Status: Heartbreak Warning
Remember? Last Summer
Maybe
It's always a "maybe."
Whenever I think of you, a smile crawls across my lips, my skin feels warm and a bubbly sensation spreads through my stomach. Whenever I see you, my heart flutters and a chill runs down my spine. Your arms are a vault that keep me safe; and I feel so protected. You give me goosebumps as your lips trace my neck, taking me to another world entirely. My mind cannot think, and my body cannot breathe. You bring my face up to yours and you kiss me. It isn't unlike any other time. We smile, you pull me closer. My brain turns to jelly as do my arms as they hang around your neck the millionth time. The smell of you entices me, drugging me as it often does. It isn't unlike any other time.
Maybe, if this were another time, we could be together. Wrapped in a mess of sheets, entangled in a beautiful pretzel of limbs that screamed safety. It may scream safety, but it couldn't even whisper love. Affectionate lustful companions that came to an awful intersection of decisions. We couldn't be anything more. As your lips meet mine, I always sneak a peak at your lips curved into that mischievous smile I've grown so fond of. It melts the coldest part of me. The part I froze over to protect, but you were so slowly thawing me out, just to smash the remaining pieces left inside that I scurried to put back together. I hear you talk about other women like meat. How am I attracted to someone like that? You don't talk about me like that. I get told from other people how you speak about me.
Maybe, if we were older it would work. If we weren't so caught up with the things in between our legs. Caught up in things that felt good to our bodies rather than the things that felt good for a life time. I was fine with it for a while; letting us use each other for those purposes. I felt wanted and it felt good. But I've started to grow tired of these games; and it was a game I didn't know I started to play. I started to get lost in your eyes, where I could imagine all the thoughts going through your mind, replaying our memories. Your eyes are an ocean I feel myself drowning in, but you save me just in time before I sink - no - before I submit myself to you.
Maybe, if we didn't have our unspoken rules, I'd break them. I'd open up to you in ways you never thought would happen, and show you what it truly feels like to feel loved; really loved. I wouldn't hurt you like she did. I wouldn't make you feel worthless. I'd empower and embrace you, and all your flaws. I'd build you up and appreciate you, the man that you are.
But, we are playing this game we created together, with our unspoken rules. You are only a piece to this game as I am yours. You'll never know this, but I love you. I love you more than I love myself. I wake each day with you on my mind and go to sleep wishing I was in your arms. You make me want to tear down the brick wall I created for shelter just to let you in. You make me want to drop my guard and allow myself to thaw out my frozen heart to hand it to you on a string. If only it were the right time, and the right place. If only we weren't playing this damned game.
This is a game built for one of us to lose. For one of us to walk away battered and bruised. For one of us to lose control of self composure and break the silence of this lust-filled game.
You place your hand on mine as we go on our adventures. You turn your head and smile at me, singing our song in the car. Your smile makes me smile, setting all these tiny little butterflies free in my stomach, an excited blood rush pumping my veins. You make me feel so damn alive.
I'm proud to say I'm losing this game because I wouldn't want to love anyone else like how I love you. I'm happy to lose this game in utter silence if that still means I get to play with you.
Whenever I think of you, a smile crawls across my lips, my skin feels warm and a bubbly sensation spreads through my stomach. Whenever I see you, my heart flutters and a chill runs down my spine. Your arms are a vault that keep me safe; and I feel so protected. You give me goosebumps as your lips trace my neck, taking me to another world entirely. My mind cannot think, and my body cannot breathe. You bring my face up to yours and you kiss me. It isn't unlike any other time. We smile, you pull me closer. My brain turns to jelly as do my arms as they hang around your neck the millionth time. The smell of you entices me, drugging me as it often does. It isn't unlike any other time.
Maybe, if this were another time, we could be together. Wrapped in a mess of sheets, entangled in a beautiful pretzel of limbs that screamed safety. It may scream safety, but it couldn't even whisper love. Affectionate lustful companions that came to an awful intersection of decisions. We couldn't be anything more. As your lips meet mine, I always sneak a peak at your lips curved into that mischievous smile I've grown so fond of. It melts the coldest part of me. The part I froze over to protect, but you were so slowly thawing me out, just to smash the remaining pieces left inside that I scurried to put back together. I hear you talk about other women like meat. How am I attracted to someone like that? You don't talk about me like that. I get told from other people how you speak about me.
Maybe, if we were older it would work. If we weren't so caught up with the things in between our legs. Caught up in things that felt good to our bodies rather than the things that felt good for a life time. I was fine with it for a while; letting us use each other for those purposes. I felt wanted and it felt good. But I've started to grow tired of these games; and it was a game I didn't know I started to play. I started to get lost in your eyes, where I could imagine all the thoughts going through your mind, replaying our memories. Your eyes are an ocean I feel myself drowning in, but you save me just in time before I sink - no - before I submit myself to you.
Maybe, if we didn't have our unspoken rules, I'd break them. I'd open up to you in ways you never thought would happen, and show you what it truly feels like to feel loved; really loved. I wouldn't hurt you like she did. I wouldn't make you feel worthless. I'd empower and embrace you, and all your flaws. I'd build you up and appreciate you, the man that you are.
But, we are playing this game we created together, with our unspoken rules. You are only a piece to this game as I am yours. You'll never know this, but I love you. I love you more than I love myself. I wake each day with you on my mind and go to sleep wishing I was in your arms. You make me want to tear down the brick wall I created for shelter just to let you in. You make me want to drop my guard and allow myself to thaw out my frozen heart to hand it to you on a string. If only it were the right time, and the right place. If only we weren't playing this damned game.
This is a game built for one of us to lose. For one of us to walk away battered and bruised. For one of us to lose control of self composure and break the silence of this lust-filled game.
You place your hand on mine as we go on our adventures. You turn your head and smile at me, singing our song in the car. Your smile makes me smile, setting all these tiny little butterflies free in my stomach, an excited blood rush pumping my veins. You make me feel so damn alive.
I'm proud to say I'm losing this game because I wouldn't want to love anyone else like how I love you. I'm happy to lose this game in utter silence if that still means I get to play with you.