Status: one shot
Until My Breathing Stops
I wish you could tell me how you did it
Too many things happen in 16 months to be able to disregard that amount of time with little hesitation. Those 16 months of exhilaration, freedom, love, and that sense of grandeur you can only get when you're a teenager. That sense is the belief that, for whatever reason, the things going on in your life at the moment are the most important things that will ever happen to you.
They're not. I have to keep reminding myself that they're not when I find myself lamenting over the fact that everything that happened in those 16 months has been thrown away.
I have to tell myself that I won't remember you or anyone in the unimpressive town we grew up in when I'm finding my purpose in life in a big city. I have to tell myself that I'll meet people more important than you who will make me happier when I leave. I have to tell myself that I live in a bubble for now, and the rest of the world has so much more to offer than any no-name town in Massachusetts. I have to tell myself that if things were meant to last between us, you and I would've been able to make each other happy again. I have to tell myself that you're happier without me.
That's how I get through the day when I still have to hear your voice and see your face, that's how I stop myself from gaining the courage to speak to you (because I know that the last thing you want is to hear my voice or see my face).
You still plague my mind because it's near impossible to forget all your firsts with someone over the course of 16 months at an age where you're most vulnerable. I've only been able to think of the first time you told me you loved me when I loved you back on Christmas Eve every Christmas Eve that's come since.
I'm lying to myself whenever I say I'll forget you. As hard as I try and will continue to, I'll never be able to forget the person I fell in love with for the first time at a time when I thought our love could never dissolve.
They're not. I have to keep reminding myself that they're not when I find myself lamenting over the fact that everything that happened in those 16 months has been thrown away.
I have to tell myself that I won't remember you or anyone in the unimpressive town we grew up in when I'm finding my purpose in life in a big city. I have to tell myself that I'll meet people more important than you who will make me happier when I leave. I have to tell myself that I live in a bubble for now, and the rest of the world has so much more to offer than any no-name town in Massachusetts. I have to tell myself that if things were meant to last between us, you and I would've been able to make each other happy again. I have to tell myself that you're happier without me.
That's how I get through the day when I still have to hear your voice and see your face, that's how I stop myself from gaining the courage to speak to you (because I know that the last thing you want is to hear my voice or see my face).
You still plague my mind because it's near impossible to forget all your firsts with someone over the course of 16 months at an age where you're most vulnerable. I've only been able to think of the first time you told me you loved me when I loved you back on Christmas Eve every Christmas Eve that's come since.
I'm lying to myself whenever I say I'll forget you. As hard as I try and will continue to, I'll never be able to forget the person I fell in love with for the first time at a time when I thought our love could never dissolve.
♠ ♠ ♠
use your noggin