Status: Complete.
Scribbles of a Broken Heart
Important Conversations (Part 2)
“Christine Bolding?”
“Yeah,” he said cautiously while leaning away.
“Christine Bolding!” I exploded.
I shot up and started to pace, walking four steps one way and then repeating after I turned around.
“You’re upset,” he winced.
“Upset? No. I’m mad. I’m pissed. I’m furious!”
“I know.”
“How could you…When did you…Why her?”
“Could you sit down for this?”
“No, I’d be too fidgety.”
“Um, okay…Where to begin?”
“That was your only time, right?”
“Yeah.”
“When did it happen?”
“Almost a couple weeks before we got together. I was with Christine before I was with you.”
“Yeah, I know,” I replied, maybe too defensively.
I felt jealous. Even though he was with me now, I was still envious of what they had; what we could have if I allowed myself to.
“Constance, don’t pass judgment until you hear the whole story, okay?”
“I’ll try.”
Soon pacing began to tire me so I sat down on his bed and swung my legs instead.
“It was a Saturday night. Christine and I just got together a couple days before. We moved so fast. We were already fooling around. One of Christine’s older friends was throwing a party. Me and her went together. It was pretty wild. You could smell the alcohol everywhere. I stayed sober but Christine had a few drinks. She kept her alcohol pretty well too because she only seemed buzzed. And then she suggested that we go upstairs. The house was pretty big so there were a lot of spare bedrooms. And when we got there we started making out. Before I even knew it both of our shirts were off and I was lying on the bed with Christine on top of me. And she was rubbing up against, touching and kissing everywhere. I was too
turned on to say 'no.'
“There was that moment where I was unsure if I wanted her to be my first one though, the one to take my virginity away from me. It wasn’t at all as I thought it was going to be like. I thought it would have been more romantic, that I would have been in love. But a lot of things in life don’t turn out the way that we want them to, that’s just how it is.
“Anyways, we had sex on a random bed, in a random room, in a strange house. And then a little more than a week later, she broke up with me.”
“Were you guys safe?”
“Uh, somewhere—in the middle of it—Christine mentioned that she’d been on the pill since
school started.”
“You can get birth control at fourteen?”
He shrugged.
“Is that it?”
“Yeah,” he answered. “That’s the whole story.”
After he said those words I felt extremely sad, and I did not even know why. I thought that I would either be angry, jealous, or a combination of the two. I never suspected that I would feel sad. There was a burning in the pit of my stomach that erupted and my throat became dry. Every time I exhaled the middle of my chest and upper back would feel a wave of sizzling
prickles.
“What are you feeling?” Garrett asked and looked up at me from his position on the floor.
I turned so that I was facing him, leaning my back against the wall and pulling my knees close to my chest.
“I feel sad,” I sad frankly.
“Why?”He stood up.
My voice cracked, “I don’t know.”
I saw the concern on his face, as well as the fear in his eyes.
“I…I should go,” I muttered.
I jumped up and bolted for the door. Garrett was quick though and caught me around the waist. Bringing me to him, my back pressed against his front. One arm moved up to go around one shoulder, his hand resting on the other, while he still kept a firm grip on my waist.
“No,” he said almost desperately. “No.”
“’No’ what?”
“Don’t leave. You can’t just leave like that.” He bent down so our temples were touching. His head was angled in a way so that his mouth was still close to my ear, his brown hair meshed with mine. “Tell me how you feel.”
“I feel sad,” I repeated. “Insanely sad.” I could feel the tears that wanted to spill over, but I wanted to hold them in.
“Are you mad at me?”
“No.”
“Stay here, tell me how you feel. Tell me anything. But you can’t leave, not like this.”
“Why not?”
“Because if I let you step out of that door right now, I might lose you.”
“You’re not gonna los-“
“Yes I am.” I never heard the tone of his voice so somber. “If I let you leave without making this right, you’ll start to think too much about it. And then you’re gonna start to second-guess, and then you’re gonna decide that I’m not worth all the trouble anymore.”
I leaned into him even more. “I don’t know why I’m feeling like this. I’m not mad you, I’m not jealous of her—I just feel…heavy. I don’t know why this matters so much to me, but it does. And it’s kinda scaring me,” I confessed. “I shouldn’t care about your past, but I do.” The tears started a trail down my cheeks. “I don’t know why I’m feeling like this,” I said again.
“Please,” he implored, “try to explain.”
“You are my first everything. And I’m just a fifth or sixth of yours.”
His arms tightened, “That isn’t true. You’re my first long-term girlfriend.”
“A month and three weeks that's hardly long term."
“No. See, you’re already starting to second-guess.”
“Then make me stop,” I challenged.
“I want you to be my first love, Constance. Just wait for that to happen. You just have to let me.”
My shoulders started to shake.
“Lemme turn around.”
As soon as his arms loosened enough, I twisted my body and clutched his lower back. I pressed my head to his chest and let all my emotions out as I cried into his shirt.
“Okay,” I whispered in agreement. “Okay. I can wait, I’m gonna let you.”
“Yeah,” he said cautiously while leaning away.
“Christine Bolding!” I exploded.
I shot up and started to pace, walking four steps one way and then repeating after I turned around.
“You’re upset,” he winced.
“Upset? No. I’m mad. I’m pissed. I’m furious!”
“I know.”
“How could you…When did you…Why her?”
“Could you sit down for this?”
“No, I’d be too fidgety.”
“Um, okay…Where to begin?”
“That was your only time, right?”
“Yeah.”
“When did it happen?”
“Almost a couple weeks before we got together. I was with Christine before I was with you.”
“Yeah, I know,” I replied, maybe too defensively.
I felt jealous. Even though he was with me now, I was still envious of what they had; what we could have if I allowed myself to.
“Constance, don’t pass judgment until you hear the whole story, okay?”
“I’ll try.”
Soon pacing began to tire me so I sat down on his bed and swung my legs instead.
“It was a Saturday night. Christine and I just got together a couple days before. We moved so fast. We were already fooling around. One of Christine’s older friends was throwing a party. Me and her went together. It was pretty wild. You could smell the alcohol everywhere. I stayed sober but Christine had a few drinks. She kept her alcohol pretty well too because she only seemed buzzed. And then she suggested that we go upstairs. The house was pretty big so there were a lot of spare bedrooms. And when we got there we started making out. Before I even knew it both of our shirts were off and I was lying on the bed with Christine on top of me. And she was rubbing up against, touching and kissing everywhere. I was too
turned on to say 'no.'
“There was that moment where I was unsure if I wanted her to be my first one though, the one to take my virginity away from me. It wasn’t at all as I thought it was going to be like. I thought it would have been more romantic, that I would have been in love. But a lot of things in life don’t turn out the way that we want them to, that’s just how it is.
“Anyways, we had sex on a random bed, in a random room, in a strange house. And then a little more than a week later, she broke up with me.”
“Were you guys safe?”
“Uh, somewhere—in the middle of it—Christine mentioned that she’d been on the pill since
school started.”
“You can get birth control at fourteen?”
He shrugged.
“Is that it?”
“Yeah,” he answered. “That’s the whole story.”
After he said those words I felt extremely sad, and I did not even know why. I thought that I would either be angry, jealous, or a combination of the two. I never suspected that I would feel sad. There was a burning in the pit of my stomach that erupted and my throat became dry. Every time I exhaled the middle of my chest and upper back would feel a wave of sizzling
prickles.
“What are you feeling?” Garrett asked and looked up at me from his position on the floor.
I turned so that I was facing him, leaning my back against the wall and pulling my knees close to my chest.
“I feel sad,” I sad frankly.
“Why?”He stood up.
My voice cracked, “I don’t know.”
I saw the concern on his face, as well as the fear in his eyes.
“I…I should go,” I muttered.
I jumped up and bolted for the door. Garrett was quick though and caught me around the waist. Bringing me to him, my back pressed against his front. One arm moved up to go around one shoulder, his hand resting on the other, while he still kept a firm grip on my waist.
“No,” he said almost desperately. “No.”
“’No’ what?”
“Don’t leave. You can’t just leave like that.” He bent down so our temples were touching. His head was angled in a way so that his mouth was still close to my ear, his brown hair meshed with mine. “Tell me how you feel.”
“I feel sad,” I repeated. “Insanely sad.” I could feel the tears that wanted to spill over, but I wanted to hold them in.
“Are you mad at me?”
“No.”
“Stay here, tell me how you feel. Tell me anything. But you can’t leave, not like this.”
“Why not?”
“Because if I let you step out of that door right now, I might lose you.”
“You’re not gonna los-“
“Yes I am.” I never heard the tone of his voice so somber. “If I let you leave without making this right, you’ll start to think too much about it. And then you’re gonna start to second-guess, and then you’re gonna decide that I’m not worth all the trouble anymore.”
I leaned into him even more. “I don’t know why I’m feeling like this. I’m not mad you, I’m not jealous of her—I just feel…heavy. I don’t know why this matters so much to me, but it does. And it’s kinda scaring me,” I confessed. “I shouldn’t care about your past, but I do.” The tears started a trail down my cheeks. “I don’t know why I’m feeling like this,” I said again.
“Please,” he implored, “try to explain.”
“You are my first everything. And I’m just a fifth or sixth of yours.”
His arms tightened, “That isn’t true. You’re my first long-term girlfriend.”
“A month and three weeks that's hardly long term."
“No. See, you’re already starting to second-guess.”
“Then make me stop,” I challenged.
“I want you to be my first love, Constance. Just wait for that to happen. You just have to let me.”
My shoulders started to shake.
“Lemme turn around.”
As soon as his arms loosened enough, I twisted my body and clutched his lower back. I pressed my head to his chest and let all my emotions out as I cried into his shirt.
“Okay,” I whispered in agreement. “Okay. I can wait, I’m gonna let you.”
♠ ♠ ♠
what do you think? too dramatic?and thank you for all the comments! i loved reading them.
and the ending doesn't mean that either of them are in love with each other just that Constance is going to wait so that she can be Garrett's first something.