All I Have to Give

After about ten minutes of driving, I finally found the apartment complex that my dad had given me directions to. Zacky let out a low whistle as I turned into the parking lot. The place was way nicer than I’d been expecting. I had no idea that my dad would be willing to put out that much money on me.

I looked over at Zacky to see that Zoey had curled up on his lap and was now sleeping deeply. Obviously she liked him which was strange because she usually had a problem with guys. Something about them just freaked her out.

I grabbed her leash and clipped it to her collar before climbing out the car. I stretched out my muscles, glad that I didn’t have to get back in the car for a long time if I didn’t want to. I was sick of it after all the driving I had done that day.

“Let’s go check it out,” Zacky said, sounding almost excited as I was.

I nodded and grabbed my bag out of the car, rummaging through it until I found the set of keys that had been shipped to me a few weeks ago. I would need to get more made because I had a tendency to lose important things such as keys. I threw the bag back into my car and locked it before heading towards the double glass doors that opened into the lobby.

Once inside, we quickly located the elevator and pressed the button to take us to the fourth floor. I was dumbstruck by how fancy everything was. We’d been living in a house that was halfway falling apart in Ohio, so it was a very welcome change. Though I felt bad that I was going to be living like this while my mom was still stuck in the crappy house back in Ohio.
“Its apartment 4C,” I said and Zacky nodded, walking ahead of me to find the right door.

He called back to me when he found it and I rushed forward, excited to see the place where I’d be living now. I got my key and went to unlock the door, but the bracelets I wore to cover the old cutting scars on my wrist shifted slightly and Zacky noticed.

I flinched when he reached out and grabbed my arm. I knew Zacky very well and I knew this was something he was going to freak out over.

“It’s not what it looks like, Zack,” I said quietly, hoping he’d buy it. He didn’t, of course.

“Don’t lie to me, I’m your best friend. How long has this been going on?”

I pulled my arm out of his grasp and unlocked the door before turning back to him.

“It’s not going on anymore. It was just for the first couple of months in Ohio. I was having a really hard time finding my place there. That mixed with the fact that I was depressed about having to leave Johnny just made things too much to take for a while. I tried cutting as an escape, but I knew it was stupid. I stopped and haven’t done it since.”

Zacky looked at me with some emotion in his eyes that I couldn’t place. He looked at me like he felt sorry for me and I didn’t really understand. What would he have to feel sorry about?

“It’s all over now, so please, let’s just go explore my new apartment. There’s no need to dwell on the past anyway, it's over.”

Little did I know, it wouldn’t be long until I had to learn to live by my own words.

~x~

Zacky and I made our final trip up to the apartment with the last two boxes. I set it down on the floor and fell back onto the couch in my fully furnished apartment.

“If I never have to carry another box again in my life, it’ll be too soon,” I cried as I fanned myself with my hand. It was hotter than Satan's balls out today.

“I hear you,” Zacky said, sitting down beside me. “You’re lucky you’re my friend or I would never volunteer to carry boxes.”

I laughed and sat up, randomly pouncing on Zacky and squeezing him tightly. I’d missed him so much and was so very happy to be reunited with him. Zacky hugged me back with a laugh, but when the hug ended he sat up with a serious look on his face.

“When do you plan on going to see Johnny?” he asked.

My face fell slightly. I had been planning on going to see him tonight, but the way Zacky asked made me feel like something was wrong. Plus, I was terrified that something changed and he didn’t want me anymore.

“I planned on surprising him at his house tonight,” I said, studying Zacky’s face, trying to figure out where his sudden seriousness had come from.

He just nodded and looked around. He was basically looking everywhere but at me and I knew then that he was keeping something from me.

I grabbed his face between my hands and made him look at me. “What wrong, Zacky?”

He forced a smile and muttered “Nothing.” I could see the lie in his eyes.

“Since when do you lie to me?” I asked.
Zacky met my eyes and didn’t look away. I knew he was trying to convince me that he wasn’t lying, but I knew better. After a few moments, he sighed and dropped his gaze.

“I can’t tell you.”

“You can tell me anything, Zachary Baker! Now spill before I kick your ass.”

Another sigh, this had to be something major.

“I can't hurt you like that,” he said softly.

My heart froze in my chest and I braced myself for the worst.

“You have to tell me now. You can’t leave me hanging like that.” My fingernails dug into my palms as I squeezed my hands into fists.

“It’s Johnny. He met this girl a couple months ago and he’s been spending a lot of time with her. I don’t really know what’s going on with them because when he met her, he stopped spending time around me and the other guys. He hasn't even been showing for band practice.”

He met her two months ago. I hadn’t talked to him in two months. Put two and two together and it was obvious what was going on with them.

Tears sprang to my eyes despite my efforts to hold them back. I couldn’t believe this. How could he forget about me so easily? He said he loved me.

Zacky moved closer to me on the couch and wrapped his arms around me in a comforting hug. I leaned into him and let the tears fall from my eyes, not knowing what else to do. I knew I needed to go see for myself, but I was terrified to see Johnny now. If I go see him and it's true, that means things are really over.

After I finally got control of my emotions, I pulled away from Zacky and wiped the tears from my cheeks. I looked up to see that Zacky looked extremely pissed off.

“You okay?” I asked, my voice still thick with emotion.

He attempted to nod before exploding. He made a frustrated noise and punched the back of the couch we were currently sitting on. I flinched. It was rare that Zacky got angry like this.

“He’s such an asshole. I can’t believe he would even think about doing this to you!” he all but screamed.

“Please just calm down. I’m gonna go talk to him. It might all just be a big misunderstanding.”

I said the words, but didn’t believe them at all. I wasn’t the optimistic person I’d just sounded like. I was quite the opposite. Regardless, I knew I had to go face Johnny and see for myself.

“I’ll go with you.” Zacky started to rise from the couch, but I placed a hand on his chest and pushed him back down.

“I need to do this by myself, but please wait here for me. I have a strange feeling that I might need you after all this goes down.”

Zacky nodded and adjusted himself on the couch. Zoey crept out from behind a box she was hiding behind since his outburst scared her. She hopped up into his lap and snuggled into him. He laughed a little and scratched her head.

“Wish me luck,” I said shakily before leaving the apartment to head to Johnny’s house.