Constellations

Some people should come with a caution label, a warning that they are destined to break you apart into a million pieces and not bother to stick around to help you pick them up and piece them back together. That was Greyson, he should have come with a caution label, a warning that he would destroy me so terribly.

I never was warned and I think that is why I fell for him. I am almost certain if someone had warned me how ultimately dangerous he would be for me I would never have fallen so hard so fast. But I did, and here I am left to pick up the pieces he left behind.

Some people should come with a warning label and he was one of them,

I wonder what my warning label would read, ‘warning: emotionally vulnerable’ or more simply ‘warning: fucked up’. I wish I knew, I wish I we had seen each other’s caution labels before we met, because without the labels we were forced to get to know each other, forced together by circumstances that made us fall, hard and fast.

My side aches and I know a bruise is forming. I am not so sure I deserve it like he tells me I do. He is just angry, he will calm down and tomorrow he will beg for forgiveness only this time I am not so sure I can give it to him.

I ache so badly.

I just want to feel full again, like I did before I met him. When I was sure that nothing and nobody could ever hurt me, I was wrong… Dead wrong. And that annoys me, that I was so blind and cocky to what Greyson really was… is.

My side aches and I don’t think I will forgive him this time, I think this time it was too much, too much for me to forgive and handle as a sane person. So I will lock my window so he can’t climb through and go to bed early, hoping that in the morning, this, all of it will make sense once more.

Like I lock my window I will lock Greyson out of my life, slowly but surely until one day he will look around and I will be gone. Gone for good. And he won’t know where I went or when I left exactly, and that seems worth it, to hurt him so badly seems worth all this pain I currently feel.

People should come with warning labels, Greyson should have red ‘warning: contains damage on the inside, he will hurt you’. But he didn’t and I fell for his beautiful lies. I hate myself the tiniest bit that I didn’t see right through him, see what he is, the boy damaged on the inside. Tonight I will sleep and tomorrow it will all surely make sense, Greyson and the pain because this time I am done.

I wish I could go back to the day we met and tell him no. Not let him destroy me so sweetly. But I can’t, and I will forever be stuck with the memories of Greyson, wishing that this once I had read the warning label more carefully.