Whiskey in the Jar

Since the incident things have changed between Brian and Jordan. He was doing anything he could to make up for being a dickhead to her and for messing up his recovery. She was doing anything she could to forget his darkened eyes that succumbed to the anger and sadness. It wasn’t even so much as calling her a ‘cunt’ as it was reminding her of how dangerous humans can be, reminding her of why she had a hard time trusting the people in her life. Brian noticed the change in Jordan’s behavior; he noticed how she wasn’t as sarcastic or comfortable around him as she used to be and he was convinced that it was because she was scared of him. Jordan decided not to be so hands on and friendly with him to avoid further development to her feelings which was ever so confusing since she was also fighting her trust issues. He put all his efforts into not drinking and started writing a memoir of all his thoughts that would trigger him. Brian even bit his tongue every time Zack would come over and would incessantly hit on Jordan who laughed it off every time. The man was making progress with his music and the band had even arranged a day where they would jam and try to make demos for the new album. Jordan kept an eye on Brian doing everything a nurse and a sponsor would do; she checked on his injuries and his health post relapse and she was the one to suggest that if he wasn’t ready to confide with her then he should write down all his feelings.

Jordan was sitting in her room trying to get into contact with her sister when a sweaty shirtless Brian appeared at Jordan’s doorway. Brian also began to work out again, getting back to his routine and his body began to look more defined than ever making it difficult for Jordan to not check him out...constantly.

“The guys will be here in 20 minutes if you wanna come watch us play? Not sure if it’s your thing but uh you’re welcome, you know, to watch us…” He scratched his head, appearing slightly nervous to invite her to something that was in such a fragile state. But with Zacky’s help Brian was improving at a fast rate, getting back to his old genius tricks thanks to muscle memory and with support from his entrusted band mate, it helped Brian become more confident with his playing.

“I am definitely gonna watch!” Jordan announced excitedly pushing her laptop away from her and sprung out of the bed. Brian’s eyes widened at her excitement, he knew she was very into hip hop and he didn’t anticipate this much enthusiasm for his metal band.

“Well I’m going to take a shower first since I’m all sweaty and disgusting. I’ll see ya in my studio in 20.” The excitement threw him off even more, making him increasingly nervous.

As Brian was showering and feeling a lot more positive about the future since he actively decided to pursue a better life, Jordan was delving into her past and once again messaged her sister via Facebook but was rather unsuccessful in getting a reply. She sighed and bit her lip as she looked in her wardrobe to change into something nicer so that she doesn’t look like a slob in front of everyone.

Eventually the rest of the members of Avenged Sevenfold waltzed into Brian’s house chuckling at their light conversation, buzzing that they will finally start playing music together again. They all greeted Brian with that classic man hug that men do and hugged Jordan. Everyone did so normally, even Matt who appeared to have a strained relationship with her but Zacky’s hug was the longest. He didn’t want to let her go and even slapped a wet kiss onto her cheek thinking he was suave and seductive.

“Ew man you kiss like a wet dog.” Matt said as they all cringed and laughed at Zacky.

“No I don’t!” Zack turned redder than a tomato making everyone laugh harder “Jordan liked it anyway, didn’t you?” He nudged and winked at Jordan who laughed along with the guys.

“Yeah…sure…I like them wet and sloppy” She said as she wiped the saliva off her cheek while the rest of the guys laughed harder and made kissy faces at Zack “why don’t you…uh…play me some music?” They laughed their way down to the studio and started to set up their instruments. Jordan watched them with fascination as they grouped together making sure every instrument was in tune and every amp was set up. Jordan was never musically inclined so all of this was a brand new experience that made her love her job.

“Why don’t we start with Almost Easy?” Zack asked putting extra effort into looking nonchalant avoiding Brian’s eye contact. His visibly strange behavior had sparked confusion in everyone but Brian who knew that Almost Easy was one of their easier songs to play and Zack wanted to Brian to go easy.

“Fuck that, why don’t we start with Beast and the Harlot?” They all nodded their heads impressed with Brian’s enthusiasm even though Brian was shitting bricks on the inside.

Jordan sat with her knees to her chin on the leather office chair watching the band intently as they began to play the intro to the song. Brian was doing alright, he seemed extra concentrated on his work but the passion was obvious as his eyes sparkled. It was obvious how passionate Brian was about his art, he was completely entranced by the sounds his fingers were creating, and his body was moving in sync with the music. It was like watching him finally come back to life when he played those notes. This didn’t escape Jordan, and seeing Brian like this made her realize what a beautiful human he was. Brian was doing something that he loved, something that brought him joy after a very long time and that made Jordan immensely happy for him. She enjoyed the song as well, she bopped her head to the beat and smiled as she was introduced to a whole new genre of music.

“So what did you think?” Brian looked at the guys anticipating comments and criticism on his guitar playing but instead was ambushed with a hug from Jordan. He was shocked at the psychical contact but returned the hug nonetheless and unsuccessfully fought off the smile that was forming on his face at the fact that he impressed Jordan.

“That was amazing! How d’ya move your fingers so fast?” Jordan enquired as she still held onto Brian. Zacky scowled while the rest of them exchanged looks wondering about the true nature of their relationship.

“I’m Synyster fucking Gates, J! That’s how!” he laughed and the sound of feedback from the guitar pickups had broken up their hug.

“It’s good to see you back at it, brother!” Matt lightly slapped Brian’s back as a form of praise as the rest of them nodded and added their own comments of applause.

“Thanks, guys.” He smiled at them as relief washed over his body. “It’s good to be back…so what now?” They continued to play their songs and other things that may potentially turn into new music until they got tired and then went to chill upstairs on the couch. They talked about the concept of the new album for a while and reminisced about their old touring days as well. Their early day talk had Jordan laughing endlessly at their crazy antics and she wished she was friends with them back then. She just watched them and found their chemistry to be magical. They got on so well and made Brian feel like he belonged again.

Eventually they left and went back to their homes and their own families leaving Brian and Jordan alone. It was an early evening and the sun was just beginning to set.

“Do you want to go out for dinner?” Brian asked casually “I’m feeling really good today and I don’t want to waste it.” He said as he played with his brown hair. “I need to get my hair done soon too. Not that you didn’t do a great job because you did. It’s just that it got longer. I mean I like it long but I need to get it dyed black.” He continued to play with his hair as he looked into the reflection of his newly fixed iPhone screen. Living with him was unpredictable as his mood varied every day and so far she has never seen him be so cheerful. It was as if playing with his band had made him high.

“Yeah, sure.” Jordan never witness Brian talk so much as he did today and it was strange. It was like he was starting to let her in fully and she felt flattered. “Where do you want to go?”

“There’s this quiet little place. It’s a bit of a drive from here but it’s so worth it. It’s a little fancy though…”

“So we gotta dress all nice?”

“Yeah…we don’t have to if you don’t want to…” He was being playful and happy. His mood was so good it changed the mood in the house. It’s as if it lit the house up.

“No, we should totally go!” She put her hand on his arm and looked him straight in the eye, acting like this was the most serious thing ever.

“Okay, you weirdo. We’ll go!” Brian mocked Jordan. “Go get dressed, woman. Don’t take too long!”

“Me?! You’re the one sitting here treating your hair as it if the world depended on it! ‘Oh yeah I like it long’” She mocked his voice and pretended to push her hair back.

“Fuck you!” Brian laughed and threw a small pillow at her.

“Whatever you say, you little metal diva!” She shouted as she walked away from him to get changed.

As she was picking out her outfit, she realized that Brian still hasn’t moved his things out of the closet in the master bedroom. That meant he had nothing to wear to this fancy place they were going. She bit her lip and decided to break the most basic rule set by Brian; she went into the master bedroom and into the closet which was not only absolutely massive but also divided into his and her sections. She immediately gravitated towards Brian’s clothes and picked out a blue shirt and black pants as well as some dress shoes. Jordan ran out of the room so that she wouldn’t ruin the sanctity of the room and went downstairs to the guest bedroom occupied by Brian.

“Come in!” Brian shouted after Jordan knocked on his door. Jordan walked into his room carefully holding the clothes that she picked for him, hoping that he wouldn’t freak out.

“Hey Brian I…um…brought you something…” The nerves got to her and she began to panic.

When Brian saw what Jordan was holding any hint of playfulness had left his expression and he looked like he was in physical pain.

“What’s this, Jordan?” He licked his lips and his nostrils flared. “Why do you have those?”

“I…um…went into your closet and got some clothes for you…” Jordan’s voice was weak and it trembled as she spoke. Brian who was stood opposite her had released a breath that neither of them knew he was holding.

“Did you touch anything while you were in there?”

“No, I swear I just went in grabbed these,” she put the stuff on Brian’s bed “and left. It was only a minute. Look, I know you told me not to but this place you want to go to, you said it’s nice and you’re in a good mood so I just wanted you to have the full experience.”

Brian studied the floor and shuffled his feet. His silence had frightened Jordan a bit; she was scared that Brian would flip out like he did when he was drunk.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have overstepped. It was bad judgment on my part.” But still Brian hadn’t shifted his gaze or said anything. This started to get worrying; Jordan couldn’t see his eyes to tell if he was crying. He was just not giving out any signals whatsoever.

After a few minutes of them standing in the large room with Brian staring a hole into the mahogany floor, he uttered two words so quietly that Jordan was convinced she imagined them. With a hushed trembling voice he said, “thank you.”

He grabbed the clothes and went into his bathroom leaving Jordan alone in his room. Going back up the stairs, she took a speedy shower and put on a black dress. It was simple and black with a deep cut with a choker attached to it, she straightened her hair and added a classic winged liner with a bright red lip to add some excitement to the look. She paired the dress with black high ankle boots and a small velvet embroidered shoulder bag. Jordan walked down and met with Brian.

“About damn time, woman!” He laughed and tried to put on a show to appear like he was still in a good mood but his efforts were transparent.

Jordan bit her lip, feeling guilty for going into the master bedroom and ruining his mood. She looked at Brian, she looked him up and down and noticed how he brushed his hair back, his clean shave and how well his clothes fit him. She took a deep breath and tried to fight the butterflies but ultimately failed.

“You’re looking handsome there, Haner.” She smiled brightly at him and pinched his cheeks as if he were a little child.

“Leave me alone, crazy.” He scrunched his nose. Her actions had lifted his mood again. Not only that but wearing his nice clothes and actually going out somewhere had made him feel good again. “Let’s go, J.”

They had taken the car that Jordan picked when they went to Matt’s and played the same radio station. As Brian said it was a long drive but they enjoyed the ride without talking as they chased the setting sun. What they both reveled in was the fact that whenever they shared silence, it was never awkward. They got so used to each other’s presence that a silence was something that became comfortable in a way that meant they were capable of enjoying each other’s company without trying.

“Why don’t you play me some of your music?”

“You mean, like, Avenged Sevenfold?”

“No like, Weird Al Yankovic…duuh of course I mean Avenged Sevenfold!” She snorted at her own sarcasm while Brian just dramatically sighed and rolled his eyes but obliged nonetheless.

“You better fuckin enjoy it or find yourself a different job.” He smirked at her and his time it was her that rolled her eyes. He played Afterlife and constantly kept glancing at her to see her reactions.

“What do you think?”

“This is amazing!” She wiggled in her seat “Can’t believe this is all you playing those guitars.”

“It’s not all me, I mean, Zack does half of it…”

“Speaking of Zack…why does he hit on me? Like all the time?”

Brian laughed, well really he just audibly breathed through his nose and his hands tightened around the steering wheel. Jordan raised her eyebrows wondering why the question had bothered him so bad.

“I don’t know…maybe he wants you.” He shrugged and focused his vision on the road.

“What?! There’s no way he’s being serious, I mean it’s like so inappropriate on so many levels like Matt’s my boss and you’re my patient!” Jordan tried to laugh it off. “I’m a goddamn professional!”

“Chill out, J. It’s not like you’re actually doing anything with him…are you?” He glanced at her with a raised eyebrow, his voice hard and his knuckles white.

“Of course not!” She appeared to look offended “But for the record would…that be a problem?” She smirked knowing she was being annoying.

Brian’s nostril’s flared; he was visibly upset and he didn’t know why but imagining Jordan with Zack had made him feel angry. It took him a moment to come up with an answer for Jordan who enjoyed making Brian squirm.

“If it’s Zacky’s wet sloppy mouth you want all up in your business then by all means go for it.” Brian intended to answer light-heartedly but his voice was strained.

They parked outside of this restaurant and walked in. Jordan expected the restaurant to be nice and it really was; it had a romantic atmosphere and you knew you could expect a fine dining experience. But what she wasn’t expecting was most of the employees knowing who Brian was; around half of the waiters threw smiles at him that were intertwined with memories. Yet it was when an elder man with a friendly face dressed in a nice suit came over and started talking to Brian that confused Jordan.

“Oh Brian, long time no see! It’s good to have you back again.” They shook hands and exchanged greetings. Jordan wasn’t sure whether to introduce herself or whether Brian would introduce her but thankfully the man took the lead and offer his hand to her. “Hello, beautiful lady, my name is Frank and I hope you enjoy this fine establishment.” He had a hint of a foreign accent that Jordan guessed was Italian. She introduced herself and smiled her blindingly bright smile at him.

“Would you like the usual table?” Frank asked cautiously.

Brian nodded and avoided any eye contact with Jordan who understood that Brian was a regular here but didn’t understand why he was being so weird about it. They were led to a table situated by the window which overlooked the water. It was a beautiful sight to say the least. They sat down and looked at the menu in silence enjoying the soft acoustic music that was playing in the background. Jordan contemplated asking about this place and the role that it played in Brian’s life but the words just never left her lips.

“I’m here in this restaurant and I usually order a double fuckin whiskey and I can’t do that because I’m in goddamn recovery.” He laughed but nothing was funny.

“Order a water or a coke but ask for them to put it in a whiskey glass. Your body and mind are used to drinking in a social situation and your hands are used to the shape of the whiskey glass so all you need to do is replace the liquid and your mind is fooled into thinking everything is fine.”

Brian did exactly what Jordan said when they ordered their food and Jordan couldn’t hold off any longer. She had to ask about this place, her voice weak and scared.

“I had my first date with Becca here, I knew her a little from being friends with her Brother. You know, the one that gave me the beautiful shiner.” He took a sip of his coke and pointed to his face “I tried to get her to go out with me for weeks and she finally caved in. Probably felt sorry for me. But anyway we came here and Becca liked it so much we kept coming every year for our anniversary. It was our thing.” He avoided eye contact and was fidgeting with his hands. It was the first time Brian really opened up to Jordan and it was easier than it he thought it would be. He enjoyed it really.

An awkward silence embarked upon the two as the information had sunk in for Jordan. she couldn’t help but wonder why he took her here of all the places they could’ve gone to and she didn’t know if asking him would be too confrontational; after all she was there to ease the healing process and being here was part of the healing. But being here felt too intimate, like she barged into somewhere where she didn’t belong.

“How does it feel being here?”

“I feel like she’s gonna walk out of the bathroom but I know she’s not and it hurts. I feel at peace though because she loved this place and it’s where we fell in love.” He smiled hiding the pain he was feeling at the memories resurfacing.

Jordan sipped her water feeling jealous of the fact that Brian once had such a deep connection with another human when she tumbled through life with mostly superficial relationships.

“Is it getting easier to think about her?”

“Yeah…I guess…I don’t want to forget anything. What about you Jordan? We always talk about my relationship…”

“There’s not much to say, I guess I’ve never had a serious relationship. In the 27 years I’ve been on earth I’ve never said ‘I love you’ to someone and truly meant it.”

“Maybe Zacky will be the first man you’ll really fall in love with.” Brian smirked, finally achieving that nonchalant tone.

“You’re joking, right?” She stared at him waiting for him to clarify.

“If you want I’ll set the two of you up.” Tension began to build with their back and forth about Zacky. Neither of them realized yet that one was using Zacky as a tactic to challenge the other into breaking the ‘Brian and Jordan’ bubble. While their relationship was not romantic, attraction was an underlying element of their relationship. Even though Jordan knew this on her part, she wanted to ignore it with all her might whereas Brian was confused as fuck about what he felt towards Jordan.

“You wouldn’t dare set me up with Zack.” She squinted her eyes at Brian daring him.

“Watch me.” He said already regretting his words.