Scribbles of a Broken Heart

“He didn’t sit next to me on the bus the next day. We didn’t talk for the whole day, and the day after that. But then, three days after I told him, I found a little note in my locker that changed everything.”

“He still hasn’t talked to you?” My best friend Allison asked as we set at our usual table for lunch. Like me, she was of petite stature. She had straight brown hair and hazel eyes. In Kindergarten, I told her that I liked her Pink Power Ranger shirt; we’ve been the best of friends ever since.

“No,” I replied sulkily. “God, I never should have told him.”

“You have to stop saying that,” she chastised. “At least you now know the truth.”

“I liked being lied to…”

She looked at me sadly before giving me half of her sandwich.

“Cheer up, you’ll get over him. Plus, your birthday is next week!”

I sighed, “You’re right. I won’t let this ruin anything.”

“Good.”

For the rest of the half-hour lunch break we talked about my birthday. I really did want to be excited, but I knew that if things between Garrett and me kept going like this, he wouldn’t be there to wish me a ‘Happy Fourteenth.'

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The bell rang signaling the end of the school day. Students from my math class sprung from their seats anxious to get outside. I however never found a rush to leave and was the last to exit. I un-tucked my shirt as a walked to my locker, my backpack slung over my right shoulder.

For the third time this week Garrett wasn’t by my locker. He was always there at the end of the day, waiting for me to get my things before walking to the bus.

I sighed at how much I missed that and thought, ‘Why couldn’t he like me?’

I dropped my black and white JanSport as I turned the lock of my locker.

‘Twenty-five, Five, Fifteen’ I thought in my head before lifting the latch and swinging open the door. I got on my knees to start unpacking, but stopped when I saw a note on top of my books.

Dear Constance,

I’m sorry that I haven’t been talking to you for the past few days. This whole thing just came to me as a shock.
Please let me explain more, come meet me at the tables by our bus stop afterschool.

Garrett

My eyes widened as I stuffed the note into my sweater pocket. I hoped this meant that we could be friends again, even if that isn’t entirely what I wanted. I hurriedly packed; shoving books into and grabbing books out of my locker before scurrying past people in the condensed hallways, anxious to get outside.

As soon as I pushed open the glass door, cool October air greeted my face. Since it was so early after the bell very few people were outside. I crossed the parking lot over to the Athletics Center and saw Garrett seated at the far end of one of the picnic tables, back facing me.

My pace slowed as I approached him, nervous of what he wanted to say. When I was close enough so my knees touched the bench of the table I placed my bag down. However, the noise didn’t get his attention.

“Garrett,” I called.

He immediately turned around, “Hey.”

“I got your note,” I stated, urging him to explain.

I took a deep breath.

“And what did he say?” Ms. Templeton asked.

“I’m getting there, I’m getting there. Ever heard of a virtue called patience?”

“Ever heard of being paid by the hour?”

I glared, but nevertheless continued with my tale.

He got up and walked to my side and sat down again, I followed suit. He kept opening his mouth to say something, but no words came out. If he wasn’t going to start this conversation, I was.

“Why did you stop talking to me?”

He didn’t answer.

“Are we not friends anymore?”

He remained silent.

“Do you not want to be friends anymore?”

He looked deep in thought.

“Damn it Garrett, answer me!”

“Why?” He finally spoke.

“Why what?”

“Why did you have to like me?”

I stared into his blue eyes with disbelief.

“What kind of question is that?”

“Constance, everything was fine between us. Why did you have to go and ruin it?”

“Why does it matter so much?”

“Because things were better when I didn’t know.”

“But things don’t have to change.” I didn’t understand why he was acting this way.

“Yes, they do.”

“Why? Please explain, ‘cause I don’t get where you’re coming from.”

“Knowing that you like me…it complicates things.”

“Why?! I don’t care that you don’t like me back Garrett.”

He ran both of his hands through his shaggy brown hair before responding.

“I told you that things were more complicated now. I told you that things between us had to
change.”

I had to take a moment to process what he had said. “But you don’t mean…”

Then he looked dead into my jade-colored eyes with a slight smile on his face, “I like
you, Constance.”

I shot up and started jumping up and down; doing my version of the happy dance ecstatically. Garrett hopped out of the bench and grabbed each side of the upper part of my
arms, trying to get me to calm down.

He gave out a light chuckle, “That’s not all I wanted to tell you!”

“Sorry,” I blushed. “Continue.”

“This complicates things, because I don’t want to go out with you.”

The energy high I had came to a crashing halt; ending just as quickly as it was initiated.

“You know how I am, Constance. I’m not stable and I’m a terrible boyfriend. And if I screwed
up, things between us wouldn’t be the same.”

“Who said I liked things the way we were?”

“Don’t be so stubborn.”

“Don’t be so hurtful,” I equally demanded.

“I’ve had over ten relationships and the longest one was seventeen days.”

“And I’ve only had one for eight days. What’s your point?”

He’s known me long enough to know that when I put my mind to something, I was virtually
immovable.

“Why ruin friendship if we don’t even know if we’ll last. It’ll be a waste, and we won’t be best
friends anymore after those two weeks.”

“You’ve gotten really good at telling the future.”

“Both you and I know what’s going to happen.”

“No, we don’t!”

Garrett turned away from me, letting out frustrated yells while running his hands
continuously through his brunette hair.

I checked my cell phone for the time and picked my bag off of the table, “The bus is about to
leave.”

He nodded in recognition as he too slung his bag over his shoulder and followed me on the
bus.

“It is not always wise to be so headstrong,” Ms. Templeton said absent-mindedly.

“And docility can lead to regrets," I challenged. "Why would I want to lead that kind of life?"

I dropped my bag on a seat before sliding in the opposite row, our usual spot.
I looked over my right shoulder to catch a glimpse at Garrett. His jaw was tight and his face was blank.

“Just give me a good reason and I’ll lay off. And we’ll just stick to being friends. No

pressures.”
“You know, Constance,” he said softly, looking at the navy vinyl seat in front of us, “I had everything I was going to say to you in me head before school today. I knew every word…and now, I don’t want to say them.” He turned his head and I looked up to his cerulean eyes.

“So…?”
“I have a solution to decide what to do. To know if this will be worth it.” He turned his body so that he was facing me, his left leg bent on top of the seat. I did the same, interested to hear
his suggestion.

“I’ll kiss you,” he spoke plainly.

“What?”

I have fantasized about Garrett’s lips on mine. I’d imagined countless different scenarios where our mouths would meet, embracing each other and I’d fall into complete bliss. However, nothing in my life happened as I’d pictured.

“I’ll kiss you,” he repeated. “If we feel something, then we know that’ll be worth the risking
our friendship.”

“Here? In the back of the bus?”

He just shrugged in reply.

I sighed in defeat, “I might be bad at it.”

“That isn’t something you’re supposed to say before a guy kisses you,” he smiled.

“It’s what I say when it’ll be my first kiss and the guy it’ll be with is experienced.”

“Garrett was your first kiss?”

“How could you know when you interrupted before I even got there?” Her personal
interludes were getting more aggravating.

“Alright, just answer the question.”

“Yeah.”

“And what were your thoughts?”
I crossed my legs Indian-style, getting more comfortable as I thought of a suitable response, “I was nervous. I didn’t want to disappoint him. That’s why I told him that that kiss
would be my first, that I might be bad at it.”

“And were you?”

I just continued on, knowing that finishing this part in my story would answer her question.

He leaned in closer and cupped my cheek with his hand. He tilted downwards to make up for the height difference and I waited in anticipation. My face was hot under his hand, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of his rose colored-lips. When his mouth was a few centimeters from mind, he stalled with hesitation.

My breathing got deeper as I felt the warm air leave his lips. I wasn’t sure if I should meet him the rest of the way.

However, all of the worries were forgotten when the bus hit a speed bump, causing our lips to collide; his hands on my waist to steady my imbalance.

An even greater feeling of warmth permeated my entire body as he moved his lips over mine, offering guidance as to what should come next. I moved just slightly, not wanting to do anything wrong, but became excited at the feeling of pleasure that I received when I did.

“No kiss-face on the bus!” The heavy-set bus driver yelled to us, peering through his mirror.

We broke away, my arms now slung around Garrett’s neck; our bodies close to overlapping.

“Did you feel something?” I asked timidly.

He gave out a nod before bending down to my ear and whispering, “Will you be my girlfriend?”