A Book I'm Going to Write
The F Word
Fuck you.
Not "haha fuck you man" as I jokingly stick up my middle finger at you while simultaneously sticking out my tongue and throwing my head flirtatiously to the side.
Not fuck you like I want you to kiss me, stop teasing me, I love to pretend to hate you.
Not fuck you like wow that was a dick move, I cannot believe you actually just said that in front of everyone.
No, god no. Fuck you.
Fuck you as in I fucking hate you with every ounce of my being, every particle and atom that comes together to miraculously compose the matter that makes up who I am as a human being.
Fuck you as in the very sound of your name, the very sight of your fucking fuck-headed face instantly triggers my acid reflux, sending my stomach churning as though I ate bad sushi.
I want to throw up all the memories that I have with you. I want them to come spewing out of my mouth in the same grotesque way that I somehow manage to swallow them down each and every morning. I want their demise to be as vile as you are.
Fuck you like I truly believe that you are satan's spawn, that you were put on this earth for the sole purpose of hurting others.
Fuck you like I wish I had a fucking video montage of all the times that you cried to me, of all the times you said you couldn't live without me, of all the orgasms I faked to keep you happy, just so I could fucking air your blubbering stupid ass face on national television.
Fuck you as in I want nothing to do with you ever again, I'm done with being your toy, your entertainment. I don't want to breathe the same air as you, I don't want to see you ever again.
Yeah, fucking fuck you.
Fuck you for breaking my heart- not just once but a thousand times.
Fuck you for giving me no explanation.
Fuck you for doing it at my senior prom, for ruining that night for me forever, for wasting my money and my time.
Fuck you for refusing to meet up with me in the weeks following, for being a coward and a fucking pussy that couldn't seem to man up and have a face to face conversation with a girl that loved you and deserved at least that much.
Fuck you for coming back, for playing with my emotions when you knew I still loved you.
Fuck you for acting like you still cared about me.
Fuck you for all the times you avoided eye contact with me at parties, for deliberately making things awkward, for acting as if I was at fault.
Fuck you for all the snap chats and texts you opened but never responded to.
FUCK YOU for never apologizing to me, for never owning up to being a piece of shit to someone who didn't deserve it.
Fuck you for cutting me off.
Fuck you for never getting me off.
Fuck you for never liking my instagram pictures, you're a fucking instagram asshole.
Fuck you for living at the beach this summer.
Fuck you for taking a part of me that I can never get back, for setting the old me on fire and leaving her to burn on her own.
Fuck you for giving me trust issues, for not even allowing me to move on to someone else because you fucked up that badly.
Fuck you for being the happy one, the one that gets to walk away unscathed when you should've been the one left bleeding on the floor.
Fuck you for telling me you would never leave. You didn't just leave, you ruined me.
Fuck you for convincing me that I need you, that I somehow can't function on my own without your presence in my life.
Fuck you, I don't fucking need you.
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
Fuck you as in you're fucking disgusting, fuck you as in I wish I could take back every second I spent with you, fuck you as in I can't believe I ever loved you, fuck you as in I hope you rot in hell, fuck you as in I'm fucking done fucking with you, you fucking piece of fucking trash.
Not "haha fuck you man" as I jokingly stick up my middle finger at you while simultaneously sticking out my tongue and throwing my head flirtatiously to the side.
Not fuck you like I want you to kiss me, stop teasing me, I love to pretend to hate you.
Not fuck you like wow that was a dick move, I cannot believe you actually just said that in front of everyone.
No, god no. Fuck you.
Fuck you as in I fucking hate you with every ounce of my being, every particle and atom that comes together to miraculously compose the matter that makes up who I am as a human being.
Fuck you as in the very sound of your name, the very sight of your fucking fuck-headed face instantly triggers my acid reflux, sending my stomach churning as though I ate bad sushi.
I want to throw up all the memories that I have with you. I want them to come spewing out of my mouth in the same grotesque way that I somehow manage to swallow them down each and every morning. I want their demise to be as vile as you are.
Fuck you like I truly believe that you are satan's spawn, that you were put on this earth for the sole purpose of hurting others.
Fuck you like I wish I had a fucking video montage of all the times that you cried to me, of all the times you said you couldn't live without me, of all the orgasms I faked to keep you happy, just so I could fucking air your blubbering stupid ass face on national television.
Fuck you as in I want nothing to do with you ever again, I'm done with being your toy, your entertainment. I don't want to breathe the same air as you, I don't want to see you ever again.
Yeah, fucking fuck you.
Fuck you for breaking my heart- not just once but a thousand times.
Fuck you for giving me no explanation.
Fuck you for doing it at my senior prom, for ruining that night for me forever, for wasting my money and my time.
Fuck you for refusing to meet up with me in the weeks following, for being a coward and a fucking pussy that couldn't seem to man up and have a face to face conversation with a girl that loved you and deserved at least that much.
Fuck you for coming back, for playing with my emotions when you knew I still loved you.
Fuck you for acting like you still cared about me.
Fuck you for all the times you avoided eye contact with me at parties, for deliberately making things awkward, for acting as if I was at fault.
Fuck you for all the snap chats and texts you opened but never responded to.
FUCK YOU for never apologizing to me, for never owning up to being a piece of shit to someone who didn't deserve it.
Fuck you for cutting me off.
Fuck you for never getting me off.
Fuck you for never liking my instagram pictures, you're a fucking instagram asshole.
Fuck you for living at the beach this summer.
Fuck you for taking a part of me that I can never get back, for setting the old me on fire and leaving her to burn on her own.
Fuck you for giving me trust issues, for not even allowing me to move on to someone else because you fucked up that badly.
Fuck you for being the happy one, the one that gets to walk away unscathed when you should've been the one left bleeding on the floor.
Fuck you for telling me you would never leave. You didn't just leave, you ruined me.
Fuck you for convincing me that I need you, that I somehow can't function on my own without your presence in my life.
Fuck you, I don't fucking need you.
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
Fuck you as in you're fucking disgusting, fuck you as in I wish I could take back every second I spent with you, fuck you as in I can't believe I ever loved you, fuck you as in I hope you rot in hell, fuck you as in I'm fucking done fucking with you, you fucking piece of fucking trash.