Status: Title may change
Unbreakable
Broken
`
Believe it or not the first time you fall in love will seriously mess you up afterwards. Nothing will ever be the same. For a while everything will remind you of them. They're all you'll ever think about. The pain will be unbearable, but eventually you'll forget about them. Every now and then you'll relapse and reminiscence of the time you guys spent together. At least that what happened for me. As a result I just locked my feelings away in a box to be dealt with another day. I put my energy into something else...sex. For a moment everything disappeared. For a moment everything was fine and the best part it was always meaningless. No strings attached. No feelings involved. That's what I loved most about the one night stands. My name is Victoria and at the age of twenty, almost twenty-one, I've given up on love. Having your heart shattered into unfixable pieces will do that to you. I wasn't always like this, but after the first time I just couldn't go through that again. Erica says its a defense mechanism. I don't deny it at all. Maybe it is. I know I don't want to be hurt like that again and I'll do anything to keep myself from feeling like that. Erica is my best friend and I guess she still believes in that "true love" bullshit.
That's her pain, not mines. Anyways, I was about seventeen when it happened. He was everything I thought I wanted. He wasn't scared to put me in my place and he never spared my feelings. In other words he didn't treat me like I was fragile and I loved that. We talked about anything and everything every chance we got. He knew about my relationships, mistakes and all and vice versa. He was truly both my lover and best friend. I know your wondering, how something so seemingly perfect not work out? People. That's it, people. No one wanted to see us together. No one wanted us to be together. The point out every flaw that they saw in us and not in the relationship. That never made sense to me. Still don't. At first we ignored them, but after saying I love you and realizing that we really meant it kind of scared us and we began to grow distant. Not to mention the stupid shit we did also.
Before our little confession, and also the day I realized how deep my feelings for him were, he cheated on me. I mean full blown cheated. He had sex with her. I can't begin to describe what I felt, but I knew I wanted vengeance and that was what I was going to get. About a week after we said it I wanted to hang out with a smaller group of people in a different location and away from the girl he cheated on me with. He wanted to stay there saying I was over reacting. Not wanting to argue I said fuck it and left without him. I ended up kissing his best friend. I wanted to be the one to tell him. I mean it didn't mean nothing I was just upset. That was the day things went sour. About a week after that I confessed and he admitted to cheating on me more then once. In front of him I put up a front. Acted like I wasn't hurt. I knew he could see past it. At least I hoped he did. He apologized and I got up and left feeling my wall slowly coming down. I went home suddenly feeling sick. I don't think I've ever cried that much in my Life. For three years he was in and out of my life until we finally had sex.
He wasn't my first, but it was the first time it meant anything to me. I was silently hoping he would leave his girlfriend and be with me after that. I was wrong. Stupid and wrong. I fell for it. I blame myself. My feelings have been locked away tight since then. The one time I made love to someone instead of a quick get off broke me. I never let those feelings out unless he somehow come into my heart again. Even then it's momentarily and I intend to keep it that way. I don't believe in true love. I don't believe in none of that bullshit Disney try to teach. No man can save me. No man can make me love them the way I loved him. No mam can make me love ever again. This is a one time thing, you're lucky if you get a callback and even I'm surprised if there's a third time. No man has been able to fulfill my needs. Noted that I don't even know how far I'm willing to go, but still. No one has pushed me over the edge. I'm lucky if they even make me drip. They all treat me like a daffodil, as if they went to rough they'll break me. If I tell you what I want. Give it to me and don't hold back. I Want meaningless. Hardcore, sweaty and meaningless sex. I have him to thank.
"You're to gorgeous to be sitting alone." Says a well built guy who looks Puerto Rican as he sits next to me interrupting my thoughts. I smile as I look at him and seductively lick my bottom lip.
"Two rules, no kissing and no caressing. This is purely meaningless sex and nothing more. The most you'll get is my name. If you're good I'll ask for your number. The most you get is three. Nothing more. If you can't deal with this leave now and act like this never happen."
"Straight to the point, huh?" He asked laughing. I narrowed my eyes.
"I don't play games outside of the bedroom. I don't date. I know what I want and what I want is sex. If you want to get your dick wet let me know. No questions asked alright."
"Fine. Your place or mine?"
"Mines. My roommate is out." And just liked that I had my conquest for the night. I didn't even know his name and that made it all the better. I slide off the bar stool and downed what was left of my drink some guy had bought for me. He didn't last. He wanted intimacy. Real intimacy that I just couldn't give.
"How old are you?" Asked the guy causing me to roll my eyes as I buttoned up my jacket.
"I'll be twenty-one in two hours. If you have stamina you'll be a birthday present. No more questions." With that I walked away and I knew he was right behind me checking out my ass. Times like this I was glad so many pervs were around. After my blow up with my roommate and best friend Erica this guy was what I needed. I needed to blow off steam and forget about my lost loved for awhile. No emotions for me tonight.
Victoria
Believe it or not the first time you fall in love will seriously mess you up afterwards. Nothing will ever be the same. For a while everything will remind you of them. They're all you'll ever think about. The pain will be unbearable, but eventually you'll forget about them. Every now and then you'll relapse and reminiscence of the time you guys spent together. At least that what happened for me. As a result I just locked my feelings away in a box to be dealt with another day. I put my energy into something else...sex. For a moment everything disappeared. For a moment everything was fine and the best part it was always meaningless. No strings attached. No feelings involved. That's what I loved most about the one night stands. My name is Victoria and at the age of twenty, almost twenty-one, I've given up on love. Having your heart shattered into unfixable pieces will do that to you. I wasn't always like this, but after the first time I just couldn't go through that again. Erica says its a defense mechanism. I don't deny it at all. Maybe it is. I know I don't want to be hurt like that again and I'll do anything to keep myself from feeling like that. Erica is my best friend and I guess she still believes in that "true love" bullshit.
That's her pain, not mines. Anyways, I was about seventeen when it happened. He was everything I thought I wanted. He wasn't scared to put me in my place and he never spared my feelings. In other words he didn't treat me like I was fragile and I loved that. We talked about anything and everything every chance we got. He knew about my relationships, mistakes and all and vice versa. He was truly both my lover and best friend. I know your wondering, how something so seemingly perfect not work out? People. That's it, people. No one wanted to see us together. No one wanted us to be together. The point out every flaw that they saw in us and not in the relationship. That never made sense to me. Still don't. At first we ignored them, but after saying I love you and realizing that we really meant it kind of scared us and we began to grow distant. Not to mention the stupid shit we did also.
Before our little confession, and also the day I realized how deep my feelings for him were, he cheated on me. I mean full blown cheated. He had sex with her. I can't begin to describe what I felt, but I knew I wanted vengeance and that was what I was going to get. About a week after we said it I wanted to hang out with a smaller group of people in a different location and away from the girl he cheated on me with. He wanted to stay there saying I was over reacting. Not wanting to argue I said fuck it and left without him. I ended up kissing his best friend. I wanted to be the one to tell him. I mean it didn't mean nothing I was just upset. That was the day things went sour. About a week after that I confessed and he admitted to cheating on me more then once. In front of him I put up a front. Acted like I wasn't hurt. I knew he could see past it. At least I hoped he did. He apologized and I got up and left feeling my wall slowly coming down. I went home suddenly feeling sick. I don't think I've ever cried that much in my Life. For three years he was in and out of my life until we finally had sex.
He wasn't my first, but it was the first time it meant anything to me. I was silently hoping he would leave his girlfriend and be with me after that. I was wrong. Stupid and wrong. I fell for it. I blame myself. My feelings have been locked away tight since then. The one time I made love to someone instead of a quick get off broke me. I never let those feelings out unless he somehow come into my heart again. Even then it's momentarily and I intend to keep it that way. I don't believe in true love. I don't believe in none of that bullshit Disney try to teach. No man can save me. No man can make me love them the way I loved him. No mam can make me love ever again. This is a one time thing, you're lucky if you get a callback and even I'm surprised if there's a third time. No man has been able to fulfill my needs. Noted that I don't even know how far I'm willing to go, but still. No one has pushed me over the edge. I'm lucky if they even make me drip. They all treat me like a daffodil, as if they went to rough they'll break me. If I tell you what I want. Give it to me and don't hold back. I Want meaningless. Hardcore, sweaty and meaningless sex. I have him to thank.
"You're to gorgeous to be sitting alone." Says a well built guy who looks Puerto Rican as he sits next to me interrupting my thoughts. I smile as I look at him and seductively lick my bottom lip.
"Two rules, no kissing and no caressing. This is purely meaningless sex and nothing more. The most you'll get is my name. If you're good I'll ask for your number. The most you get is three. Nothing more. If you can't deal with this leave now and act like this never happen."
"Straight to the point, huh?" He asked laughing. I narrowed my eyes.
"I don't play games outside of the bedroom. I don't date. I know what I want and what I want is sex. If you want to get your dick wet let me know. No questions asked alright."
"Fine. Your place or mine?"
"Mines. My roommate is out." And just liked that I had my conquest for the night. I didn't even know his name and that made it all the better. I slide off the bar stool and downed what was left of my drink some guy had bought for me. He didn't last. He wanted intimacy. Real intimacy that I just couldn't give.
"How old are you?" Asked the guy causing me to roll my eyes as I buttoned up my jacket.
"I'll be twenty-one in two hours. If you have stamina you'll be a birthday present. No more questions." With that I walked away and I knew he was right behind me checking out my ass. Times like this I was glad so many pervs were around. After my blow up with my roommate and best friend Erica this guy was what I needed. I needed to blow off steam and forget about my lost loved for awhile. No emotions for me tonight.