Crash Into Me

{Katy’s Point of View}

The darkness of night was still as I sat on the back porch with a glass of wine. My parents went out to eat and took Charlie with them. Charlie hadn’t really seen her Popo because he had been in Santa Monica with my grandparents.

It was one of the first times I had been without Charlie since she had been born. It felt strange, but I needed some time to reflect.

A severe hurricane was on it’s way to Florida and no matter how hard I tried to not take it as a sign that I should move back, my mind just wasn’t buying it.

There was forty hours, eight states and 2,794 miles that would be between Charlie and Matt if we stayed in Florida. A flight would cost about four hundred dollars just for one of us and only four hours of our time.

Or I could stay and Charlie could be minutes from her father. He could be at her dance recitals without having to drop four hundred dollars and wasting four hours of his time. Plus, she would start softball ball this fall and I know Matt wouldn’t want to miss a single game. I knew that he could afford the flight cost, but I also knew he had two more kids and cutting into their father time would be absurd if he had to drop everything to come see his daughter.

How did Matt already convince me to move back to California after only three days of him being back in our life?

I needed to call him and make sure that I wouldn’t be doing this for no reason and that he would be super involved. I knew he would be, it was just a good excuse to call him. Call me desperate.

My phone ringed about three times, and as I was about to hang up but the ringing stopped and the timer started.

“Hey Kate,” He answered. His raspy voice made my smile grow wide.

“Hello Matthew, what’re you up to?” I asked forgetting why I called him in the first place. Maybe I had more glasses of wine than I thought?

“Watching the game. What’re you doing?” He asked in return.

“Sitting on my mom’s porch enjoying the night. They took Charlie to eat. I took advantage of the time and figured I’d get a glass of wine in,” Did I say glass? I meant bottle.

“Oh, so I’m getting drunk dialed?” He chuckled.

“No, just needed to talk to you about something. It’s a big deal and I think I need your input on the whole situation,” I asked trying to use my serious voice.

“Alright. I’ll be over in like five minutes. I’ll come through the back gate,” He didn’t give me a chance to deny his presence before hanging up. No matter how bad I wanted Matt over, I didn’t think I could handle myself around him.

It didn’t even take five minutes for the gate to creak and the tall dark handsome familiar man to come through it. I tried to straighten up, “Well that was quick.”

“I figured you wouldn’t mind if I had on shorts and a hoodie,” He laughed sitting down in the chair next to mine and then sticking his hands in his hoodie pocket.

“Nope, it seems to be the dress code for the night. Ta-da!” I laughed showing him my shorts and hoodie.

“Awesome,” He grinned while sitting back up, “So what’s up? What’s on your mind?”

I sighed then took the last sip of my glass, “Well I’m playing with the idea of moving back to California.”

Matt stood up and through his arms in the air as if he just won a title fight in UFC, “No way!? You better not be lying to me Katheryn Reed!”

“I said I’m thinking about it. I mean I tried to see the actual distance and it doesn’t seem fair. Not for Charlie and not for you,” I frowned, “For instance all the dance recitals you’ve already missed, plus she starts softball this year and I know you’d want to be at all of them. So, I thought maybe you could fly down for just all the big stuff but then that would cut into your time with the boys.”

“Kate, you are probably the best person I’ve ever met. Like who thinks of the baby daddy’s other kids? Believe me if you move back, I will be the most hands-on dad you’ve ever seen. I want to be in her life. I’ve already missed so much,” The wine was moving from my stomach to my brain then to my heart.

Keep it together, I thought to myself.

“See my heart and my mind are conflicting one another,” I confessed sitting up on the edge of my chair.

Matt pulled his chair close then sat down on the edge of his seat, “What could go wrong, honestly?”

“I don’t know. I mean what’s went right for us,” I looked up at Matt. He placed his hand on my bare knee, “My mind keeps telling me about every time that I’ve tried to mend our friendship it’s always ended in a spiraling dark depression place for me and I can’t afford that. Not now. Not with Charlie,” I poured out from my mind that was careful because of the past between Matt and me. But it was different now. He was my daughter’s father and that’s what all this was about, right?

“And what’s your heart telling you?” He asked leaning in a little bit more, like he was anticipating what my heart had been holding in for years.

“Well it’s a little wild,” I shook my head, “It wants to stay to live out it’s hopes and dreams. Be close to the ones I love,” Now we were gazing into each other’s eyes.

“I want you to be close to the ones who love you too. Kate, please. Stay here,” His voice was soft now and our faces were inches from each other’s.

“Okay,” I gave in so did our fight as Matt’s lips landed on mine. His fingers intertwined in my hair as I placed my hands on the outside of his arms as I went to stop him but my heart stopped me…