My Saving Grace

Antonio turned thirty-four the day after Christmas and to celebrate, the four of us drove up to Duluth for an overnight trip. We had dinner at one of my favorite Italian restaurants along the shores of Lake Superior then visited the famous Bentleyville Tour of Lights at Canal Park.

Walking beneath the millions of dazzling lights hand-in-hand with the love of my life while the snow fell on us felt like an utter fairytale, a moment I'd never forget. And of course, when we were back in the warmth of our hotel room, we had lots of birthday sex, doing the song justice.

Two days before we had to fly home, Antonio and I went to visit my mom and Grandpa Mark's graves after having breakfast at Grandma Elizabeth's house. I wish I'd gotten to meet him, but sadly, he'd passed away before my mom and dad had even met.

We left flowers by both of their tombstones, and Antonio simply held me as I spoke to my mom, my heart heavy with grief.

"Hey, mom, it's me. I have great news for you. I'm married now, can you believe it? This is my husband, Antonio. He's the most handsome, intelligent, and loving man I know. I wish you two could have met. You'd love him."

A brief gust of wind broke off a twig from one of the nearby trees, and it gradually descended at Antonio's foot. We shared a meaningful look, his brown eyes shining with unshed tears.

"She really does hear everything, huh?", he spoke.

"Yup, she does," I replied with a sad smile.

"Though I can't tell if she approves of me or not," he said half-jokingly, glancing down at the twig by his foot as he gave it a light kick.

"Of course she does."

I gave his torso a squeeze then turned back to the tombstone.

"I almost forgot, mom. You're going to be a grandma! Nick and Alyssa are having twins. So much for his old fear of "turning soft," right? They send their love, by the way."

A breeze, more gentle than the previous one, ruffled the air.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I clutched Antonio's arms, burying my head in his chest.

"I miss her so much," I whispered brokenly.

"I know. I can't imagine going through what you and Nick did," he said hoarsely, pressing his lips against my forehead.

"It was a living hell," I sobbed, remembering the sight of her lifeless body lying on the hospital bed, covered in tubes.

His body trembled as he held me tighter.

"Give me your pain, mia bella. Let me take it away," he breathed.

We stood there wrapped in each other's embrace beneath the gray sky, and I let him do just that.

***

It was the third Saturday in January, and Antonio and I were going on a morning run around our neighborhood. Two days ago, I'd received a call from Chase saying he was finally free to hang out. Yesterday had been the last day of filming for his new movie, and he'd flown home immediately after.

We were meeting up later today, and I didn't have to feel bad about leaving Antonio at home alone because he was having his own guys' night with his friends. What that consisted of, I was curious to know.

"So, what do you guys usually do during guys' night?", I asked when we rounded a corner.

"We watch sports. Drink. Play poker," Antonio replied matter-of-factly.

"Sounds exhilarating."

He laughed.

"My buddy, Nate, usually brings Cuban cigars as a treat during our poker games. And I provide the whiskey."

"Damn, that's fancy."

"You should join one night." He gave me a teasing grin.

"You'd have to get me very drunk to willingly participate in your sausage fest."

"Duly noted."

I smiled.

"Race you home," I said before taking off at lightning speed.

"What the—," I heard him sputter behind me.

It was a close one, but Antonio's longer legs gave him an advantage, and he ended up beating me. Only by a mere two seconds, though—not like I was counting or anything. I just enjoyed friendly competition every now and then, being a former soccer player.

We spent the day catching up on our current favorite TV show and grocery shopping, and around three, I got ready for my outing with Chase. We hadn't decided yet where we were going, but I opted for a casual look and wore a white T-shirt tucked into my favorite pair of cropped ripped jeans. To keep warm, I tossed on a green utility jacket.

"Chase is here," Antonio called from downstairs as I was putting on mascara and lip gloss.

"I'll be down soon."

Heading to the closet, I searched for my white sneakers and after putting them on, I grabbed my purse from the dresser and rushed down the stairs. Chase and Antonio were standing in the entryway of the front door, and at the sound of my footsteps, their heads turned.

"There she is," Chase declared, sporting a wide grin on his face. To my relief, he also dressed casual and wore a black hoodie and jeans.

"Hey, you," I greeted with a smile.

"It's not every day we have a celebrity in our humble abode," Antonio quipped.

"I know, right," I said.

"Well, I'm honored to be the first. You guys have a beautiful home. I love the landscaping," Chase complimented.

"Thanks. Sophia takes care of it. I kill every plant I touch."

Chase and I laughed.

"Should we get going?", he asked me.

"Sure."

He turned to Antonio.

"Thanks for letting me steal Sophia for a couple hours."

"No worries. You're saving her from the horrors of my guys' night."

Chase feigned a shudder.

"Guys' night is no place for a girl like her."

"What's that supposed to me?", I demanded.

They exchanged a look and snickered.

"Nothing important, mia bella. Have fun, alright?", Antonio spoke, giving me a peck on the cheek.

"You, too."

"See ya, man," Chase said, clapping Antonio on the back.

"See ya, Chase."

We headed out to Chase's car, where he opened the door for me before walking over to the driver's side.

"You look cute today. I haven't seen you dress like this since you were in college," he complimented once he was inside.

He was right—my outfits tended to be either dresses or business casual whenever we saw each other.

"Thanks." I couldn't help but blush slightly.

"So, any preference about where you wanna go?"

"Not really, no."

"Hmm. Are your shoes good for walking in?", he inquired.

"Yeah, they're really comfortable. Why?"

"Have you been to Malibu Creek State Park before?"

"No. I hear it's beautiful, though."

"It is. Wanna go?"

"Yes, that sounds great!"

"Perfect," he said with a gleam in his eyes.

He began driving, and I told him all about my trip to Minnesota then he caught me up on his own holiday break, which consisted of spending Christmas with Gwen's family for the very first time and a ski trip to Aspen. In the background, he had his music playlist on, and it comprised of mostly hip hop and R&B.

"Wow, this is such a throwback," I remarked when Usher's, "DJ Got Us Falling in Love," started playing. I turned up the volume and began belting out the lyrics.

Chase laughed before joining in himself, the both of us singing (more like yelling) off-key. For the remainder of the drive, we blessed fellow cars on US-101 N with our incredible voices. The highlight was our failed attempt to rap along to DaBaby's, "Suge."

Things mellowed down when we approached Malibu Canyon and Chris Brown's, "2012," began playing. I'd always been a fan of his music, but the guy himself was another story.

"Wow, I haven't heard this song in so long. It was on my bedroom playlist in high school," I announced.

"Bedroom playlist?" The corner of Chase's mouth twitched in amusement.

"Yup. My friends and I made a playlist of songs we thought were perfect for losing our virginities to."

He choked out a laugh, shaking his head.

"Why am I not surprised by this."

I suppressed a smile, playfully punching him in the arm.

It was four o'clock when we arrived, and after finding a place to park, we got out of the car and started walking along the streamside trail atop chaparral-covered slopes. Towering oak and sycamore trees provided shade from the sun.

"When was the last time you came here?", I asked Chase.

"Two years ago, I think. There's another trail along Malibu creek we can check out later. That one has incredible views."

"Ooh, I can't wait."

He smiled.

"So, you know how I've been working a lot with my co-star, Savannah?"

"The "gorgeous" one?" I drew air quotes.

"Yes, that one," he said with a chuckle.

"Let me guess, you guys filmed a sex scene and realized you had more chemistry than you thought?"

He made a sputtering noise.

"No, that's not it."

I laughed.

"I recently found out she has the hots for Colin Ford. He plays the antagonist's henchman in our movie. I caught the two of them kissing after we finished shooting our mountain scene," he explained.

"Ooh, tea. Colin Ford is pretty cute, though."

"He's a nice guy. Wanna hear something funny?"

"Yes."

"Savannah and I had to shoot our sex scene, like, four different times because her moans were overdone. She sounded like a porn star."

I burst out laughing.

"Isn't she supposed to be recovering from a bullet wound?" I recalled Chase telling me the premise of the story line when we once hung out.

"Yup. It sure had no effect on her vocal cords, though," he said with a wry smile.

After about an hour, we switched over to the second trail, and as spectacular volcanic rock gorges came into view, I understood why Chase had saved it for last. A couple miles later, we were looking down at a scenic rock pool, which took my breath away.

"Beautiful, isn't it? The color kinda matches your jacket," Chase remarked. My eyes darted between the water and my jacket.

"It does! Wow, this view is incredible." I was utterly spellbound as I stared out into the lush scenery. The sun was also setting, creating orange and pink hues in the sky and the perfect backdrop.

"Yeah...it really is."

I turned around to see his gaze fixed on me. Of all the features on his handsome face, I'd always loved his eyes the best—they were like deep blue pools that I wanted to just dive in. For a few brief moments, our eyes simply stayed locked like that before I spoke.

"Can you take a picture for me?"

He blinked twice before responding.

"Yeah, of course."

I reached for my phone in my purse then handed it to him.

He took several photos, and in some, I put on goofy faces, which made him laugh. Then, we switched, and I took some for him as well.

"Wow, these look great," I said while we were scrolling through them.

"Would you two like a photo together?", a female voice asked from behind us.

We turned around to see a young woman with her husband and adorable children. She wore a friendly smile on her face.

"That would be awesome, thanks," I replied, handing my phone to her.

Chase threw his arm around my shoulder, and I wrapped an arm around his waist as we smiled brightly for the camera.

"Do candid photos!", one of her children, a girl, exclaimed.

"Good idea, Liz," she said with a smile.

I felt Chase tickle my back and started laughing, slapping him on the chest. For another photo, he had both hands in his jeans pockets, and I put one hand on his shoulder while the other rested on my hip.

"Get on my back," he said suddenly.

"What are we, ten?" I wrinkled my nose.

"Just do it."

"You sure?"

"Yes, princess. You weigh practically nothing."

With a smirk, I jumped on his back, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist.

"That's so cute." The woman beamed as we smiled and made funny faces.

Chase turned around so that she could get some shots of our backs as well looking into the sunset. Then, at last he set me down, and I went to retrieve my phone.

"Thank you so much! You're such a passionate photographer. I'm Sophia, by the way, and this is Chase," I said to the woman.

"I'm Melissa. And you're most welcome. I'm a professional photographer, so I love doing this. You two make such a beautiful couple. The photos look incredible."

"We're not a couple," Chase and I blurted at the same time.

"We're just good friends. I have a girlfriend, and she's married to someone else," Chase clarified, his voice dropping at the end.

"Oh, silly me," Melissa said with a laugh.

"No worries." I smiled at her.

We thanked her again then after saying our goodbyes, Chase and I continued on the trail.

"Well, that was a fun photo shoot," I declared.

"Yeah, it was." The corner of his mouth lifted in a smile.

"I'll airdrop the photos to you later."

"Sounds good."

Near the end of our hike, we were met with breathtaking views of the Las Virgenes Valley and Malibu Canyon and stopped to take pictures of the scenery. By the time we got back to the car, it was nearly seven, and the sky had turned dark.

"You feeling hungry yet?", Chase asked.

"I could eat, yeah."

"We can eat in Malibu since it's close by," he suggested.

"Works for me."

Soon, we were on the Pacific Coast Highway, with the beach to our right and shops and restaurants to our left. The wind was blowing through my hair, and I breathed in the salty ocean air, letting it relax my senses.

We parked outside Duke's, a favorite of both locals and tourists, and when we stepped inside, the host and hostess, along with several servers, gave Chase a warm welcome.

"Good to have you back in town, Lincoln," the host, a young blonde guy greeted with a wide grin. They exchanged a bro handshake.

"It's good to be back." Chase beamed.

"Who's the cutie?" Sean nodded in my direction.

"This is Sophia, a good friend of mine. Sophia, this is Sean Conway, one of my best buds," Chase introduced.

Sean reached out to shake my hand.

"It's nice to meet you, Sophia." His smile was charming.

"Likewise." I returned his smile.

Sean directed us to a beachside table, and as he and Chase caught up, I perused through the menu. After several indecisive moments, I ended up ordering the seared Ahi bowl and a Mai Tai to drink while Chase ordered steak and fries and a beer.

"You're quite Mr. Popular here," I remarked as we sipped on our drinks.

He chuckled.

"This is my go-to place to eat. I met Sean when I first moved into town, and we became close friends."

"Wait, you live here? In Malibu?"

"Yeah. I thought I told you this?" He raised a brow in question.

I shook my head.

"Nope, you didn't. I thought you lived near Santa Monica."

"Huh. My bad. I did have a condo in Santa Monica, but I've been living here for a little over a year now."

"Gotcha. You moved up in life."

"Exactly," he said with a playful wink.

"How far is your place from here?"

"It's twenty miles westward. We can swing by after dinner if you'd like."

"Isn't that out of the way?", I asked.

"It is. It took about seventy-five minutes to get from my house to yours. But, don't worry about it. I love driving." He gave me a reassuring grin.

"Maybe next time. I don't want you to have to get home so late."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Antonio probably won't want me back too late either."

"That's valid. Maybe you can still crash his guys' night." His eyes twinkled with humor.

I laughed.

"We'll see."

Our food arrived shortly after, and my mouth watered at the smell. Immediately, I began digging into my tuna, moaning in delight when the delicious seasoning hit my taste buds.

"Good?", Chase asked.

"Very. I love Duke's. Antonio and I ate at the Waikiki one during our honeymoon."

"Nice. Wanna try my steak?"

"Yes, please. Feel free to try mine as well."

"Oh, I will." He licked his lips and began cutting off a piece of tuna.

We ate in companionable silence, the sound of the ocean waves crashing like music to my ears. A couple of the servers stopped by to talk to Chase during the course of our meal, and they asked after Gwen as well. She probably came here often with him and was close to these guys. I couldn't help but feel like an outsider.

"You up for dessert?", Chase asked when they left.

"Probably not. I'm really full."

"Hmm, okay. Something on your mind, princess?" His gaze was searching.

"No."

"You know, I can read your face better than you think." He crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"I was just wondering if you've reconnected with your mom over the years."

Good one, Sophia.

"She came to my movie premiere. Alone, of course. That was the only time." His expression was solemn.

"Is she still with your stepfather?"

"Yup. I don't think she'll ever have the will to leave him. What she sees in that sick fuck, I won't ever know. But, love is complicated, I guess," he said with a heavy sigh.

"Yeah, it is."

Our server came by with the bill, and this time, I was finally able to convince Chase to let me pay for my own portion.

"You ready to head home?", he asked.

I nodded.

We stood up from the table, and he rested his hand on the small of my back, leading us to the front entrance.

"See ya, Chase. And it was great meeting you, Sophia," Sean spoke at the door.

"You, too, Sean. Take care," I said.

"See ya, man. Tell Hannah I say hi," Chase added.

"Will do. Good night, you two."

We waved goodbye to Sean then headed out to the car. I texted Antonio to let him know I was on my way home.

"What a day," Chase said with an exhale, starting the engine.

"It was so much fun."

He glanced over at me, a dazzling smile on his face.

"Yeah. It really was."

I smiled back.

"So, should we play my music now?"

"As long as it doesn't put me to sleep."

I laughed then queued up one of my playlists for the drive home. Leaning my head against the window, I watched as the lights from all the shops zoomed by.

"Is this supposed to be a bedroom song?", Chase remarked twenty minutes later.

Joe's, "If I Was Your Man," was playing through the speakers. I'd always thought his vocals were as smooth as silk, especially in this song.

"Help me understand, what I'm saying ain't getting through. Why I can't be your man, when I'd give up the world for you. Girl, I'll do the best I can. Love you forever that's what I'll do. If I was your man."

"It definitely sounds like one, doesn't it?" I giggled.

"Yup."

"I swear, this is my oldies but goodies playlist. Not my bedroom playlist."

He chuckled softly.

"Sure, princess."

"I'm serious, Chase!"

He turned to briefly look at me, his expression thoughtful.

"The lyrics are good, I'll say that," he said then directed his gaze back to the road.

"I know, right. Some poor fellow out there probably finds them too relatable."

He made a choking sound.

"Are you okay?", I asked worriedly.

"I'm fine. Just swallowed wrong."

"I hate when that happens."

"Me, too."

I watched as his chest slowly rose and fell with each ragged breath.

"You sure you're fine?" My eyes narrowed.

"Yes," he snapped.

I visibly flinched.

"Okay, I believe you."

I heard him sigh.

"I'm sorry, princess." He reached over to give my shoulder a squeeze, and I grabbed his hand, holding it in place.

"Tell me something."

"Anything."

I took a deep breath before speaking.

"I know we promised to not bring up...that night. But why did it mean so much to you?"

We were stopped at a traffic light, and he kept his eyes straight ahead.

"Because that was the first time I slept with a girl I actually felt something for."

My heart began thudding in my chest, and all I could utter was a single, "Oh."

He removed his hand from my hold and put it back on the steering wheel as the light turned green. Neither of us spoke for the remainder of the drive, and when we reached the intersection by my house, the chorus of Trey Songz's, "Can't Be Friends," started playing.

God damn, what was with these songs.

At a quarter past ten, Chase pulled into my driveway, and I angled my body towards him.

"Thanks for driving me today."

"Anytime."

"Will I see you before the Oscars?"

"Probably not. I'm gonna be pretty busy. Gwen is in town, and I should probably see her as well."

"I understand. Well, have an amazing time there. I'll be watching from home. I really hope you win the award, but even if you don't, you'll always be a winner in my eyes." I smiled at him, my heart swelling with so much pride and affection.

"Thanks, princess. That means a lot to me."

His expression was tender, and I watched as his hand slowly reached for my face. But to my dismay, he paused halfway before dropping it in his lap.

"You should probably head inside now. Don't wanna miss out on guys' night." He nodded towards the other cars parked in the driveway.

I feigned a laugh.

"Very funny. Good night, Chase."

"Night, princess."

We shared a warm embrace then I got out of the car, shutting the door. He waved at me as he backed out, and I watched him drive away until his car was all but a visible speck.