Status: Thank you for taking with time to read this. The
The Girl in the White and Blue Dress
The thread of string that held it together
I came across a book today that told a story of loneliness, despair and happiness.The words and emotions were intertwined like stems of a beautiful rose. It was a majestic sight to see who called out to the readers to touch, fooling you of the pain that it can inflict with the thorns that protected it.
Her words invited you into her deepest thoughts. Leaving you to wonder how the she felt in the moment that she bared her soul to the world. As I continued to read, the familiarity of the words written frightened me. She wrote of days that we have all hidden. Emotions tucked away into our privates quarters , afraid that if one day found we will be judge for our vulnerabilities.
Each words drew me closer and closer to her. I was engulfed by her strength and weaknesses. It’s as if she has taken my thoughts and made it hers…. Her words collided into my world and slowly became mine.
I recall how I was afraid to fully write how I felt, afraid that one day just like today I will come across it and be reminded of how unhappy and lonely I was. How much my heart ache, how doubt ran through my heart and mind. I hesitated to write it down, afraid to be reminded of it again. Writing it releases it out to the world, writing it gives it life outside of the moment I have permitted it to live. As the tip of my pen touched the paper, it gave it life to its lifeless body. It fed off of my doubts and hurt. I avoided to write my true feelings because I was too weak at the time to defeat it. I did what I have always done when the truth was too harsh to face. I ran under the blanket of my false reality hoping that it will not follow me in these world that I have created to protect me from what is really out there. I've known all along that One day this will crumble into pieces. I will be left picking up the remnant of these once comforting lie, attempting to rebuild what is left. I've prepared for this day.
That day has arrived. I am no longer alone. my world has become crowded. Crowded with unresolved heart aches, unrequited love, misunderstandings, loneliness, doubt and hate. The very things that I ran away from is now at every turn.. Nowhere to run or hide. I am given no choice but to confront it.
I stood up and took the first steps towards it. I chose to no longer be held by boundaries of insecurities that has chained me all this time. I've been frightened to leave this dark place I call home where I took shelter from the storms. forgetting the true reason why I am here in the first place. each step gave me strength and courage. My heart pounded as I got closer to it. The figure slowly took shape as a small meek skinny silhouette. I took the last step before finding myself face to face with what I've feared the most. Our eyes met and to my shock and amazement I am looking at a child, a small little girl. Her long black disheveled hair is covering her face. As she looks up at me, her skinny scrapped fingers came across her face to move a few strands of her hair that hid her big brown eyes. Her eyes full of tears of betrayals that she is no longer able to hold back.
I stared and studied her from head to toe. She stood there in her beautiful stained white and blue dress. Shadows of the flowers that once adorned it are now frayed after years of neglect. A single silk flower clinged by a strand of red string. Holding on to its dear life, as if It’s determination to hold on is the only reminder of happier times.
Her eyes drew me closer in curiosity and familiarity. Her eyes told stories of love lost and shattered dreams. As she closed her eyes tears slowly fell down her red rosy cheeks. Each tears told a tale of broken promises and hopes. She learned early on that there was no time to dwell in the pain and hurt because soon after another will come.The sting of her wounds numbed her from feeling the true emotion that broke her heart. Over time the cracks on her heart healed into scars. The scars made her strong , independent, and emotionless. Through the uncertainty of her world she found comfort in the one constant thing “ people will leave and hurt you, taking with them a piece of you ” As the years went by the distance that the tragedy created grew further and further. She has lost so much and she had very little to give …. just like the flower on her dress, she hung on to the last drop of true love, innocence and happiness this was the only hope she had of brighter days.. Afraid of losing it , like she often does with everything, she hid it in the darkest deepest place she knew of , her heart. …. In this dark place where she kept her most valuable possession is where I took comfort.
She and I were one. She provided shelter for me when the nights were long and cold. She wrapped her arms around me when I felt alone. She took my hand when I fell and carried me when I was too weak to walk.
The thing I feared the most has been myself all along.
Her words invited you into her deepest thoughts. Leaving you to wonder how the she felt in the moment that she bared her soul to the world. As I continued to read, the familiarity of the words written frightened me. She wrote of days that we have all hidden. Emotions tucked away into our privates quarters , afraid that if one day found we will be judge for our vulnerabilities.
Each words drew me closer and closer to her. I was engulfed by her strength and weaknesses. It’s as if she has taken my thoughts and made it hers…. Her words collided into my world and slowly became mine.
I recall how I was afraid to fully write how I felt, afraid that one day just like today I will come across it and be reminded of how unhappy and lonely I was. How much my heart ache, how doubt ran through my heart and mind. I hesitated to write it down, afraid to be reminded of it again. Writing it releases it out to the world, writing it gives it life outside of the moment I have permitted it to live. As the tip of my pen touched the paper, it gave it life to its lifeless body. It fed off of my doubts and hurt. I avoided to write my true feelings because I was too weak at the time to defeat it. I did what I have always done when the truth was too harsh to face. I ran under the blanket of my false reality hoping that it will not follow me in these world that I have created to protect me from what is really out there. I've known all along that One day this will crumble into pieces. I will be left picking up the remnant of these once comforting lie, attempting to rebuild what is left. I've prepared for this day.
That day has arrived. I am no longer alone. my world has become crowded. Crowded with unresolved heart aches, unrequited love, misunderstandings, loneliness, doubt and hate. The very things that I ran away from is now at every turn.. Nowhere to run or hide. I am given no choice but to confront it.
I stood up and took the first steps towards it. I chose to no longer be held by boundaries of insecurities that has chained me all this time. I've been frightened to leave this dark place I call home where I took shelter from the storms. forgetting the true reason why I am here in the first place. each step gave me strength and courage. My heart pounded as I got closer to it. The figure slowly took shape as a small meek skinny silhouette. I took the last step before finding myself face to face with what I've feared the most. Our eyes met and to my shock and amazement I am looking at a child, a small little girl. Her long black disheveled hair is covering her face. As she looks up at me, her skinny scrapped fingers came across her face to move a few strands of her hair that hid her big brown eyes. Her eyes full of tears of betrayals that she is no longer able to hold back.
I stared and studied her from head to toe. She stood there in her beautiful stained white and blue dress. Shadows of the flowers that once adorned it are now frayed after years of neglect. A single silk flower clinged by a strand of red string. Holding on to its dear life, as if It’s determination to hold on is the only reminder of happier times.
Her eyes drew me closer in curiosity and familiarity. Her eyes told stories of love lost and shattered dreams. As she closed her eyes tears slowly fell down her red rosy cheeks. Each tears told a tale of broken promises and hopes. She learned early on that there was no time to dwell in the pain and hurt because soon after another will come.The sting of her wounds numbed her from feeling the true emotion that broke her heart. Over time the cracks on her heart healed into scars. The scars made her strong , independent, and emotionless. Through the uncertainty of her world she found comfort in the one constant thing “ people will leave and hurt you, taking with them a piece of you ” As the years went by the distance that the tragedy created grew further and further. She has lost so much and she had very little to give …. just like the flower on her dress, she hung on to the last drop of true love, innocence and happiness this was the only hope she had of brighter days.. Afraid of losing it , like she often does with everything, she hid it in the darkest deepest place she knew of , her heart. …. In this dark place where she kept her most valuable possession is where I took comfort.
She and I were one. She provided shelter for me when the nights were long and cold. She wrapped her arms around me when I felt alone. She took my hand when I fell and carried me when I was too weak to walk.
The thing I feared the most has been myself all along.