When You Close Your Eyes

79: Is This What You Want?

Sparing a soft yawn into his hand, Lionel rested back against the kitchen counter, the soft rumbling of the kettle which boiled a little away from him filling his ears. It was early, earlier than he was used to getting up, but with things between him and Isabelle still no better, he had spent another night in the spare room, something which meant that he had found sleep hard to come by, even if it had been a few days, he still wasn’t quite used to the idea of not sharing a bed with Isabelle.

Allowing another yawn to fall out of his mouth, he rested his head back briefly before the sound of Isla’s snuffles reached his ears, causing him to lift his head, his dark eyes briefly peeking towards the baby monitor which stood on the counter beside. Pausing for a second, he listened to her stirring before he pushed himself away from the counter, quietly making his way up the stairs before he ducked into the nursery, his dark eyes settling on Isla who sat in her crib, a soft pout on her features.

“Buenos dias, princesa” he mumbled softly, his fingers gently smoothing out the dark hair on the top of her head “What are you doing up so soon, eh?” he added as he lifted Isla into his arms, moving to settle down in the seat which had been set up beside the crib. Isla let out a soft whimper before she shifted a little, resting her head against his chest as her blue eyes blinked sleepily.

Lionel watched her for a couple of seconds, admiring the sleepy expression she wore, before he shook his head, pressing a gentle kiss against the top of her head. “I am sorry, Lala” he mumbled softly “The last few days, they’ve not been good, and that is my fault. I’ve not been anywhere good enough for you or for your madre, and I am very sorry for that” he added, his voice soft and quiet. He knew that she wouldn’t understand, Isla was barely 10 months old, but still he felt the need to say it, even if he knew that the little girl wouldn’t understand, he still wanted to apologize to her.

Isla stirred a little at the sound of his voice before she snuggled a little closer to his chest, quietly falling back to sleep. Lionel admired her quietly before he shook his head. “I hurt your madre” he mumbled softly “She shared some wonderful news with me and I…”

“You should have handled it better”

Lionel, who’d been focused on Isla, startled a little at the sound of Isabelle’s voice before he lifted his head, his dark eyes settling on where she stood in the door way, a soft expression on her features. “Isabelle...”

“You should have reacted better” Isabelle interrupted softly, her blue eyes peeking down towards her feet “When we got the result of that test, you should have reacted better, and it hurt me that you didn’t, Leo. I know it was a surprise, it was a surprise to me too, but you shouldn’t have reacted like that” she added, her blue eyes briefly peeking towards him. She knew that it was a surprise, the idea of her second pregnancy had come along out nowhere, but still she was hurt by his reaction, even if the news had caught him off guard, she had been expecting a different response.

Lionel, who’d moved to settle Isla down into her crib, mulled her words over for a couple of seconds before he nodded his head, offering her a soft look. “I know” he mumbled softly “And I hate that I hurt you, Isabelle. It caught me off guard the idea that we’re expecting again so soon after Isla knocked me for six, but that isn’t an excuse. You told me some amazing news, Isa, the best news I’ve heard in a while, and I stomped all over that, something I regret more than anything” he added, his voice soft and nervous.

Isabelle noted the tone of his voice before she shook her head, a soft sigh falling out of her mouth. “I thought that this was what you wanted” she mumbled softly “I mean, after the conversation that we had at Christmas, I thought that this was what you wanted, but if it isn’t, you need to tell me now. I don’t want to go through this for a third time, Leo” she added, her blue eyes peeking up towards him tearfully.

Lionel blinked a couple of times, slightly surprised by her words, before he shook his head. “Isa…”

“I know what I want, Leo” Isabelle interrupted softly, her fingers gently wiping away the loose tears which had snuck out of her eyes “I know that I want things between you and me to work out, but that’s going to happen if you freak out at every little bump. I know that I am not perfect, I’m a worrier too, but I can’t do this again, Leo. This isn’t like last time, we’re settled, happy, but if this isn’t what you want…”

“Of course it is” Lionel interjected.

Isabelle blinked, slightly surprised by his interruption, before she shook her head, something which made Lionel step towards her, his hand gently cupping her cheek. “I know I messed up” he mumbled, his thumb lightly brushing along her cheekbone “When you told me that you were pregnant, it caught me by surprise, but I don’t want you to doubt that this is what I want, Isabelle. I know I reacted poorly, but I want you to know that I am with you, even if you decide that you don’t want to figure us out, I want you to know that I am not going to walk away from Isla or bump” he added, his dark eyes briefly peeking down towards her stomach.

He knew that he had hurt her, the tearful expression she wore twinned with the tone of her voice confided it, and he wanted to offer her a little reassurance, even if he knew that it would take a while for the two of them to figure things out, he wanted her to know that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Isabelle offered him a slightly tearful look, her teeth nibbling shyly on her lower lip, before she shook her head. “It’s going to take more than that” she mumbled softly “After last time…”

“I know” Lionel interrupted “And I want to do it, Isa. I want to make things up to you and Lala. Just tell me that we’re going to try and figure this out” he added, his dark eyes searching her face. He was under no illusions, a couple of conversations weren’t going to be enough to fix what he had broken, but he wanted to know that it was a start, even if they did still have a way to go. He wanted to know that they weren’t simply going to let go of what they had.

Isabelle chewed on her lip for a couple of seconds before she nodded her head. “I’d like to try and figure us out” she mumbled softly “But, Leo…”

“I know it isn’t going to be fast” Lionel interrupted softly “And I know that I have a lot of work to do to make things up to you and Lala, but I want to do it, Isa. I don’t want to just let us go” he added, his forehead gently resting on hers.

Isabelle searched his expression briefly before she leant into him, pressing a soft kiss against his cheek. She knew that it was going to take some work, things between the two of them were more than a little broken, but still she wanted to try and piece things back together, even if he had hurt her. She didn’t want to let things between them slip through their fingers.
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Thanks to Jayme112234, Thatmom and FootieJo for the comments :)