Back Into Your Arms

I was sitting on my living room floor trying to sort out my bills when the wicked headache began.
I dropped the envelope in my hand as I winced in pain. Pulsating, dull ache.
Then a memory came.
John and I were fighting. Why were we fighting?
“She clearly likes me”
“You’re in denial, I think this whole band thing is getting to your head, oh everyone must like you!”
The memory began to fade, my headache was worsening.
It wouldn’t go away, I was in tears. I reached for my phone and called John.
“What’s up?”
“Bad, bad headache, take me to the doctor, quickly”
“What? Okay, I’m on my way”
I dropped the phone as I let myself fall on the ground to continue agonizing.
What were we talking about in that memory? Why was the headache so strong?
At the doctor’s office, they took a CT scan and gave me painkillers. I was lying on the bed when the doctor walked in.
“Hi there I’m Dr. Charles”
“Hi”
“I see here that you had a terrible accident in 2007, you lost your memory, but you’ve been regaining it back”
I nodded.
“Yeah, it comes in flashes, and they aren’t very detailed or very long memories”
“You usually get headaches before they come?”
“Not at first, the first memory didn’t come with a headache”
“What was your first memory?”
“A male teenager, with a very pop punk look, he was singing something beautiful as he played the guitar, sitting on my bed”
“Did you figure out who that was?”
“Yes, my high school boyfriend”
“What else did you figure out about him?”
“Well, you see he had already come into my life again when I remembered that, so the more time I spent with him the more I remembered, he was my first love, we loved each other very much but my parents were against it”
“Wow”
“Yeah, it was one of those romances”
“May I ask you question?”
“Yes, of course Dr.”
“Your parents, why didn’t they send you to a therapist so that you could try and remember things back when this happened to you”
I was at a loss for words. I didn’t even know it had been a possibility until I looked for a therapist in New York for my anxiety and depression, but they must have known.
“I don’t know” I lied.
“These memories that have come to you with bad headaches, what are they usually about?”
“My parents fighting with me, and the most recent was about my high school boyfriend, he was telling me that someone liked him and I was denying it”
“From what I see, these memories don’t just come with bad headaches but rather they are painful themselves, they cause you emotional pain, it’s a lot of stress on your body to remember them”
“I suppose they do” I nodded.
“I’m going to refer you to a great psychiatrist, I think I have good news for you, I mean I hope it’s good news”
“What’s the good news?”
“You’re going to get your memory back!”
I was expressionless for a solid second, my mind trying to process everything. My memories, all my memories, all returned to me, what a dream.
“You’re serious?”
“Yes dear, your memories have been repressed but I think with a little more therapy you can gain the rest of them back”
He wrote me a referral and handed it to me.
“Thank you” I said as I took the note in my hands. He excused himself from the room. I sat there for a couple more minutes trying to take it all in. I wanted to be angry, but the happiness was overpowering it.