A Book I'm Going to Write
The First
Dear ___,
Tomorrow is February 1st.
The first day of a new month.
Remember the first time we kissed? I missed your lips completely.
Remember the first time you told me you loved me? I said it back even though I didn't mean it.
Remember the first time I fucked up, broke your heart? It would be one of many.
Remember all the firsts? So do I.
Tomorrow is February 1st.
The first day of the rest of my year, wiped clear of you.
The first day I say "fuck you" every time your face pops into my head.
The day my head replaces all those first memories with what followed...
The first time I cried myself to sleep because you ignored my pleas to explain why you ended it, deep heaving sobs leaving me breathless and exhausted.
The first time I was forced into therapy, a paid individual the only person I could willingly pour my heart out to.
The first time I truly considered crashing my car into a tree, just to get a rise or reaction out of you.
The first time I lost myself... the only time it took, because I haven't gotten her back still to this day.
So starting tomorrow fuck off.
Don't even try.
Stay away.
Steer clear.
Lets pretend this never happened, we never loved, we never fucked each other up, we were nothing.
Tomorrow is the first of the month, and the first day of the rest of my life, without you.
Tomorrow is February 1st.
The first day of a new month.
Remember the first time we kissed? I missed your lips completely.
Remember the first time you told me you loved me? I said it back even though I didn't mean it.
Remember the first time I fucked up, broke your heart? It would be one of many.
Remember all the firsts? So do I.
Tomorrow is February 1st.
The first day of the rest of my year, wiped clear of you.
The first day I say "fuck you" every time your face pops into my head.
The day my head replaces all those first memories with what followed...
The first time I cried myself to sleep because you ignored my pleas to explain why you ended it, deep heaving sobs leaving me breathless and exhausted.
The first time I was forced into therapy, a paid individual the only person I could willingly pour my heart out to.
The first time I truly considered crashing my car into a tree, just to get a rise or reaction out of you.
The first time I lost myself... the only time it took, because I haven't gotten her back still to this day.
So starting tomorrow fuck off.
Don't even try.
Stay away.
Steer clear.
Lets pretend this never happened, we never loved, we never fucked each other up, we were nothing.
Tomorrow is the first of the month, and the first day of the rest of my life, without you.