Elysian

Remy is exhausted, even before the party really begins. She is exhausted by life; it is not something that a few hours of sleep will ever cure. She is exhausted because she has lost someone she loves, Yale, and that is the most exhausting thing of all. Remy wants to smoke some weed until she feels warm and fuzzy on the inside, till it stops hurting to see Daria and Yale together.

They arrived at the party five minutes ago and are making the rounds, Yale introducing Daria to his friends, Remy was once in that very position and she wonders what it is about her that bores Yale. She wonders how he feels they are not right for each other when their hands fit together so perfectly, how their bodies can mould into one in a sweaty mix of cigarettes and sex, yet they are not right for each other.

It does not make sense to Remy.

Remy wants to hurt Daria, punch her in her pretty little face, cause damage, permanent damage like Daria and her friends did to Remy, but she knows Yale would kill her, maybe even literally so she stays away.

For now, at least, later she will hurt the girl but not by punching her but by torturing her emotionally, breaking her spirit and her soul because that is what those girls did to Remy. The broke her and now she is nothing like the wide eyed girl she used to be, she is different. Inherently different and there is no changing that now. Remy hates Daria for that, for being the final of things in Remy’s shitty life that finally broke her completely.

A group of people are playing spin the bottle around Remy, she sits in the circle hoping to forget about Yale in the mouth of another boy. Oli sits beside Remy but does not play this juvenile game, to Oli sex and kissing mean something, something important, something meaningful. They mean more to Oli than to Remy because Remy has been using her body and raw sex appeal to get what she wants for quite some time; it is the one thing her mother bothered to teach her as a young girl before splitting from her life.

Yale and a rather squeamish Daria join the circle, the first thing Remy notices about the couple is that Yale is holding Daria’s hand, a sharp pain shoots through her chest and more than ever she hates the meek girl. Remy’s nails are painted fuck me red and Daria’s are plain, how could Yale ever choose her, plain Daria over fiery Remy? She just doesn’t understand, frustrated tears burn behind her eyes but she refuses to cry, she refuses to show Daria that she has won, not only Yale but in breaking Remy to pieces.

Remy desperately needs a cigarette but first she needs a few answers, honest answers and this is the best way to get them, “We were just playing a game,”

“What are we playing?” Yale asks settling in, if nothing else Remy is good for entertainment, and entertain them she will. Remy ignores the empty vodka bottle in the middle of the circle. Yale pulls a cigarette from his pocket and Remy is practically salivating at the thought of a cigarette, this compulsion is almost too much. But she does not reach for Yale’s cigarette, she sits on her hands because that is a familiarity they no longer share.

“Truth or dare,”

“Hey!” We were playing spin the bottle” Someone protests from the circle, Remy turns to glare at him, a horny boy who wants nothing more than to fuck Remy, she takes power in that knowledge, he quickly stands leaving the group in awkward humiliation.

“I’ll go first” Remy says once the boy is gone, she stares between Yale and Daria trying to decide which person to pick first, she decides on Daria. “I pick Daria”

“Oh I’m… I’m not playing,” Daria says lamely, Remy rolls her eyes in annoyance,

“Truth,” Daria says finally growing somewhat of a back bone and challenging Remy at her own game,

“Do you like Yale?” Remy asks after a beat of hesitation, she knows the answer but she wants to hear it, wants to feel the pain that this answer will bring her, and pain it will bring because Remy is still hopelessly devoted to Yale.

Daria pauses, her tongue tied obviously, she stares at Remy for too long and Remy breaks eye contact as realisation sinks in, she doesn’t just like Yale she loves him, and Remy feels like her heart has been punched. With a sinking realisation, Remy waits as Daria splutters for an answer, one that will clear this whole mess away, Remy gasps,

“Oh my god, you love him.” Yale laughs uncomfortably, Yale isn’t good with emotions, especially since his sister died and Oli can tell his is feeling awkward, awkward for himself and the emotions Daria obviously feels for him.

“You’re just scaring her, she’s shy,” Yale tells Remy with a look of disapproval it makes Remy mad, he has not right to be disappointed in her, he told her yesterday that he no longer wanted to be anything more than a friend to her. His disapproval hurts and Remy wants to say more, explain this whole situation away but Daria is walking, running from the room and Remy feels bad. She hates that she feels bad for Daria but she does, the poor girl looks so confused and uncomfortable, Remy wishes she were a better person, one more forgiving, but she isn’t.

“Fuck you Remy,” Yale spits, only he doesn’t realise Remy never intended for this to happen, she never really intended to hurt Daria she just wanted to know the truth of what is between Yale and Daria. And boy has she got it now. Oli wants to speak up, tell Yale he is being unfair, he knows Remy didn’t mean this, she is not a cruel person, she is just confused, angry and hurt, much like Daria at this moment, he wants to remind Yale of all Remy has been through, but he doesn’t. It is not his place to defend Remy, he knows she would not appreciate his input.

Yale disappears after Daria and Remy sits in shell shocked silence, Daria loves Yale and he obviously feels something strong for her, it is enough to send Remy over the edge to cruelty, she wants to hurt Daria, hurt her like Remy is hurting. And she will, Monday at school she will hurt that little princess and she will not feel bad about it, that is a promise she intends to keep.

“Don’t know what you expected to happen,” Stomper says staring at his younger sister. Stomper never really comes to Remy’s defence because he never really looks at her as being in the right. Plus, Remy is the last person that needs protecting, she is strong enough to handle anything, Stomper wishes once more he was a strong at she is. Maybe that is why he says what he says because he is jealous of the strength he sees in his sister, not physical strength like he possesses but emotional strength, the strength to carry on when her world is falling apart, like it currently is.

“Stomper” Oli warns, he can see Remy is on the verge of breaking in front of everyone and her brother’s disapproval hurts more than anything else, she wishes just for once he would protect her, but he won’t and she is okay with that. Not really but she will pretend she is.

“Whatever I’m out,” Oli stares at the scar on Stompers face, realising how hard of a life these twins have had, not a life they have ever shared with Oli personally but he has heard the stories, everyone has. He shakes away the thought feeling traitorous to Remy for thinking about her hard upbringing next to her.

“Remy,” Oli says putting a calming hand on her shoulder, he can see she is on the brink of tears and giving up completely. Oli wishes she knew how tough she really was, “He doesn’t mean it you know, he’s pissed,” Oli is referring to Yale but Remy’s thoughts are on her brother.

“Yes he does, he has been like that since…” She trails off, “I remind Stomper of what happened I think,” Remy is far more hurt by her brother than Yale and that is a telling sign to Oli, he is certain now Remy is not in love with Yale but rather wants to be, she just wants to be normal. “He was just trying to protect me,” Remy whispers the circle around them having dissipated during Yale and Remy’s scene.

“What happened?” Oli wants to hear it from Remy, sure once she admits what happened to her out loud she can finally begin healing,

“Nothing… Never mind.” She says suddenly rolling back her shoulders and sniffing away tears, she is putting on her tough girl act, the one where she is invincible and immune to hurt. She looks at Oli and smiles but he can tell it is forced, he hates that he knows so much about Remy, wishes things were different for the girl and that he couldn’t feel all her emotions as she feels them herself, they are after all written across her face.

Remy is an impatient person, she always has been since a child, it is one of her worst traits. She can barely sit still for more than a minute, she loses her temper all the time from her lack of patience. She is an impatient person but Oli doesn’t really mind, he just wants to help her, help her see she is strong and patient, why he has no idea probably because he feels bad for the impatient girl.

And so Oli will wait, wait until she is ready to start to heal.