Defector

Gabe is dead.

Wrapping my mind around that very thought fills my body with too many emotions to process at one time. I should be happy, but I'm not. I'm not upset, either. Gabe loathed me for several reasons which were outrageously ridiculous. He betrayed not only me, but the entire rebellion by allowing the mole to roam freely around The Tunnel. I let him know what I really thought of him and he didn't like what I had to say so he got rid of me. I think he hated me because he was jealous of me which doesn't make sense seeing as how he had everything he ever wanted, but I digress.

Even with Gabe gone, the thought of returning to the rebellion or even my home town, in general, is baffling. I'm positive my parents think I'm dead. They don't have my current number and I don't bother calling them to have painful small talk followed by constant disappointed sighs. I'm more than happy being off the radar. I was fine with Quela being the only person knowing where I am. Now that Logan knows as well, I have to leave this place.

I climb the stairs of my apartment building to the third floor where I fumble with my keys. I wiggle the key into the doorknob and jiggle it open. I swiftly enter the apartment closing the door behind me. I lean against it closing my eyes and taking in a deep breath. I push myself off the door and head for my bedroom.

I tear off my blonde wig and rest it on my dresser. I rub my fingers against my scalp releasing my long red hair from captivity. I grab my duffel bag from my closet and begin grabbing clothes from my dresser and into the bag. I freeze in my tracks when I think of Ryan. I can't just leave without telling him or saying goodbye. After all, he was kind enough to find me a job and allow me to live here for as long as I have. I throw myself onto my bed and stare at the ceiling. The day's events start to catch up to me causing my eyelids to feel heavy.

I remember what it was like waking up after a sleepless night in that room. It's always the same room. Four gray walls surrounding me and keeping me from the rest of the world. No windows and no access to outside. It made my stomach turn making me almost lose what little food I received previously. I remember glancing around trying to decipher how long I was unconscious.

The blonde with red glasses would stare at me with a crooked smile. I'd scowl which at this point was involuntary. Anytime my eyes fell on her my lip would curl and nose would twitch. She'd stalk around me like a shark after its prey. I knew she wasn't done with me; she never was. She would taunt me, saying things about my family or Logan. She knew it would get a rise out of me. It never failed. After awhile of dealing with that tactic, it lost its effect on me most of the time.

I remember her spitting lies in my face while striking my diaphragm with her fist mocking me as I struggled to keep air in my lungs.

"He never loved you." She cackled. "He only liked what was between your thighs." She broke me. I launched my saliva into her face where she retaliated by harshly jamming her balled up hand into my cheek reminding me this was her show and I was just a guest.

"He didn't love you, either." I managed to inhale enough air to retort back at her. She whipped around to face me with that fucking wicked smile plastered on her lips. "You're a crazy cunt if you honestly think he ever would love you the way he loves me. Find a new obsession." She folded her arms appearing irritated. I sat back aware I was in for a dramatic consequence.

"Obsession? What about yours?" She responded back. "Burning buildings and destroying lives. How exactly do you live with yourself? Not only that, how does Logan live knowing you're a murderer? So what's so different between us?"

"I'm nothing like you." I spat.

"Logan seemed to think otherwise." I bit the inside of my cheek. "Did he never tell you? He was seeing me before you." I could feel the food in my stomach working its way up toward my mouth to be expelled. "Did you really think you were the only girl in his life?"

Out of everything she did to me physically, that one hit me the hardest.

I wake up in cold sweat still in my work uniform. I glance over at my alarm clock observing that Ryan should be home in twenty minutes which is just enough time to wash this day off of me. I stare at my half packed duffel bag and sigh. I snatch clothes to change into from inside and head for the bathroom to shower.

I turn on the water letting it run hot before flipping on the shower head. I remove my uniform catching a glimpse of my scarred body in the mirror. My scars appear worse than Logan's and I have more than him if I'm remembering correctly. Most of his are covered by tattoos which I don't have that luxury.

The scars are something I've been embarrassed by since I received them and I try my best to keep them hidden which doesn't always go according to plan. I never wanted Logan to see them, but he did right before I left. I remember watching his reaction and feeling my heart sink into my stomach as he could barely look at me. I knew they were difficult to see at that moment in time, but I knew he'd never look at me the same again. I was damaged and wounded so there was no way he'd want to put in the effort to "fix" me. Regardless, I left so even if he did, it wouldn't have mattered.

I wrap a towel around my soaked, dripping flesh before stepping out of the shower. I hear the front door open meaning Ry must be home. I fasten on my bra and drape my t-shirt over my torso before pulling on my pants. I encase my hair in the towel to mop up any excess water which may still be lingering.

"Hazel, I'm home." Ry shouts from the living room. I knit my brows together. He always calls me Red in the house, never Hazel. Only time he calls me that is when other people are around meaning there is someone else in the apartment than just the two of us.

"Okay," I call, "I'll be right out."

I reach over pulling open the drawer under the sink where I keep one of several guns located in this apartment. I open the bathroom door listening for anything out of the ordinary. The place is quiet which is abnormal for Ry who immediately turns on the television when he gets home. I lurk down the hall where I see Ry sitting in the tattered leather chair facing the other side of the room. He slightly turns his head when he see signs of movement from the hall. He acknowledges the gun in my hand and approves with his eyes that I made the correct decision. He moves his head back to where it was previously confirming there is definitely someone here.

"What do you want to do for dinner tonight, Hazel?" He yells trying to mislead whoever is across the room from him. "I was thinking ordering in from Rafio's. You really like their vegetarian pizza last time we ordered. Is that okay?"

I pop out from the hall and aim my gun at the intruder or should I say intruders.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." I growl.

"You wouldn't talk before so how about now?" Logan snarls with his gun locked on Ry.

"You approved this?" I ask glaring at a nervous Quela who is shielded behind Logan.

"It was her idea." He quips as she quietly confirms his statement.

"You're bringing my roommate into this bullshit? He doesn't deserve this." I step closer to him.

"You're right," Logan moves his aim toward me instead, "but you do."

"Logan." Quela's mouth opens astounded by his action.

"You really going to shoot me, Fierce?" He scowls while switching off the safety. Quela puts her hand on his shoulder. "What are you waiting for?" I provoke him. "Do it." I start walking toward him. "I'd love to meet up with Gabe in hell and kick his ass."

His eyes lock on mine unsure of what to do. I get closer refusing to lower my gun while keeping my eyes stuck on his. He's breaking down mentally and I see it in his eyes; he won't shoot. I freeze allowing the nose of his gun to rest upon my forehead as I lower mine. I finally break eye contact as I slowly close my eyes allowing him to shoot if he pleases.

I feel the gun move from my head. I open my eyes stunned to see him about to strike me across the face, but stops himself when he watches me flinch away. He puts the safety back on and hands the gun to Quela.

"Let's go." He orders. "She's not going to help us. Not anymore." He sticks his nose up at me as he brushes passed me. I scowl shaking my head at him. Quela remains still, completely shocked.

"No." I whip around folding my arms across my chest. "You drove all the way here, bothered me at work, followed me on the street, broke into my apartment, and threatened my roommate. No. We're going to talk. Right here. Right now." Logan doesn't move nor does he say a word. "Why did you come here?" I ask hoping he answers me, but instead he walks toward the door and leaves slamming it behind him.

Quela sighs dragging her feet to follow him. She utters a soft apology before exiting the apartment shortly after. I run my fingers through my damp hair feeling defeated. They came here for a reason which is still unknown to me. I look at Ry and he returns a concerned expression.

"What are you waiting for?" He says catching me off guard. "Go after them." I scrunch my face in confusion. "I'll still be here when you get back. No matter how long you're gone." He smiles sweetly hoping to give me some sort of encouragement. I sit down on the couch next to him.

"If I leave, there is a high chance I won't be back." I shake my head. "Things must be bad if Quela broke her word and had Logan drive them out here to see me."

"My question still stands." He leans forward. "What are you waiting for?"

"A reason not to go." I answer resting my head in my hands.