Home for Christmas

A few more days went by before she could bring herself to even talk to Jared. Both he and Shannon had called her a few times, but she hadn't answered. They'd both left messages that she didn't listen to. Finally, she read Jared's texts.

"Jay: Zane? We need to talk.

Jay: Are you okay? Talk to me please, Z.

Jay: Shannon told me what happened. Please talk to me.

Jay: You're both hurting and ignoring this isn't going to help either of you.

Jay: Zane, come on. Please.

Jay: I hope you're okay, Z."

She read the messages one at a time, taking in each word he'd said to her. She really didn't know if she was okay. She wasn't totally sure why she'd acted the way she had after she and Shannon had slept together, especially because it had been her idea in the first place. She didn't know what it was, but something inside her was still just screaming at her not to trust him. She knew it was completely irrational; he hadn't done a single thing to make her think that way since she'd been back in town. In fact, all he'd really done was things that should've made her feel the exact opposite of that.

Reading and re-reading the texts, she tried to decide what to do. The first thing she did was listen to Shannon's voicemails. He'd left three.

"Hi, Zane. It's Shannon. I'm sorry about what happened, even though I'm not sure what I did wrong. Please call me."

"Zane. We have to talk about this. I refuse to let you shut me out. Call me."

"Why is it so fucking hard for you to just accept that I care? Huh? You shut me out when we were kids and I don't even know why I would've expected you not to as an adult. I can't believe you're still so fucking immature. Call me or don't. I don't even fucking care anymore, Zane."

She listened to the last one, his words hitting her like knives. He sounded like he was drunk. His words were slightly slurred and his anger surprised her. The part that stuck out the most was the part where he'd told her she'd shut him out when they were kids. She had no idea what that meant.

She punched his name in her phone and listened to it ring. She was sure it was going to go to voicemail when he finally answered.

"Yeah?"

"Hi, Shannon."

"Hi? That's all?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you're so fucking ridiculous, Zane."

"Uh, thanks," she said, slamming her finger onto the glowing 'end' button. She didn't know exactly what she'd expected upon calling him, but it definitely hadn't been that.

Her phone rang a minute later, his name lighting up her screen.

"What do you want, Shannon?"

"Meet me at the studio house please."

"I'm not going to come argue with you in front of Jared and Tomo."

"I'm not interested in arguing. I'm here alone."

"I'll be a bit."

"Fine."

"Fine."

She put the phone down on the shabby coffee table and sighed. She had no idea why she even cared so much. She'd never cared about anyone the way she already cared about Shannon. In the span of just about two weeks, he'd gone from meaning absolutely nothing to her to meaning so much in so many ways that she didn't understand at all. She thought back to the sporadic boyfriends and hookups she'd had over the years. She'd never felt anything for them at all compared to the things that were coursing through her mind and heart for Shannon. Something about him was just so genuine. It was a quality she wasn't sure she'd ever really seen in anyone other than Jared before. She shouldn't have been surprised, she supposed. The more she got to know Shannon as an adult, the more she saw how similar to his brother he'd become over the years. In a lot of ways they were completely opposite, but in a lot of other ways they were exactly the same.

She picked up her car keys, threw on a jacket, and headed out the door. The first thing she did was go trade in her rental car for a motorcycle. Over the years, she'd gotten much more accustomed to riding one rather than driving a car. Originally she'd made the decision to switch from a car because it was cheaper to keep up with, but admittedly it was probably mostly because it made her feel more badass.

She rode through the city, her hair flying wildly behind her underneath her helmet. She breathed the fresh air deeply into her lungs, doing her best to clear her head as she got closer and closer to the studio house. When she finally pulled into the driveway, she could see that the only other vehicle in front of the house was Shannon's own motorcycle. She parked next to it and headed for the front door. Before she made it there, she heard a voice singing quietly and the strumming of a guitar. She walked around the back of the house and found Shannon sitting on a back patio, his attention directed completely to the guitar in his lap as he quietly sang. A cigarette burned untouched in an ashtray on a small table beside him, its smoke floating over his head like some sort of halo.

He looked up at her and nodded slightly, continuing to play for a minute before directing his attention to her.

"I love you," he told her, his voice sounding more sure than she'd ever heard anyone sound. He picked up the cigarette and took a long drag off of it, breathing it in deeply and cementing his eyes to hers. She stared at him, not even noticing that her mouth was hanging open.