Back Into Your Arms

I woke up extra early in the morning to make breakfast for John. I don’t know why but I wanted to show off, to impress him but I didn’t even know what he liked to eat.

I looked around the house, he didn’t really have anything at his house since he was supposed to be away for a month.
But I found some pancake mix and of course all you must do is mix it with water. I added some cinnamon and some sugar to make them taste more than just from a box.

I heard the door of his room open and his footsteps as he walked over to the kitchen.
He was rubbing his eyes, his hair all over the place. He was still in what I assume were his pajama clothes. A white t shirt and some sweats.
I laughed because he looked so disoriented but I didn’t look any different. I was wearing my pajamas and my hair was tied back but messy.

“Good morning” I said to him and continued serving the pancakes in a plate.

“Gosh I look like a mess huh? I’ll be back” he said as he began to walk back but I stopped him.

“You look fine, sit down” I said putting his plate on the table.

“I look like trash and you know that”

“I don’t mind it, you walked out like that, you can’t take it back”

“Gosh Mel” he complained and sat down.

“Pancakes?” he asked.

“There wasn’t a lot for me to work with”

“My pancake mix is plain, this smells likes cinnamon rolls, where did you get it from?”

“I simply added some brown sugar and cinnamon”

“Wow”

“Sometimes one just has to improvise” I said setting my plate down next to him and bringing over the maple syrup. We ate in silence.

“This was good, definitely adding cinnamon and sugar to the mix next time I make some, the guys will be impressed”

I looked at him and laughed at his hair.

“Can I go change now?” he pleaded. I nodded and took our plates to the sink. He went to change and I quickly washed the dishes and changed too.

“I’m leaving to the airport at 4, we have some time left until then, what did you want to do?” he asked me, he was sitting on the couch, fully changed and hair styled.

“If you could take me to go get groceries that would be fantastic, I don’t want to starve during the week and half that you will be gone”

“Ah, right! Sorry about that, um yeah there are plenty of grocery stores around here, there’s Safeway or if you’re part of the fancy uptight vegans, there’s a Whole Foods nearby too”

“Poor vegans, when have they ever wronged you?” I said laughing.

“I’ve been to the store, and well let’s just say that I met some people like that”

“Well, fortunately for you, I’m not an uptight vegan, so Safeway should be fine”

“I’ll go get my beanie and the keys”

I watched him as he ran back to his room. He was incredibly tall and watching him run was just funny.

“C’mon” he said leading me out the door. He drove to Safeway and we got a shopping cart and walked into the store.

“I can push the cart” I said to him and looked up to make eye contact with him.

“It’s okay, I want to push the cart”

“Alright” I said as he followed me to the fruit and vegetable section, watching me choose the vegetables I needed for the week.

“You look really pretty grocery shopping” he said to me, making me turn the color of the tomatoes I was bagging.

“John”

“Just saying” he said and grinned. We walked over to the milk section, the almond milk was at the very top row. I reached for it but I already knew I wasn’t going to be able to reach it. He looked at me and laughed, easily grabbing it for me by simply extending his arm.

“What do you usually do when you can’t reach for something?” he said laughing. I made a face.

“I find a way” I replied walking to the new aisle. He followed me laughing.

We reached the checkout line and he helped me put the things on the conveyor belt.

“Hi” the cashier lady said to us both. We both said hi to her and she smiled.

We both walked over to the debit card machine, he took his card and I took mine out too.

“I’ll pay” he said to me.

I shook my head.

“No, no, I’ll pay, the things are for me anyways”

“Mel”

“John”

“You guys are cute” the lady said to us, we both looked up and straighten up, he then quickly slid his card.

“John!” I complained as he laughed victoriously. The lady handed him the receipt and he helped me put the bags back in the cart. We began walking back to the car.

“They probably thought we were either dating or married”

“So?”

“John O’Callaghan!”

He laughed. He just laughed, he was so incredible happy about it all.

When we got home, he helped me unbag and put everything away, showing me where things went.

It was then that I realized he had good qualities, he was kind, he was a gentleman, I couldn’t help but get lost in thought as I watched him putting away things.

“You know you look really handsome helping put things away”

He looked over at me this time, his ears turning pink.

“I know I do” he replied cockily.

“So, humble” I said back to him walking over to the couch and sitting down, staring at the weird pictures he had framed on the wall.

“So, what was it that I liked about you John?”

“That’s an excellent question Melody”

“You don’t know?”

“You never quite told me”

“Maybe I liked your weird taste in music?”

“That could be a reason” he said sitting across from me on the other side of the couch.

“What was I like back then John?”

“You, you were funny, you were a risk taker, you loved music and reading. You hated Sundays and Wednesdays for some odd reason. You were friends with everyone you met, you enjoyed going to concerts and you always made the loveliest hot chocolates”

“I don’t really like taking risks, before coming over here with you to Arizona, I hadn’t taken a single risk. I don’t really listen to music, I do still like to read. I don’t hate Sundays, but I don’t fancy Wednesdays still. People scare me and I’ve never been to a concert, the closest thing I got to that was the day I walked into the venue to see you…and about the hot chocolates, yes I do make some incredible hot chocolates”

“I’m sending you the link to my Spotify playlists, you HAVE got to listen to some good music Melody, and I’m taking you to a concert as soon as we come back to Arizona, understood?”

“I’d love to love music again, so bring it on O’Callaghan”

“I’m sending you the link as we speak Melody Riley” he said while on his phone.

“I got it” I said receiving his message.

“I have plenty of amps here, so feel free to use them while I’m gone, look I’ll show you how they work” he said walking over to one of the amps he had in the living room, he explained to me to how they worked and then demonstrated it by playing a song.

“That’s a sweet amp, the sound is so clear and nice, I didn’t know you could connect your phone to it”

“Yeah, it’s great! Oh, Melody Riley, trust me, when I come back from Brooklyn, you will be a hardcore music fan”

“If you say so”

“Hey, you also were a big fan of Coldplay back then, make sure to listen to them, I’ll add some songs to the playlist” he said to me unlocking his phone again and busily adding songs.

“I was into the British band Coldplay? Wow, I didn’t have any songs by them on that old iPod of mine, I actually had very little songs on that iPod”

“Oh, that’s because you were miss Righteous and bought every song, you had to wait for your parents to give you money to be able to buy your songs”

“Ah, that makes sense…”

I liked Coldplay. I liked music and going to concerts, there was so much I was learning about myself. So much this man knew about me.

Before we knew it, it was time for him to go. He had packed his things back into the suitcase. His father was to pick him up at 4.

“My house, is your house. Make yourself comfortable, alright?”

I nodded. I didn’t want him to leave.
He was the most company I had in the longest.

"I’ll be back before you know it" he said probably noticing my uneasiness.

"I’ll take care of your house, come back safely"

I wanted to hug him, to say bye to him in a friendlier manner but all I could do was wave.

He nodded, he gave me a little wave and hoped onto the car.
I watched as the car disappeared as it turned left on the street.
He had left me alone in Arizona, with his house all to myself.
The guy had to have been madly in love with me before to trust me with all his belongings.

I walked into the house, closing and locking the door behind me.
The first thing I did was scream. Screamed hard enough that my voice echoed throughout the whole house.

“Why did I lose my memory?” I screamed.

Hoping maybe someone would respond.
The silence of the house was making me feel lonely so I walked over to the living room and plugged in one of his amps. I connected my phone and blasted their music. Hearing his voice bouncing back from every corner of the home.

I danced along to Same Suit, Different Tie.
I then lowered the music and called Julie but she unfortunately didn’t answer.

The next song began, I raised the volume, it was the song Listen To Your Heart. As the song played, I felt his room calling me. The door had been left semi opened. I began to walk towards the door. I hesitated, but my curiosity won me over.
His room looked clean, very simple.
I looked at myself in his mirror.

The song still playing in the background, the song had to be about me.

I started singing to the song imagining he was there, the young John O’Callaghan with the silly long hair, singing to me.

For a moment, I saw a flash of something go through my mind. It came quick and it was sudden.

I saw a young John sitting on a bed, strumming his guitar. I looked back at his bed, I had never seen John in a bedroom. I had to have imagined it, the way I had been imagining things lately.

I left his room quickly, feeling guilty for having entered to begin with. I walked out to the backyard and sat down on a chair he had. I needed to breathe.

I trembled, as I wondered if what I had seen was a memory.
A memory, I hadn’t retrieved one in the past 10 years, what made me think I was going to start remembering things now?

But he was there, strumming the guitar, I could play it over and over in my head.

I took deep breaths and tried to calm down. I quickly walked inside the house again and turned all the music off.
The house now silent and lonely.
I grabbed a light sweater, locked the house and began walking down the street. Reminding myself that I was a 28-year-old adult and it wasn’t out of the ordinary for me to walk random streets alone. I arrived at a bus stop and stood there for a while.

I wanted to get away, a bus had to show up at some point, I figured. The sun was beginning to set. I walked right back home feeling scared and anxious. I paced the house back and forth, not knowing what to think. I walked into his room again. I sat on his bed looking around.

I closed my eyes, my headache was worsening.
My anxiety was elevated.
John, I had seen a young John. It was so real, so vivid, the vision had looked so different than the way I saw things when I imagined them, it didn’t have that transparent glow, it felt like something I had experienced.

I felt my phone vibrate. I jumped up startled. It was John.
I picked up immediately.

"Hey"

"John-John" I stuttered.

"Is everything okay?"

"I-I’m in your room" I panicked.

"In my room? What are you doing in there?" He replied calmly.

"I don’t even know, I totally invaded your privacy, I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have let me stay-"
He cut me off.

"Hey, hey calm down, breathe"

I tried to.

"John, I came into your room and I was playing one of your songs, and I looked in the mirror and then I-I think I remembered something John"

"You remembered something? What did you remember Mel?"

"You, you were wearing this white t-shirt that was almost a v-neck, your hair was long and all over the place, you were sitting on a bed and you were playing the guitar"

"What was I playing?"

"I’ve no clue"

"This is good, no? You’re remembering things!"

"Is it good? I don’t know John, I’m freaking out!"

"Breathe Melody, relax. Your more than welcome to go into my room, don’t worry about that, I think it’s great that you remembered something, I think it would be a good idea to call a psychiatrist and tell them about what just happened, do you want me to look up numbers for a psychiatrist? -"

I cut him off.

"I-I have a psychiatrist, I’ll call her. Gosh I’m still so embarrassed, I’m sorry for going into your room, I just I was-I was curious"

"That’s fine it doesn’t bother me, just relax okay? Call my mom if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay" I whispered.

"Everything is going to be alright, call me after you’ve talked with the psychiatrist, okay?”

"I will, thank you John, bye" I said hanging up. I dialed my psychiatrists number. I was so glad I had her private number, because she clearly wasn’t in her office anymore. It was late.

"Melody, this is unexpected, what’s going on?"

"I think I remembered something"

I explained to her what had happened.

"That’s amazing Melody, it’s been 10 years but you managed to remember something! This is excellent news! It seems to me that both the place you were in, and the song playing in the background triggered the memory, maybe even the sense of smell, you said you were in the room of the person you remembered right?"

"Right"

"Had you not seen this person in the past 10 years?"

"No, I hadn’t"

"Perhaps he is the catalyst, and since you hadn’t seen him, there was nothing to set off your memories but now that he is there again, your brain is working hard and is recollecting your lost memories"

"So what do I do now?"

"Just continue doing what you’ve been doing, you’re in Arizona right now, so maybe go visit places you used to be familiar with, keep talking with him, maybe something else will come back. You call me if anything happens okay?"

"I will, thank you Noelle. Thank you so much"

"I’m all for you getting your memories back girl, I hope we can get somewhere! Have a goodnight!"

"Goodnight" I said hanging up on her. I had calmed down but now I was so excited, I wanted to remember everything. I wanted to remember my teenage years, I wanted to remember John, I want to remember what we had.