All I Have to Give

Five
“Good morning,” I mumbled when I opened my eyes the next morning. Zacky was lying next to me on the bed on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He’d wanted to sleep on the couch last night, but I told him not to be ridiculous. We’d shared a bed tons of times before.

“It’s about time you joined the land of the living. It’s already noon,” Zacky said.

“You’re one to talk, you’re still in bed too!” I pointed out.

“I’ve been awake for awhile, just didn’t want to wake you,” he said.

“You’re awesome for that!” I stretched my arms above my head and Zacky quickly looked away when my shirt exposed most of my stomach. “Okay get out I’ve gotta get dressed.”
He left the room and I dug through my unpacked boxes until I found some clothes. I pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans and a white and black System of a Down t-shirt. I put my hair up into a messy bun and quickly put on makeup. Once I was mostly satisfied with my appearance, I went to find Zacky. He was on the couch flipping through channels on the tv.  
“So what are you doing today?” I asked him as I plopped down on the couch next to him.
“Brian, Matt, Jimmy, and I are going to get together and write some new songs. Johnny won’t be there so you can come if you want to.”

I sighed and quickly decided I didn’t want to go be around Brian. I was still pissed off about what he’d done at that party.

“I think I’ll sit this one out. I don’t really feel like being around Brian,” I finally said.

Zacky laughed a little and leaned back against the cushions.

“Brian is a completely different person now. He fell hard for a girl and she completely broke his heart. It changed him in a big way. He’s been talking about wanting to apologize to you. So I really think you should come with me.”

“An apology is supposed to make up for the fact that he waited until I was out of my mind drunk to have sex with me, when he knew I didn’t want anything to do with him?” I asked.
“He did a shitty thing, but people change.”
I didn’t want to be alone all day and give myself time to think about Johnny. So I finally decided I’d go with him. Even if Brian hadn’t changed, he wouldn’t try anything with the others around.
I actually looked forward to seeing Jimmy. I had never really talked to him before, but we skyped a lot when I was gone and had become friends.

“I guess I’ll go.”

Zacky let out a very girlish squeal and wrapped his arms around me tightly, squeezing until I couldn’t breathe.

He said he wanted to head over there as soon as he got dressed. I waited in the living room until he was finished then we locked up behind us and both got into my car. When he revealed that they were all meeting up at Brian’s house I was less than ecstatic.

“Relax, Melanie. I promise you, he’s not the same person he used to be.”

I snorted then said “Yeah, I’ll believe it only when I see it.”

Zacky just laughed and shook his head at me. He knew better than anyone that I could hold one hell of a grudge if I wanted to.

With a sigh, I pulled my car into Brian’s driveway. I was considering just dropping Zacky off and leaving, but as soon as I stopped he reached over and turned the car off, slipping my keys into his pocket.

I looked at him like he was crazy and he just smiled. “I saw that look in your eyes, you were thinking about leaving. I want you to stay.”

“Sometimes I hate you,” I muttered.
“No you don’t!” he said in a singsong voice then opened his door and got out.

Since I had no other choice than to go in now, I followed suit and tried to jump on Zacky’s back. He wasn’t expecting it so he stumbled and we both fell onto the grass, laughing.
“Warn me next time, shit!” Zacky yelled, rubbing his elbow. He was trying to sound mad, but I could see his lips twitching as he tried not to smile. He finally got to his feet then pulled me up.

The first thing that could be heard when we entered the house was Jimmy screaming at the top of his lungs while chasing Matt around with a paddle and a pair of furry handcuffs.

“What the hell is he doing?” Zacky asked Brian who was just standing back watching.

“Jimmy found those in my parents’ room and says he wants to try them out on Matt. It’s been going on for about thirty minutes,” Brian said, taking a drink from the bottle of beer in his hand.
“Get the fuck away from me before I kick your ass!” Matt screamed at the top of his lungs.
“Come here Matty-poo. You know you want it!” Jimmy screamed back.

“Shouldn’t someone go save Matt?” I asked Zacky who looked at Brian and they both shrugged.
“Nah, more fun this way,” Zacky said. The three of us stood there watching Jimmy and Matt for a few minutes more before Zacky announced that he had to go take a piss.

I shot him a death glare and he responded with an apologetic look. He knew that I knew that he was leaving the room on purpose. And he was going to pay for that later.

Once Zacky left, a very awkward silence fell between Brian and me. I didn’t have anything to say to him, so I was waiting on him to speak up if he really wanted to apologize.

“Do you want a beer?” he asked, gesturing to the bottle in his hands.

“Sure,” I said simply.

He nodded and then disappeared from the living room into what I assumed was the kitchen. He returned a few moments later with a full bottle and handed it to me.

I mumbled a thank you and immediately started to peel the label off, glad to have something to do with my hands now.
“Look, I know this probably won’t mean shit to you, but I’m sorry about what I did to you. It was a fucking stupid thing to do,” he said in one breath.

I looked down at the floor to keep myself from looking at Brian. I was still pissed off at him for taking advantage of me that night and I didn’t want to feel like I had to forgive him this easily. It would take a whole lot more than an apology to make me even consider being his friend.

I could practically feel Brian’s eyes boring holes into my skull, waiting on me to say something. So with a sigh, I looked up and met his gaze.

“Look, I appreciate the apology and all, but I hope you don’t honestly think that’s enough. You can’t do something like that and expect me to forgive you this easily. You’re more stupid than I thought if you believe that.”

I had effectively worked myself up into a mini rage at that point so I tossed the full bottle in Brian’s direction and he swore as it splashed on him. Then I turned and left the room as fast as I could.

I knew it was ridiculous to be acting like this, especially when the kid was trying to say he was sorry, but I couldn’t help it. The very thought of that night still made me cringe and I couldn’t bring myself to accept it.
I made it out to my car and dug around in my pockets for my keys before I remembered Zacky had them. Then I let out and frustrated scream and went to sit on Brian’s front steps.
A few minutes later, Zacky came out and sat down next to me. “Brian said you stormed out of the house when he tried to apologize to you,” Zacky said as he sat down next to me on the front porch steps.

“Yeah, well I didn’t want to listen to it anymore,” I said sharply, hoping he’d just drop it, but knowing that he wouldn’t.

“Mellie, you know it’s not healthy to hold onto something like this for so long. You need to let it go.”

I looked up at my best friend in disbelief. Had I just heard him right? Did he not understand how big of a deal this way to me?

“I can’t believe you,” I said. My hand shot forward and into Zacky’s pocket. My fingers closed around my keys and I yanked them out.

I stood up and started to make my way to my car. I was just ready for this day to be over. I was done with this. I needed some time to myself.

“Don’t run away from it, Mellie,” Zacky called from where he still sat on the steps.

“I’m not running away from it, I’m just putting it aside to deal with later.”

“Stay here, it’ll only be a little longer and I can come back with you,” he said from right behind me.

“I need to be alone right now.”

Zacky sighed and looked like he wanted to say something, but he stayed silent. So without another word, I climbed into my car and drove off a little faster than necessary.

Once I was a few blocks away, I let the tears I’d been holding back fall from my eyes. I hated the person I’d been acting like since I’d returned.

I laughed at myself for being so stupid and decided to listen to music. I was in the Pantera kind of mood, so I grabbed my cd case. Yes, I still carried actual cds in my car. I liked being able to actually hold an album in my hands. After rummaging through it, I smiled slightly when I found the one I wanted.

A sudden horn honking made me look up and jerk the steering wheel to the right to get back on my side of the road. I laughed it off but then cursed when I realized I’d dropped the cd. I checked to make sure there were no cars around before I leaned down to get it.

All I remember is closing my fingers around the disc then being slammed into the car door. Then everything went black.