I Can't Take Them on My Own
Car radio
Tyler**
⚠Mentions of suicide attempt, mentions of death⚠
Josh was late again today... He already told me he would be but that doesn't make it anymore okay... I was walking with my head down trying to find a place to hide for lunch still seeing no sign of Josh...
"Where's your little friend Joseph?" Troy inquired.. "Oh... Wait no, you don't have friends, you know its a joke right?" my face flushed "what?" I avoided eye contact his friend, the one who tripped me the other day, chortled "we set him up squirt. The sad thing is, it was only for $50.00 that he did this" Jake, I think was his name, said, although I don't care to remember his name.
I was about to retaliate when I saw a more then pissed Josh standing behind 'Jake' and 'Troy' "I think you have me confused with someone else... Jake" their faces fell "H- Hey Josh... Uh" Troy scratched the back of his head "we were... We were just-" "leaving? Yeah I think that would be a good Idea" his face was hard as Jake and Troy stalked off, of course not without mumbling a threat that only I could hear.
"Are you okay? Did they touch you?" I shook my head, feeling some tears rise up behind my eyelids. I was met by a warm hug from Josh "if they do hurt you... You let me know right away, okay?" I nodded humming an 'mhm' into his chest. "JOSH-O" a voice yelled, who I soon realized to be Jax "Yo whats up?" Josh asked pulling away from the hug "dija aske yet?" He looked like an over excited puppy, Josh's face flushed as Jax looked between him and I "yes... I did, Jax. Two days ago"
"And?"
"And what?"
He sighed and turned to me "im dying to know, no one tells me nothing anymore. Are you guys dating?" I smiled "yeah... Yeah we are" Jax let out an odd noise "aweh too cute! But I gotta go find Ryder, C'ya" we waved him off and Josh turned to me with a serious expression "You know they.. They were lying right? About the bet thing" I sighed while nodding "I kinda figured... I mean... I'd be used to it so it'd be fine if they weren't lying. But i knew..." he smiled sadly "c'mon.. Lets go to the music room, did you bring your lyrics book?" he smiled "yeah... I always bring it" I looked at him "Good. I wanna pick a song for you to play!" he said happily while dragging me by my arm.
"Okay. Okay Josh your gonna pop my shoulder out!" I laughed as we finally arrived "but I didn't so you're fine" he grinned as I rolled my eyes "here gimme your book!" he says with an extended arm, sighing to myself I handed it over. Anxiety flowing through me as he flipped through the multiple pages "Aha!" he finally said, making me jump "what?" he smiled placing the book down on the piano "I wanna hear this one!" I held my breath as I looked to see what he chose 'car radio' "really?" I asked looking up at him "yess! Now get to singing/raping" he smiled widely. Taking a deep breath I sat down and placed my fingers shakily on the keys.
'I ponder of something great, my lungs will fill and then deflate, they fill with fire exhale desire I know its dire my time today.
I have these thoughts so often I ought to replace that slot with what I once bought cause somebody stole my car radio and now I just sit in silence'
My breathing was un-even as I took a break for a second to play the music..
Once I was done the bell automatically ran for next class. Josh still hadn't said anything and I realized there was a small group of grade nines sitting behind him, my anxiety was to high to just stand there while they all stared at me wide eyed and open mouthed. I was about to run, when I heard the sound of hands hitting against each other and the sounds of the small niners cheering, along with Josh "That was really good" a small girl with shoulder length hair smiled "yeah! I loved it" a shaggy haired boy agreed "Thanks..." I said quietly as they all walked out "that was truly amazing, Ty" Josh said coming over and kissing my cheek "Thank you... Josh, I didn't expect to get an audience tho" he laughed "guess you were just that good" I nodded "Yeah... Guess so" the smile never left my face.
_______________
"So.. Tyler. How has school been since last week?" Dr. Lexas questioned as she leaned forward in her small, brown, creaky chair "It's been, good actually" she grinned "that's wonderful. What stuff has been happening?" and i couldn't help but smile at the events that had happed... But then my smile faded, when I remembered what else happened "Tyler? Hon what is it... Did something... Else happen?" I nodded slowly "what?" I took a breath. ⚠"my mom told me.. When I got home the other day, that m-my friend, she.. She died... She was my best friend. And even tho im gay she was also my first kiss... I guess I took it pretty hard, and without knowing I locked myself in my bathroom and... Cut again.. But this time there was allot of blood... I didn't expect it. I almost died... If it wasnt for my other frie- well I guess now boyfriend... I could have been dead..." she nodded "so would you consider that a suicide attempt?" I shrugged "it could be labeled it as one I suppose.. Un-intentional one tho... I had no intentions of doing so. I was just upset" she nodded again "who were you driven here by?" I looked up "my boyfriend why?" - "go get him for me please"
Walking out to the main room was hell "J-Josh..." my voice was small, his head popped up "she... Wants to see you" confusion crossed his face... But I knew exactly what was about to happen...
"Ah.. So good to meet you Mr...." - "Dun... Josh Dun" he smiled shaking her hand "si Tyler here told me that you... Saved him? The other night" Josh stiffened "yeah.." he whispered "now... When you saw him previously that day did he show any signs that he might take his life" his breath got caught "excuse me?" I gave him a pleading look "Tyler told he could have died" Josh sighed "there were no signs no... It was just an ascendant" I retorted "You cant accidentally make cuts on your wrist. Mr. Joseph." the Dr. Snapped "I think what he means is.. Even though the... Essential thing wasn't an ascendent. He didn't actually wanna die. But if you'll excuse us. I need to get him home. He will see you next week mam" and with that he was dragging me to the car.⚠
⚠Mentions of suicide attempt, mentions of death⚠
Josh was late again today... He already told me he would be but that doesn't make it anymore okay... I was walking with my head down trying to find a place to hide for lunch still seeing no sign of Josh...
"Where's your little friend Joseph?" Troy inquired.. "Oh... Wait no, you don't have friends, you know its a joke right?" my face flushed "what?" I avoided eye contact his friend, the one who tripped me the other day, chortled "we set him up squirt. The sad thing is, it was only for $50.00 that he did this" Jake, I think was his name, said, although I don't care to remember his name.
I was about to retaliate when I saw a more then pissed Josh standing behind 'Jake' and 'Troy' "I think you have me confused with someone else... Jake" their faces fell "H- Hey Josh... Uh" Troy scratched the back of his head "we were... We were just-" "leaving? Yeah I think that would be a good Idea" his face was hard as Jake and Troy stalked off, of course not without mumbling a threat that only I could hear.
"Are you okay? Did they touch you?" I shook my head, feeling some tears rise up behind my eyelids. I was met by a warm hug from Josh "if they do hurt you... You let me know right away, okay?" I nodded humming an 'mhm' into his chest. "JOSH-O" a voice yelled, who I soon realized to be Jax "Yo whats up?" Josh asked pulling away from the hug "dija aske yet?" He looked like an over excited puppy, Josh's face flushed as Jax looked between him and I "yes... I did, Jax. Two days ago"
"And?"
"And what?"
He sighed and turned to me "im dying to know, no one tells me nothing anymore. Are you guys dating?" I smiled "yeah... Yeah we are" Jax let out an odd noise "aweh too cute! But I gotta go find Ryder, C'ya" we waved him off and Josh turned to me with a serious expression "You know they.. They were lying right? About the bet thing" I sighed while nodding "I kinda figured... I mean... I'd be used to it so it'd be fine if they weren't lying. But i knew..." he smiled sadly "c'mon.. Lets go to the music room, did you bring your lyrics book?" he smiled "yeah... I always bring it" I looked at him "Good. I wanna pick a song for you to play!" he said happily while dragging me by my arm.
"Okay. Okay Josh your gonna pop my shoulder out!" I laughed as we finally arrived "but I didn't so you're fine" he grinned as I rolled my eyes "here gimme your book!" he says with an extended arm, sighing to myself I handed it over. Anxiety flowing through me as he flipped through the multiple pages "Aha!" he finally said, making me jump "what?" he smiled placing the book down on the piano "I wanna hear this one!" I held my breath as I looked to see what he chose 'car radio' "really?" I asked looking up at him "yess! Now get to singing/raping" he smiled widely. Taking a deep breath I sat down and placed my fingers shakily on the keys.
'I ponder of something great, my lungs will fill and then deflate, they fill with fire exhale desire I know its dire my time today.
I have these thoughts so often I ought to replace that slot with what I once bought cause somebody stole my car radio and now I just sit in silence'
My breathing was un-even as I took a break for a second to play the music..
Once I was done the bell automatically ran for next class. Josh still hadn't said anything and I realized there was a small group of grade nines sitting behind him, my anxiety was to high to just stand there while they all stared at me wide eyed and open mouthed. I was about to run, when I heard the sound of hands hitting against each other and the sounds of the small niners cheering, along with Josh "That was really good" a small girl with shoulder length hair smiled "yeah! I loved it" a shaggy haired boy agreed "Thanks..." I said quietly as they all walked out "that was truly amazing, Ty" Josh said coming over and kissing my cheek "Thank you... Josh, I didn't expect to get an audience tho" he laughed "guess you were just that good" I nodded "Yeah... Guess so" the smile never left my face.
_______________
"So.. Tyler. How has school been since last week?" Dr. Lexas questioned as she leaned forward in her small, brown, creaky chair "It's been, good actually" she grinned "that's wonderful. What stuff has been happening?" and i couldn't help but smile at the events that had happed... But then my smile faded, when I remembered what else happened "Tyler? Hon what is it... Did something... Else happen?" I nodded slowly "what?" I took a breath. ⚠"my mom told me.. When I got home the other day, that m-my friend, she.. She died... She was my best friend. And even tho im gay she was also my first kiss... I guess I took it pretty hard, and without knowing I locked myself in my bathroom and... Cut again.. But this time there was allot of blood... I didn't expect it. I almost died... If it wasnt for my other frie- well I guess now boyfriend... I could have been dead..." she nodded "so would you consider that a suicide attempt?" I shrugged "it could be labeled it as one I suppose.. Un-intentional one tho... I had no intentions of doing so. I was just upset" she nodded again "who were you driven here by?" I looked up "my boyfriend why?" - "go get him for me please"
Walking out to the main room was hell "J-Josh..." my voice was small, his head popped up "she... Wants to see you" confusion crossed his face... But I knew exactly what was about to happen...
"Ah.. So good to meet you Mr...." - "Dun... Josh Dun" he smiled shaking her hand "si Tyler here told me that you... Saved him? The other night" Josh stiffened "yeah.." he whispered "now... When you saw him previously that day did he show any signs that he might take his life" his breath got caught "excuse me?" I gave him a pleading look "Tyler told he could have died" Josh sighed "there were no signs no... It was just an ascendant" I retorted "You cant accidentally make cuts on your wrist. Mr. Joseph." the Dr. Snapped "I think what he means is.. Even though the... Essential thing wasn't an ascendent. He didn't actually wanna die. But if you'll excuse us. I need to get him home. He will see you next week mam" and with that he was dragging me to the car.⚠