Burn It Down

That night as I lay in my bed trying to get to sleep, the door of my room opened quietly. A dark figure stepped in and I couldn't quite make it out in the darkness. I knew I should have been afraid, but for some reason I wasn't. I guess I just thought it was a nurse or something. The figure walked toward my bed and flipped on the lamp on the bedside table. I was completely surprised by who I saw standing there - Zack.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, jolting up automatically. He smirked just slightly and sat down on the edge of my bed.

"I'm here to murder you," he said matter-of-factly, and for just half a second I believed it. His face was completely expressionless as he stared at me, but a moment later his features softened. "I came to say hi," he said, smirking slightly again.

"Hi," I whispered, still mesmerized by his eyes.

"I'm lonely," he said suddenly, and when I looked in his eyes again, I could tell he was telling the truth.

"Me too," I told him honestly, motioning for him to get more comfortable on the bed. He swung his legs up and sat against my pillows, leaning on the wall.

"Why are you really here?" he asked, looking at me expectantly as I thought about it.

"I guess I did try to kill myself. I took some pills. A lot of pills," I told him, and he nodded slowly.

"You guess?"

"Yeah. I don't know. I don't think I went into it planning on dying or anything. Mostly I just wanted to see if anyone would notice."

"Did they?"

"Reluctantly. My boyfriend of three years found me on the bathroom floor, and then promptly broke up with me when my parents and I decided I should come here. He, and I quote, 'couldn't be with someone like me'. Which, roughly translated, means someone 'crazy'."

"Are you 'crazy'?"

"Everyone is, a little."

"Fair enough."

"You're here because your friend died?" I asked him, and his entire demeanor instantly seemed to deflate.

"My best friend, yeah. Jimmy," he said quietly, his eyes no longer connecting with mine when he spoke.

"How?" I asked, wondering if he'd tell me. He was silent for a long time before he did finally speak.

"It's... hazy. They told us originally that it was 'natural causes'. He had a heart condition. Then they said it was because of some pill combination. They had the fucking nerve to say he might've killed himself," he said, and I could hear the quiet fury in his words.

"You don't think he did?"

"I know he didn't. He wouldn't have left us like that. No way. Sure, he had some issues, but we all do, you know? No way."

"Us?"

"I'm... in a band. We've been best friends since high school. We're basically brothers."

"I'm sure it was an accident," I whispered, and when he looked up at me again, his eyes were filled with tears.

"I fuckin' miss him," he whispered, and I nodded solemnly, not too sure what else to do. I'd never lost anyone like that. I had no clue what to say to him.

"You said earlier that you weren't... handling it well?" I asked, just trying to get him to talk again.

"Yeah. I... I've been drinking a lot. More than I ever have before. When I drink I get so paranoid and anxious that I can't even answer the phone or read a text without thinking it's going to be horrible news. I wake up in the middle of the night screaming for him and then I drink and it just makes everything worse. I'm not an alcoholic by any means, I just... need to learn some coping mechanisms, I guess," he said, a few stray tears falling down his cheeks.

"Don't you... have a girlfriend or something to help you?" I asked, genuinely curious. I figured a guy who looked like he did and was in a band on top of that had to have someone. But he shook his head slowly.

"I also got broken up with shortly after deciding to come here. She didn't really give me a reason, just that we 'needed some time apart'. Been together for years and suddenly we need time apart when I need someone the most," he said, his voice angry again. He put his head in his hands and I reached out and touched his shoulder. He leaned into the touch and I held it there for a while.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, completely meaning it.

"Me too. For the record, I notice you," he told me a moment later, standing and making his way to the door. His tone made my heart absolutely melt. It was a good thing I was already sitting or I may have fallen down.

"Thanks," I said quietly, and he flashed me another small smile before leaving the room. I got up and went to the door, listening to his retreating steps and leaning against the door. If I was a cartoon, I'm sure I would have had hearts in my eyes.