Light My Heart on Fire

I continued to sit in my car in front of my mother’s house, attempting to gain the courage to go in. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother. The only problem is she tends to be a little...let’s just say that I have some issues from my childhood. Then again, what child doesn’t have issues from their childhood?

This morning Diana had eagerly tried to figure out how long I was going to be gone. Since I wanted to catch her in whatever she was doing, I had avoided the questions. Avoiding questions was no big deal, dealing with my mother was a different story. You would understand what I mean shortly.

Taking a deep breath I made myself get out of the car. As I walked to the door I pressed the button, locking my car behind me. I knew it would alert my mother to my arrival. Just as I figured, the door flew open as soon as I reached it.

Honestly, I was a younger replica of my mother and I hated it. Not that she looked ugly. I just hated the fact that you could tell.

“Hello darling! Oh, what are you wearing?” She exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around me.

Rather than responding I returned her hug. It was easy to ignore that question after years and years of being asked that. The only time my mother would be satisfied with what I was wearing was if I dressed like her. Never happening!

“Hey mom! It’s great to see you.” The lie was an easy one, a familiar one.

She pulled back and put a hand on each side of my face, “Oh Hannah, you really shouldn’t wear so much make-up.”

She stepped aside so I was able to enter the house. It was the same house I grew up in with my brother. Hopefully he wasn’t going to show up either.

“Where is Dad at?” I asked, hoping to distract her before she started in on something else.

Her mother shrugged, “You know how that goes. He does his thing, I do mine.”

That was the understatement of the century. I remembered being fifteen years old and there was the topic of my father and his third affair. Rather than actually argue it out or even get a divorce my mother just acted as though it had never come up.

“So how is your love life going? Probably still nonexistent. When will you lose this attitude you’ve had and finally settle down?” Mom started as soon as we got into the living room and here we go!

I clinched my teeth for a few moments. “I find my lack of love life quite enjoyable.”

---

I would like to say the reason I’m walking a few blocks to my house was so Diana wouldn’t hear me coming home, but that wasn’t the case. Not only did I have to deal with my mother nitpicking at everything but on top of that my car breaks down on the way home.

As usual, I visit my mother and shit starts to go wrong. Hopefully whatever was going on with Dianna at home wasn’t going to push me any further.

I unlocked the door and stepped into the house. It was dead silent. Well, that was strange. I walked through to look into the garage. Nope, Diana was not home. Okay, so if she decided to go out what did it matter if I was home? I will never understand my roommate, possibly not even humans!

Now tonight called for a drink! Then again, any time I spent with my mom I usually spent that night getting completely wasted. It was a difficult thing to control. My mother always brought out the worst in me, I felt.

Right after I was done with my mixed drink I headed towards the living room. Nope, I did not want to hide out in my room. The house appeared to be all mine. I was going to binge watch my favorite movies.

Thankfully I organized my movies, making sure my favorites were on the top shelf. Therefore, I was able to just grab one off the shelf at random to put in. It happened to be When Mar’s Attacks. It had been a while, but it was a good one.

I settled down on the couch, downing my drink in the process. I would get up and refill it later. For now it was time to unwind. If my mother was here she would lecture me on my choice in movies. That thought caused a chuckle and urged me to get up and get another drink.

I might need to go see a counselor about my drinking habit. That was a thought to return to on another day. Oh imagine the joy I could get if I went and was told my mother was the cause of my problems. It was difficult to pass up the chance to make my mother feel slightly uncomfortable.

I grabbed my drink and decided to sip on this one during the movie. The walk back to the couch was quick. While I waited for the DVD to get to the menu I let my thoughts overrun me.

I was actually feeling rather lonely at this point. Here I am in my thirties, never had a long term relationship. I’ve had a rough day and I end it curled up on the couch drinking alcohol. Really, even though I didn’t want to admit it I wanted to be able to curl up next to someone.

Hell, I wanted to be able to bitch to someone about my mother! These thoughts weren’t exactly new, but normally once they started I could easily dismiss them. However, this time I was unable to toss the thought. I blamed Diana and Brian for this! I was perfectly fine until Diana brought Brian into my home!

Then after he moved in we started hanging out on a regular basis. Of course I blamed them! Things were beginning to change. I liked Brian’s company a little more than I should. Maybe I should make a move? Sure he’s going through a divorce, but that makes him single, right?

What harm could it really do? If things got too awkward I could tell him that him living here just wasn’t working out. Yeah that’s what I was going to do! I was going to make a move on my new roommate! I let my thoughts drift off as I continued to watch the movie, finally calming down.

Bang! I jerked up, seeing the credits playing on the TV. I must have fallen asleep. What the hell was that sound? Letting out a slight groan I pushed myself up to go investigate. It sounded as though it had come from the kitchen.

Right as I began to walk towards the kitchen two people came stumbling into the living room. At least I believe it was two people. They seemed to be entangled in each other. Realization hit, Diana must have wanted me out of the house so she could bring a date back!

“Are you sure Hannah isn’t home?” A gruff male voice spoke. It sounded like Brian.
One of them pulled back, “Her car wasn’t in the garage.” The voice belonged to Diana.