Scribbles of a Broken Heart

“That was the first time that our relationship became a lot to handle. All of the sneaking around and secrecy we did prior seemed so easy compared to that moment. We couldn’t actually be together for real that time.”

“You two could have continued sneaking around,” she falsely suggested.

I shook my head, “My parents didn’t see that one coming. Now they were fully aware. They knew what to look for and they knew how to prevent it. There was no way. I had to end it.”

“How did you feel after you said goodbye?”

I frowned. I hated remembering this part of my life.

“Worse than shit.”

The past seven days was not me living life, it was following routine. I woke up, went to school, came home, ate dinner, did homework, and then slept. I did everything less: I talked less, listened less, ate less, laughed less, existed less. I became completely numb on the outside. But in me, there was always this weakness. I needed more of something that I could not have.

“Constance!”

“What?” I snapped back into reality—Biology class. Mr. Yenen had an annoyed look on his face. “Sorry.”

“What’s the answer to number three?”

I assumed that he was repeating his questions and I was too tuned out to hear it. I quickly
looked down at my worksheet.

“C. Endoplasmic Reticulum.”

I used to love coming to this class, and now I dreaded it. Ignoring Garrett in the hallways was hard enough, but ninety minutes of being in the same class room was a dull torture.

“Alright class, we’re ahead of the other Honors Bio class so you can have a free period until the bell,” Mr. Yenen announced.

The class got up from their seats and excitedly went to friends to talk. I just put my head down, trying to ease my throbbing headache.

Someone poked my shoulder.

“Ugh, go away,” I commanded.

“Constance.”

I flinched, “Leave me alone, Garrett.” My words were muffled since they were directed towards a table.

“No.”

“We aren’t allowed to talk,” I reminded him.

“As if I could have forgotten.”

I raised my head, “Then why are you over here?”

“’Cause I need to talk to you, damn it.”

I sat up straight and gestured to the empty seat next to me. He was getting frustrated with the new arrangement.

I tucked my legs underneath and whispered, “What’s up?”

“I can’t do this, Constance. I didn’t think it’d be this hard to stay away, but it is. I mean…you’re right here. Right here, and I still don’t have you. I can’t ignore you, it’s impossible. I know every time you pass me in the hall or coming down the stairs. And, I just…I…I have to talk to you. It’s been killing me.”

I shook my head, “Don’t do this Garrett.”

“I’ll talk to your parents. I-I’ll convince them. I’ll tell them that we’re in love.”

I closed my eyes and repeated, “Don’t do this.”

“Come on, we can try. We can fight this. We at least have to try.”

When I opened my eyes, they focused on the dog tag resting against the white of Garrett’s shirt. He wore it every day, but usually it was tucked inside. I noticed my—his—silver ring hanging from the chain as well.

He followed my gaze, “Why did you give the ring back?”

This caught me a little off guard, but my eyes didn’t deviate from the necklace.

“I got freaked that my parents would notice and I didn’t want them to take it. So I gave it back.”

“They didn’t notice for two months, you think they would notice now?”

“…I don’t know. Just in case they did, I didn’t want them to take it from me.”

My reasoning seemed so senseless now. I wasn’t even sure if I was telling him the truth. Part of me was paranoid that my parents would notice, but the other parts just didn’t want to wear the constant reminder.

He shook his head and messed with his hair. “How would you feel if I gave you your necklace back?”

My head shot up, and for the first time in a week I looked him straight in the eyes. I held his gaze for a while and then admittedly answered, “Hurt.”

I removed my hand from inside my sweater sleeve and slowly reached out to touch the ring I gave back. I felt naked without it on my thumb. It was a symbol of his and my relationship; now it wasn’t mine to wear.

I shivered when my index finger touched the silver and jumped back.

I shook my head and bit my lip and turned away from Garrett.

“Stay away, Garrett,” I ordered him.

I didn’t turn back to look at his reaction before taking the hall pass and exiting the classroom. I rushed to the bathroom, went to the closest sink, and splashed cold water on my face. I looked up at my reflection—water dripping into my tired eyes.

“I can’t do this.”