Pieces

The journey to Matt’s house didn’t take as long as I had thought it would. Matt and his long-term girlfriend, Val, had moved into their new house two years ago and I had never come to visit before. If we had drove to our neighbourhood where Matt and I had grown up it would have taken at least an hour in Californian traffic, but it only took us around twenty minutes until we were parking up outside a house that looked way too big for just two people. As I got out of Matt’s car I couldn’t help but gawk at the sheer size of it. My apartment looked like an ant in comparison to this. ‘Life of a rock star’, I thought to myself, shaking my head as I opened the back doors of the car so the twins could jump out.

As soon as we had opened the front door I was greeted straight away with a huge hug from Val, her high-pitched squeals ringing loudly in my ear as she hugged me before going to the twins, talking quickly about how much they’ve grown since she had last seen them. She didn’t quieten down until Matt walked through the door, our bags in his hands, giving Val a quick peck on the cheek as he walked past her to place our bags at the bottom of their large staircase.

“Come on, babe. Let’s give them a little tour.” He said, bending down and picking both the twins up at the same time, holding them with an arm each before climbing up the stairs, his walk a little heavier with the extra weight of the two humans he held.

First they showed us the designated room for the twins. As they led the three of us inside the room they explained about how they wanted this to be their guest room for a while, and had spent days decorating it just for them. As I walked in I could smell the faint scent of the paint they had used to colour the walls a light, sky blue with white clouds along the entirety of the room. Two beds sat on either side of the room, one with a Mickey Mouse cover in red and black, and another with Minnie Mouse cover in pink. A chest of drawers with matching woodwork to the frames of each of the beds was placed on the other side of the room, with a few books laid in a pile on top and a large full body mirror next to it. A small wooden box was situated between the two beds, the lid open to show that it was empty.

“That’s for Santa, so he can put some stocking presents in because we don’t have a fireplace here to hang our stockings.” Val explained when Hayley asked, and she was pretty pleased with the reply.
Matt and I left Val with the twins to show them around the rest of the room while Matt took me into their second guest room right across the hall from the twins’. Afterwards, Matt decided to bring our bags up, leaving me to unpack my own while he and Val spent time with the twins and unpacked their stuff for them.

After the unpacking of our bags was all done Matt took us all downstairs, showing us the living room, kitchen and large dining space. I still couldn’t actually believe that my brother lived such a luxurious life after seeing his large flat screen TV and up to date games consoles that were all laid out for everyone to see in a shelf underneath.

We eventually all sat in the living room, spread out amongst their black couches, their TV on in the background as we all spoke. Hayley was sitting up on the couch on her knees, looking at the many photos that were hung up on the wall behind her.

“Look, Mommy!” She gasped, pointing at a picture, and turning to me to grab my attention. “It’s you and Uncle Matty!” She said. I got up and looked at the photo she was talking about. It was one from one of our last days of high school. All the guys were in it with us, leaning against the wall we used to always hang out at. I stood in front of Brian, his arms around me from behind, his head resting on my shoulder. Val, of course, was cuddled up into Matt’s side and the other guys looked as if they were mid-laugh talking amongst themselves. I couldn’t actually remember the moment the picture was taken, but I smiled anyway. We were happy. “Mommy? Who’s that hugging you?” Hayley asked, her finger pointing to Brian’s face. I didn’t know how to answer. Just staring at Hayley’s face as her curious eyes scanned the photo, obviously knowing the other people in the photo except this one face.

“That’s one of my old friends from school,” I explained, leaving it at that. “Come on, sit down properly and don’t touch picture frames with your fingers. You’ll leave dirty fingerprints on the glass.” I said, watching her pout as she slumped down so she was back to sitting on the couch.

We spent the rest of the day chilling out in the living room watching some kid’s cartoons, talking about old Christmas traditions from Matt and I’s childhood that we would like to enjoy with the kids this year, and couldn’t actually agree on one that we all liked. We ordered in some pizza at around four thirty when Matt started complaining that he was hungry and all the food left in the house was for Christmas Day. After we ate I took the kids upstairs, giving them both a quick bath before putting them in their pyjamas and reading them a book before I left them to sleep. They were in need of an early night, after being up since six that morning I could tell how tired they both were.

I walked back downstairs, leaving their bedroom door open just a little bit, and headed straight to the kitchen where Val stood putting away the dishes. Matt had left to go pick up last minute groceries for the big Christmas dinner we were having so I decided to spend a bit of time with my high school best friend.

“You want a coffee or anything, sweetie?” She asked, her head turned to look at me as I sat down on the island counter.

“I’m good, thanks,” I smiled as I rubbed my face with my hands, finally realising how tired I was myself.

“You look exhausted,” Val laughed as she leaned back on the countertops, arms crossed across her middle. “How long have you been up?”

“I don’t even know anymore,” I said, trying to make a joke out of it but was caught off guard by a yawn. “Jeez, I think I might head to bed, before I pass out right here.” I said, half smiling as I slid off of the chair. Val came around to my side of the counters, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hugs.

“Goodnight, Sav. I’m so happy you’re here.” She whispered as she kept me in her arms, making me smile.

“Same here, Val.” I pulled away from the hug. “Tell Matt I said goodnight when he gets back, will you?” She nodded her reply and I smiled back. “Thanks. Night, Val.”

“Goodnight, Sav!” She smiled, and I turned my back and began walking back up the stairs and into my designated room, closing the door gently behind me. I slipped out of my clothes, chucking them into the empty suitcase that still laid on the floor in front of the chest of drawers. My pyjamas, which were just some night shorts and a tank top, sat on the bed where I had left them earlier and I quickly put them on before getting underneath the covers of the bed. I checked through my phone, looking through and replying to a few business e-mails about my shop back home before placing the phone onto the nightstand, switching of the lights and closing my eyes, and just waited till I fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up later than I thought I would, and was confused when I saw the light shining through the gaps in the curtains. I was always awake before the sun was up. I sat up in bed, running my hand through my tangled hair and yawned quietly as I tried to wake myself up. It was Christmas Eve. The years seemed to be going so quickly, and I couldn’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that this was the twins’ fourth Christmas. Already. They were growing too quickly, and the holidays always reminded me that.

I reluctantly got out of bed, surprised when the morning air was actually warm rather than the harsh cold I was used to, and left the room to check on the twins. As I opened their bedroom door to see their beds were empty I smiled softly, closing the door again and heading downstairs.

I followed the sounds of the twins giggling and walked into the living room to see Hayley and Harvey both cuddled up to either side of Matt, still in their pyjamas from the night before. I said a quick good morning as I sat down on the couch next to Val and listened in to the conversation they were engrossed in, chuckling softly to myself as the twins listed everything they wanted for Christmas. After a few more minutes Matt sat up straight, the kids automatically sitting up right too.

“Right, you two. We have lots to do today! We need to start getting ready for dinner, and we still need to decorate the house.” Matt explained, and Hayley perked up slightly at the mention of decorating.

“Can we do the tree, Uncle Matty?” She asked, pointing her hand to the bare tree that stood in the corner of the room.

“Of course you can. We left it empty just for you both!” Val explained, standing up and picking up a huge cardboard box that was hidden beside the couch, tinsel and baubles hanging out over the top. Of course they had gone overboard and probably bought a bunch of brand new stuff, and I couldn’t help but feel guilty, like Matt had spent maybe a bit too much money on the twins. His hard earned money.

The twins both jumped up at once and started going through the box, gasping at all the colours as they pulled things out from the box and practically throwing them all over the floor.

“Careful you don’t break anything,” I said to them both, though the only reply I got was a quick nod. I sighed softly, turning to Val. “So who’s coming for dinner tomorrow or is it just us?” I asked. Matt had mentioned he would invite some of the guys, but I knew some had thought about making plans with their own family, so I wasn’t entirely sure who was going to turn up.

“Well…” Val started, her eyes quickly darting from my face to Matts. “Um, Jimmy’s coming with Leana, and Johnny and Lacey. Zacky got back to me this morning and said he’ll be here too with Gena…” She left it there but I knew she was wanting to say more, I could tell by the look on her face and the way she kept looking towards Matt, as if trying to get some reassurance or something.

“What aren’t you guys telling me?” I questioned, turning to look from one to the other as they looked at each other, having one of their silent conversations. The twins were still occupied with digging through the decorations, talking amongst themselves about how they would decorate the tree.

“Sav, let’s have a quick talk in the kitchen, okay?” Matt said, smiling as he stood up. Before leaving to the kitchen he knelt down in front of the kids. “Why don’t you and Aunt Val start on the tree?” When the twins’ gave their Uncle toothy grins, nodding quickly Matt turned and walked through the archway into their kitchen, motioning for me to follow him, which I did after giving Val a curious look trying to figure out what they had done. When I walked into the kitchen Matt was leaning against the island counter, his fingers tapping on the marble tops.

“Matt, what is going on?” I asked, frustrated at how they were dragging things out. I needed to know, I hated being left in the dark, and of course my mind was going crazy with all the possibilities of what they could be hiding.

“Just… Don’t get mad, okay? I couldn’t exactly find a way out of the situation, trust me when I say I tried, we all tried, but somehow he found out and invited himself. I couldn’t exactly say no to him when I had invited everyone else and couldn’t give him the reason why he can’t be here…” He said, rubbing the back of his neck as he spoke, not making eye contact.

I stayed silent for a while, processing what he had just told me. “What are you trying to say, Matt?”

“I just…” He sighed loudly, finally looking at me. “Brian’s going to be coming tomorrow.” He half mumbled.

My heart felt like it stopped when he said those words, my stomach churning and I felt physically sick at the situation I was now faced with. When my ex-boyfriend had decided he didn’t want to know anything about his children, I cut all ties with him. The guys had supported my decision, kept it quiet and never told him about the twins and as far as he knew they didn’t even exist. Just like he wanted.

He never wanted them, so why would he have cared to have known. At least that was what I would tell myself at night to make myself feel better after Hayley had cried to me about how her friends had shown off that their Dad had taken them to Disney, and Hayley just couldn’t understand why her own Dad didn’t do stuff like that with her. I never knew what to say to her when she asked. I was too scared to tell.

I don’t know who long I stood in the kitchen, just staring at Matt silently. I was trying to think everything through, trying to come up with how I was going to get myself out of this.

“Fuck this.” I mumbled, shaking my head and turning to face away from my brother, my hand threaded through my hair pulling it slightly in frustration.

“Sav, I swear I tried to stop it. It’ll be fine though, just don’t talk to him and I’m sure he won’t talk to you.” He was obviously trying to make things better, but it just made it worse.

“I don’t care about him talking to me, Matt!” I said, turning to face him again. “I kept those kids away from him for a reason. How dare you make me have to put them through this! What if he says something to them? It will ruin everything.”

“He won’t do anything, I promise.”

“Really? You promise he won’t do anything?” I asked, and his face dropped, shoulders sagging when he realised what I was going to bring up next. “Just like how you told me he wouldn’t care that much when I told him I was pregnant?” I whispered, trying to keep that part as quiet as possible so the kids couldn’t hear, before talking in my normal voice again. “Look how that turned out, Matt. I can’t… I…” I let out a growl of frustration, rubbing my face with my hands as I thought everything through. As I let my hands drop from my face, I looked up into the eyes of my own twin. “I can’t do this.” I said quietly, turning quickly and walking through to the living room to see the kids laughing as they wrapped the tinsel around the tree, Val trying to fix it up after them to make it look somewhat presentable.

I stopped there and then as I saw the pure happiness that was on their faces. They were happy here. They would have the best Christmas yet here, and I knew that. I didn’t want them to be here, but I couldn’t take them away. They had been looking forward to seeing their Uncles, to spend Christmas with Matt and Val and see their grandparents. I couldn’t even think of how they would have reacted if I had told them we had to go home, even though I wanted nothing more than to do that right there and then.

I couldn’t let him ruin their happiness.

I heard Matt walk up behind me. “Sav,” he said quietly, and I turned to face him. “Please? I’m really sorry.”

I sighed softly, looking down as I fiddled with my hands nervously. “It’s fine. I just… If he causes anything, or tries to start something, I don’t think I could handle it Matt. I will take them home. Christmas or not, I won’t risk it.”

Matt nodded his head, “I won’t let him do anything, I promise.” I smiled a little in response, turning back to watch as the kids now started hanging baubles of many different colours on the tree, not really caring where they put them. I could tell Val was starting to get a little tense from the disorganisation of it all, but she fixed it up when they weren’t looking.

“Why didn’t you just tell me he’d be here before I came?” I asked, my eyes still fixed on the kids.
Matt chuckled softly at that. “You wouldn’t have even turned up if I had told you.” He said, and I had to nod my head in agreement at that, knowing how true it was.

I helped decorate the rest of the tree with Matt, Val needing to start getting things ready in the kitchen. When the tree was complete, star on top and lights switched on we all stood back to stare at our work.

“Do you think Santa will like it, Mommy?” Harvey asked, looking up at me from where he stood next to me, making me smile as I ruffled his hair up, making him squirm, and giggling as he tried to get away from my hands.

“He’ll love it!” I said, grinning as he wrapped his arms around my legs.

The rest of Christmas Eve was spent watching old movies while cuddling on the couch. How the Grinch Stole Christmas was our absolute favourite, and we watched it on repeat a few times throughout the day. There was an endless supply of popcorn and sugary sweets, until the time for dinner came and we ordered some Chinese food. No one likes to cook on Christmas Eve.
Eventually, the twins started yawning, complaining they were tired as we were watching The Nightmare before Christmas. We got up from the couch and the twins helped lay out some cookies and milk for Santa before climbing upstairs and getting into bed. Although they were both visibly tired, I could see the excitement in their eyes as they talked about the next day as Matt and I tucked them in. I kissed the tops of their heads, once again leaving their door slightly open before Matt and I began to get the living room ready for Christmas Morning.

I had had all their Christmas presents that I had bought, or Santa had gotten them, delivered to Matt’s house, and he had kindly wrapped them all for me and left them under a huge black tarp in his garage. When I was certain the kids were asleep, Matt and Val helped to carry all the presents into the living room, laying them out carefully, being as quiet as we could.

When we were done, we all said our goodnights, parting ways at the top of the stairs to go into our rooms. Although the next day was full of uncertainty for me, I couldn’t help but still feel excited to spend my favourite holiday with my favourite people.

I just hoped he didn’t ruin it.