Destined to Dream

When I looked in the mirror that first morning before school, all I saw was a lonely figure with thick, dirt-brown waves of hair that hung past her shoulders and hazel eyes that were framed by black lashes that were set into pale skin. I didn't see what most, if not all, the other girls at my school saw when they looked in their mirrors - girls with malibu barbie figures, platinum blond hair, thick lashes, beautiful and clear skin, manicured nails...and the list could go on forever.
I sighed heavily, and ran my brush through my hair one last time before grabbing up my school bag and heading out my bedroom door. The smell of bacon cooking should have made my mouth water, but it didn't. Instead, my stomach twisted into an even tighter knot.
I headed down the stairs and into the kitchen. Dad was standing at the bench, pouring two glasses of juice.
"Don't bother," I said, setting my bag down by the front door and climbing onto a stool. "I don't feel like it."
"You need to have something," Dad replied, firmly, and pushed the glass towards me. I reached out a hand and pushed it back a little more forcefully than I intended, and the juice slopped over the edges of the glass.
"Oh, Ashleigh, please!" he groaned. "Please try to help me here! Mum's hit rock bottom again, and I need you to cooperate to help me get through the day."
I said nothing, just sat and sealed my lips tightly. Dad picked up a plate and put the bacon and some eggs on it and set it in front of me. I picked up the bacon and ripped it in two and took a bite. I dropped the remaining pieces on my plate, wiped my hands on the dish cloth, and slipped off the stool.
"Ashleigh," Dad's voice was warning.
"I don't have to eat if I don't want to!" I hissed. I would have shouted, but I knew Mum was sleeping upstairs in the room across from mine, and I wasn't risking having her awake and angry.
"It'll help your brain to function," he started again, but I didn't bother to listen. I picked up my schoolbag and marched outside to sit in the passenger seat in the car. Sitting there, there was only silence all around me, and once again I was reminded of how alone I was. No friends to cheer me up, no mum to tell me that it was all going to be okay and I was only imagining how bad it was going to be. I swallowed, and it hurt because of the lump lodged in there, burning away. Tears pricked at my lashes and I blinked them back. I was not going to school with red, puffy eyes.
Time seemed to drag on forever before Dad came out of the house and hopped into the car. He said nothing as he started the car and we drove away - heading for school.
5 minutes later, we pulled into the parking lot at school and Dad headed straight for the first row of cars. Almost the instant we pulled into a spare space, I saw the last thing I felt like dealing with right now.
"Oh, no," I groaned under my breath.
"What?" Dad looked at me.
"Never mind," I sighed, and hopped out of the car.
"Have a good day," Dad waved. Ignoring him, I started for the school buildings, praying that she wouldn't see me. Please don't see me, please don't see me, please don't see me,' I repeated over and over under my breath.
I'm not really sure why I tried. Isla and her little posse spotted me amongst the crowd of students as though I had a a flashing arrow pointing down on me, saying 'Here comes the outcast! Bully me!' I groaned inwardly and made a bee line for the school building.
"Well, Ash, you're back," Isla's voice was friendly, something I instantly caught onto. I glanced over my shoulder at the family car. Dad was just pulling out of the car park and getting ready to drive away.
"It seems that way," I replied, then started to walk again. As long as Dad was still within hearing and sighting distance, these guys wouldn't be horrible. I"d heard the underlying venom in Isla's so called 'friendly' talk. I knew her. She was a bitch.
"You're still nothing but ash, you know!" Isla called after her, and I knew then that Dad had driven out the school gates. I said nothing, just carried on walking. A cool hand latched around my wrist and jerked me 180 degrees to face its owner. "Hey, listen to me when I talk to you!" Isla snarled. "We need to get a point clear between you and me, little ash. I am me, you are ash. Okay? So stay out of my way. I don't need you ruining my eyesight."
"I was trying to go," I muttered. "Until you decided to hang onto my arm to keep me right here in front of you."
She didn't like that. Her lip curled in distaste and she let go of me as though I was poisonous to touch.
"Get lost, freak," she stood to her full height and I had no choice but to back away. This girl had a knack for making people's lives pure misery, I knew this from previous experience, and I did not need her to make it worse, which I had no doubt she would do so if she wanted.
I made it into the school building alive, grabbed all the papers I needed, and headed for my locker to put all my things away. Thanks to Perfect Miss Isla, I was running late for my first class. I grabbed a few books, slammed the locker door shut and stepped back, crashing straight into another body.
I went sprawling, my books and papers went flying, and the kids surrounded me, laughing their heads off. Not one of them offered t ogive me a hand, and honestly, I was not surprised.
Cheeks heating up with humiliation at my awkward position on the ground, I scrambled to find my arms and legs and gather my books all at the same time. As I reached out for my folder, someone lashed out and kicked it several metres out of my reach. Then the owner of the leg who booted it laughed loudly, and I couldn't help but think how typical it all was. Isla's boyfriend, Max.
I could feel tears of embarrassment burning at the back of my eyes, but tears were weak. And I refused to let myself cry.
Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw a figure step out of the crowd and pick up my remaining papers and gather them together. The other kids stepped back and watched curiously, although some were still laughing. They were going to see what he was going to do. I stood up and watched with them.
He was tall, with thick, coffee brown hair and brown eyes. The first thing I really noticed about him though, was how good looking he was. Yup, he was cute. But I knew that looks were deceiving. Max was the perfect example of this. Gorgeous - but a total jerk.
Having gathered all my papers, he stood up and faced me, and held them out for me to take. I stared at him for a second, disbelievingly. There was no way this guy could be generous enough to actually sort of stick up for me and help me. He just reeked of being in recruits with Max and the other boys. I swallowed, not daring to reach for the papers in fear of what trick was lying in wait for me.
"Go on," I hoped my voice wasn't shaking.
"What?" the boy frowned slightly.
"Go on, throw them around the place, or whatever you are going to do with them," I replied. "No one's nice enough to actually help me, are they."
"She's right," Max leaned casually against the lockers and smirked. "For once I agree with her. You should know, Cam, she's nothing but ash."
"Listen, just take them," the boy, obviously called Cam, told me. I said nothing, just eyed him uncertainly. I wanted to trust him, I wanted to trust at least someone, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It seemed as though everyone turned against me eventually. When Cam saw that I wasn't going to take them, he set them down at my feet. I still didn't move. I actually didn't know what to do.
Max leapt foward and I flinched.
"I'll show you how it's done, mate," he grinned at Cam and my heart sank. He drew back his leg to kick at the pile of books and I sighed. This was what I had been waiting for. I reached down and picked up the books and lifted them quickly out of the way. Nothing happened. Max stared at me, then laughed. The other kids joined in. Max reached out and pushed me in the shoulder. I staggered backwards, only just keeping my balance.
"Hey, hey, Max," Cam reached out and grabbed the other boy's arm. "Seriously? If she's nothing but ash, is she really worth you wasting your time trying to push her over?"
Max paused, looking from me to Cam then back at me again.
"I guess your right," he shrugged, taking a step back. "Your a waste of space, little ash."
I said nothing; did nothing. My mouth was dry but my eyes were wet as I watched the kids walk away. The bell had long gone. There was no point in going to class.
I wanted to disappear.
I wanted to die.
Desperately.