Tell Me a Lie in a Beautiful Way

A few hours later, the doctors had run so many tests on him that I was surprised that he hadn't started screaming at them. Hell, I was about to start screaming if they didn't leave him alone soon. Finally, they left us alone. Brian and Matt stayed for a while, along with Zack's other band mate and best friend, Johnny. They stayed until visiting hours were over and a nurse came in and made them leave. She tried to make me leave too, but Zack assured her that he'd scream all night long if I did. Smirking a little bit, she finally agreed to let me stay.

We talked casually for a while, apologizing to each other for being assholes and promising to work on our marriage in a more constructive way. Finally, I couldn't hold the question I'd been dying to ask in any longer.

"Zack, you've got to tell me. What the fuck happened?" I asked him, and he chuckled at my bluntness.

"I'm surprised that wasn't the first thing out of your mouth when I woke up," he said, licking his lips and taking a sip out of the cup of water on his bedside table. I shrugged slightly and then motioned with my hand for him to continue. "I'm not sure. I was driving, just blowing off steam, you know. Then I wasn't. I honestly don't totally know what happened, whether there was something in the road or something happened to the car or what," he said, and I nodded slightly.

"The cops thought it had to be suicide," I told him, and he scoffed.

"Absolutely not. I promise," he said and I nodded again.

"I know," I said, moving from my spot on the edge of the bed to lay beside him. He wriggled to accommodate me and then kissed the side of my forehead.

"You wanna know the weirdest part?" he asked a while later, and I found myself being stirred from an almost-sleep.

"Of course," I told him, propping myself up on my elbow so I could look at his face.

"I saw Jimmy," he said matter-of-factly, like it was the most normal thing to say. Jimmy, of course, was his best friend who had passed away years before.

"What do you mean?" I asked him and he shrugged slightly.

"He was there. The whole time I was unconscious, he was there," he told me, pointing to the side of his head. "I know it sounds made-up, but I'm pretty sure he's the thing that kept me alive. I felt like my body was letting go. I felt like I was fading, and he showed up and smacked me across the face and forced me to fight," he said, his eyes filling with tears. "He reminded me about you, about the other guys. I knew it was him because he told me I had to come back because of your fantastic ass. He was always an ass man," he said, chuckling through his tears. "He told me he loved me and missed me but that he refused to let me stay with him. I didn't want to leave him; I don't think I totally understood what was going on at the time. But he kept telling me I had to. He kept screaming at me to fight, to come back to you. I refused for a while. I didn't want to leave him. But then he reminded me that staying with him meant losing you and the other guys forever. He reminded me that he wasn't real; that I'd already lost him once. I'm pretty convinced that he kicked me right back into consciousness himself," he said, and by the time he finished talking I realized I'd been crying too.

"I... don't even know what to say," I told him, and he nodded slowly.

"I know. I didn't even really remember it until just now. I think my mind was just convincing me I was crazy or something. But he was there," he said, and the conviction behind his words made me believe him even more.

"Well, I can't even tell you how thankful I am that he was," I told him, kissing his lips lightly.

"Me too," he said, cuddling in to my side.

He'd no more than just told me he was exhausted before he fell asleep a few minutes later. I lay with him for a long time, mostly just watching his chest rise and fall and listening to him breathe. When I was sure he was sound asleep, I wiggling away from him. I kissed him one more time before shutting the door of his room quietly and making my way down the hall.

I approached the hospital's chapel quietly, not sure if I was even going to actually go in. When I did get there and saw it was empty, I went in silently and shut the door behind myself. I sat, looking at the candles all around me and wondering how many people had been in that room, doing a similar -or much sadder- thing as I was. I sat there in silence for a long time, not totally sure what to say. Finally, words started flowing out of me.

"Hi, Jimmy. I'm not sure if you know who I am... I guess you probably do. I also don't know if I believe in any of this," I said, motioning around me with my hands. "I never really have, to be honest with you. But I know Zack believes you're out there somewhere, and for his sake I hope you are. Anyway, I mostly just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for kicking his ass back in gear and getting him back to me. Thank you for taking care of him," I said, not able to stop myself from crying. "Thank you for being there and I hope you can hear me. I know we never met, but I hope you know I love you. I love you for keeping him safe and I love you for being so important to him, to all of them. I hope you're smiling at them because they're all doing so well, really. They're all doing such amazing things. Thank you. Thank you for listening," I said, standing and turning to leave the room. When I did, Zack was standing there smiling at me, his IV pole standing at attention beside him.

"I love you," he whispered as I approached him, reaching up to put a hand on my face.

"I love you," I replied, leaning into his lips to kiss him. "Don't ever leave me again," I whispered, leaning my forehead on his.

"Never," he confirmed, glancing behind me at something. I turned to look but there wasn't anything there. I looked at him questioningly, but he just shrugged and hooked his arm through mine to lead me back to his room.