasn't that much of a cow.

We walked back into my studio without a word. He sat himself on the arm of the couch as I tended to the coffee maker and began whipping him up a cup.

Ash and I didn't normally have awkward silences, save for the night things fell apart, so it was odd. I guessed quickly that I better get used to it though.

Coffee made, I handed it to him. He took it graciously, like it were a trophy he'd fought for.

"You look good." He cleared his threat.

I stifled a laugh.

"Shut up."

Smiling softly as well, he sipped his steaming beverage. Even though we were shrouded in darkness, I could see the steam coming off it and caressing his face. How much I wished that was me, it felt like forever since I'd touched him.

Shaking my head free of such devious thoughts, I headed for the light switch.

"Don't." His voice was soft, childlike, scared. Whispers were above what he sounded like. "Please. I want to be in the dark."

Biting my lip, I nodded. I knew he couldn't see it, but hopefully he took my silence as agreement.

I hated being in the same room as him, for two reasons that totally contradicted each other. In one hand, I felt like screaming at him, asking how dare he show up in my neighborhood like some crazy stalker. On the other... well, there was more on the mind than just kissing, let's say. If he tried again, I didn't know if I'd be able to stop myself from succumbing.

This wasn't good. I, Shira Walker, had never been so out of control around a man before. When we were fooling around, he surprised me. Even Ben couldn't do that, he was so predictable with his moods and whatnot. Ash...

He was different.

Or I thought he was.

"I don't know how to be around you anymore."

I stared at him. He'd just read my mind, yet he couldn't possibly see the thoughts etched across my face.

He put down his cup, barely drunken, and rubbed his face in his hands. From what I could see, anyway. He was mostly just a silhouette, not a slash of light on him.

"I know you're probably still mad at me for how I ended things -- believe me, so am I -- but it's like when I did, we stopped knowing how to act around each other. We've turned into children. Strangers, even and I..." He cut off, the only sound in the room our syncopated breathing.

What was he doing?

I didn't want to hear this. If he had regrets, he had to keep them to himself, or talk to someone else. Dr Spears, apparently, since that's who he told everything to. I was sure that jerk would definitely have an ear perked and ready for it.

I shook my head, coming closer, abandoning my mug on the island.

"Don't say you're sorry, I'm not going to listen to that."

"Why?" He inched a little on the sofa arm, daring himself to stand and face me. As I was about to find my answer, he got the nerve as he rose. All too soon, he and I were almost chest-to-chest. "I am. I played around with you for months, like you were some kind of pet... and you don't want me to apologize for that?"

"No! I liked what we had. I didn't care about how you took up my time, or that we weren't one hundred percent careful, or that you possibly done it just to feel." That last one, I was guilty of, I must admit. He gave me something to look forward to. "I don't want to hear it. It's done, and it's in the past, so leave it there."

That was probably the nicest thing I'd said to him since the split. Lord knows I wasn't capable of doing it when it came to Ben. What was it about Ash that was so different?

"Have lunch with me." He blurted out.

I refrained from teetering back on my heels. Now that was definitely a shock.

"What? No!"

"Fuck sake, Shira. I just want to talk to you. I get it, I'm an asshole. Can't you just let this asshole talk to you for an hour or so? Without any fits?" His tone was a whole one-eighty from earlier. Now, it held its own weight, strong and firm. The way I always associated him.

But I was stubborn and I didn't want to be anywhere with this man. Sure, we were in my studio right now, but it had only been out of courtesy. I didn't owe him anything, so I had no reason to go out with him.

Then, suddenly, he began chuckling. I could feel it through the floorboards, the vibrations killing my feet.

"I get it. The ex is back and you want to give it another shot, right? Stupid idea, but hey -- who gives a shit what I think?" Brushing past me, he headed for the door. "Thanks for the coffee."

The anger boiled inside me again. I'd been angry today more times than I could count, multiple times with the same person. I think this was my third with him.

"Don't you dare walk out on me! Ben has nothing to do with this and you know it. I don't want to have lunch with you, there's no reason beyond that."

"Oh really?" He rebounded, shadows encompassing his entire frame. I couldn't see his expression and it annoyed me. "It's not because you're scared? It's not because you're so weak-minded and you think you'll give in? It's not because, contrary to what you've led yourself to believe, you still want me?"

Any other time and I would have commented how he obviously thought so highly of himself, but he was telling the truth. One more civilized conversation and I'd be a goner, begging him to come back to me.

He'd chosen another woman over me. He was wrong -- this was exactly like the Ben situation. I'd rewound two years in time, except this time I had been the other woman.

"You're one to talk, Ash." Since our break-up, he'd been the one trying to talk to me, either to see his side or repent for his actions. He still tried to touch and hold me, had garnered enough courage to kiss me. That look on his face, in his eyes, I'd seen the day we had sex in the woods... I hadn't mistaken it. I brushed it off a couple of days later as how he'd felt in the moment. But I couldn't ignore it anymore. It had been real for him, even back then.

Then, I also remembered the last words we'd said to each other as a couple, the pain still sharp. "You're in love with me."

I heard the grinding of his jaw.

"Why do you think I said what I did? You responded that you didn't want to. You said nothing of it not existing."

"What does it matter?"

"Because if you're the one in love with me, then you're scared, you're weak. You want me. Ben was never supposed to show up, and now that he has... you're worried you're never going to have me again." My words chilled him, as he visibly trembled. In fear, in anger, I didn't know. I just knew they affected him, which could only mean one thing:

I was right.

Growling louder than a starving bear, he stormed towards the door and slammed it before I could say any more. I jumped at the harsh sound, like a rock slide making its way into my brain. It wasn't long before I heard the rev of an engine and a speeding car trying to create the largest distance it could between us.

Needless to say, I didn't go back to bed after that. And, come soon, I may or may not have a doctor.