Status: Cautiously Active
Crazy Girl
Her.
I think am fine.
I think am finally completely and utterly fine.
I may know that might not be enough for some people but for me it is more than I have ever wished for. All I have wanted since a young age is to be fine, to be normal. And for so much of my life I have lived as an outcast, a freak.
And finally I am fine.
I may be fine but I am also hopeless, a hopeless girl living out a future that scares the shit out of her.
And this is how it starts, the delusions and the scary figments of my imagination, of my illness. I feel like I am walking bare foot across a field of roses, they are beautiful but they are also painful, the thorns they hurt, and I don’t know how else to explain it. To explain this illness that cripples me and suddenly I am not fine, I am so not okay and it is almost laughable that I almost thought I was fine there for a moment.
Laughable, but I don’t laugh. I don’t really laugh anymore, my illness has stolen so much from me, but mostly my laugh. I cannot find humour in my life and it is a monotonous mess. I hate myself more than anything else because I am cursed with this illness, this… madness.
I guess I forgot to introduce myself properly. Hi I’m Hayden and I’m a schizophrenic.
I think am finally completely and utterly fine.
I may know that might not be enough for some people but for me it is more than I have ever wished for. All I have wanted since a young age is to be fine, to be normal. And for so much of my life I have lived as an outcast, a freak.
And finally I am fine.
I may be fine but I am also hopeless, a hopeless girl living out a future that scares the shit out of her.
And this is how it starts, the delusions and the scary figments of my imagination, of my illness. I feel like I am walking bare foot across a field of roses, they are beautiful but they are also painful, the thorns they hurt, and I don’t know how else to explain it. To explain this illness that cripples me and suddenly I am not fine, I am so not okay and it is almost laughable that I almost thought I was fine there for a moment.
Laughable, but I don’t laugh. I don’t really laugh anymore, my illness has stolen so much from me, but mostly my laugh. I cannot find humour in my life and it is a monotonous mess. I hate myself more than anything else because I am cursed with this illness, this… madness.
I guess I forgot to introduce myself properly. Hi I’m Hayden and I’m a schizophrenic.