Yourself Clean

"When I get home, I'm gonna finally put up the hammocks in the huge ass window, and we will spend days looking out at the city and relaxing," Travis said sleepily. The fantastic window in his place that I, we, both loved.

"Finally!" I yawned. It was late, and Second Class Heroes had just left the venue in Chicago. They were playing Ohio and then Pennsylvania before heading up to New York to round out this first leg of their tour.

"I'll play the two chords you taught me on guitar," I laughed.

"I am glad to end this leg in New York to have some time at home. I'll have some time to teach you a new chord. The show is gonna be amazing too." Over the last few weeks, Travis had hyped up the show here. I hoped it would live up to all he thought it would be.

"Can you finally share some details? Or must I wait another three days in suspense? I think this is just a sick joke."

Second Class Heroes had been on tour for a little over two months. This was a brief run before a more extensive tour later this year. While on the road, Travis and I talked on the phone or via FaceTime. I was nervous about how things would change with him dating someone, but I felt our relationship growing and deepening.

We would talk about the most random things for hours, and we were great at promising to take the other person to places we loved or teach each other something we knew how to do. Usually, it was me promising to teach Travis how to cook. I loved to cook, but honestly, I wanted to use his enormous, gorgeous kitchen; it was so beautiful, and he did not use it. Travis promised to teach me the guitar, which I have always wanted to learn. I know two chords from our virtual sessions.

In a week, my duties would officially be over. They extended my contract for a bit as they worried about the tour and wanted to ensure Travis remained sober. I wasn't sure what would happen when I no longer had to report back to Beth or the label about any concerning behavior. Would the relief of having that off my shoulders allow us to keep evolving and growing in our relationship? I needed to figure out how to tell him the big secrets I was keeping from him. We couldn't be friends or anything else if he didn't know.

I held a huge part of myself back so that I didn't get overlooked as a viable match because I was an addict, and why would anyone get involved with one? I was sure he would never have looked at or tried to engage with me. I also didn't want to overshadow his recovery. He deserved the time to find footing and start his journey without my messy past.

I was even more unsure about what was next; Travis had ended things with Lauren yesterday. He said he was not ready or able to balance his current schedule; she had left their tour for another gig. It was an amicable split, according to Travis. I was just glad she was so accepting of our friendship. She was always very nice to me when she'd pop up on a FaceTime call. Travis was doing well, or so I hoped.

"I can only share that there will be special guests that you'll die over. We're playing Madison Square Garden. We have to pull out all the stops." He laughed.

"Well, I hope that is true and not just a lot of hot air." I yawned again. I sat up in bed so I did not fall asleep on him.

"What if it was only hot air?" He questioned, and this was how our conversations started and spiraled to a few hours at a time.

"It depends... is it hot air and smells like a beach? Or is it your breath?" I asked curiously.

"My breath, obviously. For the fans." He laughed. I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn't see me. I am sure he could tell.

"Before we spiral into a deep hole about breathing... Are you okay?"

"Adele..." He said as if to say, You know better.

"What? I am just showing concern." I told him sincerely.

"I'm fine. It was my decision. I do not feel like I need to relapse or anything." He sounded annoyed, and the mood had changed...

"I was not at all asking or implying that you were. It's just you seemed good together." They truly were great together, despite me still wanting to hate her.

"I'm sorry." He sighed. "My counselor, Charlie, Beth, management, and so many others seem to think this was gonna tip me over the edge to start down the path of destruction." Travis let out a small laugh.

"I am not saying they are right, but you still gotta see where they're coming from. They only want the best for you, even if they are annoying."

"Of course, but it's also hard to not feel like a live wire. Everyone's looking for me to shock them."

"I get that. But, changing the subject, how many special guests?"

"What about our riveting conversation about hot breath? You've lost interest in that.... so as of now, three." He laughed.

"Not counting me, right? Or my hot breath?"

"That obviously includes you. The specialist of guests. Your breath... eh."

"You wish you had half the breath that I do." I taunted him. "Don't hate me, but I'm fading fast. I'm sorry. I'm excited to see you in a few days, but more excited for the special guests and hot breath." I laughed, fighting off sleep.

"Same. Get some rest, Adelaide." He loved to call me everything but Del to get a rise out of me, but I had gotten used to it and even welcomed it now.

"Goodnight."

********

The three days leading up to Travis's return felt like the longest. I don't know if it was because I was counting down the minutes to when I'd get to see him again, or if it was just the excitement of their comeback show at Madison Square Garden.

I was excited to see them play and how the songs had evolved now that they had been playing them on the road. This would also be the first big show of theirs I'd see. I had only seen their album release, the secret show, and the karaoke event, and those were all small compared to Madison Square Garden. This tour had bells and whistles and I was excited to see the theatrics.

I felt very fancy and a little weird; the fancy definitely was winning. I was being given the VIP treatment. Travis left me all access credentials, though I am sure it was Charlie, he wanted to take credit for the gesture.

I was going to the show without Beth. She had another band that she was on the road with. She felt awful and could not believe she was missing their comeback show at The Garden, which was sold out. I promised to FaceTime her and take all the photos and videos to make her feel like she was with us.

I picked up my credentials at a will-call window at The Garden. I did not understand the workings of VIP without Beth. I just always followed her lead. I asked three Garden employees where to go before finding the entrance. I went through a metal detector, and as I was being waved through and asked where to go, they told me to keep walking, and I'd find it. I followed the signs on the walls, pointing to their dressing room. It was a winding trip through so many hallways. I didn't even know a labyrinth like this could exist here. It had to help catch people that may breach the security; slow them down before they could get to the artist.

I didn't have a ticket, just a sticker that said "All Access Always" and I didn't have any instructions on where to go or be. They were all so busy, so they weren't as responsive as I'd hoped. I texted Charlie and asked what I should do and where to go; thankfully he responded and told me to just come backstage to their dressing room, and he'd make sure I got to where I needed. I wanted to find the backstage dressing room before they went on.

My hands were sweating. I rubbed them on my jeans to take some of the dampness away. I found the arrows again and was on the right track. I approached their door, and security checked my credentials before allowing me to pass.

"Charlie said to come here," I said as I poked my head into their dressing room.

"Del!" Leo said and waved me in.

"I'm not interrupting any pre-stage rituals, am I?" I asked, hugging him. He was the only one in the room.

"Nah, how have you been?"

"Good. How are you? How does it feel to be on tour again? How have the shows been?"

"It's been amazing and awful at the same time." Leo laughed. "It had been a bit since we had been transient and away from friends and family. It's been hard, but the shows have been electric, and the response has been incredible." He paused and chuckled. "It's been a whirlwind, but I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Congratulations! That's amazing! So excited for you all and proud!" I smiled genuinely at him. I had only known Leo and the others for about ten months, but it felt like we had known each other longer by the way we had hit it off and connected.

"Thanks, Del!"

"So, because it's just us now...can you tell me about any of the special guests and if they exist? Max and Travis will not tell me a thing." I asked, and looked around quickly to make sure we were still alone.

Leo leaned in, his voice lowering conspiratorially. "Well, let's just say don't leave before the encore."

"You all are the worst, that's still vague as fuck," I laughed stepping back from Leo. He just grinned, satisfied that he gave me nothing.

"Where's everyone else?" I asked curiously as I saw the time, it was about an hour before showtime.

"I'm not enough to hang out with?" Leo laughed, running his hands through his hair.

"You're obviously enough, just figured you guys all would be together before the show."

"Just a few last-minute adjustments and double-checking everything before the show. They'll be in and out of here soon, I'm sure."

"Makes sense," I smiled. I was feeling less anxious, but still on edge to see Travis, or see when he'd pop up.

"But, Del, I'm really glad you came. It's nice to have friends here," Leo said, giving me another hug.

"I wouldn't have missed it. I can't wait to see you all perform tonight. And hear all the songs I watched you record, played for thousands," I was in awe of that fact. They would get to share their music with thousands of people and be appreciated, as they should.

"Hi." I heard softly in my ear. I was startled a bit and had goosebumps from the breath on my neck.

It was Travis. I turned around and gave him a smile before I hugged him tightly around the neck, and he lifted me slightly off the ground. Travis looked so good. Healthy, happy, and handsome as ever. Travis set me back on my feet, and I tried to play it cool, even though I was sweating from seeing him and the unexpected surprise.

"You are fucking stealth... you scared me," I said with a playful grin.

He had some scruff coming in, and he had gotten a haircut, but it was still long enough to flop in his face while singing and playing guitar, which was incredibly sexy.

"You look beautiful." He said that to Beth and me every time he saw us, but it always felt genuine, I blushed every time he said it.

"This old thing?" I looked down at my feet, trying to hide my blush, like that didn't draw more attention.

I had tried to look my best as I hadn't seen him or the rest of the band in a bit and because it was such a big night. I was wearing high-waisted, straight-legged jeans with a hot pink bralette, a black leather shacket, and a pair of hot pink platform heels to match my top. I kept my hair and makeup simple and accessorized with long layers of chain necklaces and stackable bracelets.

"Yes, that old thing...." He stared at me with a slight grin. I felt bashful; it was annoying.

Leo let out a small laugh and turned and went to grab something to drink. His laugh made me self-conscious, as he clearly was laughing at Travis interacting with me. Travis seemed unbothered.

"May I know the special guests now?" I asked in my most proper English to break the tension.

Before Travis could answer, Leo came up with small bottles of sparkling cider for each of us. I raised my bottle to him, and he went on his way, dispersing the sparkling ciders to those in the room. It was nice to see they were trying to keep sober too; I didn't see any alcohol in the room.

"No, but cheers," Travis said, holding his bottle out for me to clink.

"Why do you enjoy torturing me?" I rolled my eyes at him and sipped my drink. Travis just smirked at me and sipped his drink as well. I wanted to jump him, but I restrained myself.

After mingling and chatting for about half an hour, Travis and the crew asked for time to prepare. Charlie escorted a select few of us to the side of the stage to watch the show. I felt fortunate and honored to be next to family and friends of the band, but I also just assumed I was taking what would have been Beth's space.

I felt out of place at the side of the stage and wasn't sure what to do while we waited. The music playing for the crowd while their setup was triple-checked faded out, and the crowd erupted into a deafening wall of applause and cheers. I felt emotional knowing how hard Travis had worked to be present for this moment and how much his band had held it together and supported each other. They deserved this response and more. I cheered, clapped with everyone, and was excited, smiling like an idiot.

The lights went off in the arena, and shortly after, the band walked by all of us to take the stage. They all looked so ready and hyped.

The lights went up, and they launched into one of their early hits. I knew I'd be exhausted and hard of hearing by the end of the show, and I was completely okay with it. I FaceTimed Beth to share their first few songs. She screamed with excitement. It was so cute; she was like a proud mom. The crowd was electric, singing along to every word, and I felt a surge of pride for the band and their success.

"Thank you, New York. It's so humbling to be here... to be alive and playing a sold-out show at Madison Square Garden," Travis said, a little out of breath after a few songs. The crowd erupted into cheers, and tears welled up in my eyes. He was beaming with joy.

"Thank you all for being here with us tonight," Travis continued, his voice sounded like he was choking back tears and it made me emotional too. "This journey, this comeback, wouldn't have been possible without each and every one of you. You've stood by us, believed in us... and we are forever grateful." Travis stepped back from the mic and wiped his eyes.

"Anyway..." He laughed as he returned to the mic. "For those that have been with us for a long time, you may know this one. We never play it live...I think it's been like ten years since we played it live since it needs a special guest." The crowd lost their minds; they were going to get a rare performance. Travis laughed a little into the mic at the reaction and looked around at his bandmates before continuing.

"We originally did this song with a band we opened for at the start of our journey called Campos. They couldn't be here tonight, but we will try anyway!"

Travis stepped back from the mic, and Brian started with the riff on bass. Leo and Travis joined in on guitar, followed by Max on drums. I recognized the song but only knew the chorus lyrics. I should have tried to learn more of their music. The song was a duet with the female lead singer of Campos, Kaye Brewer. I wondered if this was their first surprise guest or if they had rearranged the song just for tonight.

The part that Kaye was supposed to sing started, and I heard a voice singing. It sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it. It wasn't Kaye, which I was secretly hoping for – a reunion. I kept on my toes, trying to see who it was on the other side of the stage. She finally emerged at center stage, singing next to Travis. It was Hayley Williams from Paramore.

I glanced around at the other people standing with me and then out to the crowd, while I heard their screams and cheers, I wanted to see their faces; everyone seemed to be losing their minds. I captured the moment and the crowd's reaction with my phone.

Travis and Hayley's voices harmonized flawlessly, and the chemistry between them was amazing. The song took on a new life, and the crowd went wild, singing along at the top of their lungs.

"Hayley Williams! Thank you so much!" Travis slung his guitar over his back to give her an enormous hug. She waved to the crowd as she ran offstage, passing by all of us. The cheers and applause were deafening, and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.

Travis and the band were pouring their hearts into every song, and the crowd reciprocated the enthusiasm. They played a few more songs from the new album, and supposedly there were still two more surprise guests to come. I wondered if Travis had fibbed to get me even more excited.

The lights went down, and we couldn't see much, but knew it wasn't the encore yet. I could see a tall man come to the middle of the stage to share a mic with Travis, or so it seemed. The band played, but the lights stayed down. Then the sound of almost a choir kicked in before someone started singing the beginning of "I Fall Apart." by Post Malone. The lights went up, and it was Post Malone. The crowd lost their minds - again.

Post Malone sang the first verse, Travis sang the second verse, and both joined in for the choruses and the final verse. Their voices, again, harmonized beautifully. I was mesmerized; it was a pairing I never knew I needed.

"Thank you!" Post Malone said as the song ended and hugged Travis. "They're one of my favorite bands!" He shouted and jumped around like a super fan as he waved and walked offstage.

"Thank you, Post! We'd uh... we'd been toying with that song as a cover for a while, and then our manager told us Post wanted to come to the show, and we were like, 'If we can perform it with him, then we need to do it and to do it for New York!' So thank you for indulging us." Travis laughed, flicking his sweat-soaked hair out of his face and grabbing his water bottle from the back of the stage.

I'd been to concerts before and even side-stage at them with Beth and her other bands, but this experience and adoration they were receiving was like nothing I had ever seen or experienced. I danced, sang, and cheered alongside everyone, feeling like a part of something truly special.

Tonight, the magnitude of the event, it was finally setting in just how famous Travis and the band were. I obviously knew they were very famous, but I had become desensitized to celebrity because of Beth; with her job and being around so many celebrities, they just seemed like her friends and far from famous. Also, we hadn't been hounded by paparazzi, which I always equated to people that were ultra famous, but times had changed- it was the fans that were armed at all times with cameras, which made it easier for me to forget.

Second Class Heroes played three more songs of their two-hour set before leaving the stage for the encore. They waved as they left the stage, and the chants started immediately for them to return for the encore.

They walked past us on the side stage and to an open area to towel themselves off. They looked so happy just talking to each other about how it was going. They took a breather for about two minutes and then returned to the stage.

"Thank you so much, New York! This has been the loudest and best audience we've had, and honestly, I don't think it'll be topped." Travis went and grabbed a different guitar and adjusted it on himself.

"This is our last song and one of my favorites we recorded, and I'm so excited to play it tonight! And since you all are so amazing, we have another surprise." As he finished, two other people started walking on the stage, and they wheeled a piano out from behind the drums.

"New York! Give it up for our dear friends Nathan and Matt from Cold War Kids!" The audience loved it, and I was freaking out; Cold War Kids were my favorite band and the only people I'd probably freak out about.

"This is 'Floored,'" Travis said quickly into the mic before taking place near Nathan, who was on the piano.

It was the song I was convinced was about me, and my favorite band was playing it with my favorite person. They sounded so good, and I was impressed by their addition to the song. I swooned and swayed to the music, and my heart fluttered.

"Thank you so much, New York!" Travis yelled into the microphone, and Nathan, Matt, and the band jogged off the stage, waving and beaming.

The house lights came on shortly after. I was on a high from their performance and I only cried twice, which I considered a success.

We let the band pass us, and those standing on the side stage got escorted and corralled into a large room backstage. There was a spread of food and drinks. I felt out of place being alone and not knowing anyone else. I grabbed a glass of wine from the bar to keep myself busy. I should force myself to mingle, but I was too nervous at the same time.

"So, how do you know the band?" An older gentleman asked as he approached me, likely sensing my feeling out of place. I had seen him backstage earlier, but he had been brought to the other side of the stage for the show.

"My friend is their label rep, and she introduced us." I smiled.

"Beth?"

"Yeah, that's her. How do you know the band and Beth?"

"Travis is my son." I should've known. The guy was handsome, and Travis looked a lot like him.

"You must be so proud." I gushed.

"I am. He's a fighter, and I'm just so happy he's living his dream." He beamed, talking about him.

"I'm Adelaide." I introduced myself. I don't know why I gave my full first name; maybe it was nerves.

"Sam." He shook my hand. I knew his name from stories Travis told me. It was nice to put a face to the name. "I've heard a lot about you." He smirked.

"The good stuff is true. Otherwise, it's a lie." I was even more nervous. What had he said about me?

"All good stuff. Can I hug you?" I just nodded and let him hug me. "Thank you." He said in a quieter voice. "Your support has meant the world to him and to me." He squeezed me tighter before releasing me.

"He has a lot of support, but then I kept hearing your name come up when we talked. When you came into the picture, things changed. He would always tell me how you supported and encouraged him and how you made him feel safe. Hearing him sound like himself and that he had someone that could bring him back like that looking out for him, I felt a sense of relief and hope. I'm forever grateful to you." I got teary-eyed. I wanted to think I was a support, but I was also a spy.

"I don't know what to say to that." I wiped my eyes quickly. "It's been the pleasure of my life to have Travis in mine. I'm so proud of him and in awe of this moment." I said truthfully, and he gave me another hug.

"I see you met my dad," Travis said as he stood next to us. As Sam and I parted, Travis hugged his dad. They swayed together, and both let out a few tears. I wiped my eyes before he could see me crying too. I gave them some space.

"Mom would be so proud. I'm so proud." His dad told him I had to look at the ceiling to not let the tears in my eyes fall.

"I'm so glad you're here." Travis choked.

"I got to meet the infamous Adelaide." Sam smiled at me as they parted. Travis looked like he was blushing a bit.

"Infamous makes me sound like a criminal." I laughed.

"You did steal a few of my hoodies." Travis teased.

"You said I could have those!" I swatted him on the arm playfully.

"Sure..." He laughed. "Did you both like the show?"

"You all were incredible. You sounded so good, and you look even better." His dad patted his back.

"You all were amazing. I was partial to the encore with Cold War Kids, but ya know," I smiled. "The energy was insane, and you deserved it all!"

"Thank you." He slung his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him.

"I'm an old man, so I'm gonna go to the hotel, but are we still spending tomorrow together?" Sam asked.

"I'll be at the hotel around 10. Love ya, pops." Travis hugged his dad tightly.

"Love you too, so much." His father responded. "Adelaide, it was such a pleasure to meet you." He grinned.

"You too, Sam." I reached out and squeezed his hand, and smiled. He nodded and went on his way to the hotel.

"I am so happy you're here." Travis scooped me into a hug suddenly.

"I would not have missed it," I said, holding back so many emotions.

"Will you come with me?" He asked, and I nodded. He checked his phone, and it looked like he sent a quick text and then walked. I followed slightly behind him at his side.

We approached a room, and Travis stood in the doorway, making his presence known. I stood beside him, looking in too.

"Trav! Man, thank you so much for having us. An amazing show!" Nathan, the lead singer of Cold War Kids, said as he greeted and hugged Travis.

"Nah, man, thank you! You gave that song the life it deserves. May need to cut it in the studio if you're down." Travis said excitedly. I was dying and hoping I didn't look too star-struck.

"I'm down! Is this Del?" He asked, and I became paralyzed.

"He told you my real name and not the name he calls me, which I hate?" I asked in disbelief. They both laughed.

"I am the only one that can call you Adele," Travis said, and while possessive and dominant tendencies turned me off, Travis saying that made me want to just rip his clothes off.

"You guys were amazing! I'm sure Travis told you, but Cold War Kids are my favorite band."

"I'm always here for when someone says we're their favorite band and their boyfriend just sold out Madison Square Garden." He laughed, and I ignored the 'boyfriend' comment. I did not want to make a scene or be awkward.

"Have to keep him humble." I laughed and looked up at Travis, and he smiled.

We spent some time with Nathan and the band, and I couldn't believe I had just met Cold War Kids; I was on cloud nine. Travis had made the night even more special, and I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by his gestures, at least I thought they were gestures. Maybe I was making something out of nothing because I was in love with him? The likelihood that he had written a song for me and also had my favorite band, a band he was friends with, perform it were very slim. I needed someone to talk to about the entire story, but the thought of telling someone made me feel shame. I'd have to admit to everything I had done and promised.

"I can take you home." Travis offered as he gathered his things to leave the arena.

"You don't have to."

"I want to."

I followed Travis out to a car that was waiting for him. He allowed me to get in first and followed behind me, shutting the door.

"Hi Neil," I greeted Travis's driver; he was the sweetest.

"Hi Del. How are you doing?" Neil asked, looking back from the driver's seat at me.

"Tonight was amazing." I gushed. "How was your daughter's birthday?" Neil hadn't been able to come to the show because he had his daughter's birthday and family in town. I know Travis had tried to give them all tickets, but his daughter was turning five and wanted a unicorn party. He also tried to give Neil the night off, but he insisted on picking Travis up so he could escape the chaos at home for a bit.

"She's one tired unicorn," He laughed. "Travis, thank you for the gift. It was so thoughtful and she loved it!"

"What did you get her?" I asked Travis and he just smiled.

"It was my pleasure, Neil, glad she liked it. I sent over a giant stuffed unicorn that you can change the hair, the horn, and add gems to it. I consulted my niece and she never gets it wrong."

"That is so sweet." I smiled at how thoughtful he was and how good he was to those in his life. "Tonight really was amazing," I said to Travis.

"It really was..." Travis replied in awe as he craned his neck to see The Garden as we drove away. I felt like I could see the enormity of the night setting in for him. I put my hand on his arm for support.

"Thank you." He finally said and looked me in the eyes. I felt a little uncomfortable with his stare, but it was mostly because I didn't trust myself when he looked at me the way he was.

"For what?" I smiled.

"For everything," he replied, his gaze unwavering. "For being you. Being there for me and being so supportive of the band. You've been such a huge part of this journey, and I can't thank you enough."

His words touched me. I felt the connection with us, but even when his dad told me how much my support had meant, I didn't really believe it, until hearing it directly from Travis. I felt my eyes welling up with tears, I blinked them back, not wanting to ruin the moment with my emotions. I smiled warmly at him, my heart feeling full.

Travis took my hand, kissed it, which he has never done. I was a little caught off guard when he kissed it and didn't let it go. Though the simple gesture sent a wave of excitement through me, and I cherished the intimacy of the moment..

"When we first met, did you think I would fail?"

"Why would you ask that?" I was confused by his sudden question.

"It just felt like so many people have been betting against me. I didn't believe I could come out the other end and keep the band together, but tonight I felt like I proved them wrong, if that makes sense." He avoided eye contact.

"I didn't know you at all back then. But what I knew from Beth and meeting you briefly at that event - I believed in you. You wanted to be better, and that determination showed," I reassured him, hoping to convey my unwavering faith in him. I squeezed his hand that still held mine loosely.

We pulled up to my apartment building, and I felt a mix of emotions. Part of me didn't want this night to end, but I also didn't know what to do or say. How did I end this evening on the right note?

"Can I walk you in?" He asked, breaking the silence.

"Of course." I unbuckled my seatbelt, and Neil opened my door. Travis left out the other side and came around to meet me. He took my hand, and I was still trying to process what this was; he had never held my hand, and it sent a thrill through me.

"Are you going to Beth's birthday party this weekend?" I asked as we waited for the elevator.

"Of course, I assume you are?"

"I wouldn't miss it. I'm taking the train down to Philly on Thursday to hang with her, and then I got a hotel room in the block she reserved. You?"

"I'm in the room block too, but I'll get in Friday afternoon before the party to get ready," he said, still not letting go of my hand. I'm sure he could feel it sweating.

"You'll have to save me a dance." I smiled as we approached my apartment door.

"Can I come in?" Travis asked. I wasn't sure about the situation.

"Uh... Sure. Do you want to tell Neil?" I flipped a light on as we stepped into my apartment, he finally let my hand drop to text Neil.

"Done." He grinned as he put his phone back in his pocket.

"Can I get you anything?" I asked as I walked into my kitchen. I needed water to calm myself.

"'Floored' is for you." He said randomly as he lingered in the kitchen doorway as I got some water. My heart started to pound and it felt like it was going to explode..

"Cold War Kids were for you too." He admitted and looked down with a small laugh before looking up again at me.

"Thank you?... I'm sorry I... I don't know how to respond to such enormous things." I was flustered, to say the least, and at a loss for words. I set my water down on the counter so he didn't see my hands shaking.

"I just needed to tell you, is all. You mean a lot to me." Travis said, his voice sincere and eyes locking onto mine.

"You mean a lot to me too." I replied, trying to convey the depth of my feelings in those simple words. I was paralyzed. I didn't know what to do.

We stood there, staring at each other, the air filled with unspoken emotions and waiting for one of us to make a move. The tension was the most palpable it has ever been, but neither of us seemed to know how to bridge the gap and make a move. Suddenly, my phone rang, breaking the intensity of the moment. It was Beth trying to FaceTime me. I quickly answered, grateful for the interruption.

"Hey, thank you so much for FaceTiming me earlier. It looked amazing! You look so beautiful." Beth sighed.

"It was amazing! You missed a great show. And thank you! You look beautiful too!" I kept looking up at Travis over my phone.

"I tried calling Travis, but he didn't pick up. How was he?" I looked up at him and let out a small laugh. He grabbed my phone.

"Hi, Beth! I just dropped Adele off, but the show was so amazing! We missed you." He smiled at her.

"Oh, you're there...." She sounded so surprised. "I'm so bummed I missed the show! We will need to catch up later. I felt awful missing it and needed a little recap, but I will talk to you later!"

"I'll call you after my dad leaves and fill you in on everything." He promised.

"Love you both!" Beth said, and Travis hung up and set my phone down.

Travis walked toward me, and I instinctively walked backward. Why did I have to reject him? I wanted this.

Travis pressed me against the counter, holding my face in his hands and stared at me. I loved having his body against mine, but I was sure he could tell I was panicking.

"Thank you for being there tonight... I'll see you in a couple of days," he said softly and kissed the side of my head before leaving my apartment.

As soon as the door closed behind him, I couldn't hold back my tears any longer. The weight of my feelings for him and the secret I was keeping felt unbearable. It was a night of emotions – joy, love, excitement, but also fear and uncertainty. I had fallen for him, and I didn't know how to navigate this at all. But one thing was certain – my heart had already made its choice, but my mind was fighting my heart at every step.