Let's Pretend It's Love

As long as I could remember I’d always had everything under control. I always knew what I wanted and always knew what I was doing. But for the first time in my life I didn’t know what I wanted and I didn’t have a single clue as to what I was actually doing all thanks to a particular idiot with forest green eyes, dimples you could build a home in and soft lips the exact shade of fresh ripe watermelons.

I think it was safe to say that things were different between Harry and I since the bathroom snogging incident at Jessa’s Christmas party.

Not completely different but nevertheless, different.

I was beginning to see him with new eyes. In a short week I’d found myself looking forward to Harry’s corny jokes or hearing his slow voice after a long day of work and he was more attractive than ever before.

But that was as far as things would go. My feelings hadn’t completely blossomed beyond that of a fond friendship. But somehow we’d managed to have blurred the lines between friends and lovers and graduated from being just friends to friends who’d just discovered the wonders of each others mouths.

And oh what a wonderful thing it was, to feel his sweet, lips meeting mine or the sensation and his teeth grazing along the curve of my bottom lip, all for nothing in return. We’d never once thought to question our relationship status and we didn’t need to. I didn’t want to drive myself crazy thinking about it. It was nice to just go with the flow and see where things might lead. It was like dancing too close to a fire and not getting burned and I loved it.

“I’m absolutely stuffed, Mum! I’ll never be able to fit my dress if I keep eating like this. I wish the holidays would be over already!” Penny exclaimed whilst pushing the china plate in front of her aside.

Mum frowned from the head of the table as she poured more sherry into Penny’s glass.

“I know. I just wanted to do something special since you won’t be with us this holiday.”

There were three days left until Christmas and Mum had invited everyone over for a pre-Christmas dinner. Penny would be spending the holiday with Liam and his family in Wolverhampton. As much as I felt sorry for her knowing she would have to endure Karen and her antics I couldn’t help but be secretly jealous of her. She’d be escaping the crowd of Taylors who’d be coming in from Liverpool bearing scouse and Beatles themed gifts and speaking to us in their harsh, fast accents.

Penny smiled before placing her hand on top of Mum’s.

“I know you’re a bit gutted but I’ll be a Payne in a couple of months. I have to adjust to my new family. You won’t be totally alone. Presley will still be here.” She assured.

Liam smiled as he quietly poked a carrot away from the pot roast on his plate and mother sighed even deeper.

There was a pause and it took everything in my power not to roll my eyes.

“I know, but it won’t be the same without you.” She insisted.

Dad frowned from the other end of the table.

“Bugger. You’ll miss Nana May’s scouse!” He exclaimed.

A small smirk settled on Penny’s lips and my jealousy only seemed to intensify. Nana May was my dad’s grandmother. She was nearly one hundred years old and talked rather fast and rather loudly due to her hearing loss. In addition to that she was painfully honest and Penny and I had hated her scouse since wee little girls.

“More for Presley.” She replied.

I rolled my eyes before popping a potato in my mouth.

“I know! You should invite Harry over. Let ‘im experience a real Liverpoolvian Christmas. We’d love to have him.” Dad continued.

Mum scoffed.

“You speak for yourself, Geoff.” She retorted before going for her glass of sherry.

I bit the corner of my lip, chapped from the cold as I sighed, bitting back my anger whilst poking a carrot around on my plate. She always showed so much contempt toward Harry. Even at the mention of his name. Why so much angst?

“Thanks Daddy but Harry’s already got plans to spend Christmas with his family in Cheshire. I’m sure he’d love to come if he didn’t have any plans.” I retorted whilst sending a short glare in my mother’s direction.

As much as I would have loved for Harry to keep me company at the upcoming chaotic Christmas dinner, he’d been talking non-stop for the past week about seeing his mum, sister and tiny niece. It was quite easy to tell how he was excited to go home for Christmas and I wasn’t that selfish to ask him to tag along with me. I’m a good person. Sometimes.

Dad frowned and something about his expression made me feel guilty. Dad seemed to have gained a sort of genuine liking towards Harry. He’d obviously been fooled to think we were an actual couple and thought Harry was good for me. It was only a matter of time before I grew tired of this whole fake relationship fiasco and Harry and I conveniently “broke up”. I was sure Mum would be jumping for joy but I reckon my dad would be quite disappointed.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll miss 'im.” He replied quickly before going back to his dinner.

I shrugged. “I’ll manage.”

As I poked the rest of my vegetables around my plate, I couldn’t help but think that maybe I would miss Harry. Just a bit.

Dinner dragged on in it’s usual manner and I was quite relieved once it was over. But my night didn’t end there. I soon found myself at Harry’s flat per request via a bunch of questionable text messages he’d sent while I was at dinner.

“How are you not cold? It’s bloody freezing outside.” I questioned as I shrugged out of my coat whilst staring at a shirtless, wild haired and boxer clad Harry. He leaned against the door with a smirk, a peeled banana in hand. By the gloss in his usually clear green eyes I could tell he’d had a couple of drinks in his system. I’d say he looked much like a tattooed Tarzan.

I hung my coat up and proceeded to the lounge to make myself comfortable. I could hear Harry’s footsteps padding behind me.

“But it’s so warm in here. Besides, I usually like to lounge around in a little less when no one’s around.” He replied while plopping down next to me on the couch. I curled my feet up under me before rolling my eyes.

“Well I’m here now so why don’t you go put on a little more?” I retorted.

Harry smirked, dimples denting his cheeks, before reaching for the remote on the coffee table.

“What’s wrong, love? Afraid you’ll enjoy the tatt show?"

I could feel the color rising to my cheeks and I tried hard to focus on whatever Christmas special was on the telly. This might actually be the first time in his life that Harry Styles was right. He smelled like Bourbon and intoxicating cologne and him sitting there sans proper clothing and sexed up hair wasn’t really helping my concentration.

"Shut up, Styles.” I warned.

From the corner of my eye I could spot his smirk.

“Ah, so I’m right. ” Harry rasped

I scoffed. "It’s not that impressive, really. I mean, who gets a butterfly tattooed on their stomach?“ I retorted pointing in the direction of the said ink.

He sighed.

"Doesn’t anybody get it? It’s a pun. Ya know, 'butterflies in my stomach’?” His eyebrows rose in a hopeful manner.

The corner of my lips curled into a smile.

“You’re weird.” I replied.

“But you like it.”

“Whatever, banana boy.”

Harry poked his tongue out at me before finishing the rest off his banana as I returned my attention back to the telly trying to assess and block out some of the thoughts running around my head. That however was short lived after feeling Harry’s boney elbow repeatedly nudging me.

“What?” I turned to him, annoyed.

“Why are you sitting so far away, Presley? Come closer. Let me cuddle you.” He pouted.

Although kissing had become somewhat of a normality for Harry and I, cuddling was a foreign concept. The most physical contact we’d had was the occasional hug which never really lasted more than a minuet or two. Harry seemed to be very much the touchy-feely type of person while I liked to keep my hands to myself. I reckoned that balanced things out between us in some strange sort of way.

Reluctantly, I moved closer allowing Harry to wrap his arms around me and letting the back of my head rest on his chest. At first I felt tense in his embrace but I eventually relaxed enjoying his warmth and smell. My eyes felt a little heavy and I was beginning to realize just how tired I was.

“See, it’s not that bad, yeah?” Harry rasped, the vibrations of his deep voice tickling my hair.

I sighed sleepily.

“Yeah, not that bad.” I replied nonchalantly.

Truth is it felt damn wonderful and I was debating whether or not I ever wanted to move from this position and if Harry’s cuddles were a scent I’d make a candle out of it. But I’d never admit it. It’s moments like this where I fear I’m getting too attached.

“So, you ready for Christmas?” Harry asked before changing the channel having become bored with whatever was on television and seemingly unbothered with my cavalier attitude. His grip around me seemed to tighten a little.

“No. My dad’s family is coming in from Liverpool. It’s going to be a travesty. And the worse part is Penny gets to miss it all since she’s spending Christmas with Liam’s family.” I replied dramatically.

“Oh, that sounds absolutely horrible."

Sarcasm dripped from his words and if I weren’t held captive by his arms and his cuddles weren’t so nice I would have punched him.

"You know what, just for that I’m not getting you a Christmas present.” I smirked.

“Heeey, don’t be mean. Just ditch them.”

My eyebrows furrowed deeply and I wondered where this sudden boldness of his had come from. Maybe I was just tired or maybe he’d had too many drinks. The mild mannered, positive and family oriented Harry I knew would never suggest a thing.

I wiggled loose from his embrace and turned around to eye him. His green eyes were bright and his lips curved into the slightest grin.

“Why would I ditch them? I have nothing better to do. I’m not that evil you know.” I replied.

Harry chuckled whilst reaching over to move a stray strand of hair falling in my face.

“Never said you were evil. Spend Christmas with me.”

I could feel my heart pounding in my ears and the sleep draining from my system and I was hoping I hadn’t heard him correctly.

In the months I’d known Harry things had gone from positively awkward to perfectly comfortable between us. And as much as I’d enjoyed throwing caution to the wind lately, I couldn’t have felt more uncomfortable and panicked in that moment. I’d never gotten this far with a guy, far enough to meet his family or even far enough to meet his dog. My mind was rushing with thoughts and the only thing I could think of is what did he tell his family? Did he talk to them about me? Did he tell them we were in a relationship? Did they think we were in a relationship?

“ I’m not sure if it that’s a good idea.” I spoke with a sweep of my head.

His eyebrows furrowed and that cute little crease formed between his brows.

“Why would you say that? My family would love you. And if your family is as bad as you say why don’t get a free pass and come with me, yeah?”

I bit my lip in deep thought my eyes drifting over to the odd butterfly etched on his stomach. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea. And I guess it was only fair. Harry had seen my family on multiple occasions and even stayed nice to my mum when she hated every fiber of his being. It wasn’t anything too serious, just a friend meeting the other’s friend’s family.

“I reckon tagging along wouldn’t hurt,”

*******

Christmas Eve had finally arrived and I found myself feeling anxious. Not in the “It’s Christmas Eve and I can’t wait to open my presents tomorrow morning.” type of way but more of a “ It’s Christmas Eve and I’m a fucking mess.” type of way. I’d stayed up most of the night debating on what type of clothes to pack and wether or not I should bail out at the last minuet. I didn’t know why I was feeling so anxious. Maybe it was just that tiny voice in my head that told be that something would go wrong or maybe it was the fact I’d liked the casual, go with the flow thing Harry and I had started and I felt he was throwing a wrench in it all. Or maybe I was over exaggerate and it was just common traveling anxiety.

It was snowing lightly outside and the shop was closed today. Jessa had left a few days prior to spend time with her family in Doncaster and had given Murray and I and extra day off for Christmas Eve. We hadn’t talked so much since her Christmas party sand she hadn’t really seemed like herself. Maybe things were just hectic for her but I couldn’t help but sort of feel like I’d been the cause. What if she knew that Harry and I had snogged in her bathroom at her party and was just waiting to confront me? As much as I knew I’d hurt her feelings if she actually knew, I couldn’t actually say I’d regretted my actions. I was really liking this new development with Harry and I couldn’t quite bring myself to apologize for it.

Around 10'o clock I was set to leave with Harry. I had my flat cleaned and my bags packed and ready to go. Ollie would be staying with my parents while I was away. Dad was excited for me to be spending the holidays with Harry but Mum on the other hand was absolutely pissed. If it weren’t for Dad convincing her I would have had to pay for Ollie to board at a kennel.

Ten around faster than I expected and I felt the feeling of nervousness returning to my stomach as I exited the doors of my flat building . It was 10:05 by the time I finally arrived outside and was met with the site of a grinning Harry leaning against his vehicle. His wild curls were covered by a knit beanie and new fallen snow dusted his shoulders.

“You’re five minuets late. typical.” He smirked.

The toes of our boots had met and I couldn’t help but grin myself.

“Just shut up and take my bags.” I retorted.

Harry’s smirk only grew wider, his breath coming out in icy puffs.

“I might, in exchange for a kiss.”

I scoffed. “I think not. If you don’t mind I’m going to get in the car. It’s bloody freezing out here.”

I chuckled to myself as I sauntered over to the passengers seat knowing I’d ticked Harry off by not giving him the satisfaction of opening my door for me. Sometimes he was so chivalrous it annoyed me. And I just liked messing with him.

Shortly after I was settled in my seat Harry yanked open his own door, rushing to get out of the cold.

“You’re mean.” He grumbled with a smile

I smiled.

“So I’ve been told.”

I was starting to feel more at ease and the smile quickly returned to Harry’s face.

“So travel buddy, this is going to be the best road trip ever. I packed us snacks and I even made a roadtrip mixtape As you can see I’m damn excited.”

I giggled. “Roadtrip mixtape? How early 2000’s of you.”

He grinned whilst adjusting his seatbelt.

“I’m glad you decided to come with me, Presley.”

“You know what? I think I am too.”