Chemicals

Lex sat in front of Ms. Hampton’s desk, frantically tapping her foot on the ground. She knew what was coming. No one ever got called into the office for a good reason. She chewed on her lower lip, breaking open a scab that had just healed over. Lex tasted the drop of blood and moved her hand to her mouth, glancing at the bright red swipe on her hand. She sighed and crossed her legs, right over left, shaking her foot erratically. She continued the shaking as she heard the office door open, and as Ms. Hampton walked behind the desk, taking a seat in the oversized leather chair behind it.

Ms. Hampton clasped her hands together, lightly placing them on the desk in front of her as she stared silently at Lex. She cleared her throat and looked down at Lex’s foot, still shaking. Lex hesitated and grabbed her foot to steady it, finally dropping it back down to the ground where it belonged. Again Ms. Hampton cleared her throat, adding to the awkwardness in the room, before reaching down to the papers on her desk.

“Well, Lex, I think you know why you are here,” she said, in a tone that was too friendly and not at all what Lex deserved.

She was right, though. Lex did know why she was stuck in that office; why her coworkers hushed their chatter and stared as she entered the office that day. However, instead of agreeing with Ms. Hampton, Lex decided to just sit there in silence. It was how she dealt with confrontation. She would ignore the issue, and drown herself in alcohol and cigarettes. It was a miracle that she was even sober today.

Ms. Hampton sat in silence, waiting for Lex to come up with a response, or maybe give a nod of the head. But of course, she didn’t. So, Ms. Hampton pursed her lips and picked up a pen from her desk.

“Lex, this just isn’t working out anymore. We’re going to have to let you go.”

She paused, thinking that maybe actually hearing the words would knock some sense into Lex. She should have known better. Instead, she noticed Lex staring at the small garbage can in the office. It was overflowing with empty Diet Coke cans, a sea of silver and red aluminum. For some reason it made Ms. Hampton grow angry. Who was Lex to start judging her? She liked to start her day with some fizzy caffeine. Was that a crime? It wasn’t as if the can was full of whiskey bottles. She was about to say this to Lex but the words caught in her throat. Poor company. The poor girl was already getting fired, there was no need to lecture her about her habits, even if they were the reason she was getting fired in the first place.

Lex stared at Ms. Hampton, though it was an empty stare. She didn’t know what to say, really. She was surprised she had made it so long at this job, a solid six months, which was her longest employment to date. She licked her lips as Ms. Hampton sighed, waiting for her to continue.

“Lex, the drinking...it’s interfering with your work. The whole workplace can see it. You come in late, you’re behind on your assignments, you don’t reach deadlines. I’ve tried to be reasonable and give you extensions but I just have to draw the line somewhere. It’s becoming disruptive and human resources has been pushing me to this...I tried to buy you some more time but, I’m sorry Lex, this is the end of the rope.”

Lex knew she had to say something. She could see Ms. Hampton checking her watch and becoming visibly uncomfortable. She couldn’t blame her. There was no one to blame but herself.

“I understand. Thanks for giving me the opportunity.”

Ms. Hampton tried to muster up an encouraging smile, but it looked more like a lopsided grimace. Lex took one last look at her and stood up from the chair, walking out of the office and shutting the door behind her. At the sound of the door shutting, all of her former coworkers looked up from their desks and focused on her. Thankfully, they remained silent as Lex walked over to her desk to retrieve the few things she kept there. She grabbed her tattered brown leather purse, her flip phone, and the half-empty box of cigarettes in the drawer.

She didn’t even wait to leave the office before sticking a cigarette in her mouth, before shoving the rest of the box into her back pocket. She tried not to laugh as her coworkers continued to stare at her, like they were watching a circus act perform. It seemed unfair to Lex, that they knew all of her dirty secrets when she didn’t even know any of their names. But she shrugged it off, figuring that it was all her fault anyway.

She exited the brick building and immediately lit up the cigarette, exhaling the smoke and taking a deep breath. She walked the three blocks back to her apartment and barged inside, dropping her bag and taking off her shoes right in the doorway. It was a tiny studio apartment, since she couldn’t afford much more. It was a miracle she could even afford this place. But with no job and an expensive habit, she didn’t know how much longer she could call this place home.

She went into her bathroom and splashed some water on her face, examining her reflection in the mirror. She looked like a mess. The bags under her eyes were dark and puffy. Her lips were chapped and still red from bleeding earlier. Her once rosy cheeks were gray and hollow. Her blonde hair was brittle and dull. What was the point?

Lex glanced at the clock in her kitchen and saw it was one in the afternoon. The perfect time to head to her go-to bar. She grabbed her purse and threw it over her shoulder, walking out of her apartment. She jaywalked across the street, because she couldn’t be bothered with the crosswalk and didn’t care if she got in trouble. Her favorite bar, Black Street, was just across the street from her apartment. It was a blessing and a curse, depending on who you asked.

She pulled the heavy door open and went inside, seeing one of the regular bartenders, Tom. There were a handful of people inside, but they probably didn’t plan on staying as long as Lex did. Tom placed a coaster on the bar as Lex sat on the stool.

“You’re here early today, Lex.”

She could have told him the story, but she decided she didn’t want another person to see how shitty her life really was.

“Half-day at work.”

Tom nodded, but didn’t say anything. He could see straight through her response, but hey, this was a touchy subject and he was just there to bartend. He made her usual, a vodka soda, and handed it over. He was trying to not feel guilty as she took a big gulp from the glass. He thought about watering down the next round, adding less and less vodka. But he knew it would never work. The bar was empty and she would watch him. Even if she didn’t see, she’d be able to tell the difference.

He stepped away, moving to wipe down the counter on the other side of the bar. When he turned back around, the glass was half-empty. And she showed no sign of slowing down.