Until My Heart Explodes.

chapter 6

Spencer tied her up in a messy bun as she exited the room that had been Bob’s just a week before. She felt a bit guilty that he had to bunk with Ray, but not completely. It wasn’t her fault that she had to come back. She went to check on Gerard, but when she peeked her head into his room, he was sound asleep at his desk.

His lamp was beaming bright on his hair and Spencer could see just a light film of sweat gathering on his forehead. She tiptoed into the room, took a glance at what he had been working on (a skeleton in a marching uniform), and shut the lamp off. She exited the room as quiet as she could and then made her way back to her current bedroom.

She’d just passed the slightly open door of Frank’s dark room, when she was suddenly grabbed by the arm, slung into his room, and was slammed against the door. A familiar hand dropped over her mouth so she couldn’t make a sound.

“Frank!!” Ray hollered out from somewhere in the house. “I told you to stop slamming that door!”

Spencer’s eyes widened in the dark, trying to adjust to see Frank, but he didn’t give her enough time. He turned on the light and smirked his ever famous smirk at her. He pulled his hand off her mouth slowly. She stared at him in amusement and annoyance. He was such a sneak. Well, they both were, but she not since she had been back.

“Hi.” He said, grinning.

“Hi.” She replied back. They embraced each other fully for the first time in more than three months. This was the first time they were completely alone without them being mad in so long, even if the house was buzzing with the rest of the band members.

The hug was long, but comforting. When they finally let go, Frank led Spencer to the bed. They sat cross-legged facing each other. Frank couldn’t stop taking in Spencer. She had already changed to what she had been wearing that morning, his boxers with Mikey’s shirt, but anything she wore, she killed in it. She was dazzling and beautiful and even though she looked a bit exhausted, he still was in awe of her.

“You’re blushing.” He said. Spencer looked down at her legs, more heat rushing to her face.

“I’m still kind of mad at you.” She told him. Frank huffed, his cheerfulness dropping fast.

“Shouldn’t I be the one mad at you? You left.” He growled, his mouth turning to a scowl.

Spencer rolled her eyes. They were finally going to get one-on-one. If Frank wanted to play that, then it was on.

“God, I’m trying to tell you how much I miss you, I tried to tell you the other night, and you’re just mad at me because I proposed to Jamia!” Frank started.

“You attacked me with your lips whilst engaged to some girl you barely know! Of course, I’m going to be mad at you! You didn’t even bother to tell me!” Spencer retorted.

“I do know her! She told you the other night that we’ve known each other since high school.”

Spencer scoffed.

“Sure… whatever. /I’ve/ known you since high school and she’s never been mentioned before.”

Frank shrugged.

“We just recently got back in touch… you know… before you ditched us.”

Spencer eyed Frank. He was more desirable when he was angry. Spencer’s mind flickered to one night on the tour bus. She blinked. Frank was now eyeing her weirdly. He must have been thinking the same. He reached out to put a hand on her knee, but she drew back.

“Not until we get everything out of our system.” She told him. This time it was Frank that rolled his eyes.

“We were doing fine, Spence! We were almost done with touring, we had one more week to go. And then we get on the bus one day and it’s oddly clean and things are organized. I pass your bunk and I think nothing of it, but something felt off because you weren’t back yet and when I opened your curtain to your bunk, it’s empty and made up nicely. Then I notice your suitcase missing and then your hair stuff isn’t in the restroom anymore, and then your drum stuff gone too. At first I think someone broke onto the bus, but then the other guys notice and Gee said it first…

“’She’s gone.’ He said. And I was so angry, so enraged. You didn’t leave anything behind. It was like you didn’t even exist. And it was worst having to find someone to replace you by the next day! And it was shit having to explain to this new guy that we don’t know what happened to our drummer. That it was like she just fuckin’ disappeared into thin air. And I called you and everyone called you and you didn’t answer. Until Mikey called you some two weeks later. He was in a bad place and you turned him down…

“I was surprised you even answered when I called about Gee. I was more surprised you came down the same day. Why’d you go? Why’d you do that?” Frank took in a huge breath. His voice had gone hoarse at the end but it didn’t seem like he was going to cry. He was just still upset and Spencer didn’t like it.

She didn’t like that she had tortured him like that…

“I can’t tell you right now, Frank. It’s… You’re not ready.” She said in a whisper. Frank slammed a fist down on the bed.


“I’m not ready to say it. Gerard knew I was leaving though. He didn’t know why or when, but he knew. I… There were things happening and I wasn’t in a good place.”

“But you got over it! You got over what happened last year at Warped! That’s what this is about, right?” Frank questioned, his hazel-green eyes wild for answers. Spencer lowered hers just as Frank noticed them going dark.

“No.” she simply said.

“I know Zack isn’t the reason you left. He couldn’t be struggling that hard at Harvard that you had to go tutor him.” Frank mentioned. Spencer shook her head.

“Can we change the subject… like to Jamia?” she asked. “What the fuck is that about? Six months is not enough to propose to someone!”

“What would you know about love?” Frank spit out. Spencer’s posture dropped a little. “We’d been together already three months before you split.”

“So three months of me being gone, you finally realized that you didn’t need me to keep you warm in bed, that she was the one?” Spencer questioned. Frank smirked.

“You don’t know anything that happened after you left.” He tried to say in an intimidating tone, but failed. Spencer caught it and eased off.

“What happened?” she asked softly.

Frank paused and took a long thinking process before speaking.

“I got scared. It was like everything was going downhill. Mikey is being more of a recluse. Ray is just angry all the time. Bob is like the only one I could talk to because Gerard was slipping off to unknown places. And then… it was me that found him. And I just… I don’t know. It just made me think that life is so short. And I don’t know what we’ll be doing tomorrow or in a week, a month, a year. But the band life isn’t going to be forever and you weren’t here to reassure me, and it just happened. I asked her the day after you showed up at the hospital. I didn’t think to tell you because you were by Gee’s side 24/7. And when you noticed it that day you came here, I didn’t want you to be all… I don’t even know…”

He stopped and studied Spencer.

“Do you love her?” Spencer slowly asked. She waited for his answer. She knew what she wanted to hear. She knew what she didn’t want him to say… but he never said anything.

He crawled over to her, hovered over her body. The tension between them was thick as ice.

“I’ve missed you.” He finally whispered to her. Spencer opened her mouth to return the compliment, but Frank never gave her the chance as he pushed her down onto her back and closed the space between them.