Piece by Piece

Rachel carried a sleeping Cole up the stairs to his bedroom, gently placing him down onto his bed. He stirred slightly, but quickly cuddled up to his pillow, remaining asleep. Rachel smiled down at him and picked up the waffle-knit blanket that was crumpled up at the foot of his bed. She draped it over Cole as he slept, slowly backing out of the room and closing the door behind her.

She took a deep breath and leaned her back against the wall outside Cole’s room. She was exhausted. She had left the hospital after her twelve hour shift and drove to Kris' house to pick him up. Cole had come out on his own when she arrived, and Rachel was relieved she didn't have to go inside and see Sidney. It had been too long of a day. She was glad that Cole had fallen asleep on the way home.

Rachel walked down the stairs to the kitchen, flipping on the light and walking over to the cabinets. She reached into the one at the top, struggling to reach her tea, even on the tips of her toes. She went flat on her feet again, staring up at the box of tea. She crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. Normally, this was when she would yell for Sidney, who would chuckle at her inability to perform such a simple task. She shook her head at the thought and audibly groaned, walking to the hall closet and grabbing the broom. She aimed the broomstick at the tea and knocked the box out of the cabinet, feeling a sense of relief when it hit the hardwood floor. She returned the broom to the closet and filled the kettle with water, setting it on the stove.

Rachel glanced at the clock on the stove, seeing it was barely 10 PM, wondering if her friend would mind a phone call. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and scrolled through the contacts until she saw the desired number. It only rang once before Catherine answered.

“Hey Rae.”

Rachel couldn’t help but smile at the affectionate nickname that only Catherine was allowed to use. She was the second best thing that Sidney had ever given Rachel. Without him, Catherine would never had been a part of Rachel’s life, and she had to at least be a little thankful.

“Hey, Cath, how’s it going?”

Rachel could hear chatter in the background and she swallowed the lump in her throat, wondering if Sid was there right now.

“Oh, you know, just the boys being boys. The usual.”

Catherine paused for a moment, waiting for Rachel’s response.

“Oh,” Rachel said with a half-hearted chuckle. “Who’s there?”

Catherine sighed lightly under her breath, not wanting to upset her friend.

“Well, Kris, obviously. Geno. Flower. Sid…”

She let the last name drown out, partially hoping that Rachel wouldn’t comment. But she knew that she would.

“Cath, it’s okay. You don’t have to pretend he isn’t there...I know he’s been staying with you guys.”

“Rae, if it makes you uncomfortable, I can try to talk to Kris-”

“No. No, I’m not going to cause trouble for you guys. What happened is between me and Sidney, that’s it.”

The line remained silent, and Rachel could almost see Catherine’s face in her mind, a look of sadness on it. Finally, Catherine chimed in again.

“Is this really what you want, Rachel?”

“What, for my soon to be ex-husband living with my best friend and her family? I mean it isn’t ideal but--”

“That’s not what I meant. I mean, are you really sure that you and Sidney are done?”

“I, well, I, yes. Yeah. I couldn’t live like that anymore. It was just too much.”

Guilt flooded through Rachel. She was telling her best friend that her life had been too much to deal with -- a life that was pretty similar to the one her best friend also had. Yet she and Kris made it work.

Catherine sighed again, this time louder, because she wanted Rachel to hear her.

“Look, Rachel, I just don’t want you to regret this. Sidney still loves you. You know that, right?”

Rachel stayed silent. This wasn’t really the call she had been anticipating. Catherine continued on, thinking this might be the only opportunity to get the words out.

“Look, maybe I’m being out of line. But I think that being best friends gives me that right, so I’m going to just keep on going. Sid was, hell, is, the love of your life. You said that yourself. Are you honestly trying to convince yourself that you don’t love him anymore?”

Still, Rachel stayed silent.

“I’m going to go, Rach, because I think you have some stuff to think about. I’m here for you, really, but just because things get tough doesn’t mean you should throw away the person who at one point made your world the best it’s ever been.”

Rachel could feel the tears running down her cheeks and bit her lip, because she knew that Catherine was right. Maybe she had made a rash decision. But she was hurt, and feeling hurt wasn’t something she wanted anymore. How were you supposed to know when the hurt was too much?

“Goodnight, Cath.”

“Night, Rae.”

Rachel put the phone down on the counter and closed her eyes, letting the extent of the conversation sink in. The kettle began to howl and Rachel wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, grabbing a mug from the closet. She poured the hot water over the tea bag and waited for it to steep, throwing the bag into the trash. She brought the cup to her lips, taking a sip of the hot liquid. The warmth filled her body and she rested her head on the cabinet behind her, as she glanced down at the mug in her hands. A Penguins mug. She couldn’t help but laugh at herself, because no matter what, her world always seemed to drift back to Sidney Crosby.