All I Have to Give

“Johnny what are you doing here?” I asked, trying to resist the urge to roll my eyes.

“I want to talk to you,” he said as he got to his feet.

“Was I not clear enough at the beach? I don’t want to talk to you.” I squeezed past where he was standing and unlocked my door.

“Please, Melanie just talk to me.” I stopped and slowly turned around to face him.

“Fine, say whatever you have to say so you can leave.” I knew I sounded like a bitch, but even looking at him hurt. I had thought I was making so much progress at getting over him, but I was wrong.

“I wanted to apologize for my behavior at the beach today. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. I wanted to apologize for what I did to you too. I’ve felt shitty about it since the day I met Nicole. I knew I shouldn’t have been doing it, but I was stupid and did it anyway. There are no excuses for it, I just wanted to let you know that I really am sorry.”

“Is that all?” I asked when he finished speaking and he nodded.

“Okay I listened to your apology. You can go now,” I told him and pushed the door further open. He looked at me for a moment longer before stepping out into the hallway without another word.

“Damn you can be a bitch when you want to be,” Zacky commented.

“Well he deserves to suffer a little. I didn’t realize how much I’m still hurting until I was face to face with him. I know you probably don’t want to hear this, I’m sorry,” I said.

“Hey I’m your best friend before anything else so don’t think you can’t talk to me the same way you always have,” Zacky said.

I smiled at him and went into the living room to sit on the couch. Zacky joined me soon after and pulled out his phone. He typed in the chinese restaurant’s number and ordered us a variety of food.

“Z, we can’t eat all of that,” I said when he hung up.

“You seriously underestimate my appetite,” he said.

“I just don’t understand why he thinks he can just barge back into my life and fucking kiss me like that. I mean, who the hell does he think he is?” I felt myself getting mad all over again.

“Come here,” Zacky said and pulled me over to him. He wrapped his arms around me and I leaned against him, thankful that he was always here to comfort me.

“I’m gonna go shower before the food gets here,” I said after a few minutes of Zacky holding me. He nodded and I made my way into my bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes from my room into the attached bathroom. The almost too hot to stand it water felt so good as it rained down on my body. It helped to release some of my tension and wash some of my worries down the drain.

I felt relaxed when I stepped out onto the bathmat ten minutes later. I dried off and hurried over to the dresser to retrieve underwear. Once I was in a bra and panties I opened the closet door to pick out clothes. I saw what looked like a spider dart across the floor and I screamed an embarrassingly loud, high-pitched scream. I backed away quickly and jumped up on my bed.

“Are you okay?” Zacky asked and he suddenly burst through the door.

“There was a massive fucking spider in the closet. It was big enough to take off my hand in one bite!” I screamed.

Zacky flung the door open and poked around in the closet for a few seconds. “You mean this thing?” he asked and held up a dead spider by one of it’s legs. Legs and everything, it was probably the size of a dime.

“I think so, it looks smaller now.” Zacky just laughed and went into the bathroom to drop it in the trashcan. When he came back into the room, he seemed to notice that I was only in a bra and panties for the first time. I practically felt his eyes on me as they roamed all over my body. I know I had just as much on as I did earlier today in my bikini, but something about this felt way more intimate.

Just then the doorbell rang and Zacky tore his eyes away from me and his face turned red. “I’ll go get the food, you should- you should put some clothes on.”

I awkwardly chuckled and watched him go out the door. I pulled on a Metallica t-shirt with cut off sleeves that I had stolen from Zacky and a pair of shorts. By the time I made it back to the kitchen, Zacky had all the food spread out on the table. General Tso’s chicken, orange chicken, sweet and sour chicken, cheese wontons, eggrolls, and fried rice.

“Thanks for rescuing me from that monster in there,” I said as I grabbed a plate and started to fill it with the glorious smelling chinese food.

“You mean the almost microscopic spider? No problem.” He filled his plate and we sank down into chairs. By the time I finished my first plate, Zacky was already finishing up his second.

“Fortune cookie time!” I said loudly and he shook his head but grabbed the two cookies out of the bag anyway.

“Read yours first!” I said. He cracked his cookie open and pulled the slip of paper from it.

“Help! I’m being held prisoner in a chinese cookie factory.”

I broke my cookie in half and caught the paper as it fell. “You won’t know until you try. Okay it’s creepy how much these things seem to know sometimes!” I threw the stupid piece of paper down on the table.

I knew that Zacky was waiting for me to make a decision about what was going to happen with us. I had more than best friend feelings for him, but I just didn’t know when I would be ready to do something about them. I could pretend that I was over Johnny all I wanted to, but then some little thing would remind me that I was still hurting over it. My heart was broken. Somewhere deep down I knew Zacky could be the one to put it back together, but I was terrified of giving it to someone else.

“I can practically see the wheels turning in your head. What are you thinking about?”

I looked up into those gorgeous green eyes of his and felt the urge to go wrap my arms around him. Instead, I stood and walked into the living room and threw myself down on the couch.

“I don’t know, just stuff,” I finally answered.

“You know I’ll always be here to pick you up when something knocks you on your ass. Please never think you can’t tell me something. I’m here with open ears no matter what.”

“I’m just so confused about everything! I know I’m not over Johnny yet, but at the same time I can feel myself being drawn closer and closer to you. Obviously I want to see what could happen with us, but I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. Somedays it seems like I’m okay and other days I still feel so broken. I just don’t know what to do.”

“I will do whatever it takes to take away that feeling. I want you to be happy, whether it’s with me or not.”

“When you say things like that I wish I didn’t have all this baggage so I could give you the chance you deserve. I know you’ve been waiting for me for longer than I even know and I’m sorry that I have to keep you waiting even longer.”

“I would wait a thousand years if it meant I got to be with you in the end,” Zacky said and then his eyes met mine.

Within seconds, I was straddling his lap and we were locked in a fierce and passionate kiss that took my breath away. No one had ever had an effect like this on me before. I don’t know how I never felt it before.

“Fuck, sorry,” I said as I pulled away and climbed off of him.

“Nothing to apologize for,” Zacky said with a big stupid grin on his lips.

“Yes there is. I’m pushing you away one minute then the next I’m in your lap kissing you. I’m a mess.”

“Well I am extremely good looking so that could be part of the problem.” His smirk made me want to jump on him again.

“Oh shut up!” I punched him on his arm and he rubbed the spot and pouted. “I'm being serious, it's not fair to you.”

“Just hearing you say that you wanted to be with me one day made me happier than you can imagine.”

I looked up at him. On top of everything else I was afraid that if we dated and something went wrong, I'd lose him completely.  I wouldn't be able to handle that.

“You always have the right words to say, I love that about you.”

“You know, we could totally be friends that make out and stuff,” he said, making me shake my head at him.

“And you ruined it,” I joked. I knew he was just trying to lighten the mood.

“Hey do you want to go see a movie tonight? Jimmy has been bugging me to go with him, we can invite Matt and Brian too.”

“Sounds good. I’m gonna go smoke and I’ll text the guys while I’m out there.”

I waited until I heard the front door close and I flung myself back against the cushions. I was just so overwhelmed by everything. I knew what I wanted, but I also knew that doing what I wanted wasn’t necessarily the best thing to do right now. It was basically down to a decision between my head and my heart. I just didn't know which one to go with.