Book of Me and You

After John had left for the night I found myself sitting on the sofa staring at that photograph he had left with me in hopes of "sparking a memory". I sat in silence, hoping that he would be right.

Is this even a good life for me? I wondered. What if after all this work I've done to get my life back on track gets ruined by this decision to move back home? What if all that relocating and moving around with little to no paper trail ends up not being worth it in the end? What if one of these guys knows James and tips him off that I'm here?

I had to stop myself. I could feel my heart rate climbing quickly and I knew if I let myself keep thinking like this I would panic.



I jolt upright. I'm still on the couch, the sun burning my eyes as I regain a sense of my surroundings. I squeeze them shut and try to comprehend what just happened.

After getting ready for the day and washing off the nervous sweat from my dream, I decide that unpacking would be the best thing to do right now to take my mind off everything. I had hopes of finishing last night but with the sudden slaps from my past, that obviously didn't happen. I make a cup of tea and begin.

About four hours later I finally finish and the house was finally resembling a home. All my tapestries were hung and artwork or small nick nacks spotted every wall and tabletop. My bedroom was finally made up and it all just felt so cozy and inviting...

I was just about to sit when I remembered that I had little to no groceries here. I heaved a big sigh and stood back up. I went upstairs and changed out of my 'around the house' clothes to a tattered, old Tom Petty T-shirt, jeans rolled up a bit at the ankle, and black chucks. I tied my long lavender hair into a high ponytail, straightened out my bangs, and headed out.



I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised when I ran into yet another person I 'used to know' at the supermarket. I was walking down the frozen dinner aisle, shivering a little from the refrigeration, when I saw John and some guy walking up the aisle in front of me. John was looking just as nice as he had when I met him. He was in a white T-shirt and leather jacket, and he had on a cute beanie, covering his messy locks. The guy he was with somewhat resembled him but looked more scruffy. He was a little shorter and had more noticeable facial hair than John's chin patch. He was the first to notice me, giving me a side glance and then double taking. I tried to look away and act like I hadn't noticed them, hoping they would just continue with their shopping and I could escape without another awkward encounter. The man walking with John nudged him roughly and whispered something about me while pointing. How inconspicuous. I tried to act extremely interested in the shelf of frozen peas.

"Clara!" His voice always hit me like a ton of bricks. I spun around on my heels and tried to look surprised to see him.

"Oh, hey!" I put on a fake smile, I wasn't irritated to see him, but I was just so burned out from meeting people and disappointing them with my lack of memory. Though, his friend was kind of cute, not as cute as John himself but, still cute.

John paused for a moment and looked down at my shirt, the look on his face was one I couldn't quite place, either confusion or disappointment. Maybe both.

"Cool, shirt." He chuckled softly, glancing down at his shoes as if they might hold an answer to a question I couldn't quite hear. "Um, hey this is Kennedy. He's in our band as well." He smiled and stuffed his hands in his pockets. Kennedy didn't waste any time with me.

"God Clara you've changed so much!" He hugged me tightly and took me by surprise. "Have you always been this gorgeous?" He laughed when he let go, gently running his hand through my hair, admiring the new color. I chuckled awkwardly, rubbed the back of my neck, and pulled away slightly not knowing what to say. I looked over to John for help and he was just glaring deeply at Kennedy. He cleared his throat.

"Kennedy..." John gave him a look but he didn't seem to care and just continued to give me a flirtatious smile.

"So what are you guys up to today?" I quickly changed the subject, compliments always made me feel uncomfortable.

"We're just picking up some snacks for practice tonight. Has John invited you? You should totally stop by, it'll be just like old times, and you can see everyone again." Kennedy beamed. John sighed at Kennedy's obvious obliviousness to my memory, shrugged at me, then looked down awkwardly at his phone.

"Uh... yeah sure, why not." I wanted to make up some excuse but my desire to escape this interaction was stronger. "I should get this all home soon though," I gestured to all the frozen items in my cart. "But maybe I'll stop by tonight." We said our goodbyes, and I continued to shop, being extra cautious to not run into them again.

I figured if I'm gonna jump right in and unearth my entire past tonight I might as well get drunk, so I dropped by the liquor aisle after finishing the rest of my shopping. I grabbed a couple handles of vodka and a bottle of wine, purchased everything and headed home.



Once I got everything put away I collapsed onto the couch with the bottle of wine. I flipped on the tv and started drinking. I figured I'd wait as long as I could before heading over, being around all of them made me so uncomfortable, and drinking would definitely help me cope with it all.

Around 7:30 I decided to head over. I walked as leisurely as possible over to the house, I really wasn't in the mood to converse with everyone. Maybe it would be good for me to let in some people from my past? Maybe it would help fill some of the empty space in my memories.

The same guy that looked strangely similar to John answered the door. He had a huge grin plastered on his face once he saw me.

"Clara's here!!!" He shouted. Noise erupted from the basement as Kennedy stood aside to let me in. His boozy breath being blown in my face was a quick cue as to who to avoid most tonight. I smiled awkwardly as I entered the house. When I got to the basement I understood where all the noise had come from. Amps and guitars littered the room, a drum set was shoved into the corner of the room and there was a small bar by the stairway that was crowded with guys. I immediately felt out of place. Jared was the first to spot me coming down and greeted me.

"Clara! Hey, glad you could make it! Do you want a drink?" He seemed genuinely happy to see me with his big goofy grin.

"Yeah whatever you guys are having." I smiled and tried not to act as uncomfortable as I felt.

"Comin' right up!" He rushed over to the mini bar where John sat next to a few other guys. He took what looked like a decanter of whiskey from John's grasp and poured it into a glass, along with some coke. He came back quickly and handed it to me.

"Thanks." I chuckled. "Looks like John had quite the hold on that whiskey?"

"Oh, yeah don't mind him, he's in a sort of mood tonight. Not sure why." Jared shrugged and smiled leading me to the couch. We sat down and both took a drink.

"So, hows your first few days back been?" He asked.

"They've been alright, pretty uneventful compared to what I'm used to. Not that I'm complaining or anything." I smiled.

"Well, we're glad you're back." He grinned once again and took another sip. His cheeks reddening from the whiskey. "I think we're about to start, just uh make yourself comfortable and there are snacks over there or whatever." He slurred slightly standing up and watching the rest of the guys head over to the instruments. I nodded and stood, pausing for a second to finish my drink, then walked over to the bar where John had been sitting. I poured another drink, just straight whiskey with ice, and sat.

They started practice with some tuning of instruments, which didn't sound particularly great seeing as how most of them were pretty buzzed by now. I laughed lightly, not knowing how this would sound. John and Jared spoke quietly for a second before beginning the song. It started out with an upbeat rhythm, yet it was still soft and mellow. Their sound was somewhere in the middle of indie, folk, and rock.

"Here's to now,
And to nothing else,
In a crowd,
All by yourself,
To the lows and every high,
The hellos and the goodbyes,
In this moment I could die with you,"

John's voice filled every inch of the room, it was gravelly and rough. It sounded totally different from when I had heard him sing yesterday. The whiskey definitely changed the sound of his voice, but it surprisingly worked in their favor. When they explained they were in a band, I knew they couldn't be too bad on account of how nicely John sang, but I didn't know they would be this good.



The guys played two more songs afterward, but eventually quit since everyone was so buzzed. Jared came back over to me and we talked for a minute.

"Oh fuck, Clara, you probably don't know who half these people are, do you?" I laughed at his sudden increase in volume and shook my head. "Oh shit okay, well obviously I'm Jared..." He beamed as he lay his flat palm against his chest, causing a loud unsavory snort to escape me. "...And we used to be best friends." He laughed slightly. "And that," He pointed to a small skinny guy with long brown hair seated furthest away at the bar. "That's Pat, you guys used to be super close too..." Pat looked up at us and waved energetically. I smiled and gave a wave back.

"I'm really glad you're back Clara. Hopefully, we'll be close again." He smiled a sweet childlike grin before returning to his conversation.

"And I believe you already met Kennedy, and then there's Garrett." He gestured to a guy across the room with mid-length dirty blonde hair and a very punk rock aesthetic. I waved at him too before Jared and I turned again to face our drinks. I slammed mine, feeling a little too sober for all this. He laughed and followed suit.

"I think I'm gonna get some air." I leaned in and said. Jared nodded as I got up and headed outside.



The basement had a connecting patio area beyond the sliding doors. String lights illuminated the railing and surrounding landscape. Sounds of distant crickets and coyotes filled the silence and the air smelled fresh and crisp. I walked out and leaned against the railing.

"Little stuffy huh?" John's voice was soft and raspy, he let out a small cough and walked over to me, handing me what smelled like a spliff. I laughed lightly and took it, inhaling slowly, and handing it back.

I blew out the smoke and coughed lightly. "So this is what the old days were like?"

"Suppose so, though we usually don't get this crazy unless were celebrating. Which I guess we are tonight." The small LED lights fell onto his face and showed his big soft smile. His hair was tousled by a slight breeze blowing through. His cheeks and nose were flushed and his eyes looked tired but happy. I smiled down at the wooden deck below us.

"I don't know why I ever would have left this place, it seems like paradise." The smile on my face fell as I thought of all the great times I had missed out on.

"Who knows man, we were young and stupid." His voice was almost a whisper, I could tell he was just saying things to make me feel better, but the way he looked down at the ground the way I did, told me he felt the same. We stood there for a while in silence, sharing a blunt and seemingly both wishing things had been different.

"I guess we should go back in." He coughed out.

"I suppose so..."

We walked back in and everyone seemed louder than ever. I looked over and saw Kennedy attempting to climb onto the bar stool next to Pat and grab everyone's attention.

"SHH SHH EVERYBODY! I just wanna make a toast..."

Oh god.

"...To Clara. We all missed you and we're really glad to have you back." His words slurred just a bit, but the sentiment made me smile. This felt like home. Even though I hardly knew these people, they all seemed to care so much about each other, it was like a mini-family and that is exactly what I needed right now. Maybe moving back would really set my life back on track. We all raised our glasses and took a drink.