Under Water

Natalie comes back. She’s there early, when the morning light is still soft and pink and the air is fresh and cold. The water is freezing, but she slides off her shoes and socks and wades in up to her calves.

“Hello?” she calls out softly. “Uh — merman?” Finn grins at the nickname. “I’m back. Again. I wasn’t sure if you weren’t coming out because Nora was with me, or if you’re just not real, period. So I decided to test it.” She gives a nervous laugh.

Finn drifts closer. No one has ever been this fascinated with him before. No one has ever tried so hard to look for him. He remembers being careless years ago and accidentally letting two children see him. They looked for him the entire day, but as soon as their mother called for them, they ran out of the water and left and didn’t come back. No one has certainly ever come back twice just to see if he was real.

“This is weird,” Natalie is saying now. “I’m standing out here in this freezing cold water, talking to myself. Mermaids aren’t real. Mermen aren’t real. I was imagining stuff. I was drunk. Even though I don’t drink. That’s gotta be it.”

Finn creeps up on her, barely making a sound as he moves into the open water. He knows this is a bad idea, knows he should not reveal himself, just let her think she’s crazy and move on with her life, but something in her voice is just so sad. She came back to look for him, twice.

“Just . . . please give me a sign or something? I just want to know that I’m not going insane.”

He flips his tail gently, so it doesn’t make a huge splash. She jumps a mile and spins around, trying to find him as he submerges and quickly swims to the other side. “Oh my God,” she says, looking around. “Was that you?”

He makes another splash and swims around again, enjoying it as she nearly falls over from turning so much. “Are you trying to talk to me?” she asks. “Can you speak English?”

Finn snorts. “Yes, I can.”

Natalie gasps. It takes a second for her eyes to land on him, but when they do, they practically double in size. She pushes her glasses up her nose, blinking as her mouth falls open. “Oh my God,” she repeats.

“Hello,” Finn says, swimming around her in slow, lazy circles, laughing as she turns awkwardly to keep following him.

“Hello. You’re real. Are you real?”

“Yup,” he confirms. “Very real. Are you real?”

“I don’t know,” she says, continuing to stare. “This is . . . this is crazy.”

“You’ve never seen a merman before, have you?” Finn asks.

She shakes her head. “No. I didn’t even believe in them until recently. That was you that I saw, right?”

He nods. He wants to swim closer, but refrains. He doesn’t want to scare her any more than he already has. It’s been so long since anyone has come to visit.

“I liked your Swedish Fish,” he says, remembering the sweet gummy fish she’d thrown. No one ever leaves food in the water for him. “Much better than real fish.”

“You — you eat fish?” Natalie asks.

“Sometimes,” Finn says with a shrug. “I eat other stuff too. But I liked those.” He does a slow roll as he swims around her, enjoying the way her eyes follow his every move.

“I — I can bring more, if you like,” she says. “Is that why you let me see you?”

Finn furrows his eyebrows and stops swimming. She almost falls over in her haste to stop too. “You think that’s why I let you see me? Because of your Swedish Fish?”

“I don’t know,” Natalie says helplessly. “I’ve never done this before.” She pauses. “Why did you let me see you?”

Finn shrugs again. “You came back to look for me. No one’s ever done that before.” That’s only part of it. He doesn’t tell her that he liked the way she smiled at the pictures she took, liked the way the sun glinted off her glasses, liked the way she held the pond water in her hands so delicately and was careful not to scare the minnows away. Speaking of minnows — “I can catch fish and rocks and shells for you, if you want,” he offers.

Natalie smiles, looking a little less scared now. “Okay.”

He dives under the water a little too eagerly and swims to the very bottom of the lake. He carefully selects a couple rocks and shells he thinks she’d like before resurfacing and drifting closer to where she’s standing.

“Here, come closer,” he says, trying to stay vertical. “I can’t stay upright without my hands.”

Natalie’s smile vanishes and she moves back instead. “Wait. Are you — will you drag me under if I come closer? Is that what this is? Are you like a siren?”

Finn feels his own smile fade. “I’m not gonna pull you under. I wouldn’t. I promise.”

She doesn’t move. “Why should I trust you?”

“I don’t know. But I’m telling you the truth.” He holds out the rocks and shells in his hands even farther. “I just wanted to show you these.”

For a long time, she just stares at him. Finally she says, “Okay. But I’m only coming in for a second. And if you try anything I — I’ll —” They both know there’s nothing she could really do, but she cautiously comes a little closer. She takes the shells and rocks from him and steps back a little, examining them. He watches her hopefully.

“I like this one,” she says after a moment, holding up a smooth lilac-colored rock. “You found this at the bottom of the lake?”

He nods, pushing his wet hair out of his face so he can see her better. She looks him for a second before she asks, “How old are you?”

“Don’t know,” Finn says lightly. He knows he was 11 when he was taken here, but too many seasons have passed for him to remember exactly how many years it’s been. “How old are you?”

“20.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah. I, uh, have to go to work soon.”

“Work,” Finn repeats, like he’s just learned a new word. “Where’s that?”

“Uh, I’m a waitress. But, um, I’m applying for a job in the city. It’s like finance, like global finance and investments and —” She sees that Finn has no idea what she’s talking about and smiles. “It’s boring stuff, I guess.”

“That’s okay. Do you like being a waitress?”

“Not really,” Natalie says idly. She’s still standing in the same spot as before, even though she’d swore that she’d only be that deep for a moment. “I don’t like being on my feet all day, and people are rude to me sometimes.”

Finn decides he hates anyone who could ever be rude to her. “Will you come back after you work?” he asks, trying not to sound too earnest.

“If you like,” Natalie says, looking surprised. “I’ll bring you more Swedish Fish.”

“Okay,” Finn agrees with a smile.

“Okay,” Natalie repeats. She turns and slowly walks back to shore, sitting in the sand as she pulls on her socks and sneakers over her wet feet. “Well, I’ll see you soon, I guess,” she says awkwardly as she turns to leave.

“See ya.”

“Oh, wait,” Natalie says, turning back. “I forgot to ask. What’s your name? Do you have one?”

“Yeah, I have a name,” Finn says, amused. “It’s Finn.”

She laughs, one hand flying up to cover her mouth. “Sorry. You’re a merman named Finn?”

“I was named Finn before I became a merman,” he says defensively. “Finn Hayward.” That much he remembers.

“Okay, sorry, sorry,” Natalie says, still smiling. “I’m Natalie Porter. You can call me Nat if you want. Everyone else does.”

He likes being part of “everyone.” Like he’s normal. “Okay. Bye, Nat.”

“Bye, Finn. I’ll see you soon.” She walks off towards her car, and he believes her.



Natalie comes back eventually. He’s not sure how long it’s been. It certainly isn’t the next day, but it hasn’t been too long, either. She comes early again; he wakes up to her calling his name. He swims towards the shallows and finds her pacing the banks, holding a bag of Swedish Fish.

“Hello, Nat,” he says, popping his head above the water.

“Hello, Finn,” she says. “Wow. You’re really real, aren’t you?”

“I guess so,” he says. “Are those for me?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Here you go.” She tosses him a couple Swedish Fish, and he happily eats them. She watches, fascinated. “I, um, brought my camera.” She absently fingers the contraption hanging around her neck.

“You gonna take my picture and sell it to the papers?” Finn asks jokingly. He’s not particularly worried; if anyone tries to come and find him, all he has to do is hide. Plus, Natalie doesn’t seem like the type of person who would do that anyway.

Sure enough, her eyes widen. “No, no. I’d never do that. I just want them for me, I guess. Just so I know you’re real. Like, hang them in my room and stuff, maybe show Nora.” She adds, “That’s my roommate, by the way. She was here with me when I came back.”

“I remember,” Finn says, thinking of her suede boots and bright pink lips.

“Plus, I don’t think anyone would believe me anyway,” Nat continues. “Mermen.” She shakes her head. “I don’t even know if I believe it.”

“I’m right here, aren’t I?” Finn asks scornfully. “You’re so weird.” He reaches out and splashes her lightly, laughing when she squeaks and covers her face. “You should come in and swim with me.”

She bites her lip. “I’m still not convinced you won’t drown me.”

He frowns. “Why would I drown you? What good would that do for either of us?”

“I don’t know,” Nat admits. “I’ve just read that that’s what mermaids — um, sorry, merpeople — do.”

“I didn’t drown you the last time you were here, did I?” Finn asks, skimming his fingers across the water. “Besides, then who would bring me Swedish Fish?”

She smiles a little. “True. Maybe I’ll stick my ankles in.” She takes off her sneakers and socks and cautiously steps into the water. “It’s chilly.”

“Is it?” Finn asks. “I don’t really notice it much anymore.”

Nat points her camera at him and takes his picture. He bares his teeth at her in a smile and hopes he looks frightening. She laughs as she presses the shutter button. “Are you trying to look scary?”

“Maybe,” Finn says, embarrassed. “Did it work?”

“Come see,” she says. He swims up to where the water meets the beach so he won’t suffocate and she shows him the camera, clicking through several photos she’s taken of him. Finn has a vague handle on what he looks like; he knows his tail is a dark teal and he knows his eyes are brown, but he can’t exactly remember the shape of his eyes or the slope of his nose.

Looking at the photo is like looking at a long-lost relative; he knows it resembles him, but it just doesn’t seem familiar. “That’s how I look?” he asks. He wants to lean in closer, but he’s afraid to drip water on her camera.

“Mm-hmm,” Nat says, more preoccupied with staring at his gills.

“I don’t look scary,” Finn concludes, a little sadly. “I just look . . . bizarre.”

“That’s one word to describe it,” Nat says.

“How would you describe it?” Finn challenges.

She shrugs. “Definitely not bizarre. That makes you sound like some weird animal. I’d say . . . interesting, or unusual, or unique. You are a merman, after all.”

“I guess so,” Finn says after mulling it over. It makes him feel a little better to know that she thinks that about him, that she’s not afraid, not repulsed by him.

Nat cautiously sits down in the sand, stretching out her legs so they almost touch Finn’s shoulders. He holds up his wrist to her leg, careful not to actually touch her. “You’re dark,” he notes.

“Maybe you’re just pale.”

“I wasn’t always,” he says thoughtfully. “Well, I mean I was, but I wasn’t as pale as I am now.” He looks up at her, suddenly wanting to change the subject. “What about you?”

She looks like she wants to ask more, but answers him anyway. “Um, my mom is Puerto Rican and my dad is Italian and Irish. He looks more Italian, though. So I guess I’ve just always looked this way. You should see Nora, though.”

“I have,” Finn says, remembering the girl who was with her. “I thought her hair was cool.”

“Yeah. I’m jealous of it,” Nat says with a sigh, absently touching her own hair.

“What’s wrong with yours?”

“Oh, I dunno. Nora’s hair is really lovely and curly. Mine’s just straight.”

“I like your hair,” Finn says defensively.

“Thank you,” she says, amused. “I like yours too.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. It’s very long.”

“I suppose.” Finn runs a hand through his matted hair. He wonders what it would look like if he was human like Natalie, if his hair would be soft and shiny like hers instead of crunchy and tangled the way it is now.

“You’ve never tried cutting it?”

“No,” Finn says, furrowing his eyebrows. “I mean, I used to have a pair of scissors that I found at the bottom of the lake and I’d try and use that, but it never worked out too well and eventually they got too rusty. And it’s not like there are barbers out here.”

“That’s true,” Nat admits. “I could have Nora cut it for you if you like. She’s really good at doing hair; she’s cut mine before and stuff. She could come here and bring all of her supplies and then you could meet her!”

She looks hopeful and excited, but Finn feels his chest getting tighter and tighter with the thought of someone else knowing about his existence and what they might do with that information. He didn’t feel the same way about Nora that he feels about Natalie. She is the only exception to his quiet life.

He doesn’t say anything, and she must sense his discomfort, because she adds, “Or not. It’s okay if you don’t want to meet her. I like your hair the way it is anyway.”

“Okay,” Finn says, nodding and trying to breathe regularly again.

Nat has to go soon after that. As she’s putting on her socks and shoes, Finn says casually, “Maybe next time you can actually come further into the water.”

“Maybe,” she agrees. “Or maybe I’ll bring a kayak.”

Finn laughs, and Natalie looks surprised for a second before she giggles a little too. “See you around, Finn,” she calls as she walks back up the beach.

“See you around, Nat,” he parrots back, and it feels like he’s got something to look forward to now.