So Far Away

“Come on, Jerrika, wake up,” Matt was saying softly as he shook my arm. I sat up, grateful to have been pulled out of the nightmare again.

“I wish it would just stop!” I hated being this vulnerable in front of other people but I couldn’t help the tears that came. Being haunted by that same dream every night was getting exhausting.

Matt lifted the edge of the comforter and started to climb in next to me. “What are you doing?”

“Maybe having someone next to you will help.”

“I don’t know but it’s worth a try I guess.” I settled back into the bed, making sure to keep plenty of distance between us. Sleep didn’t come easily, I just couldn’t shut my mind off. And the fact that I was in the same bed with someone I had been so mad at the day before didn’t help much. The sun was just starting to rise when I finally drifted off.

I woke up to a strange weight around my waist and only after I opened my eyes did I remember that Matt was in my bed. I had rolled over so I was facing him at some point and his arm was draped over my hip.

I tried to wiggle out of his hold but when I moved he tightened his arm around me. “Matt, let go of me!”

“Shit, sorry,” he murmured and rolled onto his back. I finally climbed out of bed, not able to shake the weird feeling that seemed to settle over me every time Matt and I got too close. It was ridiculous, really, I had slept in the same bed with almost all of guys at some point or another so it was nothing new.

“Well did it work?” A yawning Matt asked as he stepped out behind me onto the balcony.

“I’m not sure. I didn’t have the nightmare again, but some nights I only have it once. Other nights I have it over and over again and don’t get any sleep at all.”

“We can try again tonight then we’ll know for sure.”

“Don’t sound so eager Matthew,” I said sternly. He chuckled and looked down at his watch.

“We’re going to be late. Go get dressed, I planned something for us to do today.”

“What?”

“It’s a surprise, you’ll find out soon enough.”

“But I hate surprises.”

“Tough shit, go get dressed.” I let my jaw drop at that. Who did he think he was to talk to me like that? Before I had a chance to cuss him out he gently pushed me in the direction of the dresser. “Just hurry!”

I grabbed a pair of denim shorts and band tee with the sleeves cut out and dressed quickly, wondering what the hell Matt was about to drag me into.

-x-

“Parasailing? Absolutely not! I don’t do heights,” I protested immediately when I read the sign we’d just stopped in front of.

“Come on, it’ll be fun.”

“Nothing about plunging to my death from a great height sounds fun.”

“People do this everyday, you aren’t going to die.” I looked out across the water, watching as a group of people hanging from a parachute were pulled behind a boat. They were so high!

“I really don’t think I can do it!”

“Life is no fun if you stay within your comfort zone. You’ve got to do things that scare the shit out of you sometimes or one day you’ll wake up at eighty five and wonder why the fuck you didn’t do more when you were able.”

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but okay. Let’s go.”

Fifteen minutes later Matt and I were being strapped into harnesses and prepared to go up. As they started letting out the line that would take us up into the air I was freaking out, my knuckles were white from where I squeezed the harness straps as tight as possible. What the fuck was I thinking? If the parasailing itself didn’t kill me I thought I’d surely die of fright.

“Calm down, Jerri. You’re going to be fine.” Matt pried my fingers off the strap and then held onto my hand. “Open your eyes.”

“No, I can’t look.”

“Open your eyes!” he said louder. I cracked open one eye slowly and then the other. Holy shit the view from up here was breathtaking. I instantly forgot about how high we were.

“This is amazing!”

“I knew you’d love it.” I looked around in every direction, smiling so big it actually hurt my cheeks. There were dolphins jumping out of the water under our feet, putting on a hell of a show. This whole thing was incredible and I knew I’d never forget it.

The men on the boat started reeling us back in and our chute gave a sharp lurch as the boat slowed slightly. We were slowly falling towards the water.

“What the fuck is happening? I told you this was a bad idea!” I screamed seconds before we hit the water. Before I had time to hold my breath we were back in the air. Matt was laughing. “Did you know they were going to do that?” I was still squeezing his hand, hard enough that my muscles were aching. I yanked my hand away from his quickly, not finding much comfort there anymore.

“I may have told them to.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you? I thought we were going to die!”

“Relax, it was funny.”

“No, it wasn’t!” Tears burned my eyes and I looked away from him, embarrassed. I was still trembling when we were safely back in the vote.

“Come on, Jerri, don’t be like this.”

“You knew how scared I was to go up there in the first place! You should have warned me. I knew this was a terrible idea.”

“You were having fun up there, once you calm down maybe you’ll remember that.”

“I wasn’t talking about the parasailing, I was talking about this whole thing. Trying to be friends is obviously not going to work. We’re not even two full days in and I’m already contemplating murder.” I turned in my seat so my back was facing Matt and closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down. Even though I was perfectly safe the entire time, the fear I felt in that moment of falling was going to be hard to get over.