Wilted

I didn’t remember how I got in bed. I didn’t remember how long I’d sat in silence, but the look on Xander’s face told me it probably had been a while.

“How long?” I asked, scrunching my eyes, and rubbing them. They felt dry from lack of blinking that often accompanied my episodes.

“Six hours.”

Six. “Shit.”

“Yeah.”

We sat in silent for a moment. I could tell he wanted to ask me about what happened which made me so insane. I wasn’t this bad before. I had issues with anger and was more antisocial than was probably good for me, but I was recovering. The CBT was working.

Until it wasn’t anymore.

“Do you need me to stay over?” Xander asked. He was too kind to an undeserving shit like me.

I shook my head, “Don’t worry. I’m out of it now, I’ll be okay.”

Xander smiled weakly and messed my curls before heading to the door. He opened it then turned towards me.

“You know, I’m really proud of you Kat.”

I stared blankly him at a moment, trying to process what he said. Proud of me?

“See you later, Kat.”

And with that he left.

Proud of me?

I let the thought slip from my mind and went up to lock the door. It was dark outside now so I slipped on a thick jumper and some woolly socks since with darkness came cold. I lit some candles, water my most demanding bonsai, and made myself a salad with left over chicken from the other day.

I sat on the edge of my bed and ate trying not to let the fear of what happened in those unrecorded months get the best of me.