Psychosis

I didn't tell my mom or dad about the bloodied shirt the next day. Or the dream. I usually tell my mom everything about my dreams. But I just couldn't tell her.

I took the shirt to the lake near Stonehenge, burned it and spread the pieces around like Hansel and Gretel on crack with the white pebbles. No way in hell anyone could find it. I didn't know who's blood it was and it terrified me. I don't even remember falling asleep. All I remember is feeling really tired after dinner. I went upstairs to my room and then nothing.

That was two days ago. I dumped my shirt yesterday morning and this morning I was silent as a mouse. Barely said a word to my mom at breakfast. She asked me what was wrong and I said that I wasn't feeling well. I didn't get sick often. Almost barely. But something I would get headaches and sore throats. But my vampirism would fight it off within hours. So she didn't worry at all. She gave me some tea to help and had to leave to run some errands. I was glad she didn't ask any further because I had no answers.

Was I getting so messed up that I'm starting to black out?

I wanted to talk to Mrs. White. But what was I to say? 'Hey I'm waking up with blood on me and have no memory of the night before. Can you help?'. She would call the authorities on me in seconds. I couldn't talk to my dad. I couldn't talk to Natalie, Raelynn, Joel or Erin. They knew nothing of me past I'm a 17 year old boy with a normal life. I couldn't talk to Tj because he would just flap his lips to my parents. I had no one. Nothing. And I was hurt.

I ignored the whole incident and made my way to school, trying to seem as normal as possible. When I got there, I saw Joel sitting on the fountain, reading a book. He was alone. I didn't see Nat or Rae. They were probably doing girl stuff in the bathroom. I sighed a bit and went to sit next to Joel. He jumped a bit but smiled at me, closing his book.

"Alexander. How was your weekend?" He asked me and I smiled a very hard smile, hoping he wouldn't notice.

"Eh boring. Didn't really leave the house all that much. You?" I said and he shrugged, shoving his book in his bag.

"Same really. Went to visit my mom on Saturday. She's...different" He said and looked down at his feet. Joel's parents were divorced and he lived with his dad for the most part. They didn't have much of a relationship. The only reason why Joel lives with his dad is because his mother is a drug addict. If she didn't have so many problems, he would be with her. But it got too dangerous after someone tried to break in their house and steal a bunch of valuables because his mom didn't pay her dealer. Courts ordered Joel to live with his father until he was finished with school.

"What do you mean different?"

"She seems..happier. Without me around..I know it's weird to say that. But when I went to see her, she had a new boyfriend and was 6 months pregnant. She didn't even introduce me to her new love at first. He only knew we were related because we look a like. Other than that, she spent more time with him than me. It's like..she's trying to start over and erase her past." He explained to me and I frowned before wrapping my arm around his big shoulders.

"Well if it's any consolation, I wouldn't erase you." I said quietly and he looked at me, smiling wider before nudging me. He messed up my hair before standing up. I always felt so tiny around him. He was just a big muscled guy all around and it made me feel insecure sometimes. I'm lazy as hell. I did not like any sports or movement in general. Joel worked out for fun.

"Come on before we're late my child" He said and I rolled my eyes, standing up and following him.

"Hey are you coming to the party this friday?" I asked Joel and he shrugged.

"You know me" Was all he said and he was right. I did know him. He was a lot like me. We didn't like big social gatherings. We preferred our small little group and just to chill, relax and have fun. Parties, drinking, big crowds..not really our style. I smiled at him and nudged him.

"Well you should. Because if I have to suffer, then you have to suffer with me"

"Since when was that a thing?" He asked me with a playful gleam in his eye.

"Since we became friends"

Joel held the door open for me and I looked around, not seeing Natalie or Erin. Probably getting into some type of trouble with Raelynn. Erin was more than likely the mastermind behind it all because he's just that type of guy. Joel and I went to sit in our normal seats. I crossed my legs and pulled out my notebook, flipping through some of my drawings before looking up. Mrs. Salvatore was sitting at her desk, writing something down while looking at something on her laptop. She didn't seem happy. Or sad. She just seemed to be slightly spaced out. Like she was very focused on something. Didn't realize grading papers was that stressful.

As more students begin to file in, I put my notebook away and toyed with my pencil. The bell rang and I looked towards the door, seeing Natalie and Erin briskly walking in. Natalie looked...excited? I couldn't really explain it but she looked as if she had some type of thrill. Erin looked the same. I shook my head. They probably are going to pull some prank on me, Joel or some teacher and can't contain their excitement. It has happened before, so I didn't put anything past them. Rae, Nat and Erin were like children in a candy shop most of the time. While Joel and I were the adults. Natalie smiled at me widely before sitting at the desk next to me. I just rolled my eyes at her but in a loving way.

"Alright class, before we get started here. I just wanted to talk to you about something. I don't want to frighten any of you but I feel as if you should know because it is your safety at stake here. Over the weekend, there was a incident very close to the school. A woman was murdered and her body was found yesterday morning." The more Mrs. Salvatore spoke, the more my stomach dropped. I looked down at my desk, pretending to be more interested in my pencil. I could feel in my heart and in my very soul...I had something to do with it.

"Do the police know who did it?" A fellow classmate asked.

"No they don't know who did it. All we know is that she was brutally attacked. Some went as far as to say it was an animal attack. I want you all to be safe. I want you to stay together and if you go anywhere alone, please make sure someone knows where you are and have some type of protection with you. That is all. Now...let's turn to page 457" I slowly pulled out my maths book and turned the pages, in a trance like state.

Could I have done it? I don't remember anything from Saturday night. After I went up to my room, everything is just gone...and the blood. The blood on my shirt..I didn't know where it came from. It wasn't mine..and it smelled human. Maybe I'm just overthinking things here..but something isn't right. I'm fucked up...so fucked up.

I was quiet during class and after class. During other classes, I only spoke when called on, gave the right answer and went back into my reclusive state. At lunch, I didn't speak a word nor did I touch my food. I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I had become trapped in my own mind. I had to know. I had to know if I killed her.

"I'll be right back guys" I kissed Natalie's cheek before getting up and walking out the lunch room without waiting for a response. But I could feel them staring at my back with a questioning glance. I tried to look as normal as possible to not raise suspicion. I walked out the school and across the campus to the school's giant library. There used to be a tunnel that connected that buildings but it was deemed unsafe after it collapsed into itself many years ago. It was closed off completely. This whole area was extremely old. How it hasn't sunk into the earth yet is a complete mystery.

I opened the door quietly and spotted an empty computer in the corner of the room. I nodded to the librarian, Mr. Elron or Sir Elron as he preferred. He gave me a sharp nod and before putting his newspaper back into his face. Many students, me included, came in here during lunch for extra study time so it wasn't out of the normal for me to be here. I went and sat down, touching a few keys and waiting for the screen to come to life. I would've done this from my cellphone but the connection was terrible. This was easier.

I logged in with my student ID and password, clicked on firefox and went straight to google. I didn't know what exactly to search for so I just flat out said 'Woman murdered in Leeds'. The first link was published to an article that was posted just an hour ago. I clicked on it and scrolled through. The article consisted of the same stuff Mrs. Salvatore told us already. I kept looking until I came across a picture. Immediately my mind had a flashback. The neighborhood...I knew it. I was there. I remembered being there. But it was brief. The picture in my head was gone just as quickly as it came.

Lying in the grass was the outline of a body. But the pictured was blurred out. All I could see was the area around it. I shook my head and went back to google. Then I typed in "LondonLeeks" it was a website that showed the most grotesque videos and pictures in or around Europe. It was called LondonLeeks because the person who made the website lives in London, that's all we know about them.

Thankfully the school isn't up to date on blocking websites so I had all the access. And right there on the front page was the picture of the woman.

Her body had been..torn to shreds. And the second I saw it, I looked at my hands, for a moment seeing blood on them. The ground below me had become concrete and it was night..like I was having a flashback. I could taste her blood on my lips, dripping down my mouth and dripping onto my shirt. I could hear her gasping for air as she clung to whatever life she had left. I could feel her dying..her heart starting to slow..because there was no blood left in her.

And it was over.

My mind snapped back to reality and the image was gone. I sat staring at my hands, starting to shake violently. There was no blood on them...but I still felt like I had blood on them.

I shook out of my trance and exited the page, just as it was time to return to my final classes. I got up and walked out of the library, feeling the cool crisp air hit my face. I controlled myself as I had become surrounded by people. I couldn't hear the world around me. I couldn't hear what they were saying. My mind was completely void of any sound other than a voice asking the same question over and over.

Did I Kill That Woman?