Defector

I station myself on the couch resting my head in my hands. I peek up every few minutes to see if Fierce is still pacing around the room. I initially watched him for awhile until he made me dizzy. Mae stands alone in the kitchen chugging on a glass of water, completely oblivious to the events which transpired. I guess human lie detector doesn't run in the family.

Something has been off about The Tunnel. I haven't been able to put my finger on it, but maybe this was the tip of the iceberg. Maybe it was just my distrust for Drax which gave me the unsettling feeling or maybe there's more to it. The truth is out now, but what do we do with it? And how do we go about it?

"Is anyone going to say anything?" Mae speaks up resting her glass on the counter. "Because I'm lost as to what the hell just happened."

"Drax set The Tunnel on fire." I state plainly as if she should have known.

"Why?" She asks.

"That's what we need to figure out." Fierce whips around to face her.

"But how will we do that?" I get up from the couch. "I can't go back to The Tunnel and you can't do this on your own. It'll be too suspicious if you're suddenly interested in him." I warn.

"I guess you guys have a lot to think about." Mae states grabbing her keys. "I have to get back to work. Are you okay?" She asks her brother to which he responds with a nod. She looks to me and asks me the same question and my answer is the same as his. With that, she departs, leaving the two of us alone.

The silence between us is deafening as Fierce begins to pace again. He avoids eye contact with me for as long as he can. I rock on my heels before banishing myself to the patio outside. I take in the incoming spring air. It's still rather cold outside, but it's colder inside.

I lean against one of the support beams of the awning and stare at the tarp covered pool. We spent a fair amount of time in it his first summer here. From the state the tarp is in, it doesn't seem like he's opened the pool since. I know he didn't take me leaving very well, but I didn't know it was remotely like this.

I can't imagine what all of this has been like for him. I left him and didn't contact him for two years only to have the audacity to pop back in and stir up a whole bunch of trouble between me, him, and the rebellion; something I wanted to avoid from the start.

I never wanted back in the rebellion, though. I was asked back, but it obviously wasn't cleared with everyone. How I got to this point, I'll never know. But now all those people are in danger if they have an infestation which they're unaware of. Take Lia for example, Hunter, Gabe, and I were the only ones who knew about her, although Hunter and I were the only ones who paid the price for that information. Which begs the question, why was Gabe left alone? Was he in on it with Lia? Did she offer him something in exchange for his silence?

The sliding glass door opens catching me off guard. Fierce apologizes for startling me.

"I think we should talk." I fold my arms across my chest.

"About what?"

"Everything." He motions me to follow him inside.

He has a seat on the couch and gestures to have a seat next to him. The air is awkward considering all that has happened in the past 24 hours. I suppose that's why he wants to have this talk. I plop down next to him stirring Kyra to lift her head. She acknowledges it was me and rests her head again.

"What do you want to know?" I ask lounging back.

I can't say it will be easy. Confessing everything will prove to be a challenge. No way I can I lie through any of it, but what would be the point? He would catch me on the lie so what is the point in even trying to? Not only that, but there is no more hiding. He wants to know everything, so he'll get everything, but that means he's going to have to confess some things to me. The toughest part about all of this is finding a good place to start.

"I know you know who was traveling with Casandra when she visited the diner." He isn't starting off easy, is he?

"His name is," I swallow hard as I feel vomit rise in my throat. "Neuman. Never got a first name. We have a history. That's something I'm not proud of. More ashamed than anything, really."

"So you slept with him." My mouth drops open and I roll my eyes.

"Yeah." I admit with a huff. "I did."

He's quiet for a moment as if he's digesting those words. I lack words to say myself so all I offer is an apology. He shakes his head and lifts his hand at me, reassuring that the apology was not necessary.

"It really wasn't anything special. Didn't even come close to what we had."

I see the corner of his mouth rise and then quickly fall. If I blinked, I would have missed it. He knows that was the truth and that means something to him. I go on to explain where I ended up in my travels and how I ended up where I did. It's not a riveting tale, it's more depressing. Seeing towns and homes in ruins, it was like traveling to hundreds of graveyards. He listens attentively with his left brow raised as if he's waiting for a lie. When none come, he almost seems disappointed.

"Thank you for being honest with me." He gets up from the couch as if he's getting ready to walk away.

"I understand why you didn't want to talk about Casandra all those years." He stops. "I don't even want to talk about her."

"Then don't." He walks to the kitchen.

"But see the thing is," I get up from the couch and face him, "you still haven't told me everything." He freezes in his tracks, refusing to look at me.

"Talking about her is very difficult for me."

"That excuse isn't going to work anymore. Airing my dirty laundry didn't feel good, but it's out. Don't you think you owe me this much?" He remains silent. "Honestly, you should've told me when I first asked. I had to find out in the worst way; punching bag day." He glances at me over his shoulder like he knows what I'm talking about. I take a deep breath not sure if I'm ready to say this out loud. "It was one of those days when things weren't going right for her so she would just wail on me to make herself feel better. It wasn't fair to her that I was the one who had your heart." He doesn't speak. "I remember struggling to breathe as she kept knocking the wind out of me and hoping I'd just pass out," I struggle to get the words out, "so it would be over." My knees feel weak as I reach for the arm of the couch and sit down. I never thought I would ever talk about what happened in our sessions.

"Phoenix," his voice is quiet, "please." I'm stunned for second. We're back on a first name basis again.

"I think for awhile I did blame you. Maybe I did hold some resentment. It made leaving easier. In all the time away, I healed in more ways than one. I accepted that I started a new game for a psychopath. I accepted that anything which happens would be my fault. No one can prepare for something like this. The truth is, she was always insane. You just didn't see it until it was too late."
He finally turns around to face me. Still no lie detected and I'm not sure if this is reassuring or unnerving. I stand up regaining the strength in my legs. I reach for the hem of my shirt and pull it off. He quickly looks away from me. "Logan," his first name feeling slightly abnormal coming from my lips, "look at me."

He struggles with letting out a sigh. He turns his head farther away. I walk toward him and reach for his hand. He attempts to pull it out of my grip, but I hold on tightly. I place his hand on my shoulder where my biggest scar is located. I trace his finger tips along it. He doesn't move which isn't reassuring at all.

"I'm not damaged." This sentence proves to be a shock to him as he slightly turns his head. "This isn't going to work until you look at me, I mean really look at me."

I release his hand from captivity and it drops to his side. He begins to turn toward me, but keeps his head pointed down. He raises his head and looks me in the eye. I direct my eyes downward and then meet his gaze. He glances down at my scar covered chest and torso. He studies the different directions they go and how many there are. I see him struggle with all of this as his inhales and begins to look away. I catch his cheek in my hand before he does. He keeps his eyes locked on mine trying to figure out what to do.

I lean closer to him hoping I'm not over stepping my boundaries. When he doesn't budge, I know it's fine. I contemplate in my head if I want to. I can't forget everything that has happened. He didn't trust me enough to explain what happened at the diner, but I turned around and saved his life even though I claimed to be done with all of this. I'm not even sure if this whole talk changed anything. Does he trust me now? Does he trust me enough to give me this moment?

I inch closer until we are sharing one breath. I meet his eyes one last time before I take advantage of the state we're in. I slowly and gently touch my lips to his. My heart races wildly against my chest as my face flushes. He hesitates before he gives into me, leaning forward passionately. He grabs a hold of my waist and pulls me closer to him. I nearly fumble from the sudden force. He holds onto me tightly making sure I don't go anywhere.

It isn't long before he's leading me back to his bedroom. He slams the door behind us as he pushes me to the bed and climbs on top of me. He leaves a trail of kisses starting from my lips to my neck. I offer it up as he fumbles with his pants. Once I know they're off, I flip him over and rest my body on top of his. He takes a moment and stares up at me with a smile forming on his face.

It's true that I had slept with Neuman, but it was never like this. I feel something different with Fierce, something indescribable. Even though all this time has past and I've changed, he still somehow knows me better than anyone. And no matter how hard I'd try to fight it, I guess my heart always belonged to him.

He runs his fingers along the scars on my chest as he watches me stare at the ceiling. There's something unusually comforting about being naked and held by your partner as you let your heart rate come down and sweat dissipate. No talking, just being there in the moment. I allow a smile to form as I turn my gaze to him.

"What?" I giggle out.

"I just like looking at you." He lifts the blankets up and examines my physique while raising his eyebrows. I roll my eyes pulling the covers down and shove him as he laughs at himself. "You're truly beautiful, you know."

"You're not so bad yourself." I smirk at him.

"I missed you." He says in a serious tone. I roll over on my side and stare up at him.

"I missed you, too." My mouth answers faster than I think it.

He holds me against his chest, allowing our breathing to steady and eventually fall asleep.

Even with Fierce next to me, I'm still startled awake by the terrors of my past. He sits up with me and reassures that everything is fine and that I'm safe, but I feel uneasy. Something doesn't feel right. He tries to calm me down, but I climb out of bed and dress myself. He jokes that putting clothes on is unnecessary, but I ignore him and leave the room to get some water.

I walk down the hall and stumble over a sleeping Kyra. She rises to her feet excited to see someone to let her outside. I open the sliding glass door as she trots outside. I grab a glass from the cupboard and fill it with water from the faucet. I chug down the beverage still feeling the pit in my stomach. I take a few deep breaths hoping it'll calm me down, but it doesn't. I call to Kyra, but she doesn't come. I walk to the door and hear her growling. I call to her again assuming she's spotted some furry creature which she'd want to chase.

I walk to the door and slide it all the way open, hoping to get her attention. She snarls, snapping at whatever is in the yard. It's still dark and I can't make out anything, not even Kyra. I attempt one last time to get her attention which she finally scurries in, but quickly whips around to face me. I turn my back to the door and stare down at her, confused by her behavior.

I reach behind me to close the door, but am stopped when an arm wraps around my waist and a hand covers my mouth. Kyra begins to bark aggressively, but cannot attack without hurting me which I know she won't do. I flail in the arms of whomever has a hold of me. I force the hand off my mouth and scream into the house. If Kyra's barking wasn't enough of an alert, that should get him up.

He appears almost immediately as I'm dragged away from the house and into the darkness. I elbow the attacker into the side which loosens their grip on me. I wiggle my way out of their grasp as I hurry toward the house. Fierce grabs onto me staring out into the night attempting to get a visual, but it's too dark to see. He shoves me back into the house and slightly turns his head commanding me to call the police. He is suddenly knocked out from behind which scares me half to death. I race to the phone, but freeze in my tracks when I come face to face with our attacker.

"Found you, Cherry."