Prescription for Miss Walker

It had just turned five in the morning and I’d gotten a case of the non-sleeping variety. I looked at the body of August lying beside me, snoring so softly, he was mewing almost. My fingers trailed along his shoulder blades and I smiled as he shuddered from my touch.

It wasn’t all that often I allowed men to sleep in my bed, or stay overnight, but August had pleasured me in so many ways it felt mean to kick him out. Besides... he was cute when he was unconscious.

I tried reading online, but nothing held my interest long enough and, after a minute or so contemplation worth of what to do next, I threw the covers off my naked body and went to the bathroom. Turning on the light, I was blinded by the high wattage and refrained from screaming at it.

After peeing for a second, I went to wash my hands, when I caught myself in the mirror.

Under normal circumstances, I would be considered beautiful. It wasn’t big-headed at all when it was common knowledge, as for years I’d gotten used to men falling at my feet and saying I could be a goddess. My skin was perfect and unblemished, my high cheekbones making my skin taut and my every collective feature sharp. My nose, sometimes, could be pointy, but I just seen it as traditional. I also had long dark wavy hair that fell to my lower back.

I knew I was good-looking, I’d been told frequently by all members of family, all friends and the men I took to bed with me.

But tonight...

Tonight, I looked deprived.

It was impossible, bearing in mind only eight hours’ prior I’d been out with Madison, turning down the eyes of every girl that checked me out.

The bags were heavy underneath my eyes, of which were extremely blood shot, as if I’d broken a blood vessel. My lips were chapped and dry, skin peeling off slightly. My flesh was almost grey...

I knew it was vain, but the tears suddenly began falling. I watched myself as I blubbered, as the out of control mess that I was. I coughed every now and then, which did not help with the revelation I’d come to.

Not wanting to possibly wake up August, I turned on the faucet and splashed water in my face.

I had to get a grip, I told myself, I had to be strong now.

The stakes had been raised, and I either had to tower above it or fall. Fight or surrender, it was my choice alone.

Once I left the bathroom I stood out in the middle of the living area, stretching. I didn’t have much in this apartment, but then, I was only twenty-five. What did anyone expect? Retro computers and vintage?

Suddenly, my phone buzzed by my bedside. I ran (tip-toed, really) towards it. Picking it up fast, I smiled at the image of Madison that had popped up on screen.

I sure hope that dark chocolate was as good as it looked, it read.

I refrained from laughing out loud. After what I had realized in the bathroom, I needed it right now.

Oh, it was full of sugar, I typed back.

She didn’t respond after that, so I assumed she was getting ready for work. I set the phone down, staring at the lock screen that now consisted of a photo of Ciaran, Alison and my new born nephew.

It almost made me smile – almost. And I normally would have, had it not been for the feeling of impending doom in my stomach.

Unable to take anymore, I whirled around and stalked back towards the lounge. I came back to the sofa and, sure enough, sitting next to it was my house phone.

It hadn’t been used in a while. And since I was an idiot and got a black make, the dust that came off it when I picked it up was unreal.

Looking through my phone book (yeah... I’m not going to try making up for that. Sometimes it was really needed) to make sure I had the number, I punched in the digits with cold fingers.

Holding the plastic to my ear, it rang for a bit. Just as I was about to slam it down, a bored voice welcomed me.

“Good morning and thank you for calling Lincoln Hospital. How can I help you today?” There was a flip of a magazine and creak of a strained chair. This woman was putting her feet up as she spoke to me.

“Hi-hello. My name is Shira Walker. I’m a patient of Dr Cameron’s. Is it possible he’s on shift right now?”

“Alright. Stay there.”

I arched an eyebrow. I called you, like I would be going anywhere. Stupid bint.

She put me on hold. I resisted the urge to scream at her and explain this is why no one liked hospitals. Not because the idea of one was scary. No, it was because some people didn’t know how to do their jobs. Fuck, I mean, where was all the empathy I was told about?

Finally, she returned. “Hello again, Miss Walker. Dr Cameron is waiting on the line for you.”

Out of the blue, suddenly I felt all too nervous. What if I screwed up? What if I just became a blundering fool?

I had to remind myself to breathe. Maybe everything would be okay and he’d put me on hold just as the–

“Doctor Cameron speaking.”

Fuck! Shit! I wasn’t prepared for this.

He sounded so lovely over the phone, the same as he did on my answering machine (a message of which is still there). How could I not make an idiot of myself here?

“Miss Walker, I can hear you breathing. If you’re going to waste my time...” His tone was as sarcastic as ever. I went all gooey in the legs because of it.

“I’m not.” I shrieked. Well, fucking up took all of a minute. “I mean... I’m calling because of what you said. I apologize that it’s most likely an inappropriate time, but I couldn’t wait.”

I heard the click of his pen. The smooth clearance of his throat. I had to close my eyes so I could imagine it in front of me.

“You’ve made a decision?” He asked.

“I’ve made a decision.”

I didn’t have much to live for. I’d been single for more than two years, I didn’t have a steady job or a brilliant education. I hadn’t ever achieved much... and I’d been fine with that. Until now.

Whereas now, I’d discovered a terrifying illness, my little nephew had just been born into the world, and my best friend re-entered mine. I wanted a future that I could be proud of, that I could pick out from all the rest and say “that’s mine”.

I’d danced through life, thinking I would have more time to make up for what I’d lost. There was no foretelling what would happen to me. And I used to say whatever happens, happens. It seemed like the perfect life quote. At least, back then it did.

Now I hated it. I wanted to be like my brother, with a doting partner and a child he could call his own. I wanted to be like my father and know I did well in life.

Because, right now, as I stood, I could honestly say I had not.

But I wanted it... And that was enough for me to make my mind up. About me, about Dr Cameron; everything.

I coughed lowly.

“Tell me what I have to do.”