Status: Complete; unless I get requests to continue
Circle of Fear
How Will I Laugh Tomorrow?
October 7, 1994 – Des Moines, Iowa
I decided to sneak out and go to a party tonight. I know, I know. I’m 17 so why would I be sneaking out? Well I still live with my parents. I don’t have a job, but I don’t pay rent or anything, so I guess they have a point in trying to control me. But anyway, I got invited to this party at Corey’s house. He was working on this band, Stone Sour and wanted everyone in town to come check them out.
I invited my friends along, too. I tend to only hang out with guys – chicks just bring too much drama. I’m not about all that. Plus, I’ve always been more of a tom boy anyways. I like punk rock music and I skate everywhere I go. I don’t like dresses, or makeup, or anything like that. And I love tattoos. The only girly thing I tend to be into is hair dye. Currently my hair is streaked with a mixture of blues and purples. I think it looks badass.
The guys I invited along are in a band of their own; they’re calling it Slipknot but they are just in the garage phase right now. I didn’t invite their singer – they’re trying to find a replacement for him since he’s just a douche to everyone. And he can’t sing worth a shit.
“Hey Shawn, you guys should come to a party tonight. It’s at Corey’s place. He’s doing some shit with Stone Sour and I figure you guys might enjoy it. Maybe you can even play a bit and let more people hear you?” I proposed to him on the phone. Shawn, aka Clown, was the co-founder of the band. He had this image of putting on a horror show and putting out the darkest lyrics, with the heaviest music, out there. He reminded me of Corey in a lot of ways. Although, Corey is my best friend and Shawn is like a big brother to me. I may even have the slightest crush on Corey. But it’s nothing compared to my feelings for a certain… other. He’s also in Slipknot. His name is Sid, and he’s the DJ for the band. It’s weird to think of a DJ in a heavy metal band, but he makes it work. He’s so caring but crazy as hell. He always has so much energy and makes everyone laugh no matter what.
Anyways! It’s 8 pm now and I’m getting ready for the party. I decided to actually wear some makeup tonight, just for the occasion. I put on thick black eyeliner, with some smoky grey eyeshadow. I went heavy on the mascara, too. And I topped it all off with a dark red lipstick. I was wearing some black pants that were all torn up with random patches sewn into them. They’re my favorite pair that I own. I also threw on an Alice In Chains tee. They’re my favorite band right now. I actually got to see one of their shows not long ago, and they were fucking great. I threw on my Dr. Martens and brushed through my hair. I jumped out my window and took off down the street.
It was about a 5 minute walk to Corey’s place, just a few houses down from my own. I could hear the people louder, the closer I got to the house. I went inside and saw all the guys from Slipknot already there, talking with Corey. I greeted and hugged them all. There were: Mick, Jim, Sid, Paul, Shawn, Craig, Chris and Joey. Sid was the last one to hug me, but he also gave me a kiss on the cheek which made me blush so hard.
“Hey, Cor.” I said, approaching him. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, but I didn’t see the glare that he and Sid shared with each other. Corey pulled away slightly and brought his hand up to stroke my cheek for a moment. I just laughed at him. “Where’s the booze, Taylor?” I asked him, walking to the fridge. “It’s in the garage,” he replied.
“You look very beautiful tonight, by the way.” Sid said as he walked up behind me. I turned to smile at him. “Thank you Sid. That means a lot to me,” I said quietly. We were standing extremely close to each other, staring into each other’s eyes. His beautiful blue orbs darted from my eyes, to my lips and back. I bit my bottom lip, blushing. Sid smiled at this and started leaning in. My breath hitched in my throat for a second, but we were interrupted by none other than Corey.
“Yo! Cut that shit out. You coming to get booze and hear some music or what?” He exclaimed as he walked back into the room. I sighed and walked away from Sid, following Corey to the garage. I know what it’s like to argue with him and I almost never win. That’s saying something because I’ll argue with a brick wall and win. I was originally going to be a lawyer once I graduated. But there are 2 things I hate in life. School and studying. So that cuts out a lot of shit for me.
Once we got into the garage, I saw the rest of the guys of Stone Sour. Joel, Shawn, Josh and Mike. There were also a few other locals there, as well as a few chicks, naturally attracted to men in local garage bands. But who am I to judge? I mean look at me.
Sid stood next to me and offered a beer. I took it from him gratefully and we listened to SS play their set. I have to admit, for them not being that popular, they’re pretty fucking good. Corey definitely has a talent of writing songs as well as singing. Hell, he even taught me how to play guitar. Corey and I are so close because my parents are extremely close with his grandmother. My grandmother and his were best friends their whole lives. Being born and raised in Des Moines, there weren’t many people who you didn’t know. When my grandmother passed a few years ago, my parents became their new best friend. Which meant us being at his house, or them being at ours, for dinner most nights.
I was having the time of my life. Laughing and talking with Sid for most of the night while listening to the music and just enjoying being around lively people. That is, until Corey’s Gram got a phone call that would turn my entire world upside down.
The door busted opening, not catching many people’s attention because of all of the noise. But I saw it from the corner of my eye and saw Corey’s grandmother running toward him in a panic. I heard her saying my name so I handed Sid my beer and went over to them. “What is it Gram? What’s wrong?” I asked her, chewing on the inside of my lip. I just knew I was busted for sneaking out and that I’d be in so much shit when I got home. Corey just looked at me sadly and pulled me into a tight hug. I was extremely scared at this point. I heard Sid behind us asking if everything was ok. Gram pulled my arm, telling me to follow her. Corey and Sid followed, but Corey told Sid to stay in the garage. He started to argue but I looked at him and nodded. With a frustrated sigh, he stayed. I went into the kitchen where Gram told us both to sit down.
Corey already knew by this point, and he grabbed my hand in his, stroking my hand with his thumb. My heart dropped to my stomach. I had the worst feeling come over me. Whatever she had to say, I knew it was terrible. “Oh, Ashlee.” She said softly, grabbing my other hand in both of hers and tears streaming down her face. I started crying as well. “Your parents were in an accident. They’re in the hospital.” She said. I jerked my hand from Corey’s, placing it over my mouth. I wanted to ask if they were ok, but the words wouldn’t come out. Corey stood up from the table and hugged me from behind. “Your mother is in ICU, but your father… he’s got serious head trauma, and they can’t get any brain activity from him. We need to get you to the hospital, now.” She said sternly. I sobbed so hard. I lost all of my strength and I felt like the air had been knocked out of me. Corey picked me up bridal style and carried me outside. Gram got in the car and Corey put me in the passenger side. He kissed me on the forehead and put my seatbelt on for me.
Gram held my hand the whole way there. I couldn’t speak, I just cried. I felt like this was all my fault. What were they doing out anyway?
The doctors explained to me that they were out towards Urbandale. My stomach tightened and I lost my breath once again. That meant they went out looking for me. But why? Why wouldn’t they just check Corey’s house? They know that’s where I always go. After an hour there, I got the news that they both passed away. A semi-truck hit them head on and their injuries were too serious. Now I’m having to bury my parents, because I wanted to go to a party.
After the funeral, Corey told me that his Gram wanted me to move in. Of course I denied it, but I couldn’t afford my parents’ house. They still had to pay on the mortgage, much less bills and groceries. I gave in, and all the guys helped me pack and get into Corey’s place. Both Corey and Sid have been there for me more than anyone else. Sid never wanted to leave my side, and he only did when I went to sleep.
“Ashlee, will you come to the park with me?” Sid asked, stepping into my room. I agreed, putting on a hoodie. Halfway there, Sid laced our hands together. I smiled to him. I really care for Sid, he’s always been there for me no matter what. We sat down on the roundabout, not talking, just sitting and drawing in the dirt with our beat up shoes.
“There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you for a long time but it seems like every time I’m about to, we’re interrupted.” Sid said suddenly. I looked up at him in confusion, eyebrow raised.
That earned a chuckle from him. He stood up, reaching for my hand. I accepted and stood up beside him, brushing myself off. When I looked back at him, he looked more serious than usual. “Everything ok?” I asked him. He only nodded.
He placed one hand on my cheek, and grabbed my hand again with the other. “Ashlee, I want you to be my girlfriend. I know a lot has gone on in your life lately, and I want you to know that I’m always gonna be here for you.” He said quickly.
My heart started beating really fast. I felt the heat in my cheeks, knowing I was blushing at his words. I didn’t reply, instead I stood on my tiptoes and closed the space between us, touching my lips to his ever so gently. Almost asking for permission. I squeezed his hand, and he moved his hand from my cheek behind my head to pull me in closer, deepening the kiss. I put my free hand on his waist, running my fingers up and down his side softly.
His tongue ran across my lip and I granted access. Our tongues massaged each other’s. His hand then let go of mine and he put both of his hands around my waist, pulling me completely against him. I moaned quietly into our kiss. I moved my hands through his long hair, and wrapped my arms around his neck.
We finally broke away for air, smiling at each other. He rested his forehead against mine. “Can I take that as a yes?” He asked.
“A million times yes,” I replied with slight laughter in my voice. He hugged me tight and I placed a kiss on his neck which earned me a kiss on the top of my head from him. He’s about 5 inches taller than me so my head site right under his chin when we stand together.
Hand in hand, we walked back to my place – which is Corey’s house. We went inside and upstairs to my room. Corey came in a minute later, wanting to know what we were up to. I told him the news which made him angry and he stormed out, slamming my door.
“What the fuck is his problem?” I asked out loud, to no one in particular. Sid chuckled. “He has a crush on you. Duh,” He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I gasped a little.
“You really didn’t know?” He asked me, frowning slightly. I shook my head no. “It doesn’t matter though. I’m yours.” I said, kissing him. He deepened the kiss and pulled me closer to him.
“Damn right you are.” He said against my lips. For a while, Sid made me forget about all the bad things in my life.
December 31, 1994 – Des Moines, Iowa
* Sid’s Point Of View *
It’s New Year’s Eve and we’re throwing a small party at Shawn’s place. All the guys of Slipknot and Stone Sour will be there. And of course, any of the guys who have girlfriends and such, will be there too. Corey started dating a chick named Shanna who’s pretty laid back. She really hit it off with Ashlee, which is great because Ashlee doesn’t tolerate many girls.
I had been dating Ashlee for almost 2 months now and although that isn’t a very long time to some people, it felt a lot longer to me because we’ve been best friends for many, many years of our lives. I’ve always loved her and I just never knew how to tell her – shit, I still haven’t told her. I mean shit, we’re only 17 and I don’t wanna freak her out with it. Not to mention neither of us have ever seriously dated anyone before.
The clock rolls around to 9:00 and I get in my car to pick up Ashlee, Corey and Shanna. I light & smoke a blunt on the way. I get to Corey’s house and they’re all waiting outside laughing. I look at Ashlee and take in how beautiful she is. I’m extremely lucky to be able to call her mine. She looks over at the car and when she realizes it’s me, her face lights up and she jogs over to the car, sliding in. She leans over to kiss me, which I eagerly return to her. “Hey gorgeous,” I say once we part. She takes the blunt from my hand and takes a couple of drags off of it, letting the smoke emit from her nose. She passes it back to me and winks.
Corey and Shanna get in the car. Corey smells the weed and starts pitching a fit. I roll my eyes and pass the small bit that’s left to him. “You and Shanna enjoy that shit,” I said to them. It wasn’t really enough left to do much. I flashed Ashlee a grin and placed my hand on top of hers, driving off to Shawn’s house.
We get there and are automatically greeted with the smell of weed and booze everywhere. Ashlee squeezed my hand and I looked over to her. She wiggled her eyebrows and licked her lips. She doesn’t know how crazy that makes me. I’m having the hardest time controlling myself around her. I bit my lip and kissed her softly.
I don’t know where Corey and his girl disappeared to. We greeted everyone that we knew. Not long after that I offered to get Ashlee a drink and she nodded, saying it didn’t matter just as long as it was alcohol. I went off in search of just that.
When I returned to where Ashlee was, I didn’t see her. I walked through Shawn’s house, unable to call for her due to the loud music and overcrowded rooms. I finally found her upstairs with Joey, Corey, Shanna and two other girls. They were snorting cocaine from the dresser in the room.
My mouth hung open slightly. I knew she smoked weed but I never knew she was into anything else. I started to get a little concerned for her. “Hey, Ashlee. Here’s your drink. Uh, are you sure about doing this?” I approached her, giving her the beer.
She took it from my hand and pulled me in for a kiss. She held my face in place, slipping her tongue in my mouth and deepening the kiss.
“Sid, this shit’s great. Get you some of THAT.” Corey said to me, hitting me on the back. I pulled away from Ashlee and declined. “Nah, man. I’ll leave that to you. But I don’t think you need to be getting Ashlee involved with your bad habits.” I said before I thought about the words leaving my life.
Ashlee pulled away from me. “I do what the fuck I want to, Sidney. No one can get me involved with shit.” She spat hatefully. I was hurt by her tone and her words. She’s never snapped at me like that before. And I’m only trying to take care of her. I opened my mouth to speak, but at this point I knew I would only make things worse so I just turned around and walked out.
By the time it got to be 11:45 and I still hadn’t seen Ashlee, I went back upstairs. When I went back into the room, I saw a near empty bottle of rum and different people in here before. The sight in front of me shocked the hell out of me, but it turned me on at the same time.
On the bed was Ashlee and another chick, half naked and making out with each other. Corey and Shanna were sitting on the floor making out and Shawn was just standing against the wall, watching the women on the bed and drinking from a solo cup. My breath caught for a moment. This was definitely not the Ashlee that I know.
I mean sure, she likes to party and be social and she sure as hell isn’t shy. But I’ve never seen her like this. Shawn finally noticed me and called me into the room.
Ashlee broke away from the other chick, who started pouting. “Hey, baby. Where have you been?” Ashlee asked me. She got off the bed and walked over to me, missing her shirt. I wrapped my arms around her and shook my head. “I just went downstairs to let you cool off. But it looks like you did the exact opposite.” I said to her.
She giggled and pulled me in for a kiss. She ran her hands down my back and grabbed my ass. I jumped slightly at her actions. I’m not complaining – it just took me by surprise.
She removed her hands and put them on my shoulders, dragging her fingertips down my chest and stopping at the top of my pants. She pulled away from me slightly to give me a wink.
“Should we take this to another room?” She whispered in my ear. I gulped and nodded to her, pulling her to an empty bedroom. I heard everyone whistling and cheering in the room we just left.
I have wanted to be with her for so long, but not like this. I wanted it to be me and her, not high or drunk, or at some party in someone else’s house.
She pushed me down on the bed and climbed on top of me. I rested my hands on her hips. “Baby, you’re so beautiful.” I said to her, as she leaned down to kiss me. “Sid, you mean everything to me. You know that?” She said as she pulled away from my lips and moving down to kiss my neck.
I held back my moan. “I want this so bad, Ashlee. But I don’t want you to have any regrets. I want to do this when we’re both sober.” I tried explaining to her.
She sat up, looking at me with hurt clouding her beautiful green eyes. I reached my hands up on both sides of her face. She looked away from me, and tears welled in her eyes. I felt guilty as hell right now.
“Hey, please. I don’t want to hurt you but I want to make this special for you.” I said to her. She looked at me and nodded. I can tell she forced her smile but she got off of me and walked out. I sighed heavily and placed my hand on top of my face.
I adjusted my pants and left the room. She was walking out of the previous room, pulling a shirt over her head. She looked at me and held up a joint. “I need a light,” She said simply. I lit it for her and she took a few deep drags off it and handed it to me. We just stood at the hallway smoking quietly. Neither of us said anything – I can tell that her feelings were hurt and I hate that. But I would feel even worse if she were to regret being with me.
We left Shawn’s place around 2 am. Corey and Shanna said they were staying at Shawn’s and I wasn’t in the mood to argue with them about it. I was tipsy and Ashlee was still high and she got pretty drunk too. When we got back to her place, I got out to walk her in.
She went up to her room, ignoring me and put a CD in her radio. She hit play and laid down on the bed, closing her eyes. Into The Mystic by Van Morrison started playing.
I laid down beside her and brought her into my arms, kissing her on the top of her head. She melted into my arms and turned around, flashing me a toothy grin.
“There’s my baby girl,” I said and kissed her. She eagerly returned the kiss, and we just laid there making out and enjoying each other’s company until the CD was over, and she fell asleep in my arms. I didn’t dare try to leave her and not long after I passed out too.
* Ashlee’s Point Of View *
I woke up feeling strong arms wrapped around me. I looked up to see Sid’s sleeping face. He looks so peaceful. I ran my hand over his cheek lightly. I smiled up at him, I have fallen in love with Sid in the past couple of months. I feel bad for the way I acted toward him last night.
I feel like I made a complete fool out of myself, but he didn’t leave me. He just stayed with me, even stayed with me last night. My cheeks felt hot when I thought about the moment we almost had in that spare bedroom. He was right though, I would have felt bad about the way it would have happened. But he was also wrong because I would never regret any of our time together.
His eyes fluttered open and he smiled down at me. “Good morning” I said to him.
“Good morning beautiful” he replied, leaning down for a kiss. His arms tightened around me as our lips locked. I moved my hand to the back of his neck and pulled him in, deepening our kiss.
The butterflies in my stomach were insane. Sid gives me feelings that I’ve never felt before and it’s just incredible. I’m truly lucky to have a guy so amazing as him in my life.
His hands started roaming my body and rested on my ass, squeezing gently. I moaned softly into our kiss and blushed hard. He broke away, laughing slightly.
“Bashful today?” He said teasingly. I stuck my tongue out at him in response which made him lean in and bite it.
“Ow! Asshole,” I exclaimed with a pout and a light smack to the cheek. He faked looking shocked and smiled evilly.
“I’ll bite that sexy bottom lip of yours too if you keep poking it out like that,” He said. I felt a heat run through my body that made me shiver.
“You like that huh baby?” He asked, and kissed me. I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth and bit down gently, before letting it go and resuming kissing him. He growled into our kiss and flipped us over so that he was on top of me. He took both of my hands and pinned them beside me.
My cheeks flushed with heat. I could see his eyes darken with desire as he looked at me. He kissed my neck, biting here and there, moving down to my collar bone and back up. I squirmed against him and moaned. “Be careful how you move against me. It’s already impossibly hard to control myself around you,” He said against my flesh.
I moved my hips up and pushed against his the best I could under his weight. He moaned into my mouth and let go of my hands. As soon as I was free, I put one hand behind his head again so he would stop moving away from my lips.
I smiled into the kiss and I could feel him do the same. My other hand ran down to the front of his jeans, where I rubbed my palm across his erection softly.
He pulled my hand away and ripped my shirt off as well as his own. His hands went behind my back and unclipped my bra, tossing it to the side. His hands moved down to the buttons of his jeans, snatching them down in one swift movement. He kissed down my neck and chest, to by stomach. He fumbled with the button on my jeans. I ran my hands through his hair, biting my lip as I looked down at him.
He pulled my pants down, revealing my lace thong. He looked up at me with the biggest smirk on his face. He kissed back up to my collar bone slowly. I pulled him by his hair up to crash my lips on his.
He pushed himself against me, grinding our bodies together. I moaned loudly into his mouth at the feeling. Burning with desire, I needed him now.
As if he read my mind, his hand ran slowly down my chest, massaging my breast for a moment, then continuing to rub softly down my stomach and slipped into my panties.
I gasped and pushed myself against his hand slightly. He smiled wickedly at me. “You’re fucking amazing.” He said, kissing my breast as his fingers teased me.
“Damn, Sid.” I moaned again, putting my hand to the rim of his boxers, trying to push them down. He helped me with his free hand pull them off. I grabbed his cock which was standing full at attention, stroking his length.
He groaned and pulled his mouth away from my nipple and kissed me fiercely. He snatched my thong down and kissed just at the bottom of my stomach again, sending chills down my spine.
He spread my legs and kissed my thighs, making me tremble. He grinned up at me and planted soft kisses all around where I needed him the most.
I put my hands in his hair and let out a frustrated sigh. He laughed, and gave me what I wanted. I moaned loudly at the sensation. I closed my eyes and arched my back. “Fuck.” Was the only word that I could mutter.
I soon felt him slip a finger inside of me and wiggle around as he worked magic with his mouth, mainly his tongue. I was whimpering with desperate movements.
He pushed his finger further inside of me, and hit the perfect spot. My moans grew louder and my hands stayed tangled in his hair, holding on. I soon felt pressure building and I could feel my climax coursing through me. “Fuck yes, Sid. Holy shit!” I hissed. My orgasm hit me hard, sending shockwaves through my whole body. He removed his finger and stuck it in his mouth, “Mmm. Delicious,” He said, kissing his way back up to my lips. I could taste myself on him and he was starting to tremble a bit, himself.
I wrapped my legs around him and kissed him roughly, our tongues fighting for dominance. He pushed against me slightly, and positioned himself to where he was almost inside of me. “Oh, shit. Let me get a condom real quick.” He said, starting to remove himself from me but I held his arm. He looked at me in confusion
“I’m on birth control,” I assured him and flipped him onto his back. I straddled him, and grinded on him. His hands went to my hips and he started rocking me back and forth. We both moaned.
“Goddamn Ashlee. I need you” He said, grabbing his cock and positioning himself. I raised up and slid down onto him slowly. I moved down until he was fully inside of me, wincing from the pain. “You okay, baby?” He asked, brushing his hand on my cheek. I nodded to him and bent down to kiss him. He slowly began to move himself and I moaned in pure ecstasy. Once we got a steady pace going, he sat up and brought me into his chest.
I began placing kisses down his neck and sucked on his collar bone, leaving a love mark. I ran my hands up and down his back, digging in with every downward motion.
“You’re so beautiful baby.” He said into my ear. I brought my face up to his and kissed him softly. “You’re amazing, Sid. You’re the most perfect being I’ve ever met,” I half said/half moaned. He smiled and pulled my hair back to kiss my neck.
He left a few love marks of his own around my chest and collar bone.
He flipped us back over so that he was on top and sped up his pace. With every thrust I could feel the pressure building in me again. We kept moaning each other’s names and whispering sweet nothings as we moved in sync against each other.
“I’m close, Sid.” I moaned loudly. “Me too, baby,” he said before kissing me roughly, thrusting even harder than earlier. I was almost screaming from the intense pleasure coursing through me. My orgasm hit and I dug my nails into his back, biting his bottom lip which sent him over the edge as well. He moaned my name as he slowed his pace, and eventually pulled out and laid down beside me.
He pulled me up against his chest and kissed the top of my head. I ran a hand up and down his chest. “That.. was perfect.” I said to him. “Yes you are.” He replied. I looked up to him and kissed him passionately. He hugged me tighter to him. When we broke apart, he looked deeply into my eyes and moved one hand to brush the hair out of my face. I did the same to him.
“I love you, Ashlee.” He said naturally. My breathing halted for a second and my heart felt like it was going to fly out of my chest. I smiled at him. “I love you too, Sidney.” I replied, kissing him again. He smiled and chucked into our kiss. His laughter contagious, I did the same. We just lay there for a while, kissing each other and talking about everything.
I was jolted from my heaven by a series of loud knocks on my door. “Open the fucking door Ashlee!” Corey yelled from the other side. I sighed, “Hold on a minute!” I hopped off the bed and threw on a hoodie and a pair of jeans. Sid pulled on his boxers and pants then sat casually on the bed, against the wall.
I opened the door and Corey almost fell into the room. “It smells like sex in here. I see someone had fun.” Corey said, walking in and smirking at the two of us. I blushed and looked down at the ground sheepishly.
Sid nodded to Corey with a huge smile. When I looked back up at him, I involuntarily smirked back at Corey. He laughed and patted Sid on the shoulder and stood back up. “I just wanted to make sure you were still alive.” Corey said to me, as he walked up to me. He squeezed my shoulder and planted a kiss on my cheek then walked back out of the room.
I decided to sneak out and go to a party tonight. I know, I know. I’m 17 so why would I be sneaking out? Well I still live with my parents. I don’t have a job, but I don’t pay rent or anything, so I guess they have a point in trying to control me. But anyway, I got invited to this party at Corey’s house. He was working on this band, Stone Sour and wanted everyone in town to come check them out.
I invited my friends along, too. I tend to only hang out with guys – chicks just bring too much drama. I’m not about all that. Plus, I’ve always been more of a tom boy anyways. I like punk rock music and I skate everywhere I go. I don’t like dresses, or makeup, or anything like that. And I love tattoos. The only girly thing I tend to be into is hair dye. Currently my hair is streaked with a mixture of blues and purples. I think it looks badass.
The guys I invited along are in a band of their own; they’re calling it Slipknot but they are just in the garage phase right now. I didn’t invite their singer – they’re trying to find a replacement for him since he’s just a douche to everyone. And he can’t sing worth a shit.
“Hey Shawn, you guys should come to a party tonight. It’s at Corey’s place. He’s doing some shit with Stone Sour and I figure you guys might enjoy it. Maybe you can even play a bit and let more people hear you?” I proposed to him on the phone. Shawn, aka Clown, was the co-founder of the band. He had this image of putting on a horror show and putting out the darkest lyrics, with the heaviest music, out there. He reminded me of Corey in a lot of ways. Although, Corey is my best friend and Shawn is like a big brother to me. I may even have the slightest crush on Corey. But it’s nothing compared to my feelings for a certain… other. He’s also in Slipknot. His name is Sid, and he’s the DJ for the band. It’s weird to think of a DJ in a heavy metal band, but he makes it work. He’s so caring but crazy as hell. He always has so much energy and makes everyone laugh no matter what.
Anyways! It’s 8 pm now and I’m getting ready for the party. I decided to actually wear some makeup tonight, just for the occasion. I put on thick black eyeliner, with some smoky grey eyeshadow. I went heavy on the mascara, too. And I topped it all off with a dark red lipstick. I was wearing some black pants that were all torn up with random patches sewn into them. They’re my favorite pair that I own. I also threw on an Alice In Chains tee. They’re my favorite band right now. I actually got to see one of their shows not long ago, and they were fucking great. I threw on my Dr. Martens and brushed through my hair. I jumped out my window and took off down the street.
It was about a 5 minute walk to Corey’s place, just a few houses down from my own. I could hear the people louder, the closer I got to the house. I went inside and saw all the guys from Slipknot already there, talking with Corey. I greeted and hugged them all. There were: Mick, Jim, Sid, Paul, Shawn, Craig, Chris and Joey. Sid was the last one to hug me, but he also gave me a kiss on the cheek which made me blush so hard.
“Hey, Cor.” I said, approaching him. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, but I didn’t see the glare that he and Sid shared with each other. Corey pulled away slightly and brought his hand up to stroke my cheek for a moment. I just laughed at him. “Where’s the booze, Taylor?” I asked him, walking to the fridge. “It’s in the garage,” he replied.
“You look very beautiful tonight, by the way.” Sid said as he walked up behind me. I turned to smile at him. “Thank you Sid. That means a lot to me,” I said quietly. We were standing extremely close to each other, staring into each other’s eyes. His beautiful blue orbs darted from my eyes, to my lips and back. I bit my bottom lip, blushing. Sid smiled at this and started leaning in. My breath hitched in my throat for a second, but we were interrupted by none other than Corey.
“Yo! Cut that shit out. You coming to get booze and hear some music or what?” He exclaimed as he walked back into the room. I sighed and walked away from Sid, following Corey to the garage. I know what it’s like to argue with him and I almost never win. That’s saying something because I’ll argue with a brick wall and win. I was originally going to be a lawyer once I graduated. But there are 2 things I hate in life. School and studying. So that cuts out a lot of shit for me.
Once we got into the garage, I saw the rest of the guys of Stone Sour. Joel, Shawn, Josh and Mike. There were also a few other locals there, as well as a few chicks, naturally attracted to men in local garage bands. But who am I to judge? I mean look at me.
Sid stood next to me and offered a beer. I took it from him gratefully and we listened to SS play their set. I have to admit, for them not being that popular, they’re pretty fucking good. Corey definitely has a talent of writing songs as well as singing. Hell, he even taught me how to play guitar. Corey and I are so close because my parents are extremely close with his grandmother. My grandmother and his were best friends their whole lives. Being born and raised in Des Moines, there weren’t many people who you didn’t know. When my grandmother passed a few years ago, my parents became their new best friend. Which meant us being at his house, or them being at ours, for dinner most nights.
I was having the time of my life. Laughing and talking with Sid for most of the night while listening to the music and just enjoying being around lively people. That is, until Corey’s Gram got a phone call that would turn my entire world upside down.
The door busted opening, not catching many people’s attention because of all of the noise. But I saw it from the corner of my eye and saw Corey’s grandmother running toward him in a panic. I heard her saying my name so I handed Sid my beer and went over to them. “What is it Gram? What’s wrong?” I asked her, chewing on the inside of my lip. I just knew I was busted for sneaking out and that I’d be in so much shit when I got home. Corey just looked at me sadly and pulled me into a tight hug. I was extremely scared at this point. I heard Sid behind us asking if everything was ok. Gram pulled my arm, telling me to follow her. Corey and Sid followed, but Corey told Sid to stay in the garage. He started to argue but I looked at him and nodded. With a frustrated sigh, he stayed. I went into the kitchen where Gram told us both to sit down.
Corey already knew by this point, and he grabbed my hand in his, stroking my hand with his thumb. My heart dropped to my stomach. I had the worst feeling come over me. Whatever she had to say, I knew it was terrible. “Oh, Ashlee.” She said softly, grabbing my other hand in both of hers and tears streaming down her face. I started crying as well. “Your parents were in an accident. They’re in the hospital.” She said. I jerked my hand from Corey’s, placing it over my mouth. I wanted to ask if they were ok, but the words wouldn’t come out. Corey stood up from the table and hugged me from behind. “Your mother is in ICU, but your father… he’s got serious head trauma, and they can’t get any brain activity from him. We need to get you to the hospital, now.” She said sternly. I sobbed so hard. I lost all of my strength and I felt like the air had been knocked out of me. Corey picked me up bridal style and carried me outside. Gram got in the car and Corey put me in the passenger side. He kissed me on the forehead and put my seatbelt on for me.
Gram held my hand the whole way there. I couldn’t speak, I just cried. I felt like this was all my fault. What were they doing out anyway?
The doctors explained to me that they were out towards Urbandale. My stomach tightened and I lost my breath once again. That meant they went out looking for me. But why? Why wouldn’t they just check Corey’s house? They know that’s where I always go. After an hour there, I got the news that they both passed away. A semi-truck hit them head on and their injuries were too serious. Now I’m having to bury my parents, because I wanted to go to a party.
After the funeral, Corey told me that his Gram wanted me to move in. Of course I denied it, but I couldn’t afford my parents’ house. They still had to pay on the mortgage, much less bills and groceries. I gave in, and all the guys helped me pack and get into Corey’s place. Both Corey and Sid have been there for me more than anyone else. Sid never wanted to leave my side, and he only did when I went to sleep.
“Ashlee, will you come to the park with me?” Sid asked, stepping into my room. I agreed, putting on a hoodie. Halfway there, Sid laced our hands together. I smiled to him. I really care for Sid, he’s always been there for me no matter what. We sat down on the roundabout, not talking, just sitting and drawing in the dirt with our beat up shoes.
“There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you for a long time but it seems like every time I’m about to, we’re interrupted.” Sid said suddenly. I looked up at him in confusion, eyebrow raised.
That earned a chuckle from him. He stood up, reaching for my hand. I accepted and stood up beside him, brushing myself off. When I looked back at him, he looked more serious than usual. “Everything ok?” I asked him. He only nodded.
He placed one hand on my cheek, and grabbed my hand again with the other. “Ashlee, I want you to be my girlfriend. I know a lot has gone on in your life lately, and I want you to know that I’m always gonna be here for you.” He said quickly.
My heart started beating really fast. I felt the heat in my cheeks, knowing I was blushing at his words. I didn’t reply, instead I stood on my tiptoes and closed the space between us, touching my lips to his ever so gently. Almost asking for permission. I squeezed his hand, and he moved his hand from my cheek behind my head to pull me in closer, deepening the kiss. I put my free hand on his waist, running my fingers up and down his side softly.
His tongue ran across my lip and I granted access. Our tongues massaged each other’s. His hand then let go of mine and he put both of his hands around my waist, pulling me completely against him. I moaned quietly into our kiss. I moved my hands through his long hair, and wrapped my arms around his neck.
We finally broke away for air, smiling at each other. He rested his forehead against mine. “Can I take that as a yes?” He asked.
“A million times yes,” I replied with slight laughter in my voice. He hugged me tight and I placed a kiss on his neck which earned me a kiss on the top of my head from him. He’s about 5 inches taller than me so my head site right under his chin when we stand together.
Hand in hand, we walked back to my place – which is Corey’s house. We went inside and upstairs to my room. Corey came in a minute later, wanting to know what we were up to. I told him the news which made him angry and he stormed out, slamming my door.
“What the fuck is his problem?” I asked out loud, to no one in particular. Sid chuckled. “He has a crush on you. Duh,” He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I gasped a little.
“You really didn’t know?” He asked me, frowning slightly. I shook my head no. “It doesn’t matter though. I’m yours.” I said, kissing him. He deepened the kiss and pulled me closer to him.
“Damn right you are.” He said against my lips. For a while, Sid made me forget about all the bad things in my life.
December 31, 1994 – Des Moines, Iowa
* Sid’s Point Of View *
It’s New Year’s Eve and we’re throwing a small party at Shawn’s place. All the guys of Slipknot and Stone Sour will be there. And of course, any of the guys who have girlfriends and such, will be there too. Corey started dating a chick named Shanna who’s pretty laid back. She really hit it off with Ashlee, which is great because Ashlee doesn’t tolerate many girls.
I had been dating Ashlee for almost 2 months now and although that isn’t a very long time to some people, it felt a lot longer to me because we’ve been best friends for many, many years of our lives. I’ve always loved her and I just never knew how to tell her – shit, I still haven’t told her. I mean shit, we’re only 17 and I don’t wanna freak her out with it. Not to mention neither of us have ever seriously dated anyone before.
The clock rolls around to 9:00 and I get in my car to pick up Ashlee, Corey and Shanna. I light & smoke a blunt on the way. I get to Corey’s house and they’re all waiting outside laughing. I look at Ashlee and take in how beautiful she is. I’m extremely lucky to be able to call her mine. She looks over at the car and when she realizes it’s me, her face lights up and she jogs over to the car, sliding in. She leans over to kiss me, which I eagerly return to her. “Hey gorgeous,” I say once we part. She takes the blunt from my hand and takes a couple of drags off of it, letting the smoke emit from her nose. She passes it back to me and winks.
Corey and Shanna get in the car. Corey smells the weed and starts pitching a fit. I roll my eyes and pass the small bit that’s left to him. “You and Shanna enjoy that shit,” I said to them. It wasn’t really enough left to do much. I flashed Ashlee a grin and placed my hand on top of hers, driving off to Shawn’s house.
We get there and are automatically greeted with the smell of weed and booze everywhere. Ashlee squeezed my hand and I looked over to her. She wiggled her eyebrows and licked her lips. She doesn’t know how crazy that makes me. I’m having the hardest time controlling myself around her. I bit my lip and kissed her softly.
I don’t know where Corey and his girl disappeared to. We greeted everyone that we knew. Not long after that I offered to get Ashlee a drink and she nodded, saying it didn’t matter just as long as it was alcohol. I went off in search of just that.
When I returned to where Ashlee was, I didn’t see her. I walked through Shawn’s house, unable to call for her due to the loud music and overcrowded rooms. I finally found her upstairs with Joey, Corey, Shanna and two other girls. They were snorting cocaine from the dresser in the room.
My mouth hung open slightly. I knew she smoked weed but I never knew she was into anything else. I started to get a little concerned for her. “Hey, Ashlee. Here’s your drink. Uh, are you sure about doing this?” I approached her, giving her the beer.
She took it from my hand and pulled me in for a kiss. She held my face in place, slipping her tongue in my mouth and deepening the kiss.
“Sid, this shit’s great. Get you some of THAT.” Corey said to me, hitting me on the back. I pulled away from Ashlee and declined. “Nah, man. I’ll leave that to you. But I don’t think you need to be getting Ashlee involved with your bad habits.” I said before I thought about the words leaving my life.
Ashlee pulled away from me. “I do what the fuck I want to, Sidney. No one can get me involved with shit.” She spat hatefully. I was hurt by her tone and her words. She’s never snapped at me like that before. And I’m only trying to take care of her. I opened my mouth to speak, but at this point I knew I would only make things worse so I just turned around and walked out.
By the time it got to be 11:45 and I still hadn’t seen Ashlee, I went back upstairs. When I went back into the room, I saw a near empty bottle of rum and different people in here before. The sight in front of me shocked the hell out of me, but it turned me on at the same time.
On the bed was Ashlee and another chick, half naked and making out with each other. Corey and Shanna were sitting on the floor making out and Shawn was just standing against the wall, watching the women on the bed and drinking from a solo cup. My breath caught for a moment. This was definitely not the Ashlee that I know.
I mean sure, she likes to party and be social and she sure as hell isn’t shy. But I’ve never seen her like this. Shawn finally noticed me and called me into the room.
Ashlee broke away from the other chick, who started pouting. “Hey, baby. Where have you been?” Ashlee asked me. She got off the bed and walked over to me, missing her shirt. I wrapped my arms around her and shook my head. “I just went downstairs to let you cool off. But it looks like you did the exact opposite.” I said to her.
She giggled and pulled me in for a kiss. She ran her hands down my back and grabbed my ass. I jumped slightly at her actions. I’m not complaining – it just took me by surprise.
She removed her hands and put them on my shoulders, dragging her fingertips down my chest and stopping at the top of my pants. She pulled away from me slightly to give me a wink.
“Should we take this to another room?” She whispered in my ear. I gulped and nodded to her, pulling her to an empty bedroom. I heard everyone whistling and cheering in the room we just left.
I have wanted to be with her for so long, but not like this. I wanted it to be me and her, not high or drunk, or at some party in someone else’s house.
She pushed me down on the bed and climbed on top of me. I rested my hands on her hips. “Baby, you’re so beautiful.” I said to her, as she leaned down to kiss me. “Sid, you mean everything to me. You know that?” She said as she pulled away from my lips and moving down to kiss my neck.
I held back my moan. “I want this so bad, Ashlee. But I don’t want you to have any regrets. I want to do this when we’re both sober.” I tried explaining to her.
She sat up, looking at me with hurt clouding her beautiful green eyes. I reached my hands up on both sides of her face. She looked away from me, and tears welled in her eyes. I felt guilty as hell right now.
“Hey, please. I don’t want to hurt you but I want to make this special for you.” I said to her. She looked at me and nodded. I can tell she forced her smile but she got off of me and walked out. I sighed heavily and placed my hand on top of my face.
I adjusted my pants and left the room. She was walking out of the previous room, pulling a shirt over her head. She looked at me and held up a joint. “I need a light,” She said simply. I lit it for her and she took a few deep drags off it and handed it to me. We just stood at the hallway smoking quietly. Neither of us said anything – I can tell that her feelings were hurt and I hate that. But I would feel even worse if she were to regret being with me.
We left Shawn’s place around 2 am. Corey and Shanna said they were staying at Shawn’s and I wasn’t in the mood to argue with them about it. I was tipsy and Ashlee was still high and she got pretty drunk too. When we got back to her place, I got out to walk her in.
She went up to her room, ignoring me and put a CD in her radio. She hit play and laid down on the bed, closing her eyes. Into The Mystic by Van Morrison started playing.
I laid down beside her and brought her into my arms, kissing her on the top of her head. She melted into my arms and turned around, flashing me a toothy grin.
“There’s my baby girl,” I said and kissed her. She eagerly returned the kiss, and we just laid there making out and enjoying each other’s company until the CD was over, and she fell asleep in my arms. I didn’t dare try to leave her and not long after I passed out too.
* Ashlee’s Point Of View *
I woke up feeling strong arms wrapped around me. I looked up to see Sid’s sleeping face. He looks so peaceful. I ran my hand over his cheek lightly. I smiled up at him, I have fallen in love with Sid in the past couple of months. I feel bad for the way I acted toward him last night.
I feel like I made a complete fool out of myself, but he didn’t leave me. He just stayed with me, even stayed with me last night. My cheeks felt hot when I thought about the moment we almost had in that spare bedroom. He was right though, I would have felt bad about the way it would have happened. But he was also wrong because I would never regret any of our time together.
His eyes fluttered open and he smiled down at me. “Good morning” I said to him.
“Good morning beautiful” he replied, leaning down for a kiss. His arms tightened around me as our lips locked. I moved my hand to the back of his neck and pulled him in, deepening our kiss.
The butterflies in my stomach were insane. Sid gives me feelings that I’ve never felt before and it’s just incredible. I’m truly lucky to have a guy so amazing as him in my life.
His hands started roaming my body and rested on my ass, squeezing gently. I moaned softly into our kiss and blushed hard. He broke away, laughing slightly.
“Bashful today?” He said teasingly. I stuck my tongue out at him in response which made him lean in and bite it.
“Ow! Asshole,” I exclaimed with a pout and a light smack to the cheek. He faked looking shocked and smiled evilly.
“I’ll bite that sexy bottom lip of yours too if you keep poking it out like that,” He said. I felt a heat run through my body that made me shiver.
“You like that huh baby?” He asked, and kissed me. I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth and bit down gently, before letting it go and resuming kissing him. He growled into our kiss and flipped us over so that he was on top of me. He took both of my hands and pinned them beside me.
My cheeks flushed with heat. I could see his eyes darken with desire as he looked at me. He kissed my neck, biting here and there, moving down to my collar bone and back up. I squirmed against him and moaned. “Be careful how you move against me. It’s already impossibly hard to control myself around you,” He said against my flesh.
I moved my hips up and pushed against his the best I could under his weight. He moaned into my mouth and let go of my hands. As soon as I was free, I put one hand behind his head again so he would stop moving away from my lips.
I smiled into the kiss and I could feel him do the same. My other hand ran down to the front of his jeans, where I rubbed my palm across his erection softly.
He pulled my hand away and ripped my shirt off as well as his own. His hands went behind my back and unclipped my bra, tossing it to the side. His hands moved down to the buttons of his jeans, snatching them down in one swift movement. He kissed down my neck and chest, to by stomach. He fumbled with the button on my jeans. I ran my hands through his hair, biting my lip as I looked down at him.
He pulled my pants down, revealing my lace thong. He looked up at me with the biggest smirk on his face. He kissed back up to my collar bone slowly. I pulled him by his hair up to crash my lips on his.
He pushed himself against me, grinding our bodies together. I moaned loudly into his mouth at the feeling. Burning with desire, I needed him now.
As if he read my mind, his hand ran slowly down my chest, massaging my breast for a moment, then continuing to rub softly down my stomach and slipped into my panties.
I gasped and pushed myself against his hand slightly. He smiled wickedly at me. “You’re fucking amazing.” He said, kissing my breast as his fingers teased me.
“Damn, Sid.” I moaned again, putting my hand to the rim of his boxers, trying to push them down. He helped me with his free hand pull them off. I grabbed his cock which was standing full at attention, stroking his length.
He groaned and pulled his mouth away from my nipple and kissed me fiercely. He snatched my thong down and kissed just at the bottom of my stomach again, sending chills down my spine.
He spread my legs and kissed my thighs, making me tremble. He grinned up at me and planted soft kisses all around where I needed him the most.
I put my hands in his hair and let out a frustrated sigh. He laughed, and gave me what I wanted. I moaned loudly at the sensation. I closed my eyes and arched my back. “Fuck.” Was the only word that I could mutter.
I soon felt him slip a finger inside of me and wiggle around as he worked magic with his mouth, mainly his tongue. I was whimpering with desperate movements.
He pushed his finger further inside of me, and hit the perfect spot. My moans grew louder and my hands stayed tangled in his hair, holding on. I soon felt pressure building and I could feel my climax coursing through me. “Fuck yes, Sid. Holy shit!” I hissed. My orgasm hit me hard, sending shockwaves through my whole body. He removed his finger and stuck it in his mouth, “Mmm. Delicious,” He said, kissing his way back up to my lips. I could taste myself on him and he was starting to tremble a bit, himself.
I wrapped my legs around him and kissed him roughly, our tongues fighting for dominance. He pushed against me slightly, and positioned himself to where he was almost inside of me. “Oh, shit. Let me get a condom real quick.” He said, starting to remove himself from me but I held his arm. He looked at me in confusion
“I’m on birth control,” I assured him and flipped him onto his back. I straddled him, and grinded on him. His hands went to my hips and he started rocking me back and forth. We both moaned.
“Goddamn Ashlee. I need you” He said, grabbing his cock and positioning himself. I raised up and slid down onto him slowly. I moved down until he was fully inside of me, wincing from the pain. “You okay, baby?” He asked, brushing his hand on my cheek. I nodded to him and bent down to kiss him. He slowly began to move himself and I moaned in pure ecstasy. Once we got a steady pace going, he sat up and brought me into his chest.
I began placing kisses down his neck and sucked on his collar bone, leaving a love mark. I ran my hands up and down his back, digging in with every downward motion.
“You’re so beautiful baby.” He said into my ear. I brought my face up to his and kissed him softly. “You’re amazing, Sid. You’re the most perfect being I’ve ever met,” I half said/half moaned. He smiled and pulled my hair back to kiss my neck.
He left a few love marks of his own around my chest and collar bone.
He flipped us back over so that he was on top and sped up his pace. With every thrust I could feel the pressure building in me again. We kept moaning each other’s names and whispering sweet nothings as we moved in sync against each other.
“I’m close, Sid.” I moaned loudly. “Me too, baby,” he said before kissing me roughly, thrusting even harder than earlier. I was almost screaming from the intense pleasure coursing through me. My orgasm hit and I dug my nails into his back, biting his bottom lip which sent him over the edge as well. He moaned my name as he slowed his pace, and eventually pulled out and laid down beside me.
He pulled me up against his chest and kissed the top of my head. I ran a hand up and down his chest. “That.. was perfect.” I said to him. “Yes you are.” He replied. I looked up to him and kissed him passionately. He hugged me tighter to him. When we broke apart, he looked deeply into my eyes and moved one hand to brush the hair out of my face. I did the same to him.
“I love you, Ashlee.” He said naturally. My breathing halted for a second and my heart felt like it was going to fly out of my chest. I smiled at him. “I love you too, Sidney.” I replied, kissing him again. He smiled and chucked into our kiss. His laughter contagious, I did the same. We just lay there for a while, kissing each other and talking about everything.
I was jolted from my heaven by a series of loud knocks on my door. “Open the fucking door Ashlee!” Corey yelled from the other side. I sighed, “Hold on a minute!” I hopped off the bed and threw on a hoodie and a pair of jeans. Sid pulled on his boxers and pants then sat casually on the bed, against the wall.
I opened the door and Corey almost fell into the room. “It smells like sex in here. I see someone had fun.” Corey said, walking in and smirking at the two of us. I blushed and looked down at the ground sheepishly.
Sid nodded to Corey with a huge smile. When I looked back up at him, I involuntarily smirked back at Corey. He laughed and patted Sid on the shoulder and stood back up. “I just wanted to make sure you were still alive.” Corey said to me, as he walked up to me. He squeezed my shoulder and planted a kiss on my cheek then walked back out of the room.