Beautiful Disaster
You'll always be my girl.
"There is nothing you could ever do that would cause me not to love you pumpkin." I say to her watching her cry. She lays her head down in my lap, reminding me that no matter how old she is, she's still my little girl. "But what if its true, what if he's my father." she says picking at a string on my jeans. "It doesn't matter what he says, you'll always be my girl." I say to her as I run my fingers through her hair. It reminded me of the time when she was seven and she had broken a tooth when Leland tried to teach her to surf. When she came home from the dentist she laid down with her head in my lap just like she was doing now. I smiled at the memory, laying my head back on the couch.
I couldn't believe what had happened tonight. I had been calling Emma all night, from the time we walked in the door. I wondered if she knew some day I might find out, maybe she was stupid enough to think I wouldn't. Things like this always came to light eventually.
I started to question everything that Emma had done. Had it been the only time it happened? I might be able to forgive something that happened before we got married, but with my brother I felt betrayed. Now he was claiming to be Layla's father. I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I had raised this child from the day she was born. I took her to school on her first day. I was there for every scrape and bruise she had. I was the one that came to the school when she got punched by the little boy because she was trying to keep him from hitting another little boy. I taught her how to drive. I was there for everything. I suddenly realized her mother wasn't much of a mother at all. Why hadn't I seen it before now?
"Daddy" I hear Layla say. "What is it sweet pea?" I ask her looking down into her big brown eyes. Were they really Leland's eyes and Leland's hair I thought to myself. "Dad" she says again. "Hmm?"
"Do you think momma even wanted me? She never wanted to have another child, so do you think she really wanted me?" She asked me. "Baby, at this point its hard to say what momma wanted. But you know what, I wanted you more than I ever wanted anything, I was so happy when you were born. You were everything I could have asked for." I say to her leaning over and kissing her forehead. A few minutes later I watch her close her eyes and fall asleep. I knew she had to be exhausted, I was. Laying my head back, I too tried to go to sleep.
I woke up hearing the phone ringing. I picked it up expecting Emma to be on the other line, but it was just Beth. I talked to her for a little while about what happened last night and hung up as Layla started to roll over, her head still in my lap.
"Was that mom?" she asked. "No, just Grandma. I haven't heard from your mother." I tell her as she sits up. "I think she knows something is going on and she's not going to come home right now. Don't you think?"she says walking into the kitchen. "You're probably right, it wouldn't be the first time it's happened." I say looking out the window at the cloudy sky.
"Why do you think he said all those things last night. He has his own children." she says to me as she jumps up on the kitchen counter eating cereal. "Maybe he's just sad. I don't know. What do you think dad?"
"I don't know pumpkin, I really wish I knew what he was up to." I say making my own bowl of cereal.
"Do you think things will change? I don't have to go live with him do I?" I turn around looking at her after that question. "No, nothing is going to change, at least where you're concerned. And you're not going anywhere." I say turning back to my cereal. I couldn't say the same thing about her mother, that was yet to be seen.
I couldn't believe what had happened tonight. I had been calling Emma all night, from the time we walked in the door. I wondered if she knew some day I might find out, maybe she was stupid enough to think I wouldn't. Things like this always came to light eventually.
I started to question everything that Emma had done. Had it been the only time it happened? I might be able to forgive something that happened before we got married, but with my brother I felt betrayed. Now he was claiming to be Layla's father. I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I had raised this child from the day she was born. I took her to school on her first day. I was there for every scrape and bruise she had. I was the one that came to the school when she got punched by the little boy because she was trying to keep him from hitting another little boy. I taught her how to drive. I was there for everything. I suddenly realized her mother wasn't much of a mother at all. Why hadn't I seen it before now?
"Daddy" I hear Layla say. "What is it sweet pea?" I ask her looking down into her big brown eyes. Were they really Leland's eyes and Leland's hair I thought to myself. "Dad" she says again. "Hmm?"
"Do you think momma even wanted me? She never wanted to have another child, so do you think she really wanted me?" She asked me. "Baby, at this point its hard to say what momma wanted. But you know what, I wanted you more than I ever wanted anything, I was so happy when you were born. You were everything I could have asked for." I say to her leaning over and kissing her forehead. A few minutes later I watch her close her eyes and fall asleep. I knew she had to be exhausted, I was. Laying my head back, I too tried to go to sleep.
I woke up hearing the phone ringing. I picked it up expecting Emma to be on the other line, but it was just Beth. I talked to her for a little while about what happened last night and hung up as Layla started to roll over, her head still in my lap.
"Was that mom?" she asked. "No, just Grandma. I haven't heard from your mother." I tell her as she sits up. "I think she knows something is going on and she's not going to come home right now. Don't you think?"she says walking into the kitchen. "You're probably right, it wouldn't be the first time it's happened." I say looking out the window at the cloudy sky.
"Why do you think he said all those things last night. He has his own children." she says to me as she jumps up on the kitchen counter eating cereal. "Maybe he's just sad. I don't know. What do you think dad?"
"I don't know pumpkin, I really wish I knew what he was up to." I say making my own bowl of cereal.
"Do you think things will change? I don't have to go live with him do I?" I turn around looking at her after that question. "No, nothing is going to change, at least where you're concerned. And you're not going anywhere." I say turning back to my cereal. I couldn't say the same thing about her mother, that was yet to be seen.